Noughts and Crosses (12 page)

Clasp my hands together. Bow my head. Close my eyes.

I know . . . I know noughts aren’t really supposed to believe in you or pray to you because you’re really the God of the Crosses, but please, please don’t let anything or anyone come between me and Sephy. I’m begging you. Please. If you’re up there
.

Jeez! Time crawled like it was dragging a blue whale behind it. That sounded like something Callum would say. I smiled, but it died almost immediately. Something Callum would say – when he used to talk to me. When he used to be my friend. Mrs Paxton was blathering on about simultaneous equations like they were the best thing since computers were invented. And every word was flying zip-zap straight over my head! When was the bell going to sound? Come on . . . Come on . . . At last!

I didn’t even take time to gather up my books. I just swept the whole lot into my school bag.

‘Sephy, wait.’

I hovered in between sitting and standing, looking like a hen trying to hatch an egg. Slowly, I sat back down.

‘How are you? Are you OK now?’

‘Yes, thank you.’ I still couldn’t look at him. I went to stand up again. Callum’s hand on my forearm stopped me. He immediately removed it. He couldn’t even bear to touch me.

‘I’m glad,’ he whispered.

‘Are you?’ I turned to him. ‘You could’ve fooled me.’

‘What does that mean?’

My hands itched to knock the bewildered look off his
face. Just who did Callum think he was fooling? I glanced around the room. Others were listening intently even though they were trying to pretend they weren’t. I lowered my voice so only Callum would hear what I was going to say. And I was determined it’d be the last thing I ever said to him.

‘Don’t pretend you were worried about me,’ I told him. ‘You didn’t come to see me once. You didn’t even send me a Get Well Soon card.’

Callum’s face cleared. He leaned forward, also aware of our audience. ‘I came to see you every day. Every single day,’ he whispered. ‘Your mum gave orders that I wasn’t to be let in. I stood outside your gates every afternoon after school. Ask your mum . . . no, ask her secretary Sarah if you don’t believe me.’

Silence.

‘You came to see me?’

‘Every day?’

‘Really?’

‘Ask Sarah . . .’

I didn’t need to ask Sarah.

‘Sephy, wild horses couldn’t have kept me away.’

We regarded each other, our expressions equally sombre.

‘I have to go now.’ I stood up. We were attracting way too much attention. Callum stood up too.

‘Look, meet me in our special place after dinner tonight. We can’t talk here.’

I turned to walk away.

‘Sephy, if you’re not there, I’ll understand,’ Callum whispered.

She wasn’t going to show. Why should she after everything she’d been through? After I’d let her down? Be truthful. What I did in the food hall wasn’t for Sephy’s own good or even my own. It was because I was scared. Scared of standing out, scared of being invisible. Scared of seeming too big, scared of being too small. Scared of being with Sephy, scared of being away from her. No jokes, no prevarications, no sarcasm, no lies. Just scared scared scared.

God only knew how tired I was of being afraid all the time. When was it going to stop?

‘Hello, Callum.’

Sephy’s voice behind me had me whipping around to face her.

‘Hi. Hello. How are you?’

‘Fine.’ She turned to look out over the sea. ‘Isn’t it a lovely evening?’

‘Is it? I hadn’t noticed.’ My gaze followed hers. She was right. It was beautiful. The sky was on fire and the waves broke relentlessly silver and white on the rocky beach. But I turned away from it. I had other things on my mind.

‘Persephone, you have to believe me. I did come to visit you, I swear . . .’

‘I know you did.’ Sephy smiled at me.

I frowned. ‘You spoke to Sarah?’

‘Didn’t have to.’ Sephy shrugged.

‘I don’t understand. Why didn’t you talk to Sarah?’

‘Because I believed you.’

I looked at Sephy carefully then and realized that the old Sephy,
my
Sephy, was back. Relief whirled through me on angel’s wings. Such relief that my body actually shook with it.

‘Besides, it sounds like just the sort of thing my mother would do,’ Sephy sniffed.

I wanted to ask her what and where and how, but I couldn’t. I didn’t want to push my luck. We stood for a while, just being. But the need to explain by way of apology gnawed away at me, eating a bigger hole in my insides with each passing moment.

‘I’m sorry I missed our trip to Celebration Park last Saturday,’ Sephy sighed. ‘I was looking forward to that.’

‘Never mind. We’ve been there before and we’ll go again.’ I shrugged.

Pause.

‘Sephy, do you remember the last time we went to Celebration Park?’

Sephy frowned. ‘When we had our summer picnic?’

I nodded.

‘Yeah, of course I remember. What about it?’

‘What d’you remember?’ I asked.

Sephy shrugged. ‘We travelled up by train. We went to the park, found a secluded spot, had our picnic, played silly games, came home – the end of a lovely day.’

‘Is that how you remember it?’

‘Of course. Why?’

I studied Sephy, wondering if she was telling the truth. Or was it simply a case of the truth as she saw it, where her vision wasn’t and never would be the same as mine. A lovely day . . . Was that really all she remembered? How strange. My memory of the day was slightly different . . .

We had a wonderful day together, the day we went to Celebration Park. I’d lied and told Mother that I was spending the day with Helena’s family. I knew Mother wouldn’t check. Helena’s family were almost as rich as us and in my mother’s mind that meant that I couldn’t be lying. I mean, why would I lie about spending the day with one of the richest but most boring girls in my class? In my class? In the northern hemisphere more like. Helena’s family were ‘like us’ – as Mother was fond of saying. I could spend as much time with her as I liked.

So I’d lied. And met Callum at the train station instead. The park was wonderful. The whole day was just brilliant.

Except for the train journey . . .

I hadn’t been sure if Sephy was going to show. But then I was never sure – and she
always
did turn up. And every time she did show, I’d tell myself, ‘See! You should have more faith in her.’ And then I’d answer myself, ‘Next time. Next time I will.’

But next time always found me wondering if this would be the day that Sephy wouldn’t be able to make it. Unfair as it was, I wondered each time if today was the day that Sephy was going to let me down.

‘Penny for them.’ Sephy’s voice sounded in my ears at the exact same time as her bony, pointy fingers prodded me in my kidneys, making me jump.

‘Jeez, Sephy. I do wish you wouldn’t do that.’

‘You love it!’ Sephy’s grin was huge as she walked around me.

‘No, I don’t actually.’

‘I see you’re in one of your sunshine moods.’

I took a deep breath and smiled. It wasn’t me, it was my doubts snapping at her. And she was here now. She was here.

One of these days, Callum’s going to forget himself and actually look pleased to see me.

I just won’t hold my breath whilst I’m waiting, that’s all.

‘There’s your ticket.’ I handed it over to Callum. I’d raided my bank account to get enough to buy two first-class tickets. I could’ve asked Mother for the money, or Sarah, but then they would’ve wanted to know exactly why I wanted it. No, this was much better. It made the day ‘ours’ somehow, because the money was mine and nothing to do with my mother or anyone else. I smiled. ‘This day is going to be perfect.’

I could feel it in my water.