Now Comes the Night (10 page)

Perhaps that’s where he’d made his mistake? Perhaps they should
both
be pretending to have felt nothing? Unless he was wrong and she really wasn’t pretending?

Whatever the case, why should he care? Why shouldn’t he just go on with his workout as originally planned and ignore her presence, just as she was doing to him? The gym was certainly big enough for both of them. If he could just focus on his own routine…

A muffled sob escaped her lips and he knew any attempt at ignoring her was a hopeless cause. No matter how much trouble it always seemed to bring him, he’d never yet learned to resist a woman’s tears.

“What’s wrong?” he asked as he crossed the room. He lowered himself to sit on the floor, careful to stay an arm’s length away from her. “Is there anything I can do?”

Julie shook her head. “No. It’s nothing.” But she gave up the pretense of exercising and wrapped her arms around herself, giving herself the hug Armand longed to give her. “Thanks, but I-I’m fine. Really.”

“
Chérie
, why bother trying to pretend? I can tell you’re upset. What is it this time? Did you and Brennan have another argument?”

“What do you mean
another
argument?” A small frown furrowed Julie’s brow. “No, all right? We didn’t argue…not exactly. Besides, this has nothing to do with Brennan. I-I don’t know why you’d even say that.”

Armand shrugged. “Well, the ‘why’ is easy enough, isn’t it? What else am I to think? For one thing, unless I’m mistaken, you’ve just come from his bed and it’s a little early in the evening for anyone else to have upset you already. For another, you look hungry.”

Julie’s eyes widened. “You can tell that just by looking at someone?”

Not with just anyone he couldn’t, but with her it was easy. “Call it a hunch, if it makes you feel better.” He studied her expression a moment longer, not liking the haunted look in her eyes. “But anyone can see he’s not making you happy.”

“That’s not true!”

“Oh, no?”

Julie hung her head. “No. If anything it…it’s more like the other way around. I’m happy but… I think I scare him sometimes.”

“I wouldn’t be at all surprised.”

She glanced up at him, eyes wide, startled. A bitter smile curved his lips. “Don’t look so shocked. It certainly wouldn’t be the first time something like that has happened, you know.”
Stay away from him. He’s a monster!
Once again he pushed the memories away. As Conrad was fond of saying, revisiting the mistakes of one’s past is a useless occupation at the best of times. In this case, it was worse than useless as it only served to remind Armand of the other topic on which he and Julie disagreed.

“And it won’t be the last time it happens either, so you’d best get used to it. We’re vampires,
chérie
. Sooner or later, the humans with whom we involve ourselves, the ones we make the mistake of caring too much about, are going to discover what we are, what we’re capable of, and be afraid of us.”

Julie eyed him curiously for another moment then shook her head. “You’re wrong. It doesn’t
have
to be that way. I
know
. Besides, Brennan already knows what I am—he has all along—why should he suddenly be frightened now?”

“I have no idea,” Armand admitted. “But what difference does it make? Unless you’re planning on asking Conrad to turn him. Are you?”

“No.” Julie hugged herself tighter. “Brennan doesn’t want that. He has a family—a son. He’s not interested in that sort of thing.”

Armand nodded, feeling sorry for her but, at the same time, relieved. “Well, then, you’re eventually going to have to let him go, aren’t you?”

“Am I?”

“
Chérie
, you have to know you will. If you continue as you are, he’ll either grow too old to be of any use to you, or you’ll wear him out and he’ll die in your service. What will become of his family then?”

“Armand!” She glared at him. “That’s a horrible thing to say.”

“
Oui
. Perhaps it is,” he agreed. “But mostly because I should hope you’d be kind enough to release him long before things reach that point.”

“Stop it. You don’t know anything about how I feel.”

“I think I do, actually. You’re hardly the first vampire to ever fall for a human.”

Julie huffed out a quiet laugh. “Oh, really? And you don’t think I know that either?”

Armand shrugged. What she knew or thought she knew about the subject was very likely beside the point. “There’s a saying, you may have heard it, something along the lines of, if you love something you must set it free, and if it comes back to you, it’s yours to keep forever. But, I think, for people like us—for vampires—it’s more true to say, if you love something you must set it free, even when you
know
it will never come back to you. If you don’t, all you’ll get to keep forever are your regrets and your memories of having done the wrong thing.”

Julie ducked her head, refusing to meet his eyes. “Maybe.”

“And, maybe, for you and Brennan, that time is now.”

“No.” She shook her head stubbornly. “Not now. Just…no. It’s not as simple as you think.”

“You’re wrong. It’s very simple.”

Finally Julie met his gaze. “No,” she said, her own gaze implacable. “It’s not.” After a moment, she shrugged and looked away. “Besides, if he were really unhappy he’d tell me, right? It’s not like he’s in a hurry to break things off, so why should I be?”

Armand sighed. What was it she wanted him to say? “Probably he can’t break things off, even if he did want to. At this point, he’s probably addicted,
n’est-ce pas
?”

“Addicted to what?” She stared wide-eyed at him.

“To your venom, of course.”

“
My
venom?”

“Well, not just yours, perhaps, but you’ve had him to yourself for several months now and you’ve made it clear no one else was to touch him, so even if he was unhappy, how could he break up with you now? Where would that leave him? Who would he get his…his
fix
from, if not you?”

“That’s not possible,” Julie said faintly.

“I’m sure there are other factors as well,” Armand added gently. “Emotional factors. I certainly don’t mean to suggest he doesn’t care for you. How could he not, after all?” He smiled with that last sentence, hoping to ease her pain. She seemed not to notice.

“You’re saying…I’m no good for him.”

Armand shrugged. “You can put it that way, if you’d like, but it’s obvious Brennan is no good for you either. Why, even Damian agrees with me on that point.” Armand wasn’t sure what the connection was between Julie and Damian, but he knew she respected the older vampire’s opinion, and he wasn’t above using that to make his point.

“You’re making that up,” Julie protested. “Damian would
never
say something like that. He likes Brennan. I can tell.”

“
Oui
. Of course he
likes
him,
chérie
. We all
like
Brennan. I can name you a half-dozen people who were quite put out when you staked your claim on him and forced the rest of us to keep our distance.”

An angry flush colored Julie’s cheeks. “That’s
not
what I meant and you know it. He likes him as a…as a person.”

Armand smiled in disbelief. “Now, on that I’m afraid we must agree to disagree. I doubt Damian even thinks of Brennan as being a person. If he does, it would be the first time since I’ve known him that he felt that way about anyone mortal.”

“Why are you being so disagreeable today?’ Julie asked hotly. “You sound like Marc—although not even he would say something
that
obnoxious. Besides, you don’t know
anything
about Damian or…or how he feels.”

“I’m not trying to be disagreeable.” Nor was he particularly happy to be told he reminded her of her brother.
Quelle merveille!
He was just trying to force her to face facts. She was a vampire now. She needed to let go of her attachment to being human. For her own good, and yes, damn it, for his as well. “You’re right. I don’t know what your experience with Damian has been, but the Damian I know is a terrible snob who generally wants nothing at all to do with humans beyond the satisfying of a few urges.”

An unhappy look washed over Julie’s features before she ducked her head once again. Armand silently cursed himself. Too late it occurred to him that it was likely Julie had known Damian when she was still human, still mortal, still little more than a food source herself. In the days before Conrad—for reasons no one understood, reasons he seemed uncharacteristically reluctant to divulge—took it into his head to turn her.

Why had Conrad done it? Not that Armand wasn’t profoundly grateful he had, but still one had to wonder. He was struck suddenly by a terrible sense of
déjà vu
, and an equally terrible question. Had Julie even wanted to be turned?

He shouldn’t even be asking the question. Were Conrad to ever learn of Armand’s doubts, he’d be furious with him. Yet, it wasn’t the first time Armand had wondered such a thing.

Hadn’t he seen this same unhappiness on the face of another newly turned vampire? Hadn’t he seen the same shimmer of tears, the same pleading look in a pair of eerily similar dark eyes, heard the same throbbing tones of regret and despair. “
Let me go, Armand, please. I can’t stay here
…”

Forty years lay between the two events yet, then as now, he could imagine only the one, unthinkable cause for all the grief to which he was witness. Conrad. It
had
to be his fault. It
had
to be. Didn’t it?

Once again, he was so torn between feelings of anger and sympathy, outrage and betrayal, he could hardly think straight. Two girls, both so young, both so similar in appearance. Was this a heretofore unnoticed weakness, a flaw in Conrad’s soul? Was it possible he had rushed their decision to become Vampire or, perhaps, not even given them a chance to make up their minds at all? Could he have pushed them into something they weren’t completely ready for? Or, even worse, into something they would
never
have chosen for themselves? Maybe that was why Julie felt such a strong connection to Brennan—another human with no desire to be anything else.

No. It can’t be. Conrad would never have done such a thing. I know he wouldn’t…would he?

Armand did not want to believe it, no more than he’d wanted to believe it forty years earlier, but it was hard to argue with the evidence his own eyes supplied. Once would have been bad enough, even marginally understandable, given the extenuating circumstances that had existed at the time, but twice?
Non
. That he could not forgive. That would be inexcusable!

For years, since practically the night they’d met in fact, Conrad had been Armand’s hero—no, he’d been more than that. He’d been the center of Armand’s personal universe, everything Armand aspired to become. It was still almost inconceivable to him that Conrad would behave in such a fashion, that he could do things that ran counter to everything he had ever claimed to stand for. Yet, as much as Armand longed to deny it, as much as it sickened him to even think it, what other explanation could there be? What else would explain the secrecy surrounding Julie and Marc’s turning, or Conrad’s odd treatment of the twins? Not to mention the guilt, the hints of anguish Armand had so often seen on Conrad’s face when he gazed at one of them—that look that said he’d done something wrong and knew it.

“Listen,” Armand said softly, resisting the urge to take Julie in his arms and offer comfort of a more physical nature. “I know how persuasive Conrad can be at times, how difficult it can be to resist his charm, especially when he wants something from you. I know how it is to wish to give him everything, how impossible it is, in some moments, to even recognize that point where your own desires leave off and his begin.” He shook his head and added, “This change we all have been through…sometimes it’s not quite what we expect. I know Conrad has probably urged you not to indulge in regrets,
chérie
, but, trust me, you would not be the first of us to have had second thoughts. It’s all right to admit it.”

“Oh, Armand.” The stricken expression on Julie’s face caused Armand’s heart to sink. Then she reached over and laid a gentle hand upon his arm. “I had no idea. I’m so very sorry.”

“Sorry?” Armand studied her expression more closely. Was that pity that seemed to fill her beautiful eyes? “For what? None of this is
your
fault. I’m sure you’ve done nothing you need feel sorry about.”

“No, I-I know that. I mean, how could it be? I hadn’t even been born yet. It’s just…it sounds so awful. Is that really how it was for you? What was Conrad thinking to do that to you?”

Armand frowned in confusion. “You think I’m talking about myself?”

Julie nodded. “Well, sure. Aren’t you?”

“No. No, not at all. Conrad would never—” He stopped in midsentence, too confused to continue. If he was that certain Conrad would not behave in such a manner…then he had no idea what he was talking about in the first place.

Julie eyed him curiously. “So who
are
we talking about?”

“I thought… Was that not what
your
experience with him was like?”

“Me?” Julie’s face flooded with color. She snatched back her hand in a hurry. “Me and…and Conrad? No! Never. I can’t even… God, how could you think something like that?”