Now Comes the Night (11 page)

“I don’t know. You just seemed so sad when we spoke of it.” Armand shrugged. “What else was I to think?”

“I don’t know. But don’t think that! That’s just…that’s just
wrong
.”

“
Oui
. It would be very wrong. But, all the same…are you sure? You aren’t the first person I’ve known to have had that same look about them.”

“Oh, really?” Julie’s eyes narrowed suspiciously. “Well, I don’t know anything about this
look
you’re talking about and, frankly, I don’t care. Deny it all you want, but I think you
were
talking about yourself. And I think now you’re just…just trying to pretend it was someone else to make yourself feel better. Were you very much in love with him? Did he hurt you? No, wait, don’t answer that. Forget I asked. I don’t think I want to know.”

“Was I in love?” Armand laughed. “
Ah,
mais
oui
. I was madly in love, but it was the
idea
of being a vampire with which I was enamored.” He smiled, remembering his youthful enthusiasm. “Poor Conrad. You’re right. I must be misjudging him. Ah, but what a nuisance I must have been to him back then. It’s truly a wonder he
didn’t
hurt me. I pestered him for weeks to turn me. From the first moment I realized what he was, I never left him alone. But he’d always say no. He kept insisting he was through with such things, that he’d never sire another vampire.”

“And yet, here you are.” Julie gazed at him curiously. “So what happened?”

“Here we both are,” Armand corrected her. “And your brother, as well. So who’s to say? Obviously, in some matters he’s more flexible than he’d like us to believe. But in my case, I think perhaps I simply wore him down. Or maybe I got lucky. One night, it seemed he just…changed his mind.”

“You know, Conrad, if you were to turn me, we could go on like this forever,” Armand had suggested hopefully, as they lay sprawled upon the bed in the suite Conrad had rented, not far from the theater where Armand danced. “Would that not be pleasant?”

Conrad licked lazily at his neck. “Why, Armand, could it be you are trying to tempt me?” His voice, ripe with sated sensuality, sent a shiver through Armand’s frame, along with an ache of remembered pleasure. “I’m afraid your argument misses its mark,
mon ami
, for I shall be going on in this fashion forever regardless—long after you have outgrown your foolish infatuation with the Night.”

Armand gasped a little in hurt surprise as his happy mood dissolved. “Ah,
merci
. How nice for you, eh?” Annoyed, he tried to push Conrad away, but without effect. “Get off me now. You weigh a ton.”

“Oh, come, don’t pout,” Conrad murmured, staying right where he was. “I know you think you’re disappointed, but I promise you, you’ll be much happier once you’ve put this idea behind you and moved on with your life.”

“Perhaps I might be allowed to decide for myself what will make me happy?” Armand said as he shoved at him again. “Perhaps I don’t wish to move on. Have you ever considered that?” Except, he did, a little, if he was going to be insulted.

“Ah, you redheads and your tempers. Is it any wonder I prefer my lovers to be brooding and dark?” Taking Armand’s chin between his fingers Conrad turned his head so that he had to face him. “I shall miss you, of course,
mon cher
. Never think otherwise. In these few weeks we’ve been together, you’ve brought me more joy than I’ve known in at least a score of years. I’ve enjoyed the time I’ve spent with you very much. But living forever… I fear it is not quite the idyllic existence you seem to think it. Mine is not a fate I would wish on anyone I cared about.”

“What about what I might wish for? Doesn’t that count at all?”

“This grows tiresome,” Conrad growled, his voice laced with annoyance. “How many times must I repeat myself? The answer is no. I am done with the siring of vampires. The world is already over-filled with my kind. The sooner we all meet with tragic ends the better.”

Armand shook his head. He could not accept that—he wouldn’t. “Since there are already too many, what could one more hurt? Why can you not make a single exception? Please, Conrad. I’m begging you.”

Conrad sighed in response. “What is it about the prospect of this never ending, living death with which I’ve been cursed that so appeals to you? You’ve seen what I am, how I must live. I’ve not kept it from you.”

“Yes, you’ve been most open about it,” Armand began in what he hoped would be a persuasive tone. “And I do appreciate that. But, I’m growing so old, Conrad, and I—” He broke off, startled and annoyed, when Conrad fell back on the bed shouting with laughter.

“Old? Oh, my dear, you’re a child! A very silly child at that. And so incredibly young I should be ashamed of myself for dallying with you like this. I should have sent you away after the first night. I can’t think why I did not.”

“Laugh all you like,” Armand replied with all the dignity he could muster. “But for a dancer I am very old, practically past my prime. Already, more than half the ballerinas with whom I started have been forced into retirement and I myself lost most of last season due to an injury. There is so little time left and it all goes by so quickly. I’m beginning to doubt whether I will ever achieve even half of what I’d once been expected to. With each year that passes now, I know I will lose even more of my strength or my agility until there is nothing left for me to do but teach or choreograph—and watch other dancers go on to reach the heights I’ll have given up on. You talk of sparing me a living death? Then spare me this. For I will die when I can no longer dance.”

“Stop it!” Conrad’s face had gone dark. He raised himself up on his elbow and glared at Armand. “Do not say such things, do you hear me? You will most certainly not die. Men do not die as easily as that. I know about such matters—more than I hope you need ever have cause to learn.”

“Ah,
oui
.” Armand nodded. “No doubt you are correct in what you say. I misspoke, then. I won’t die. I shall merely wish I was dead.”

Conrad gazed curiously at him. “Tell me,
mon ami
, is it really that easy for you to give up your humanity? Have you no other hopes or dreams? No wishes for a normal life, perhaps a family some day?”

“None,” Armand replied. “And if I did, what of it? I would rather regret the loss of my humanity forever than have to regret for the next fifty years the loss of that which I love above all else, the one thing in the world that makes me feel most alive. What is the point of living at all, if you can’t have that?”

Conrad appeared speechless. His expression bleak, he stared at Armand as though he’d just heard his own doom pronounced. Then he swung himself out of bed, moving so swiftly Armand jumped back in alarm.

“Get out of here,” he snarled, standing rigid beside the bed, his hands repeatedly clenching and unclenching. “Now.”

Armand stared at him in dismay. “Conrad, please…”

“Leave me,” Conrad repeated. “Go now and do not let me see you back here again for at least three days.”

“Three days? But…why?”

“Because. Between now and then I want you to think, very hard, about what it is you really want, how much you’re willing to give up, all that you think you will gain from this…this altered life you crave.”

Armand stared at him, scarcely daring to hope he’d understood. “And…and then?”

His mouth tight, Conrad nodded. “And then…if, at the end of that time, you are still of the same mind, find me here and I will give you what you desire.”

“You mean it?” Armand slid quickly out of bed, moving to stand in front of Conrad, trying hard to gauge his mood. “You’re not just saying this to get rid of me, are you? I won’t come back in three days only to find you’ve gone away?”

Conrad’s eyebrows rose. “Can it be you’re calling me a liar, Armand? Indeed, I would have credited you with having a little more sense than to insult me—especially now, when I’m on the brink of giving in to your very ill-reasoned request.”

Armand shook his head. “I’m not. Never. I just…thank you. Thank you so much.”

“No,” Conrad muttered, backing away a step when Armand tried to embrace him. “Don’t you dare try and thank me for this. I’m sure I’m doing you a grave disservice to be even entertaining this idiotic notion of yours.”

“Well, I don’t,” Armand replied, laughing excitedly and hugging him anyway. “I think what you’re doing for me is a very great favor—and I shall always love you for that.”

Conrad sighed. “I wonder.” Holding him at arm’s length, he studied his face for a long moment. “No, Armand, I suspect I am merely being supremely selfish once again. It is indeed unfortunate for you, but you’ve succeeded in reminding me how intolerably long forever can be. Far too long to be spent alone. Why should I not take a companion, after all? Especially one who is so eager for it, so relentless in his pursuit. You almost deserve it, you know.”

“I will try to be deserving of it,” Armand promised fervently, but if anything, Conrad’s face only grew more grim.

“Such innocence,” he sighed. Shaking his head, he thrust him away. “Go now, my beautiful little dancer, but please think about what I’ve said. And, if you change your mind—as I sincerely hope, for your sake, you shall—and I do not see you again, please know that I wish you a long and happy life.”

“I think that’s the most romantic story I’ve ever heard,” Julie sighed when Armand had finished.

He shrugged. “
Oui
. It was a very tender moment.”

“But, dude, you’re totally lying about not having been in love with him. Why, you even told him you were. And, that look on your face as you were remembering…”

Armand looked at her in surprise. “I never meant to imply I do not love Conrad. I am devoted to him. As are we all, I’m sure. He’s my sire. And I’m certainly not insensible of the great gift he has given me. I owe him my life. I meant only that what we have had between us was never a grand passion—such as I know he’s had with others. We have been companions, just as he said, just as we were always meant to be.”

He stopped then, smiling at the stricken look on Julie’s face. “But, what is this? There is no need to look so sad,
chérie
. I assure you, I’ve been quite content. I like to think we both have been. I don’t believe either of us was ever looking for anything more from each other than what we’ve received. Great love does not always lead to great happiness, you know.”

“Maybe,” Julie said, still eyeing him doubtfully. “But, if that’s really true, then why are you so jealous of Damian?”

“I am
not
jealous—” Armand began, before breaking off with a sigh. “Very well. Have it your way. I have been a little jealous, I suppose. But, believe me, it’s not Damian himself, it’s the fact he took my job. Have I not already told you this?”

Julie shrugged. “You might have. Tell me again.”

“At one time, anyone who wished to see Conrad or speak to him or who wanted anything at all from him, had to go through me. Which, I admit, I quite enjoyed. I took it as a great honor. Young and untried though I was, he put me in charge of everything to do with the running of his household. And, while I certainly don’t miss the constant work that it entailed, I do miss the prestige a little. Damian is in charge of all of that now, and he’d be more than welcome to it, except that he has a tendency to lord it over the rest of us. It rankles.”

“That’s bullshit,” Julie protested. “No one else seems to have the same problem with him that you do. I think you just don’t like him—and that’s not right. Besides, from what I’ve seen, it’s not even true what you’re saying. You deal directly with Conrad most of the time. And you have just as much access to him as anyone.”

“
Oui.
So far, I’ve been very lucky,” Armand admitted, wondering again at the strange bond that existed between Damian and the twins. It was something he did not at all understand. A certain level of sibling rivalry was almost expected among vampires. “But who knows how long such a state will continue? I suspect Conrad is merely attempting to spare my pride. Someday, perhaps, he will no longer think it necessary. But, as I said, I’ve had no cause for complaint when it comes to my relationship with him. I don’t believe either of us has ever yet disappointed the other.”

That’s not completely true, is it?
Armand lapsed into silence as he considered the lie. It was his own fault he no longer enjoyed Conrad’s full confidence. He’d made enough mistakes, back in the day, to warrant some measure of distrust even if Conrad still remained blessedly unaware of the worst of them.

A sin confessed is half forgiven
—that was a proverb he’d heard a lot, growing up. The only trouble was, there were some sins you never could confess.

As Armand lapsed into a pensive silence, Julie sighed. The realization she was probably going to lose Brennan, and sooner rather than later, had hit her hard tonight—and not for any of the reasons Armand had thought to mention. It was simple, really. She couldn’t change who she was for Brennan and he either couldn’t or wouldn’t change who he was for her. She wasn’t so blinded by her feelings for him she couldn’t see that, or couldn’t figure out for herself that it really didn’t leave them anywhere to go.