Authors: Lindsay McKenna
“He’s a very insightful young man,” Dilara murmured, sipping her tea, pushing the swing a little with the toe of her white leather shoe.
“I’m amazed at his knowledge of Asia and Africa,” enthused Lia. “I’m learning so much from him.”
Dilara hummed a bit, then smiled. “I was referring to your private life, Lia. Not that it’s my business, but I rather pride myself on knowing the people who work with me. Cav seems very devoted to you.”
Squirming inwardly, Lia chose her words carefully. “He’s very sensitive. I know he’s a security contractor and my original judgment about him was wrong. He is so much more than that.”
Cav had been right when he said Dilara was a cosmic mother hen of sorts. She truly cared for everyone and made it her business to know them on a personal level. That, in part, was why Lia wanted to work at Delos—precisely because she’d heard talk that Dilara Culver was the dream boss to work for. And the gossip had been accurate.
“You seem to enjoy his company on weekends. I hear talk from the girls at HR that you two are usually gadding about, like going caving in Virginia.”
Lia smiled a little, running her fingers through the cool beads of water on the tall glass. “Yes. My father is a spelunker and he started teaching me caving when I was ten. I love it. And Cav does, too, as it turns out.”
“I know nothing about caving,” Dilara admitted. “And I did know Cav was interested in them. I whispered to him one time that he should take you caving while you were both in Costa Rica.”
“Yes, he did.” Lia smiled at her. “And he later admitted that you’d whispered that information to him about me. He said he had to learn about caves when he was a SEAL.”
Dilara studied her through her thick lashes. “Well, I think you two are well matched. I knew about Cav’s training as a SEAL and knew you loved spelunking, so I thought that was a natural fit for you two.”
“I was, actually,” Lia admitted. “It brought us together, Dilara and I’m glad you told him.”
“I rather pride myself in pairing up men and women who I instinctively feel are right for one another,” she admitted.
Lia chortled. “You know you’re called the Royal Matchmaker behind your back, don’t you?” She saw Dilara’s aquamarine eyes gleam with amusement.
“Indeed I do. I tell Robert that I wear that badge with a great deal of pride.” She reached out, touching Lia’s knee. “And what does caving do for you? There must be some kind of positive experience you receive from it…”
Lia appreciated Dilara’s insight. “A cave makes me feel safe, Dilara. I feel like I’m in Mother Earth’s womb and I’m the child she’s carrying. A lot of caves are alive, wet and humid. There’s life in there, and you can feel it. Every cave breathes, and I can almost feel it, like our Mother Earth is breathing. I feel completely alive in a cave system and love exploring them and discovering all their secrets.”
“I see. And Cav? Does he feel similarly?”
“Yes, he does love exploring the caves,” Lia admitted,”
“I know you were caving while in Costa Rica. It must have helped you a lot.”
Lia knew she was referring to her struggles with the attack. “Yes, it did. It’s a very healing hobby for me, Dilara.”
“I can see the results of it right now. To me, that’s amazing.”
“Maybe you’d like to go with us? We could show you how to do it.”
Laughing, Dilara held up her manicured hand. “Oh, no! You’ve discovered the chink in my armor. I’m claustrophobic! I can’t stand being in enclosed places and I could never go into a dark, wet, small place like a cave. I’d panic.”
Lia’s heart went out to her. “I didn’t know,” she murmured, reaching out to touch Dilara’s arm. “Were you always that way?”
“No, dear, but when I was six years old Turkey had an earthquake. You know Turkey has earthquakes quite often?”
“Yes.”
“I was with my mother in an old mosque they wanted to repair and save. She was going to give the owners money for repairs. It was a very old building in a small town, inland and north of our home. We were down in the basement when an earthquake struck.” Dilara grimaced. “We ended up being trapped there for two days before they found us and dug us out. I can remember the earthquake’s roar, the feeling of ground heaving, and then everything falling in on us.
Luckily, there was an old, sturdy wooden table that my mother had the wits to drag me beneath. A huge amount of bricks and mortar fell on us but we were shielded by the table. I remember choking on the dust, and the darkness terrified me. I couldn’t breathe and began to panic. My poor mother held me and told me it would be all right. But at six, I didn’t believe her.”
“That must have been awful,” Lia sympathized. “No wonder you’re afraid of small, dark places. I would be, too. Did you have any way to call for help?”
“No, we didn’t. And I was dying of thirst, and cried so much that the tears stopped forming in my eyes. My mother was beside herself because I was so frightened.”
“Were you hurt?”
“No. My mother had a broken arm, but she never let me know it. After they found us and dug us out, I saw how swollen and bruised her arm was. At six, you don’t realize very much about other people,” and she gave Lia a wry look.
“Of course not,” Lia agreed. “How long did it take you to get over the shock of that, Dilara?”
“Many, many years. Originally my room at my parents’ villa was very small, an inner room without windows. I remember that first night when my mother tucked me into my bed and I cried my eyes out. I said it felt like I was trapped in that mosque basement again. I refused to stay in the room, leaving my bed and went out into in the hall. There my mother found me the next morning, sleeping on the swing out on the patio. There were nice, fat cushions on it and it was during the summer, so it was very warm. I slept well out there. My parents wisely moved me to a new bedroom in another part of our villa, with huge windows and lots of light. I was very happy there, and I could sleep and not feel as if the walls were closing in on me.”
“It’s so amazing, Dilara. Looking at you, no one would guess you’d had such a devastating experience. You’re so self-assured!”
Patting Lia’s hand, she said, “We all have scars, my dear. Some are just better hidden than others.”
“You’re right,” Lia agreed quietly. “How did you handle the feeling of being buried alive?”
“A day at a time,” Dilara said. “I was traumatized, of course. The claustrophobia was subtle at first, but by the time I was twelve, I realized how imprisoned I was by it. I’d look at every building and assess it. If it seemed too small, too dark, or if I had a bad feeling about entering it, I didn’t. My father finally sat me down one day and had a long talk with me. He was very loving about it, but he told me I had an invisible jail cell I carried around with me.”
Her lips twitched. “He painted me a very visual picture of what was happening to me and I got it.”
“What did you do, then?” Lia asked, interested for her own reasons.
“I realized the only one who could change this was me. I started challenging myself, Lia, like going into places I feared. I walked through my fear, and I must tell you, it wasn’t easy. It was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. Sometimes, I’d cry, just standing in a small, enclosed room. It terrified me, but I’d stay because I didn’t want to live in a self-made, invisible prison. I was becoming afraid of my shadow.”
“That took so much courage,” Lia whispered, deeply moved.
“It took me seven years to undo the psychological damage I’d received,” Dilara recalled. “My parents supported me, of course. I would tell them on a given day what I’d done to move that cell door open an inch more than it was the previous day. They were wonderful parents, and always made time for me when I needed them. They knew that I was doing psychological process called
desensitization
. The more I did it, the less reactive I became to the situation. And it has worked for me for the most part.”
“You’re so inspiring to me,” Lia admitted enviously. “You’re so brave!”
Dilara raised one eyebrow. “And you’re not?”
“What do you mean?”
Dilara placed her hand over Lia’s. “I’ve watched you grow. I’ve seen you working hard to escape your own invisible prison.”
Nodding, Lia murmured, “It’s been tough, Dilara. Well…until lately.”
Removing her hand, Dilara sipped her tea. “I see Cav’s influence on you, dear, and it’s all been good. Don’t you agree?”
Lia smiled shyly. “You don’t miss much, do you?” She saw Dilara’s eyes sparkle with delight.
“I don’t think I miss much, but you tell me, all right?”
Setting down her glass of iced tea on the wide arm of the rocker, Lia sat back and gazed out of the screened windows, looking at the guests below them.
“Cav supports me completely, Dilara. He’s not obvious, and we don’t talk about my scars, but we both know that I’m afraid to show the more intimate areas of my body that were scarred from the attack.”
“But look at you today!” Dilara said proudly, gesturing toward her. “I’ve never seen you in shorts before. And you look terrific! You have no idea how much I applaud your personal courage.”
“Thanks,” Lia whispered, meaning it. “I was scared about coming over here today, but no one seems to notice me, or that I have scars. That’s
such
a relief.”
“You’ve taken another big step in pushing open your invisible cell door,” Dilara congratulated her. “And I’ll bet it feels good.”
“Truly, it does, but it’s a daily struggle,” Lia admitted, looking down at her lap.
“Yes, but it’s a worthy one. In time you’ll no longer worry about these scars you carry. In my case, my claustrophobia is under control. I don’t let it run my life any more. And…,” she tapped Lia’s arm, “When I met Robert? He didn’t know about my issues. We’d taken a hike in the mountains of Turkey, going on a picnic. There was an earthquake, Lia, and where we had sat, the mountain fell around us.”
“Oh,” Lia whispered, “…no…”
Dilara rolled her eyes. “Poor Robert. I was sitting there clinging to him, the dust making me choke, crying and losing it. He wasn’t aware of my terrible childhood experience. But you know what? He got me to settle down, and typical of being in the military, he started to try and find a way out for us. No one knew we were there. We knew no help was coming. The only way we could survive was to dig our way out. He gave me his courage, his hope and he put me to work. We had only the water and food in our knapsacks to sustain us those three days. I didn’t think we’d get out alive, but we did. Robert broke through the debris, working nonstop, day and night. I did help, but he had the strength and brawn to endure when I couldn’t go on physically speaking.”
“What an experience,” Lia whispered, shaking her head, her respect for Robert and Dilara growing even more than before. “Did you get help after you got out?”
“Oh, yes,” Dilara said, smiling tenderly. “I fell in love with Robert during those three days of being in the darkness with him. He feared nothing. He was so brave and supportive. I eventually broke down and told him why I was so shaken by being buried alive and he understood. I was privy to his tender side, the man who had emotions and who cared for me. We had many other experiences before he asked me to marry him. It seemed like he drew danger to him and I finally got over it because he loved me, he protected me and he respected me as his equal. Those are all things I needed in a man to think of marrying him.”
“So?” Lia said, giving her a warm look, “you said yes?”
“I did,” Dilara sighed. “And I’ve never been sorry about it. He’s my hero, Lia. He’s a brave, resourceful and intelligent man. Our children have his DNA and I’m so glad they do.”
“Well, they sure have yours, too,” Lia laughed, patting her hand. “I’ve met all of them during our encrypted video sessions with them from over in Afghanistan where they’re still serving. When you and Robert talk about Artemis, the building, and get their input and ideas about it, I see both of you in Tal, Matt and Alexa during those sessions. They have your composure, your kindness and compassion. Not that Robert doesn’t have any, but I really think he gave them is leadership skills, their risk taking personalities.”
“That’s all true,” Dilara said. Her lips curved ruefully and she shared a look with Lia. “But to knowingly go into a dark, small space like a cave? That’s where I have to draw my line!”
“That’s completely understandable,” Lia said, smiling over at her.
Then, Dilara said something that Lia never expected. “You know, you might want to include Cav in conversations about your scars. I think he’d understand, don’t you?”
Lia grimaced and didn’t answer her directly. “He’s seen all but the worst one,” she explained, touching her stomach region.
Dilara reached over, giving her a quick hug around the shoulders. “That man cares a great deal for you, Lia. Surely you know that by now?”
“Yes, of course.”
“When I met Robert in Turkey…”
“Yes?”
“I was at a NATO meeting in Istanbul giving a talk on the Delos charity to the top generals from fifteen countries. Robert was there.” She sighed and smiled fondly. “I was twenty-two at the time, my usual confident self. He was such an impressive, attractive man, and so tall that he literally stood above every other man in that room. And he was so brazen! He asked me out to dinner that night after my talk.” She laughed, remembering. “But the place he chose was a tiny basement restaurant—with no windows.”
“Oh, dear,” Lia murmured, giving her a pained look. “What did you do?”
“I saw how tiny it was and told him to stop. We stood outside on the sidewalk, and I told him I couldn’t go in there, but not why. I was afraid he’d make fun of me or think I was a coward.”
“Yes, I’ve experienced that with men.” Lia admitted.
“But Robert was very sympathetic. He asked me to choose a restaurant that made me feel comfortable, and I did.” She laughed. “Silly me! I was so enamored with this man, already falling in love with him. I didn’t know it at the time, of course. But I so wanted him to like me. Before that, I’d avoided dating because I didn’t want to get dragged into small, cloistered places and have to explain why I couldn’t tough it out. I was quite ashamed of myself.”