“Which gave Superion powers that are easily on par with Nuke’s. I got it. He couldn’t help but brag about it during our little battle. And might I add that it wasn’t a particularly brilliant move on your part to give an
already
unstable individual the powers of a god? You know he’s trying to take over the world because daddy never played catch with him or some such nonsense.”
“I had made zure to include measurez zpecifically dezigned to prevent him from rebelling againzt me.”
“Like what? We could sure use a couple of those right now.”
“Hiz body waz infuzed with a Negaflux Field but the field will naturally decay over time due to zimple entropy.”
“So basically, he’ll just run out of gas after a while.”
“How characteriztically American a metaphor,” she mumbled. “Alzo, every uze of hiz Negaflux powerz would deplete the field az well. For inztance, it took 81 perzent of his field integrity in order to tear your Atomik Field apart. A tremendous amount of power,” She noticed she was looking a little too intently in his eyes and adverted her gaze back to the screen.
Atomik Lad gave a brief shiver. “Do you have any idea what happened to me when he did that?”
She breathed deeply and closed her eyes. “Dr. Geniuz theorized that your Atomik Field iz ezzentially the phyzical manifeztation of your zoul.”
“Wait. How do you know that?”
“I’ve had Überdyne bugged ever zince I left. How elze do you expect me to remain one ztep ahead of you heroic typez?”
“I don’t believe this.
You
worked at Überdyne?”
She nodded.
“When? Nuke and I have been fighting you nearly as long as I can remember.”
“When you were firzt brought to uz by the authoritiez after your…
inzident
with your parentz. I left zoon afterwards.”
“I don’t remember you there.”
“You were not in any shape to remember.”
He shook his head, eyes closed, mind searching. “I guess I don’t remember much about that time. Just images really.”
“I know. You were but a boy, afraid of yourzelf and everything elze in the world too. We had to ztore you in a Negaflux field, my very firzt one, because your zo-called ‘Atomik Powerz’ were raging out of control.”
“But it doesn’t make sense. Why would they let someone like
you
work there right next to Dr. Genius?”
She turned back to the Evil: Computer. “Thingz change, my dear Atomik Lad. People change. I left Überdyne when I zaw that they cared more for their Zcienze than they did for the people it impacted.”
“That’s ridiculous. Überdyne saves lives.
You
endanger them. Look at this whole Superion thing. The whole world is in jeopardy because of you and your twisted ambitions.”
“I would find your wordz inzulting if they were not zo very uniformed. If you think that Geniuz actually carez for you heroez, then it iz only becauze it iz in her bezt intereztz for you to do zo. Do you really think a woman with zuch an inhuman intelligenze could ever
truly
care for ordinary people?” Atomik Lad’s answer was a stern silence. “Or have you forgotten what she did to Nuklear Man during thiz month’z tezt?”
“She said he was fine.”
“Of courze she did. She valuez you only az toolz to unlocking her zacred Kopelzon Intrinzity zecretz. She would zay anything to keep you two coming back for more of her teztz.”
“I don’t believe you.”
“The time will come, young Zparky, when you will have no other choize. Did you know that Überdyne haz a controlling interezt in 40 perzent of the world’z leading buzinezzez, and a zignificant amount of ztock in the other 60 perzent, usually through the
other
companiez they control? And who haz the final word in Überdyne’z operationz? Dr. Geniuz. The only differenze between she and I iz that I make no effort to hide my intentionz and I do not uze people in order to realize them. She zeekz nothing lezz than complete control of the world. She iz truly mad.”
“Look, maybe this team-up idea wasn’t so hot after all. I nearly beat Superion last time, I can take him if I’m more careful this time.”
“That iz not a good idea.”
“Yeah, I’m supposed to believe you? For all I know, this is just another part of your sick plan.”
“You muzt truzt me.”
“Do you have any idea how much you’re asking of me?”
“We muzt put azide our petty ideological differencezezor the zake of the greater good.”
Atomik Lad was stunned. “That sounded…selfless. Are you okay?”
“Hmmphf. Do not worry yourzelf. I cannot take over the world if Zuperion layz claim to it firzt.”
“Okay, okay. So what’s the plan?”
“Zuperion haz control of the city and he iz functionally invinzible. Zo we need our own invinzible martyr—er—
man
to diztract him.”
“Distract him?”
“Yez. You zee, if we merely defeat Zuperion, thereby deztroying hiz pzychic hold on the people of thiz city, the zudden mental ztrain would be more than enough to turn hiz zlaves into vegetables. But hiz Zuperior CharmTM iz like a muzcle. He muzt keep it ‘flexed’ in order for it to work. But if he were zuffiently diztracted, zay in battle, he would exert zo much energy on the melee that hiz charmz would wear off on the public. Hiz dronez should then awaken from their hypnotic tranze-like worship of him on their own. That way, when he iz defeated, their mindz will not zuddenly shatter.”
“Sounds good to me. What’s next?”
“Thiz battle will alzo zerve az a ztalling tactic to give me enough time to modify my Defusionizer Cannon zo that it will harmonize Zuperion’s two Negaflux Fieldz.”
“Defusionizer, eh? That’s a new one, isn’t it?”
“Yez. I had intended to premier it in the zmall chanze that Nuklear Man would ever manage to free himzelf from prizon and threaten my rule after I came to power thankz to thiz very plan. The Cannon’z blazt would neutralize Nuklear Man’z powers by infecting him with a Negaflux Field set a frenquenzy the exact polar of his own. Zuperion’s inzolenze haz altered the timetable. I am not againzt uzing it in thiz caze inztead.”
“Okay, so how is a weapon that stops Plazma Power supposed to help us beat Superion?”
“Az I waz zaying before, Zuperion’z powerz are derived from a Negaflux Field. But, az a failzafe, in order to keep theze powerz, the field had to be recharged every day. Juzt before you got here, he did away with that weaknezz.”
“What?”
“That deztroyed machinery over there, that waz the recharging equipment. I will not go into the detailz now, but suffize it to zay that Zuperion’z powerz are now comprised of two Negaflux Fields which complement one another for virtually unlimited power!”
“Oh no.”
“Oh yez. The overall effect iz that, combined, the field are zo perfectly in zync that they loze integrity at zuch a zlow rate that it would take nearly nine hundred yearz of constant use before they’d weaken enough to even
measure
the difference. And though I pride myzelf on the long reaching forezight of my planz, I do not intend to have to wait that long for rezultz. However, if the wave harmonicz of one of the fieldz had itz polarity reverzed, then the two fieldz would perfectly work againzt one another. Zuperion wouldn’t be able to lift a finger, much lezz rule the world!”
“Can you really do that?”
“I will have to or we are all doomed.”
“All right. I’m ready to take him on again. Let’s get ready.”
“Not zo fazt. Although you pozed a threat to him when you lazt met, he iz now well beyond your capabilitiez. Az much az I loathe to admit it, we need Nuklear Man’z help. I only pray he iz able to rezizt Zuperion’s Charm power.”
“Nuke doesn’t pay enough attention to anything outside himself for it to effect him, so that’s not a problem. The problem is that he’s in jail and Superion undoubtedly expects us to break him out so the jerk probably has extra special brainwashed victims watching over him.”
“There iz no legal way to get him out of prizon. Count Inzidiouz zaw to that—before he had a nazty aczident with being ztaked to the ground, therefore leaving him completely unable to avoid the rizing zun.” She straightened her lab coat. “Crazy vampire zex. Az if.”
“Dammit. If only it were as simple as dropping the charges.”
Seconds ticked by as Dr. Menace stared at Atomik Lad. “To the Courthouze!”
__________
Judge Hangemall Letgodsortitout sat behind his fancy desk with Atomik Lad and Dr. Menace seated next to each other opposite him in his fancy office in his fancy law building on the corner of Fancy Street and Deluxe Avenue. The walls were covered in shelves that were supposed to be filled with legal books instead of his extensive collection of Wrastlin’s Too Hot For Pay Per View tapes. He leaned his elbows on the desk. His eyes shot to Dr. Menace, to Atomik Lad, and back to Dr. Menace. “Now let me git this here straight,” he began. “Dr. Menace. Y’all want to drop the charges you leveled against Nuklear Man the other week?”
“Yez.”
Hangemall leaned back. His chair creaked in protest. “I’m not so sure if that there is altogether legal.”
“Did we have to come back to
him?”
Atomik Lad whispered.
“Well, I had such good luck with him before, I juzt azzumed thiz would go well,” she answered quietly.
Hangemall scratched his balding scalp and snorted an annoyed snort through his crooked nose. “Y’see, when it comes to these, uh, these, oh, what’s the word? These, uhhh. Oh, what are they? You know what I mean. Those things pertaining to defining the difference between socially acceptable behavior and criminal actions?”
“Lawz?” Dr. Menace guessed.
“Yeah, that’s it. Like I was sayin’, when it comes to these here laws, I ain’t so good.”
Atomik Lad covered his eyes. “Y‘don’t say.”
Dr. Menace jumped out of her chair. “Either let me drop the chargez or I shall tezt my Evil: Molecular Reoganizer on each member of your family in alphabetical order before turning it on you!”
Hangemall scratched his chin. “What’s this ‘mole-eck-ular’ thing?”
“Juzt sign the paperz you judicial
worm!
Or I will be forced to rip out your spine one vertebra at a time with my bare handz and leave you to die like the mizerable swine you are!” she snarled.
Atomik Lad, though he’d never admit it, really liked it when she talked vile.
Hangemall leapt to attention. “I will not be intimidated! And on a completely unrelated note, I’m signin’ ya'll’s papers here to drop the charges. Whatever that means.”
Dr. Menace sat back down. “Thank you.”
“There you go,” Hangemall said as he pushed the papers across his desk. “That there Nuklear Man’s sentence has now been reduced.”
“Um,” Atomik Lad said. “What do you mean reduced?”
“Oh, as in ‘less than,’” Hangemall clarified. “Don’t feel embarrassed, I didn’t know either when I first became a judge.”
“I don’t think you were listening,” Atomik Lad said. “She dropped the charges. He should go free.”
“Yes. She dropped the charges, but there’s still the matter of the class action suit against him. None of those people dropped their charges.”
“But that waz bazed on the chargez that I had brought againzt him which were juzt dropped.”
“Which is exactly why his jail sentence has been reduced as opposed to remaining the same.”
“Whatever, let’s just take what we can get. We don’t have time for all of this.”
“Fine,” Dr. Menace said. “What iz thiz reduced sentence of yourz?”
__________
One hour later, climbing the poorly torch lit and spiraling stone stairwell of Katabasis Prison’s decrepit North Tower, Atomik Lad followed Dr. Menace up to the very top floor.
“All thingz conzidered, that waz a pretty good reduced sentence.”
“Yeah,” he agreed. “It’s almost like the legal system worked in my favor. It’s kind of off-putting after all we’ve been through with that trial of yours.”
“Don’t get too happy. He only helped uz becauze of my…perzuazive nature.”
“Don’t ruin my brief illusions of fairness in our judicial system and society at large.”
“You see there? You know that the society you defend iz flawed. Perhapz you should see thingz from my point of view.”
“Let’s not get into that point of view argument again.”
She looked back while climbing to respond, but instead said, “Seems your point of view involves my leather pantz.”
He adverted his gaze to the stairs passing below his feet. “Er um, that is, I mean…what?”
“What would your dear Rachel think, hm?”
“Er. Well, I—”
“BLAM BLAM BLAM!!!” an all too familiar voice boomed from ahead in the narrow stairway. “I mean. Halt.”
“What waz that?”
“Civil Defender, I’m sorry to say,” Atomik Lad answered.
“Yes!” the Armored Officer announced. He hopped into view from around the curve of the stairs. “And I’m here to make sure you guys don’t try to free this evil, mean, corrupt, Nuklear Criminal.”
“Well, that’z really a shame, my dear boy.”
“Yeah, seein’ as how we’ve got these official papers saying that all of Dr. Menace’s charges against him have been dropped,” Atomik Lad said, brandishing official papers like a cross against a vampire.
The Civil Defender snatched the paperwork from Atomik Lad’s hand. He scanned it briefly. “Well. What’dya know? It’s official all right. That’s way out of my league. Go on,” he said, waving them along with his rifle-cannon. “His cell is just ahead, the bastion of madness that it is.”
Atomik Lad and Dr. Menace walked up and around the bend where the stairwell ended at a cramped door of gnarled rotting wood held together by rusted bands of iron. “I’ll go in. You wait out here,” Atomik Lad said. “It could get
weird
in there.”
“
Weird
, eh?”
“Yeah. Nuke’s psychology is completely dependent upon a nearly constant exposure to cartoons.”
“And if he doez not receive theze cartoonz?”
A mad howl somewhere between a cackle and an animal’s screech echoed from beyond the door.
“That was rather well timed, don’t you think?”
“Yez. By all meanz, go on valiant Atomik Lad.”