Obsession (Magnetic Desires Book 4) (9 page)

I dragged myself from the truck to the back step. The nausea was two-fold; exhaustion exacerbated by the long hours I forced myself to spend at the office, and my inability to sleep. Mellie had picked up on it, had started staying up with me during the nights. I’d taken to staying downstairs and telling her it wasn’t fair for her to lose sleep because of me, but I was hurting her. It was there in her wide eyes when she thought I didn’t catch her gaze. So many times she’d asked me what was wrong, but I hadn’t been able to rip her world apart the way mine had been.

Taking a deep breath, I steadied myself, though my hands shook as I pushed open the door. I had another appointment with the Oncologist in Lanston the day after tomorrow. I had to tell her. I should never have kept it from her in the first place. But the longer I kept it, the harder it got to tell her. And what if this was only the tip of the iceberg? My family history offered nothing but paranoia.

Shrugging out of my jacket, I tossed it over the back of a stool and dragged my tie free, dumping it, too. She sat at the kitchen table, back ramrod straight, not saying a word. My mind raced.
I have cancer. I didn’t know how to tell you. I knew this would scare you. I have cancer.
  Crossing the kitchen, I filled a glass with water, concentrated on breathing in and out.
I have cancer. It’s not getting better. I’m scared I’m leaving you.

My hand shook so hard the water spilled over the lip of the glass and I raised it to my lips, gulping it down. My chest had a strangle hold on me, screaming with the words,
I have fucking cancer.

“Hello to you, too.” Anger laced her voice, crackled around her.

The glass almost slipped out of my grasp. I held it in a death grip while I turned and sagged against the counter. How did I explain this to her? “Hey.”

She bolted out of the chair, marched across the room to stand in front of me, one hand fisted on her hip. She gnawed her bottom lip, her gaze narrowed. Then she snapped. “How could you fucking do this to me? How could you?”

She was screaming, her voice cracking, her whole body trembling. She covered her mouth with the back of her hand and turned away from me. Her shoulders shuddered, a small sob filling the silence. I should have reached for her, pulled her against me and told her everything, but instead my muscles locked up, frozen, useless, my explanation stuck to the back of my throat.

“I knew…” she whispered, hoarse, “…something was wrong, but this.” She turned to face me and threw an arm out to the side, gesturing at my journal.

I wanted to vomit. I clenched my jaw so tight my teeth ground together. I should have told her. She shouldn’t have had to find out like that.

“An affair?” She sobbed. “Please tell me it isn’t true? Please tell me I’m making something out of nothing?”

She raised her palm to me, and I stared at it. An affair?

Her hand dropped to her side. “How long has it been going on, Mike?”

Where the hell had she gotten the idea I would cheat on her? I wasn’t having an affair. Why would she even think that?

“How bloody long?” She gulped, trembling all over as she stared at me.

A weight settled in my gut. How the hell was I supposed to respond?

“It’s true then.” She spun away from me and marched around the bench to grab her purse. Throwing one more hurt filled glance my way she bolted from the house.

I followed her to the door, numb, someone else’s life playing out in front of my eyes. She dashed her hands across her face as she jumped into the car and drove away.

Going back to the kitchen, I sunk down on a stool. The planner right in front of me, I stared at the open pages. A record of each doctor’s appointment, a damning report of almost every lie I’d told her. How she could believe the information in front of her added up to an affair, I’d never understand, but she’d been brewing over it a while now. That much was obvious. She’d spent too much of her life around people who hid things, who fucked her over and abandoned her. Did she think I was doing that, too?

I slid the journal closer. Perhaps that’s what I’d been doing. I’d tried to hide it from her, to protect her from the pain I was going through and I’d made everything worse. So I had to tell her.

I waited for her to come home. She had a temper, but it was lightning quick. It would diffuse soon enough and she’d come home. Then I’d tell her everything. It wouldn’t be easy, and we’d still have to deal with the cancer, but I wasn’t riddled with it. I’d do whatever I had to, to stay with her. Whatever she needed from me to make up for the damage I’d caused, I’d do it.

But she didn’t come home, so I went looking for her. Then the texts had started coming. Drunken words and broken sentences. But it was okay. They were just letters in random order. We’d fix this.

I’d searched everywhere but Wolf’s. She wouldn’t go there, I’d made her promise not to set foot in that pub without me. Some of the pricks who frequented Wolf’s could be real assholes. With me she’d been safe. They knew I could throw down, so they kept their hands off my girl, but going alone was asking for trouble. Unfortunately, the worse her texts, got the more certain I became that was exactly where she’d gone.

Her car was in the car park when I got there, and I strode across the dirt lot to where Wolf sat at the door. “Hurricane in there?”

“Sure is. I didn’t expect to see her here alone,” he grumbled, giving me a hard stare.

“Shouldn’t be here at all,” I muttered, and pushed through the door.

It was rowdy inside, the usual crowd drinking and cussing while they wound down after work. I didn’t recognize the guy behind the bar. I leaned over, shouted at him. “Have you seen a blonde, about this tall?” I held my hand to my shoulder. “Name’s Hurricane?”

“Yeah.” He nodded. “She’s been at the bar all evening.” He pointed his thumb in the direction of the bathrooms. “Think she might have gone to take a leak.”

I stalked through to the ladies, pushed open the door without a second thought. I wasn’t going to wait for her to come out. Her messages screamed with pain, and I wasn’t going to waste time waiting outside a door just because it had a picture of a woman on it.

She wasn’t alone. She wasn’t fucking alone. My fists clenched, my knuckles cracked. An animalistic growl caught in my throat. My pulse pounding in my ears, I advanced on them. Fucking Rabid. Of all the people. I’d fucking kill him. His hands were on my girl as he slammed her into the wall over and over again, the sound of him getting off making bile rise in my throat.

For a split second I couldn’t breathe and the pounding in my ears stuttered. I jerked back, going rigid. Icy fingers of realization wrapped themselves around my gut and squeezed. Her eyes widened, but couldn’t focus on me. Her cheeks scarlet, against the paleness of her face. Tears brimmed along her lower lashes. I stalked forward, ready to rip him the hell off her, to pummel him into the fucking ground, but she shook her head. It was almost imperceptible through the haze, the pain in her eyes cracking my chest wide open. Then she closed her eyes and turned away from me.

I slammed out of there, the door hitting me in the back as I bent over and puked on the floor. The world twisted, and I stumbled down the hall. Smacking my fist into the wall, I hesitated, whirled around, and stormed back. I should go in there and kill the bastard for what he was doing to her. But it wasn’t that cut and dry. The agony of her choice, etched in her gaze, struck me to the core. It writhed in my chest, as much a part of me as she was. I spun around, hands on hips, my breath bellowing out of me. She’d set out to hurt me, like she was hurting, and she’d sliced me open, cutting me to my soul. But damn it, I couldn’t let that bastard treat her like that. I snarled as I turned and slammed my palm to the door ready to go in and beat the shit out of him.

The door swung in, and Rabid strode out of the bathroom, adjusting the waistband of his pants with a smirk. “Quite the little whore you got there.”

“Fuck you.” I rammed him into the wall with my shoulder, wrapping my fingers around his throat and sliding him along the wall to the end of the hallway and out the back door. He stumbled on the steps, but rounded on me as his boots hit the dirt. My vision clouded, narrowed on him. I rushed him, my fist landing in his face, the crack of cartilage in his nose barely registering. He howled and put his hand to his nose, as I pushed him back, another fist to his stomach. “Don’t you fucking talk about her.”

“She wanted it. She asked me to fuck her.”

I roared as I threw myself at him, taking him to the ground beneath my fists. All I could see was her face when I’d walked into that bathroom. I kept swinging, even after he stopped struggling. Even when stronger arms than mine locked around me and dragged me off him. Wolf’s voice slowly penetrated the haze that enveloped me. “Let it be, Knight. Let it fucking be.”

He didn’t let go of me until I stopped struggling, gasping for breath while my mind began to clear. Rabid was out cold, his face swelling, his nose crooked, blood seeped from a split in his lip, and underneath his left eye. I swallowed, the taste of copper coated my tongue and throat. He hadn’t landed a single hit, but I’d ripped a hole on the inside of my cheek during my rage.

“You got it together?” Wolf grumbled. “You’re not going to lay into him again are you?”

“No.” I raced a hand over my scalp. “Shit. This is fucked.”

“Yeah.” Wolf crouched next to the guy. Checked him over as I paced the side of the building.

“Is he going to be all right?”

“I’ve seen worse. Not like the bastard doesn’t deserve it.”

“You knew?” I hurled the accusation at him.

“Now, hold up.” He straightened, palms up. “I was generalizing. Everyone knows Rabid’s an asshole. What’s got you so wound up?”

“Mellie. He practically fucking assaulted her.”

“That’s a pretty serious allegation. You got proof?”

“I walked in on it,” I ground between my teeth. “I walked in on him fucking my girl. Where the hell is Angel tonight? If she’d been behind the bar this shit would never have happened.”

Wolf’s growl was unmistakable. “You leave Angel out of whatever shit’s going on between you and Hurricane. You hear me, boy?”

“Fuck, Wolf.” I slammed my fist against the wall, slumped into it. “Sorry. I shouldn’t have said that. This is all my fault.”

“No point in blaming yourself. You and your girl have some shit to sort through. Maybe you should go inside and check on her.”

A motorcycle started up on the other side of the building, tearing away, the motor slowly fading into the rhythm of the cicadas in the trees. I pressed my forehead to the wall, concentrated on inhaling and exhaling. So much damage. Most of it my fault. Some of it hers.

An owl hooted. Wolf coughed, the slight click of a lighter sparking, and then the odor of his cigarette curled into my nostrils. There was a weird kind of peace in the moment your world ended. Every little sound and smell amplified. The chaos that had wracked my brain for months settled into white noise. She didn’t need to know I had cancer, or that it wasn’t responding to treatment the way we’d hoped. It was all so logical in my head. This was how it was meant to be. I couldn’t ask her to stay when I had no future to offer her. She’d hurt for a while now, but she’d get over it in time and move on.

“I have to go.” I stalked around the side of the building.

“Hold on.” Wolf stubbed his cigarette out on the heel of his boot, and strode after me. “You’re going to leave her here?”

I hesitated and then turned to him. “If I told you I had good reasons—”

“They must be damn good for you to leave that girl.”

The weight of the day bowed my shoulders, my feet dragging. “Trust me, it’s better for her if I leave. Look after her, Wolf. Take her home with you at the end of the night. Then see she gets home okay?”

“Guess I can do that.”

“I’m leaving town. I don’t know how long I’m going to be gone for. You need to get Angel to tell Hurricane…”

He grabbed my shoulder with his thick fingers and squeezed. “You want Angel to tell her you’re gone?”

“Yeah.” Because if I walked back in there, I’d lose it. The truth would come out and the mess would be so much worse. She’d stick beside me no matter what it took to get over what had happened tonight. She would stay beside me no matter how short our future might be.

No, I wouldn’t tell her. I wouldn’t lie to her, but I wouldn’t change her mind, either. It would be better to let her hate me and move on. Better to let her think she hadn’t hurt me more than I thought was possible.

“I’d change your mind if I thought I could.”

“Not going to happen.”

“Well, get out of here then. I’ll make sure she gets home safe.”

I clapped him on the back, and then headed back to the truck. It was a seven hour trip to Lanston. I’d get Orion to hire someone to help with the office, and work long distance for as long as it took for me and cancer to kick each other’s ass.

Mellie

I had an hour, maybe two before I needed to be at Mike’s. Part of me wanted to drive straight there, but the memory of that night spun through my head, and right on its heels, the next day followed.

I’d stumbled out of the bathroom to find myself alone in the dimly lit hall. No Rabid. I’d dragged in a shaky breath, the smell of vomit had hit my nose, and I’d slammed my hand to my mouth as I’d scuttled back into the bathroom to heave over the porcelain.

Mike had been gone when I’d finally re-entered the bar. I’d known he would be but that didn’t halve the pain, only enhanced it. I’d sat back down at the bar, rested my head on the beaten smooth wood and ordered another scotch. I’d ended up on the floor, nursing an empty glass, my eyes burning and swollen, until I’d passed out.

Apparently, Mike had asked Wolf to take care of me. I’d woken up the next day on his and Angel’s sofa. Angel had driven me home, Wolf following on his bike. She’d grasped my hand, squeezed it. “He won’t be there when you get home.”

I’d been a broken water pipe, even my mouth over-watering. I gulped, my heart dipping, though the part of me that wanted to destroy me was glad I wouldn’t have to face him immediately. “Okay.”

“No, I mean…” She’d let out a sigh. “He’s left town. He didn’t say when he’d be back.”

“Left…” And there were the damn waterworks again. “We’re done, aren’t we?”

“I really don’t know.” She’d shaken her head and squeezed my hand again. “He didn’t really tell us anything, other than to make sure you got home safe, and that he was going away.”

She’d pulled into the driveway, and we’d both hopped out of the car while Wolf guided his bike in behind us.

“You need anything, you let me know, okay?”  Angel had said, before she mounted the bike behind Wolf. He’d nodded in my direction, his gaze soft. Maybe they didn’t want to say it outright, but he’d had an affair, hadn’t he? And I’d cheated on him, or at least I hadn’t broken up with him before I destroyed any chance of fixing things. We were past the point of no return. We were over.

The house had been quiet, empty when I stepped inside. It was almost unbearable. On the counter had been a single piece of paper, hastily scribbled on. Two sentences in blue ink.
Don’t know when I’ll be back. Take your time packing up.

It had taken a week to steel my emotions enough to leave the house, another week to start looking for somewhere to live. Maybe I’d procrastinated, or perhaps I’d hoped he’d come home, and if I was still there we’d be forced to deal with what had happened. But the truth was, I’d known we couldn’t fix it. I just couldn’t do more than concentrate on holding my broken heart together.

And it seemed I was still barely holding the damn thing together, bits of string wound around it. Telling myself over and over again that I wasn’t the kind of girl who needed more than a dick was a lie I could no longer convince myself was true. If I’d ever been able to.

Now he wanted to tell me that everything he’d led me to understand about our break up was false. How could he consider a future with me when I couldn’t forgive myself for what I’d done? I’d been so scared he was leaving me that I’d jumped the gun. He couldn’t hurt me as badly if I hurt him first, right?  That it wouldn’t be so bad if I was the one who left him behind. 

Wrong! I’d been so incredibly wrong. Any way one cut through the pain, it was still agony, deep in my soul, and the bruises never fully went away.

Turning onto the side street, I pulled into my twin, Lola’s, driveway. There was a first time for everything, although I never expected to see the day I went to her for advice. Separated since we were fifteen, it had only been the last twelve months she’d been back in my life, and it had taken a while to deal with having family so close. Hell, I hadn’t had any family, except for Orion, Birdie, and Mike until Lola had shown up with my niece Tia in tow. Advice from Lola would be laughable, if it weren’t for the fact that while I couldn’t seem to let go of the past, she’d grabbed hold of her future. I wanted that. I needed that. I mounted the stairs.

She slipped out the door, shutting it behind her before I’d climbed the last step. “Hey, sis. I didn’t expect to see you today.”

“Sorry, I should have called. I’ve been distracted.”

Lola wrapped an arm around my waist, and we strolled around the side of the house. “You never have to call. I just wasn’t expecting you.”

“How’s my adorable niece? I need to spend more time with her.”

“Tia’s good. She’ll probably come out in a minute to find out what’s going on.” Lola smiled, taking a seat on the rattan sofa on the part of the deck that soaked up the most sun. “When did Leo finish the deck?”

“Last week.” She smiled, lifting her face to the mottled sunlight filtering through the thick red leaves of the ivy that grew up the trellis behind us. “He knows how much I love this spot.”

“He’s a good man.” I sank down beside her.

“Did you just admit you like my husband?”

“He’s growing on me.” I shrugged. “He looks after you and Tia.”

Resting her head back on the cushion, she studied me. “How have you been?”

“I don’t know. I guess that’s why I’m here.”

“What?” She twisted around, her brows drawn together while she hooked a foot under her knee. Her gaze narrowed, peering through me. Then she dug me in the ribs. “My sister has a crush.”

I rubbed my ribs. “That hurt.”

“Spill, or I’ll do it again.” She chuckled.

“You are such a pain in the ass.” I turned to face her. “It’s not a crush. That’s for high school. In case you didn’t notice, that was a long time ago.”

“Okay, so what is it then?” She glanced over her shoulder at the back door.

“Mike.” 

She gasped, bouncing on the canvas cushions. “So he’s decided to finally do something, has he?”

“What do you mean?”

“You’re blind right? Or in denial? The way that man looks at you. I can’t believe it ever changed.”

“Denial.” I shook my head, trying to hide the smile twitching over my lips. “I didn’t want to imagine there was anything left.”

“I know that look.” She shifted closer, her gaze dancing while she got in my face. “What exactly is the problem?”

“How the hell did Leo forgive you after you disappeared for six years? I still don’t understand how you forgave him for being such an asshole when you found him. How do you put stuff like that behind you? How do you know people won’t just leave you in the end anyway?”

She squeezed my knee. “You don’t. No one can give you that kind of guarantee. I’m sorry I left you behind. You know that right?”

“I know you had no choice.” I leaned against her, settling my head on her shoulder, and she dropped her head to rest her cheek against the top of my head. “It wasn’t your fault.”

“And Mike never left you. Not really. He’s been there the whole time.”

“I don’t know why. The things I’ve done. What I did to him.” I cringed, shutting my eyes and blocking out her sympathy. “I’m terrible at being a person.”

“No, you’re not. We’re all just human. We all screw up.” Lola rested her head on my shoulder. “So what are you going to do?”

“I’m going to go see him. There are so many things we need to talk about.” I cradled my hands in my lap, inspecting my nails.

“Good. Now I kind of have to tell you something.” She leaned forward, perching on the edge of the sofa, her fingers clasped together. “It’s about Dad.”

“What about him?” I sat rigid beside her. Even mentioning him made me agitated. But she didn’t get a chance to respond.

The devil himself walked out of my sister’s house. “Did I hear my name?”

He was the last person I’d expected to see. I’d told him that the last time I’d seen him. I gaped, my eyes bugging out of my head. Older now, his black hair streaked with grey, he seemed smaller than I remembered.

Tia darted out the door and around him to jump on my lap. “Aunty Mellie, I’ve missed you. You don’t visit often enough.”

“Sorry, princess,” I muttered under my breath and stroked her head, all the while staring at the one person on the planet I never wanted to see again. I’d told him to go to hell, but apparently hell was too good a place for a man like him.

“Lola, what is he doing here?” My voice came out more like the hiss of a crazy person, instead of that of a well-adjusted woman who didn’t have daddy issues, but right now I didn’t care.

“This is Grandpa.” Tia bounced and clapped her hands. “He brought me presents.”

“Grandpa?” I shot a sideways glare at Lola. “You’re kidding me, right? Is this some kind of joke?”

“Mellie.” She grabbed my hand and squeezed. “I know it’s a shock, but I invited him. He’s our father, and I wanted him to meet Tia.”

Tia scrambled off my lap as Leo sauntered outside. “I thought we’d grill tonight. It’s getting a bit cooler, but… Oh hey, Mellie.” He frowned. “Are you feeling all right? You look a little pale.”

“Do I?” Was everyone else oblivious to the tension in the air? Maybe I was the only one choking on it. I turned to Lola. “That man is not my father. I don’t have a father.”

“Mellie.” Lola covered her mouth, and Leo crossed to stand behind her, an arm on her shoulder. He shook his head at me.

The man whose sperm had created me and my twin cleared his throat. “It’s okay, Lola. I deserve that.” He took a step toward me and the air around me chilled. “There are things I’d like to explain to both of you.”

The same hot hatred I’d harboured since he made life so unbearable for Lola that she’d left home bubbled up in me. Never mind the fact he’d walked out a week later after I’d caught him having an affair with his secretary, while my mother hit the bottle. Or that I’d been the one to find the only family member I’d had left in the bathtub, with a bottle of vodka in her hand and a sink full of empty pill bottles.

“Don’t.” My voice came out sharp and several octaves higher than normal. “I don’t know what you’re doing here, but you need to leave.”

“Mellie, I asked him to come,” Lola insisted, but she was no more than the buzz of a mosquito in the background.

“You.” My whole arm shook when I pointed at him. “You pushed her away. It’s your fault Lola ran away. It’s your fault she…” I glanced at her again. Her eyes widened, shining, and Leo glared at me over her head. “If it wasn’t for you, Lola never would have gone through what she did. You’re such a fucking hypocrite.”

“Kiddo, go watch TV, okay?” Leo abandoned Lola to usher Tia inside.

“Mellie, stop it.” Lola jumped up, grabbing my face between her hands. “Calm down.”

“Calm down? You want me to calm down? You left because of him. But he’s a bloody hypocrite.” Over her head, I stared him down. “How many assistants did you screw while calling your daughter a filthy slut?”

Her gasp was audible, but I ignored it. “How many times did you cheat on Mom before you decided to disappear with one of your whores?”

He flinched. “I didn’t handle things the way I should have. I’m sorry for that.”

“I don’t want your apology. You can’t fix it. The ink wasn’t even dry on the missing person posters before you took off with your secretary. Did you tell Lola that? Or how about the fact you didn’t even come back for the funeral. You didn’t come back for me after Mom died.” 

“Mellie, please.” Lola tugged at me, trying to get me to look at her.

“You didn’t want us then, we don’t want you now. How does it feel to be the one nobody wants?”

I snapped my focus back to Lola. “He’s not wanted here. Tell him to leave.”

“No.” She shook her head. “I asked him to come. I don’t know what happened after I left, but I’m trying to put it behind me. Family is important.”

“He’s not family. Family doesn’t disappear without a word to start a new life.”

“I did.” She dropped her hands to her sides.

“He…” Every single muscle shook, my knees locked. “You would never have left if he hadn’t been such a pathetic excuse for a father. Are you really going to let him weasel his way into your life? He destroys everything.”

“People change. I spent too long without family, Mellie. I don’t want to waste any more. Can’t you at least give him a chance?”

I jerked back, out of her reach. My breath came in bursts as I stared at her before turning to glare at him. “Not even if hell freezes over.”

Spinning around, I bolted around the side of the house. Had Lola lost her ever loving mind? She was on some kind of forgiveness kick, but that man didn’t deserve it. A one-way ticket to hell wouldn’t be good enough for him. With no idea where I was going, I got in the car and got the hell out of there. Hands tensed around the wheel, I drove. The past had haunted me enough today to last me a lifetime.

Twenty minutes later I pulled the car to a stop in front of a bar. Didn’t even notice which one. Killing the engine, I climbed out and slammed the door, hitting the lock button on my keys before tossing them into my purse. I couldn’t remember how I’d gotten from Reverence to Carlton. Obviously, I’d driven, but not one mile of the trip was clear in my mind. It didn’t matter. He’d left me to fend for myself when mom died, and he thought he could waltz in, and—what? I pushed through the door and found an empty stool to slide onto. Memories battered my mind, my head aching with the assault. I’d run from Lola’s, run from my father, run from Mike, but the one person I desperately wanted to get away from stuck with me.