Odin's Shadow (Sons Of Odin Book 1) (9th Century Viking Romance) (28 page)

The bitter hatred she felt for Alrik Ragnarson-Ketill's brother-in-law, no less-grew in her heart, year after year, and she vowed to kill him if she ever got the chance. The opportunity to make good on her vow only occurred once in the past sixteen years, and she had failed.

Grainne grew quiet then and would speak of that topic no more.

Ketill arrived unexpectedly one morning, several sennights after the small family had moved into Ulfrik's house. As he set a rucksack of fresh supplies down on the table, he stared at Selia, visibly shocked at her appearance.

Ketill's expression made her conscious of her tangled hair and wrinkled, stained clothing. She wore the lavender-colored gown Eithne had made for her, the gown that had once been beautiful but had been ruined during the traumatic trip from Ireland to Norway. Hrefna had not understood why she had insisted on leaving everything Alrik had given her-jewelry, clothing-but Selia was adamant. She could not have any reminders of him.

Ketill asked Grainne to accompany him on a stroll. The woman exchanged a long look with him before nodding in agreement. As they walked away, Selia began unloading the supplies. For a man who owned a poor farmstead, he had certainly brought quite a rich variety of foods with him. For his former slave, no less. Did Grainne think she was fooling anyone? Clearly they were lovers.

Selia used the time to bathe while she was alone in the house. The woolen curtain provided little privacy, so she had been hesitant to remove her gown when her mother was home. She used cold water, washing quickly, but her hair was snarled and her bath took longer than she anticipated. She was still rinsing the soap from her hair when she heard the door latch clatter.

"Selia?" It was Grainne. She had finally stopped trying to call her Deirdre.

"I’m bathing." She tried to hide the panic in her voice. "I'll be right out."

"Have you seen my—"

Grainne drew the curtain back and stopped, mid-sentence, with her mouth open. Her eyes bulged at the sight of Selia’s abdomen.

"Get out!" Selia grabbed for her shift.

"You little
liar
," her mother rasped. "Why have you kept this from me? Did you have Hrefna lie to me as well? Were the two of you conspiring together until it was too late to do anything about it?"

"Too late to kill it, you mean? You obviously didn't use enough the first time."

Grainne stared. "What?"

"I'm not stupid
.
I know you poisoned my wine at the gathering." Selia pulled her gown over her head. "But I'm too far along for you to do anything now. Unless you want to kill me, too."

Grainne screamed in rage and shoved her into the wall. "I
should
kill you! You willingly carry his devil child even after—"

"It's an innocent babe. Your grandchild!" Selia pushed Grainne away.

"Do you think that matters?" Grainne's laugh was that of a madwoman. "Any fruit of that seed is rotten to the core. No child of Alrik Ragnarson can be suffered to live."

The air seemed to leave the room as a sickening realization dawned on Selia. Her mother
was
mad, willing to kill her own daughter to end Alrik's bloodline. If that were the case, then why would the woman have had any qualms about killing the family of the man she hated?

Selia's voice shook as she spoke. "You did it. You killed Alrik's wife and daughters."

Grainne made a small noise in the back of her throat and tried to dart away, but Selia grabbed her arm, digging her fingers in. "You killed innocent women and children."

"He was supposed to drink it too!" Grainne cried, shaking free.

"It
was
the ale, then." Selia could only gape in shock.

Hrefna had been correct. But the cask of ale Grainne had poisoned-meant for Alrik and Ingrid as well-had been opened while Alrik was on a raid and Ingrid was away from the farmstead. The revenge her mother sought had been incomplete.

Grainne’s thin body sagged in exhaustion. "He took my family from me. He took everything from me."

Selia shrank from the woman she was loath to call mother. "How does that make you any better than he is?" she whispered.

Chapter 35

Ulfrik's house was built high on a cliff, and to get to the sea one needed to walk around on the right side where the slope was gentle and even. But Selia had found a rough path on the left side of the cliff, where she could climb down to a small area of beach not visible from the house.

She hurried there now and sat against the rocks for hours. The days weren't as long now as they had been earlier in the summer, and she could again judge the time of day by the position of the sun in the sky. She would wait until the afternoon to go back to the house, when Ainnileas would be home with whatever he had gathered from the snares. And she wouldn't be alone with Grainne, now or ever again.

Selia rested her head on her knees, as exhaustion came upon her hard and fast. Should she tell her brother what Grainne had done? What would his reaction be? Since the woman had wormed her way into Ainnileas' heart, Selia's kinship with her brother had become strained and uncomfortable. Maybe Ainnileas would agree with Grainne's warped reasoning that her actions had been justifiable.

One thing was certain, however. Selia could not go back to Ireland with Grainne. Even if the woman didn't intend to kill her during her confinement, it wouldn't stop her from trying to harm the child after it was born. And Grainne would live with Ainnileas, of course.

Which left Selia adrift.

Regardless of whether she stayed in Norway or returned to Ireland, she had no one she could trust.

Sometime later, she opened her eyes and realized she must have fallen asleep. The sun had moved past the edge of the cliff, and now the small area of beach was in shadows. She shivered underneath the cloak that was thrown over her.

Cloak?

Selia’s body jerked as she saw Ulfrik sitting next to her.

"I thought you would sleep until the tide carried you off," he said. His sober voice belied the smile she could see in his eyes.

She studied him. Were they friends again? The last time she had seen Ulfrik she had held a dagger to his throat. "What are you doing here?" she asked. "I thought you hated me."

"I don't hate you, Selia. Ketill said you looked unwell, and I came to check on you."

She snorted and looked away. "
Unwell
,"
she mocked. How dare Ketill Brunason pass judgment on her appearance? "You can tell him I'm very well, thank you."

Ulfrik was quiet for a while. "I used to come down here too," he said finally, “when I was a child.” Nodding his head at the secluded beach, he added, "Alrik would laugh at me because I missed my mother, so I would hide from him."

She imagined a small version of Ulfrik, climbing down to the cove to cry for a woman who had sung Irish songs to him. Selia wasn't the only one who had lost everything.

She turned to him. "I'm so sorry for what I did to you, Ulfrik. You—you saved my life. When I was a tiny child."

"Yes."

She hesitated. "Am I the reason they call you 'child lover?’"

"Yes."

Selia swallowed. "Thank you."

He laid a hand on her shoulder, giving it a cautious squeeze. The small gesture of kindness caused tears to well up in her eyes, and as she brushed them away she moved closer to him. She meant only to hug him, but he was warm and solid, and she found herself settling into the crook of his arm. They sat for several moments, not speaking. Selia could hear the beat of his heart against her ear, strong and steady.

"I'm still with child, Ulfrik." She sniffled. "Everyone thought I bled the babe out, but I didn't. I've felt the quickening."

He stilled, but the sound of his heartbeat accelerated. "Does anyone else know?"

"No one but Grainne."

"Not Hrefna? Not Ainnileas?"

"No."

"Are you sure Grainne didn't tell Ketill?"

Why was he questioning her so insistently? "My mother only found out today, after Ketill left. She was furious. I think she's going to try to kill it."

"What? Why would you think that?"

"Because she already tried once, at the gathering. She put poison in my wine. She must have figured out who I was. She didn't want her daughter to bear Alrik's child." Selia was careful not to say more, knowing Ulfrik's ability to deduce the truth of a situation from only a word or two. What would he do if he learned Grainne had killed his own wife and unborn child?

"She admitted this to you?"

"Not exactly. But I know she did it." The tears were falling in earnest now and she didn't even attempt to hide them from Ulfrik.

He shifted his body to look down at her. "If that is true, you can't leave with her when Ainnileas' ship returns."

His blue eyes met hers, and she blinked, flushing. Why did he have to look so much like Alrik? It was difficult to sit close to him without being reminded of how she had loved his brother.

Ulfrik was virile and strong, and he desired her, too. Selia could no longer delude herself. She
smelled
it on him, the same way she had been able to smell it on Alrik. The scent of a man changed when he was aroused.

Ulfrik pressed his hand to her face, wiping a tear away with his raspy thumb. It was a gesture Alrik had done many times before, and his brother’s touch shook Selia to the very core. A small, faint sound escaped her lips.
How mortifying.

Had he heard it? She stammered and tried to pull away, but his fingers slid around to the back of her neck. Their eyes locked for a moment.

"Please," he whispered. Then his lips were on hers.

She had always known Ulfrik to be a gentle man, but his kiss was as fervent as that of Alrik’s. His hot mouth branded her as if claiming her for his own. Her body flooded with need as Ulfrik’s tongue sought hers. She melted into him, unresisting, allowing his mouth and hands free reign. It felt so wonderful to be held, touched, caressed. So wonderful to not think about the pain she had lately endured—

Then Ulfrik pressed her backward onto the sand. He was on top of her, holding her firmly with his hand under her head. His mouth plundered hers as his manhood pushed against her thigh.

“Selia . . .” Ulfrik rasped. A ragged, tortured question. He would not move further until she consented.

She took in a shuddering breath as she looked up at him. What was she
doing
? This was Ulfrik, her husband’s brother. She pushed his chest, and he pulled back slightly, his expression vulnerable, naked; raw. What she saw in his eyes terrified her.

She averted her gaze and squirmed to get away. “Get off me.”

"Selia—"

"No."

He released her. Selia’s first impulse was to run, but where could she go? Back to the house, where her mother wanted to kill her and her brother would recognize her for the whore she was? Into the wild woods of Norway? As if she could expect assistance from any of the Finngalls. No one in this land cared whether she lived or died, except for perhaps Hrefna.

And Ulfrik.

She scuttled several feet away from him, sitting with her back against the cliff, burying her face in her knees as her tears spilled over. What was she supposed to do now?

Ulfrik struggled to regain his composure. It had taken every ounce of strength he possessed to let go of her. The heady sweetness of her mouth had drained him of whatever self-control he claimed, and the feel of her body under his had nearly sent him past the point of no return. He shuddered to think what he might have done.

He watched Selia cry for a moment. The sight of her in such distress was like a physical pain, deep in his chest, but as he moved closer to comfort her she shrank against the rocks as though his very presence terrified her.

"Stay away from me." Her voice was muffled and thick with tears.

He cursed himself. Had he hurt her? He had almost forced himself on her. The overwhelming need to touch her had proved to be too much, but he had meant only to kiss her, not to pounce on her like an animal.
No better than Alrik.

"I'm sorry." His voice sounded hoarse to his ears, and he cleared his throat. "Did I hurt you?"

Selia's only response was to cry harder. She looked so small, huddled as she was, almost like a child. What had come over him to grab her like that? Now she was frightened, and it was his fault.

"I swear I didn't mean to hurt you—"

"You didn't hurt me. Just go away."

Then did she cry because she was ashamed of herself for what they had done? Or worse, because she was still in love with his brother and had only used Ulfrik as the closest substitute she was likely to get?

He swallowed. "I want to come with you to Ireland. We'll take a different ship from Grainne. I'll care for you. Even if you still have feelings for Alrik, it's all right."

She stared at him with a red, tearstained face, but didn't try to deny his assertion that she still loved his brother. Ulfrik kept his expression unreadable even as his heart felt pierced inside his chest by her tiny, sharp fingers.

"No. You're like a brother to me."

"I'm not your brother, Selia!" He spoke more harshly than he meant to, making her flinch. He forced himself to take a deep breath. "I can make you happy. Let me try."
I love you.

She didn't speak for a moment as she mopped her face with her sleeve. "What about Muirin? And her child?"

He gritted his teeth at the name. "I'm through with Muirin."

Selia made a choking noise. "So the child is Alrik's."

Regardless of his words, he seemed to hurt her further. He shook his head. "No. That's not what I meant." He watched her face as she studied him, and he could imagine the thoughts churning in her mind. He needed his wits about him. But he always found the seductive curve of Selia's mouth so distracting, her eyes so haunting, and as a result it was difficult to keep his own mind sharp when he looked at her.

Hastily, he changed the subject. "I saw Ainnileas on my way to the house. I've asked for your hand, Selia. I want to marry you."
Even if you are still in love with my brother.

She stared at him. "You know I cannot remarry unless Alrik dies." Then her face drained of color and she clapped a shaking hand over her mouth. Her eyes grew huge.

Yes, he is dead,
he longed to tell her. What satisfaction he would feel from that statement.
The bastard is dead and you're free.

"He's not dead. But when he does die . . ." Ulfrik saw the understanding on her face and knew he had said too much. He should have waited until she was safely out of Norway to have this discussion with her.

"What's wrong with him?" she demanded.

"Nothing."

"Ulfrik!"

He sighed. "You know how he drinks."

Selia bit her lip. "Because of me? He's drinking himself to death because of me?" She was terrible at masking her emotions, and Ulfrik clearly saw the fear and worry written on her face. Worry for a man who, above all, had the blackest heart in the entire world.

"How can you still love him?" He didn't bother trying to hide the bitterness in his voice. "After everything he's done to you?"

"He is the father of my child."

"What does that matter? I'll raise the child as my own just as Niall raised you."

Selia didn't answer, and Ulfrik studied her face with increasing concern. Her eyes were ringed with purplish smudges and there were hollows under her cheekbones. He had attributed her gaunt appearance to the despair over losing the child, but now knew that was not the case. Was she pining for Alrik, then?

Or was she not eating because she feared her mother would poison her food as she believed she had poisoned her wine? Selia had been living with the knowledge of her continued confinement for quite some time, and was probably terrified at every meal that Grainne had discovered her secret and would take matters into her own hands.

"Selia, let me help you. I'll protect the child from your mother. You can't go back to the house and you have nowhere else to go." This was blatant manipulation, but it couldn't be helped. "Come with me now to Bjorgvin. We’ll take a ship from there."

For a few heartbeats she appeared to be considering this offer. But then she gave him a shrewd look. "Why would you do that, Ulfrik? Why would you leave a child that might be yours, to raise one you know is not? Why would you be with me knowing I still care for your brother?"

"Because I love you." His voice shook as he spoke. He had never said those words to anyone.

Selia huffed and turned away. When she looked back up at him, her silvery gaze was piercing. "I need to know something, and you must tell me the truth. You and Ketill are friends and you've been to his farm countless times. Did you know Grainne was my mother?"

"Why does this matter?"

"It matters to me. Did you know?"

He sighed. "Yes."

The expression on her face was one of pure devastation. "You orchestrated this, didn't you? So I would find out at the gathering."

He made a move toward her but she pressed back against the rocks. "Selia, please. There was no other way."

"Why didn't you just tell me?"

"I wanted to-believe me, I wanted to." He shrugged helplessly. Alrik would have killed Muirin and her unborn child if he told Selia the truth. He had figured a way to protect the babe's life and still reveal Alrik's secret.

Who would have imagined such a debacle? "You had to get away from him, Selia. He's dangerous. You know he would have killed you eventually. I did what I had to do to keep you safe."

"Did you conspire with Grainne to kill my child?"

"
What
?"

"Did you?" Selia leapt to her feet. "You told me Alrik would never let me leave if he knew of the babe. How can it be a coincidence that I nearly lost my child the day I found out about my mother? I knew
something wasn't right-how would she have known my condition? Where would she have gotten the herbs she needed if she didn't realize who I was until she was already at the gathering?
You
planned this so you could take me away from Alrik!"