Of All The Ways He Loves Me (4 page)

But wasn’t a girl in love supposed t
o be all fluttery and giggly? I’d never done either one very well. I’d had a school girl’s crush on my teacher in sixth grade. Mr. Riviere. And there’d been a brief thing, as in five-minute brief, over Tommy Pine, the boy who played lead trumpet in the Middle School band. However, I hadn’t giggled over either one, and I certainly wasn’t going to giggle over Paterson.

Maybe giggling wasn’t the key. Maybe it’
d hit my differently. Maybe instead I’d simply wake up and see him in a whole new light, have one of those revelation moments.

What would I
see? Paterson, the boy who chewed his fingernails? Paterson, the neighbor who’d chased the Schmidt’s dog back under the fence the time he dug out; Paterson, the friend who brought me cherry cheesecake because it was my favorite; Or Paterson, the man who made my heart beat faster?

Would he make my
heart beat faster? Maybe he was right and it’d be worthwhile to find out.

CHAPTER 3

The church picnic having been Sunday afternoon, Paterson’s phone call to my dad coming that night, and my huge moment on falling in love with him or not happening on Monday, it was Wednesday evening before I saw him again.

I was feeling almost human, my head a bit clearer and my nose less
sniffly. My fever was also gone, so I decided to dress and go to church. I’d thought to show up like always, riding with my parents, but Paterson called an hour before and said he’d pick me up. Okay, maybe that was what dating couples did, so I didn’t argue.

I did, however, dress up and fix my hair. I picked out a
flowy white v-neck blouse and my favorite jeans. At the last minute opting for turquoise wedges instead of sneakers. I was a tad excited to be getting out of the house and also edgy over seeing Paterson to the point of breaking into a cold sweat at the door bell’s chime.

I opened the door half-expecting to swoon at
the sight of him, and instead laughed because he’d forgotten to shave. “You look goofy,” I said.

He grinned. “You don’t like it?” He was rubbing his palms up and down his cheeks making raspy noises.

“I will never kiss you with all those hairs sticking out everywhere.”

“Aw, c’mon,” he said, grabbing hold of me and grating
his skin against my face.

I squealed
and smacked him on the neck until he released me. “I’m not even sure I want to admit I know you,” I said.

He stuck his lip out in a pout. “And here I’ve brought you a gift.”

“A gift? You did?”

He bowed and produced from behind his back a box about two inches square. It was wrapped in shiny silver foil with a red ribbon
on top, and I had this brief thought his mom had wrapped it. No way Paterson did as he could barely tie his shoes.

“Open it,” he said.

I slipped the ribbon off and tore the paper. I removed the lid. “A necklace?” I looked up at him. “Where’d you get it?”

“
Uhm, the store.”

“Why?”

He took the box from my hand and tugged the necklace from its foam cushion. “Turn around.”

I obeyed, the entire time wondering why he was doing this. Every time I thought I’d figured him out, I hadn’t, and that was beginning to
make me have doubts.

He brought the necklace around the front of me
then fastened it behind. I straightened the gold heart dangling on the chain. It was very pretty, exactly what I’d choose, but he would know that. I’d never worn flashy jewelry or anything too expensive. So my surprise wasn’t in the style of it, only the purchase to start with.

“You didn’t answer my question,” I said.

“Why?” he asked, repeating my words. He took hold of my shoulders and turned me around.

I swallowed hard at the look on his face. He’d never looked at me like that before, or at least, I didn’t remember it. I also no longer needed an answer to my questio
n because it was written there plain. However, it was too late to call it back, and Paterson, being himself, would say something.

“I wanted to,” he said. “
You’re trusting me. Remember?”

I nodded, still drawn to his eyes.

“You ready?” he continued.

I coughed lightly
and dragged my gaze away from his face. “Y-yes,” I said.

But h
e stuck out his hand for mine, and I stalled. Hold hands? I couldn’t hold hands with Paterson. Holding hands meant we were … were … serious.

“Nat, take my hand. I won’t explode,” he said.

“But …” I glanced at him, and froze again with his expression. This time it was lined with disappointment, and my insides twisted. I didn’t want to upset him, but I had all these mental blocks in my head. For his sake, I lifted my arm and brought it halfway there.

He met it, his palm flat, his fingers curved up. “Close your eyes,” he said.

“My eyes?”

“Just do it.”

I shut my lids and red spots danced in my vision. I started at the movement of his hand. What was he doing? He cupped my fingers in his palm and curling his over the top, selected my forefinger and massaged it from the base to the tip. He moved next to my middle finger, doing the same gentle tugging and sliding motion. Some exotic sensation whisked up my arm and into my face, and by the time he’d finished, I was lighter than air.

“Okay, you can look now,” he said.

I was well aware our hands were clasped together. He’d done that at the end, but given what he’d performed to put them there, I wasn’t about to complain. In short, that was amazing.

“Are you ready now?” he asked.

I nodded, my voice gone, and followed him readily out the door.

***

Penny positioned herself in the chair in front of me and faced backwards. The thrumming music and flashing lights of the youth center made it difficult to talk, but I could see she was determined to try. I leaned in, all but certain of her first words.

“So you and Paterson are … you know.” She let the thought trail away.

I wasn’t going to make it easy for her. If she wanted info, she’d have to fish for it.

“
Are what?” I asked.

She puckered her lips, slightly miffed.
“Are actually doing this?”

I eyed her. She’d put on too much eye makeup again. I hated it when she did tha
t because it made her look clownish.

“Depends on your definition of
this
,” I said.

She gave a huff. “
This.
Holding hands. His arm around your shoulder. That
this.
”

I smiled. “We did hold hands. You’re right, and he did put his arm around me.”

I’d actually liked that, which surprised me. It was cold in the youth room and Paterson was warm by nature. I’d remarked on that more than once in the past. Therefore, at first, I’d excused it as my usual need for body heat. But then his fingers began stroking my upper arm, and I’d had no defense except I was simply enjoying it.

“And?” she pressed.

“And what?”

“Why
are you being difficult?” she asked. “I think all this has gone to your brain.”

Maybe it had. We’d drawn more looks than
just hers that evening and Evelyn’s most of all. Evelyn didn’t usually come on Wednesdays, so I had a strong suspicion that this particular Wednesday she’d made it her mission to be there just for us.

This
made me think Paterson was pretty smart. I’d have walked in and acted like usual, whereas he had us all hitched up. But that thought bothered me some because it gave the whole thing less meaning. I decided to set it aside and go instead by the look he’d given me before we left.

I craned my neck around her to see where he’d gone and spotted him in the corner with a couple
friends. He was facing me; he smiled and winked.

Penny, who’d followed my gaze, sucked in her breath. “He winked at you.”

I smiled. “Yes, he did.” An unexpected reaction and a nice one. “He also sent me flowers and bought me this necklace,” I added.

She spun her head around. “He did?”

I held out the charm for her to see, and she tilted her head.

“Wow. I’m speechless.”

But she wasn’t because she kept talking.

“I thought this was
a joke.” She lowered her voice. “You know, because of Evelyn. But you and he are really … I mean … Is he actually going to kiss you?”

I’d released my necklace and set my hands in my lap. I stared down at them, thinking again of
his fingers next to mine. That really hadn’t been so bad.

“Nadia.”
Penny’s voice poked into my head.

“Huh?” I
looked up, my thoughts scattering. “Yeah, he says he is. Why wouldn’t he?”

“Why wouldn’t he what?” Paterson spoke from behind me. I hadn’t heard him approach.

I leaned my head back and gazed straight up at him. “Why wouldn’t you kiss me? Penny wanted to know.”

He switched his gaze to her and so I raised my head level. He laid his hands on my shoulders.

“The better question is why will I?”

“It is?” Penny and I spoke at once.

He stepped over the chair to my left and seated himself, but turned to face me diagonally. “Of course,” he said. “And there are a thousand reasons.”

“Such as?”
Penny asked.

I was curious now. He’d surprised me plenty in the last four days. Why should tonight be an exception?

“I get to look in her eyes.” His voice became low and husky. “And touch her lips and taste her breath. Those seem like good reasons to me.”

Heaven, help me, I was hot as fire now, every nerve standing to attention and
goosepimples rising on top of my goosepimples.

Penny cleared her throat. “That’s … that’s only three reasons.”

He’d taken hold of my hand again and was doing that … that
thing
he’d done before, slowly working our hands together. If Penny noticed, I hadn’t any idea because I was sailing too high.

I had this tiny corner of doubt still about his motive. He’d done his best to reass
ure me, but the one thing that continued to prick at me was the idea he wanted to see if we would fall in love. On the outside, that seemed a harmless statement, but on the inside, I kept wondering if it accounted for all this strange behavior. I mean, I’d never pegged Paterson for a romantic, yet here he was being exactly that, so what if he was trying to convince himself by acting this way?

He’d sealed our hands by this point and was pulling me to my feet. Penny was looking up at him, more than a little baffled and overwhelmed. I wanted to ask her, “How do you think I feel?” but didn’t.

Paterson tugged me down the row, at the end halting and glancing back at her. Her last remark still hung in the air, and I wondered if he intended to say something or not. At this point, what did I know about what he would or wouldn’t do?

He
switched his gaze again to me. “Those are only three reasons,” he said, “but those are the three I love the most.”

***

“Can we talk?” Nadia turned herself a bit sideways in the passenger seat.

Paterson nodded. He’d driven to the mall and parked about one hundred feet from the e
ntrance with no intention of getting out. This was more a stopover on their way home.

“Really talk
, like you and me like always talk?” she asked. “Because all this has been great, and I get it. I do. You’re … and it’s … and I’m stunned, but I need the old Paterson back for a second.”

“Okay,” he replied. “Let me see if I can find him. Wait, he’s right here.”

“Not funny. Seriously, why are you doing this?”

He blew out a breath. “Why do you keep asking me that?”

“Because I don’t know this guy and I know the other one.” Her voice had risen.

“Maybe I’m trying to impress you. Have you thought of that?”

Whatever she’d expected of him, apparently yelling was it because she was relaxing more now than she had all evening.

“You don’t have to impress me,” she said. “
You don’t even have to try to convince me anymore. I’ll kiss you tonight, tomorrow, and next week if I can still feel like you’re in there and not this
sap
you’ve become.”

A sap?
She thought he was a sap. That wasn’t what he wanted at all. Okay, so maybe he’d gone overboard, but she’d liked it. She couldn’t deny that. And in some bizarre way he’d liked it, too.

“It won’t be the same,” he said. “So why bother? I’ll call it off, talk to Evelyn.”

“Why? Why can’t we just keep your word, have a good kiss, and move on?”