Of All The Ways He Loves Me (8 page)

I made to rise, but my cell phone buzzed. I ignored it. I
t’d be him. Again. He’d texted me twice already.

Please talk to me.

You’ve misunderstood.

No. I hadn’t. How could I misunderstand that?

It buzzed again, and I pressed delete without reading it. Pointless. I rose from my bed, wiping my tired eyes and wandering from the room. I went downstairs, looking for my mom and found her on the back patio, reclining in a chaise lounge. I slid the sliding glass doors open a crack and poked my head out. The sunlight hit me in the eyes; I squinted.

“Mom?”
I asked.

She glanced over her shoulder, and seeing the appearance of my
face, which I could well imagine was ghastly, wrinkled her brow. “What’s wrong, Sweetheart?”

“I
don’t feel so good. My stomach.” I mashed my hands to my waist and doubled over. I had to make this good or she wouldn’t believe me.

She swung her
legs over the side of the chair, her bare feet smacking the concrete, and walked to my side. She laid a hand on my forehead. “You’re not hot.”

“It’s not that,” I said. “It’s … bad cramps.”

Her eyes softened. “I see. Well, why don’t you go lay down, and I’ll bring you the heating pad.”

The heating pad was Mom’s
solution to many ailments – headaches, backaches, girl stuff – and though I didn’t actually need it, I’d lay there sweating for hours if I could avoid seeing Paterson. I nodded and returned to my room.

She came up five minutes later, heating pad, a couple pain pills, and a bottle of water
in hand. I downed the pills and settled down under the pad, sweat already breaking out.

My phone buzzed. I
tried to bury it in the covers, but it persisted, so I turned it off.

She stared at me then, her head kinked
to the left, her eyes searching my face. “You sure cramps are all this is?” she asked.

I nodded. “I just need quiet. Maybe later I’ll feel better.”

But I wouldn’t. I wouldn’t feel better later or during the night or first thing Sunday morning. If I had to throw myself down the stairs and break my leg, I’d do it. I wasn’t going.

She turned h
er back and moved toward the door, but her hand on the knob, she paused. “You want to see Paterson if he comes by?”

My insides sunk. My mom was always smarter than I gave her credit for, and it was times like this I remembered. I shook my head. “No. I want to be alone.”

She stared at me briefly then left.

The tears bubbled back up and trickled down my cheeks.
Alone. From now until next week and then every day after. Alone and without the boy who’d been everything to me and for just one week, even more than that.

It was over, me and him.
We were separate. Why did that have to hurt so very, very bad?

***

“Hey, Paterson, where’s Nadia?” Penny called across the sanctuary.

Paterson wadded his hands into fists, tightening them until his knuckles hurt and his fingernails cut into his palms. “Home,” he said. “She’s sick.”

He’d been telling people that all morning. First Jenn. Then Evelyn. Now, Penny.

He’
d texted Nadia three or four times yesterday, called once, and debated about showing up at her door, but didn’t. She didn’t want to speak with him, and he couldn’t blame her. Maybe if she had enough time to think it out, there’d come a day. Then again, maybe not.

“You and her still exclusive?”
Penny asked, plopping down on the pew in front of him.

“Don’t know what you mean by that,” he said. He stood to his feet
, uncomfortable. “Listen, I gotta go.”

Somewhere, anywhere but here
. Shooting out of the sanctuary, he walked to his car and got in. He laid his head back on the seat, soaking in the rising heat.

He shouldn’t have come today anyhow,
except his parents expected it. His life was full of expectations lately. They’d been the reason he’d bought the book. He’d kept thinking, what did he know about women? Nothing. He was inept and incompetent. He’d say the wrong thing, make the wrong move, but he wanted to impress Nadia so bad.

T
he beginning of the book seemed to have good tips – how to talk, how to behave, things he could try. He’d figured he could use those, but avoid the end because, after all, he’d never go that far. That part went against what he believed. He’d thrown in the massage techniques for good measure.

And it
had all worked, too, so he’d thought he was justified. She’d asked a few questions, but seemed happy with his answers. Then Friday night proved his success. There they were, her in his arms, and she’d asked him to kiss her.

The kiss.
He shut his eyes. Amazing.

Yet a
ll of it was only
a way to get her to believe in him, to help her see him as more than Paterson, her best friend, and instead as a boy who’d fallen in love with the best girl he knew.

Yet
he’d messed up and she was gone. Where in the book was advice for that? What was he supposed to do now? She wouldn’t talk to him, wouldn’t even answer the phone if he called.

H
e looked back toward the church. She wouldn’t answer for him, but she would if it was Penny. Penny could talk to her. Then if he could get Nadia to give him five minutes––

Stepping out of his car, he strode toward the church and into the lobby. The
lobby was full, people arriving for the start of the service. Returning inside the sanctuary, Paterson gazed toward where he’d left Penny sitting and spotted the back of her head. He slipped into the pew behind her, he leaned toward her ear. “Hey. You got your phone?”

She twisted around
, startled. “I thought you left.”

“Just answer me. Do you have your phone?”

“Of course.” She waved it in his face.

“Come with me.” Grabbing her arm, he pulled her to her feet and down the aisle.

She stumbled along after him, in the hallway yanking free. “What’s this about?”

“A favor.
If you’ll do this for me, I owe you big time. Name it, I’ll do it.”

She fixed a piercing gaze on him. “You must be desperate.”

“I am. Now, will you do it or not?”

“What is it?” she asked.
Her eyes were wary and her lips pressed tight.

He took her by the elbow
and steered her out the doors of the church into the lot. “Call Nadia and give her a message from me. But ask her not to hang up.”

“
Hang up? Why would she hang up? I thought you and her …”

“
Please, Penny, don’t ask, and you have to swear you won’t tell anyone about this.” He sucked in a shaky breath.

She eyed him.

“Swear, Penny,” he said.

“
All right, I swear,” she replied. “But I don’t get why …”

“Just call
.”

Penny sighed and
dialed the number. She pressed her phone to her ear. “It’s ringing,” she said. She flinched suddenly. “Hey, Nadia, listen don’t hang up, but Paterson wants me to give you a message.”

Her brow furrowed. “No, he hasn’t told me anything, and I swore not to ask. So just hang on.”
She looked at him, expectant.

The church door opened, a middle-aged women exiting
with a toddler in tow. Paterson grabbed Penny by the arm again and moved her further away.

“Well, tell me
what to say,” she snapped with a huff.

He released
her. “Tell her I’ll leave her alone all week if she’ll promise to show up next Sunday and give me five minutes to talk.”

Penny stared at him, unblinking.

“Tell her,” he said.

She
threw her weight on one hip. “He says he’ll leave you alone all week if you’ll give him five minutes next Sunday.”

Please, Nat. Please. Five minutes
. If he could look in her eyes and explain, he’d tell the truth this time, all of it, and say the words he should’ve said yesterday. She had to say she’d come.

“I don’t know,” Penny said. “But he
seems pretty upset to me, so I think he deserves five minutes, and I’ll be there if you’re worried he’ll do anything weird.” She switched her phone to the other ear. “Nadia, you know I love you, right? Well, then take my word for it. You and Paterson have been best friends too long for you to throw this away. Besides, do you really want Evelyn to win?”

Penny focused her eyes on him and
gave crisp nod. “Okay. I’ll tell him. Talk to you later.” She hung up and phone in hand, placed her hand on her hip. “What exactly did you do?”

He rubbed his palms over his face. “I fell in love. That’
s what I did, and if I lose her, I don’t know how I’m going to go on.”

She dropped her hands to her side and turned back toward the church.
“Then you better make next Sunday the best five minutes of your life because I’m fairly confident that’s all you’re going to get.”

***

Penny’s face entering my bedroom was the last thing I expected. I’d ditched the heating pad shortly after Mom and Dad left for church and watched TV for a while then surfed the internet. I glanced at the time on the digital clock beside my bed, noting it was 11:22.

“You’re not in church?” I asked.

She made this super-annoyed face. “You’re not either, and I want to know why.”

I pulled my legs up to my chest and wrapped my arms around them. “You promised not to ask.”

“And I’m not going to ask, but you’re going to tell me.”

I stuck my head between
my knees to avoid her gaze.

She plopped down on the bed, the springs giving a squeak,
then twisted herself around my side and into view. “Spill.”

“He kissed me,” I said.

One eyebrow rose. “That’s … surprising perhaps, but not a reason to be mad at him. What’d he do, botch it?”

“No. It was awesome.”

She leaned against the wall, her hair poofing around her face. “An awesome kiss by a guy who’s your best friend. Okay. Where’d things fall apart?”

“I went over there Saturday. Without
telling him I was coming,” I said.

“He blew up at you? That doesn’t sound like him either.”

“No. He was working on their vacuum cleaner, but his mom asked him for something in his room. Only she can’t climb the stairs very well, so I offered to go get it.”

Penny worked her eyes, f
licking them back and forth. I could see she was trying to make sense of my story.

I continued. “She wanted this steamer thing he’d left by his bed, but it was plugged into the wall, so I had to climb
underneath . That’s when … when …”

“When what?” she asked. “When a monster reached out and grabbed you?”

I glared at her. “Stop. This isn’t funny. He’s been everything to me, everything.” My eyes filled with tears again. “And he made me … made me …”

Her voice softened. “Made you what? Seems to me like Paterson can’t
make
you do anything. You’re independent and able to make your own choices. Why else would you be home and not at church?”

So it wasn’t Paterson’s fault I’d fallen for him? It was mine? I turned that over in my head. But, no, she didn’t know all the facts. If she did, she’d think different.

I set my jaw. “He’s acted all funny,” I said. “Not like he usually does. Weird, like romantic, and I couldn’t figure out why.”

“How is his being romantic weird? He’s a guy who likes you. You should feel lucky to have that and not the other way around. Think about Erin. She dated Alec for how long?
Two years or so?”

I nodded. They’d been super thick, and everyone knew they were sleeping together, though nobody wanted to ask.

“Then she gets pregnant and he dumps her, starts running around with that Latisha character.”

Made a real show of it, too, rubbing his new relationship in Erin’s face, her getting bigger and bigger because of him. But what did that have to do with Paterson? Paterson would never––

I caught my breath.

Penny gave me the fiercest stare. “You got it. Don’t you? Paterson isn’t a guy like Alec. First off, Paterson respects you.” She held up one finger. “He’d give you the shirt off his back, the money in his pockets, do absolutely anything for you, so whatever it is you think he’s done, can’t be right. People don’t change overnight, Nat
, not like that.”

She held up another finger. “Second, Paterson
isn’t interested in any other girl anyplace but you. He’s in love with you. He told me so.”

My lips trembled, and a cry escaped. “He’s not,” I said. “He had these books he was reading, stuff to try to fool me so he could use me …”