Of Love and Darkness (16 page)

“What the hell do you think you know about our issues?” Sydney wanted to know.

Prim smiled thinly. “Where do I start? There’s the whole Rakshasa-Chala thing.”

“Gavin isn’t a Rakshasa,” Sydney insisted. “He’s cursed.
You
cursed him. He’s practically a Light One now.”

William grabbed Sydney’s other arm, so he and Gavin held her between them. “Time to go,” they both said at the same time. But before they could turn Sydney around and bodily carry her to the house, Prim spoke. And shattered Gavin’s world.

“Don’t tell me he hasn’t informed you? Why, Sydney, darling, cursed or no, Gavin is still a Rakshasa. And Rakshasa cannot beget Chala. It has never occurred. It goes against the laws of nature. So the choice is yours, Chala. Your species—or your bedmate.” Prim smiled thinly, clearly enjoying the misery etched on to Gavin’s face.

“You can’t have both.”

Chapter 15

“At least she stopped screaming at him.”

“Probably because she wore herself out or she lost her voice. She’ll sleep for a couple hours and start in on him again, you watch.”

“Poor Gavin. I wouldn’t want my mate so pissed off at me.” The shifter shuddered in sympathy.

Someone snorted. “Your ugly ass couldn’t attract a mate if you doused yourself in chocolate syrup.”

One shifter punched another, and a brief scuffle ensued for a few moments. When they quieted again, someone else asked, “Do you think she’ll forgive him?”

“What’ll happen to us if she doesn’t?”

“She’ll forgive me,” Gavin growled as he stalked past the group of shifters huddled together outside, clearly trying to avoid going anywhere near wherever it was Sydney or Gavin happened to be at the moment.

The last few hours had been nothing short of hell. After Prim dropped her little bombshell, Sydney went into a muted shock . . . until she turned and saw the guilty look on William’s face. Somehow, that triggered her temper, and she turned that temper onto Gavin.

Prim’s temper had nothing on Sydney’s, Gavin determined several hours later, after he’d been browbeaten into almost wishing the curse was lifted again. Almost.

She’d blamed him for every injustice that had ever happened in the world. Somehow, hungry kids in Africa became his fault. The poor literacy rates in the country’s elementary schools—his fault. The death of the cat she’d had for her entire childhood—his fault. The fact that her life hadn’t turned out different—namely, in her book,
normal
—was his fault too. She screamed at him for being too good in bed, for being too charming, too damn nice. She screamed at him for being an asshole, for putting too much cream in her coffee that morning, for always undercooking her steaks, for insisting she take a shower first so she had enough hot water. His fault, his fault, his fault.

Fates, what
hadn’t
he done?

He hadn’t told her the truth,
that’s
what. That was what it all came down to: he knew the truth, and he’d kept it from her.

The worst part was: he hadn’t actually known. He’d understood that Chala and Rakshasa couldn’t formally mate. But he’d had no idea he couldn’t impregnate her with a half dozen or so baby Chala.

He couldn’t fucking win.

And it didn’t matter. It didn’t matter how much he’d understood about the differences between them. He’d known enough, and he hadn’t told her. Even though he’d only been trying to spare her feelings, to keep her from the unbearable guilt, to selfishly keep her to himself because he knew it would rip out his heart to give her up, he still should have told her as much as he did know.

All that mattered was he’d made the choice for her. He, of all people, should have seen that one coming. Hadn’t Prim done the exact same thing when she cursed him in the first place?

He strode past the group of shifters, feeling mildly surprised they were all still hanging around, and continued on, searching for Sydney’s Fate. He was nearby. Gavin could
feel
him.

He found William leaning against a tree downstream, overlooking the waterfall he’d promised Sydney she would love. A storm was heading in from the northwest. Wind whistled through the trees. The shallow water churned, slate and froth whipping together and beating against the rocks thrusting out here and there. The increased wind steadily pushed the temperature lower.

“Have you noticed they are all still looking to you for leadership?” William asked when Gavin strode up to the water’s edge. The wind caught William’s skirt and whipped it around his legs, and he reached down and grabbed the material, twisting it in his hand.

“The only thing I’ve noticed is my life has fallen apart at the seams, and once again, your buddy Prim is to blame.”

“I am not in any way defending the way Prim handled this situation, however, you could have told Sydney yourself.”

“I understood we couldn’t formally mate, but I didn’t realize she literally cannot bear Chala if she stays with me.” Gavin kicked a pebble and it bounced along the sandy shoreline until it slammed into a much larger bolder.

“But you suspected.”

Gavin didn’t reply. Yes, he’d suspected. Maybe not literally, but he knew there would be implications to his mating with Sydney, and he knew those implications would not favor the Light Ones. Yet he’d been unable to stop himself from falling in love, from craving her more with each passing day.

“You knew,” Gavin finally said. “But I didn’t see you rushing to break her fucking heart.”

William looked infinitely sad. “No, I wasn’t. Knowing what it would do to her is exactly why I never said anything.”

“That, and you secretly liked the fact that we were together, because it meant you never had to leave her.”

William gave him a sharp look. “I had no idea you were quite so perceptive.”

“There are a lot of things you don’t know about me.”

“I know you love her. I know this is killing you.”

Gavin stared out at the frothing water.
I know exactly how you feel
, he thought as he watched the liquid swirl round and round, slamming into the rocks, before carrying on down the stream.
So angry and no way out
.

“Tell me what to do, William.”

William blinked at him. “I’m not
your
Fate.”

“No,” Gavin said deliberately. “But you are hers. Her protector, and mentor, and best friend. How do I fix this? For her.”

William shook his head, looking even sadder than before. He wore a curly blond wig today, and the wind twisted the curls into knots. He looked like an overlarge doll, with his tangled curls and hot pink lipstick.

“I am not those things. Well, okay, I am her Fate. And I suppose, her protector . . . And maybe her mentor. But her best friend? That’s you, dark one.”

Gavin snorted. “A Chala’s best friend is a Rakshasa. That’s an oxymoron if I ever heard one.”

“And her mate. An even greater oxymoron, I’m afraid.”

“I’m pretty sure I no longer qualify for those titles.”

“Love does not go away with one broken heart.”

Gavin groaned. “Don’t tell me you’re going to get all poetic on me here.”

William pursed his lips. A fat raindrop splattered onto his nose. “Think about it, Gavin. Her entire world has just been turned upside down. Twice. Two months ago, she didn’t even know any of this existed. And just when she decides she’s ready to accept it, to embrace it, this happens.” He waved his hand at Gavin.

“You force yourself into her life, you don’t even give her a choice. You”—he held up his hand to stave off whatever argument Gavin was about to make—“you fell in love with her. And she fell in love with you. And in her mind, that was okay, because she’d finally accepted her role in life, and the responsibility she was born with. So long as she had you by her side, she could handle being a baby-making factory, as she not quite delicately puts it. But now . . . Now she doesn’t even have you by her side. And that’s what hurts most of all.”

“I
am
by her side,” Gavin insisted.

“Not if she’s to fulfill her destiny,” William said, infinitely sad again. “If she makes the ultimate sacrifice—her heart—then she loses you. She’s lost everyone she’s ever loved in her life, did you know that?”

“She didn’t lose you.”

“She will. If you let her go and she chooses a Light One to take to mate, she’ll lose me, too.”

Gavin felt his own heart shatter into a million pieces. For Sydney. It wasn’t fair. She deserved eternally happiness, not never-ending misery.

“What happened to her mother?” He knew her father and a woman she believed was her stepmother died in a home invasion that Gavin suspected was really Rakshasa looking for Sydney, but he had no idea what happened to her mother.

William turned back to the stream and took a moment to gather his thoughts. Gavin watched the rain clouds pour over the mountaintops, heading their way.

“They were living in South Carolina at the time. We are usually made aware of our charges upon their birth, although we do not have to report to active duty until they come of age.”

“Have their first period.”

“Yes. Still, I liked to keep an eye out for my charges, right from the beginning. Learn their personalities, I suppose.” William shrugged, as if it was of little consequence, but Gavin saw the pain in his eyes. William had undoubtedly loved each and every one of his charges, and his heart had been broken each and every time he lost one, whether it was to their mate, or to death, thanks to Gavin and the other Rakshasa. Guilt sliced through him again, fresh and raw.

“Her mother was human, completely so, as far as I could tell. Her father was the one who carried the recessive gene that made her a Chala. It’s strange, really. I’ve never heard of that happening before. You can imagine my excitement over having such a special charge.”

He paused, and Gavin nodded, encouraging him to hurry along his story. The storm was coming, and he wanted to get back to Sydney. She still wasn’t speaking to him, but to be under the same roof would be enough. For now.

“Some Rakshasa stumbled upon them one day, when Sydney was only six. Her father had chosen to live in the human world, shunning his shifter family, in hopes of protecting his daughter. He truly believed she could grow up and have a normal, human life.”

“Isn’t she immortal?”

“Yes. Her father would have been, too, had he not died. But he knew only the barest essentials about that aspect of his life. I guess his parents had the same mindset, and told him only what they felt he needed to know. Anyway, I noticed the Rakshasa lurking about their neighborhood. Technically, I wasn’t supposed to get involved yet, but I couldn’t help it. This was my charge, and her life was in danger.”

“They went after Sydney and her mother died protecting her?”

“No, Harry Potter, not quite. They went after her father. Apparently, they figured out he carried this recessive gene, and they decided to destroy him, so he wouldn’t create any more Chala. I guess they figured killing a kid would be easy, so they focused on the parents first. I slipped in and snuck Sydney out, and her father managed to escape on his own, but her mother wasn’t so lucky.”

“How did her father explain it to her?”

William shrugged. “She was only six, so he didn’t have to do much explaining. She died. End of story. They picked up and moved to Michigan at my suggestion. Several Fates have settled there over the years, so there would be plenty of eyes on them, and plenty of people to play off as ‘extended family.’”

“Where’s the stepmother/stepbrother bit come into play?”

William pursed his lips again, looking irritated. “Her name was Veronica. Is. Of course, Fates can’t die, can we?”

He paused, as if he expected an answer, even though they both already knew. “Right.”

“Veronica and Sydney’s father, George, met by chance, actually. Shortly before Sydney’s thirteenth Birthday. I already had several ideas in my head to explain my presence in her life, but Veronica fell in love with her father, and made it easy.”

“The Fate fell in love with a human?”

“It happens,” William said crossly. “It’s no fun when it does, considering the whole mortal-immortal aspect, but it still happens. Love doesn’t exactly ask if it’s convenient, now does it?”

“No,” Gavin said quietly. “It doesn’t.”

“Anyway, I came up with the idea of Veronica marrying Sydney’s father and introducing me as her son. Hence the reason Sydney believed me to be her stepbrother.”

“So where’s Veronica now?”

William heaved a sigh. “When Sydney’s father was killed, she was devastated. Her body was destroyed in the attack, so she disappeared, returning to the First Fate’s home to regenerate, which is where we all go when our bodies are destroyed. And she was then deemed unfit to return to active Fate duty. An easy choice, I’m sure, considering there were no new Chala to protect. Still, it’s really quite sad. I saw her a few years ago. She still suffers.”

Gavin could believe it. He suspected he would be the same way, if Sydney was killed. He shifted from foot to foot, impatient. More raindrops splattered onto the ground, onto Gavin’s head, onto William’s wig.

“Sydney came to love Veronica. She was at an age where she was ripe for a mother’s love, and Veronica had always wanted to be a mother, but died before she had children. They became inseparable. Veronica blurred the line between Fate and friendship.”

“Don’t you all?”

William’s gaze flickered to Gavin, and then shifted back to the churning water. “I suppose we do. But Veronica was foolish, as well. She was still young, for a Fate, and threw herself into the role of playing house. I believe, toward the end, she truly thought that’s what she was: a wife and mother. She forgot she was also supposed to be protecting Sydney and her father.”

“She said you took her to spend time with extended family, and her father and stepmother died in a home invasion while you were gone.”

“Yes, that’s the line we gave her. In truth, I figured out, once again, that the Rakshasa were coming after us. Even though Sydney hadn’t been around any other shifters and her blood hadn’t mingled with any shifter blood, which is what causes the scent that brought them all here”—he waved at the worn path leading to the house—“I thought they’d figured out what she was. Your kind are very cunning.”

“They learned from the best.”

“So I packed Sydney up and we went to Hilde’s. I tried to convince her father and Veronica to come with us, but George insisted he had to work, and that the threat wasn’t real, and Veronica insisted on staying with her ‘husband.’ And they both died as a result. Well, Veronica was destroyed. And Sydney’s heart was broken twice that day. She lost her father, and her second mother. Everyone she’s ever loved, she’s lost. Including you—if you let this happen.”

“Let what happen?” Gavin asked, bewildered. “I didn’t let anything happen. Your buddy Prim did this. She—”

“She was wrong, yes. But you have to fix this, Gavin.”

“How the hell am I supposed to do that?”

William spread his arms wide. The rain suddenly increased in volume. His blond wig was plastered to his head, his skirt molded to his legs.

“I have no idea,” he said. “I’m a Fate, not a fortuneteller.”