Old Acquaintances: Christmas Regency Tale (Regency Tales Book 2) (10 page)

              “I think that we were both fools,” said Sir Peregrine forcibly.

              Judith looked over at him in astonishment.

              He got swiftly to his feet and turned to stare into the fire, presenting his hard profile to her. “Do not look at me like that, Judith. You do not know what your eyes say to me.” He glanced around at her then and his mouth curved into a rueful smile. “You always had the most bewitching eyes, did I ever tell you?”

              Judith clasped her fingers tightly together. She felt as though she was about to suffocate. “No, I do not think so. But then there was not much time for such words.”

              Sir Peregrine gave a bark of laughter. “That is surely an understatement, my girl! We fought nearly every moment that we were ever together, which was not often since we were surrounded by a constant crowd of the curious. It was a ridiculous courtship. In public we were the epitome of polite breeding, smiling and gracious to every personage who wished to congratulate us on what a splendid match we were making. It makes me ill now to recall how I allowed myself, and you, to go through that rot, when all I wanted was to speak to you alone and to make love you. My God, Judith, why did you jilt me?”

              Color flamed in her cheeks. She stared at her hands, clasped tightly in her lap. Her voice came low and intense. “I discovered that you were bought for me.”

              Sir Peregrine swung around. “What the devil are you talking about?” he snapped.

Chapter Nine

              There was a commotion at the door and it was thrust open. Cecily’s voice sounded a determined note. “I do not care! I shall speak to him at once, Arthur!” She came into the sitting room on the tail of her words. Lord Baltor was close on her heels, his countenance perturbed.

              Cecily stopped when she saw Miss Grantham’s expressionless face and her guardian’s unfriendly gaze. She raised her delectably pointed chin. “Forgive my intrusion, Miss Grantham. But I was told that I would find my cousin with you and I must speak to him at once.”

              “Of course, Cecily. Pray join us, and you also, my lord,” said Judith, her experience as a hostess granting her the poise she required to form a gracious reply. Her lips felt stiff as she smiled. She gestured to the settee situated near the fireplace.

              Cecily shook her head. “We shall stay but a moment, I think. At least-“ As her eyes went to Sir Peregrine’s grim expression, her voice faltered slightly. She felt Lord Baltor’s fingers on her elbow and the contact gave her courage. “Sir Peregrine, I have come to inform you that I have engaged myself to Lord Baltor. I shall therefore refuse to consider the suit of the gentleman whom you chose for me. I hope that this does not come as too great a shock to you and that you will grant us your blessing,” she said in formal tones.

              “You shall catch cold waiting for it,” said Sir Peregrine pithily. He looked at Lord Baltor with something akin to impatience. “Come, Baltor, you do not truly wish to tie yourself to my flighty ward. She tumbles in and out of love with such regularity that I have become resigned to it. Believe me, you would do better to wait on a more steadfast maiden.”

              “I am aware of Cecily – Miss Brown’s – past, sir. She has informed me of it herself, which but adds to my admiration,” said Lord Baltor.

              “I have not the stomach for this,” muttered Sir Peregrine. He met Judith’s gaze for a second only, because she at once turned her head away, but he was quite able to read the censure in her eyes. It gave him pause.

              “Perry, I know that I have given you cause to mistrust my steadiness. So I have thought up a compromise, if you should like it,” said Cecily. She clasped her hands in front of her. “I have discussed the matter with Arthur and he has agreed that my plan is reasonable.”

              Sir Peregrine threw a sardonic look at Lord Baltor, who met his gaze unflinchingly even though a flush rose in his boyish face. “I see. Pray continue, Cecily. I cannot deny you a hearing, I suppose.”

              Cecily drew a breath. “I am under age, of course, so you have the right to squelch any union that I may wish until I attain my majority. I know that I have at last truly fallen in love, but I realize that I must prove that to you. So I propose than an informal understanding be recognized between myself and Lord Baltor. In the meantime, I should like to be brought out in London so that I may be exposed to positively scores of gentlemen. If I do not change my allegiance from Lord Baltor to another in the year before my majority is up, you will agree to a formal announcement of our engagement to be inserted in the
Gazette.
”

              There was a short silence during which Sir Peregrine studied his ward with an unreadable expression. He said finally, “You have at last succeeded in surprising me, Cecily. It seems that you have learned a bit of common sense. Your stay at Elmswood seems to have been to your advantage.” He did not glance toward Judith, but he sensed her start of astonishment.

Cecily flushed with the beginnings of excitement. “Then you do agree to my compromise?”

“I think that I do,” said Sir Peregrine. He glanced at Lord Baltor. “And now, my lord, you may escort my ward back to her parlor. She appears ready to faint at my easy acquiescence.”

The young couple extricated themselves from the sitting room with several exclamations of thanks. When the door was closed behind them, Judith glanced at Sir Peregrine with a faint smile. “I am glad for Cecily.”

“At this moment I care not one jot about my ward’s future,” said Sir Peregrine. He stared frowningly at Judith. “I believe that we left off with a positively idiotic statement regarding my motives for offering for you. Pray enlighten me further, Miss Grantham!”

Judith stiffened and something flashed in her expression. Her eyes challenged him, daring him to deny her accusation. “You were my father’s choice. After we became engaged, he congratulated himself for having struck a bargain with you, though it had cost him what he termed a tidy little sum!”

Old anger had laced her tumble of words, but now she sighed. She passed hand over her eyes. “He told me that I should be a grateful daughter because he had found such a splendid match for me. I knew in that instant I could never be happy with you.”

Her eyes were shadowed when she looked at him. “I had thought you cared me a little. It was unbearable that you had offered for me for quite different reasons. Oh, I know that marriages are still arranged and that bride’s money changes hands, but I was a naïve and romantic young girl and that was not what I wanted for myself.”

Sir Peregrine had been riveted by her account. He understood now why a few days previously she had been so hostile when he had mentioned bribing away one of Cecily’s undesirable suitors. He expelled a breath. “That is when you decided to reject my suit, then.”

Judith shook her head. “I did not know what to do.”

“Judith, why did you not come to me? I would have told you the truth,” said Sir Peregrine quietly.

“What was the truth, Perry?” she asked.

He felt bitterness spark to life, but after an instant he thrust it aside. Pride had once led him to walk away without demanding an explanation. He would not allow himself to make that same mistake again. He must keep his own end of the bargain as well as she had. “Your father approached me to arrange a match between us. I was entirely taken aback by such an arrangement being offered in this day and age. Looking back on it, I think that he must have thought my hesitation due to lack of monetary incentive. That was when he offered that damnable ‘tidy little sum’.”

Sir Peregrine gave a fleeting half-smile as his eyes studied Judith’s tight expression. He continued quietly, “But once I had a moment to think about you, I discovered that your father had merely anticipated my own unformed desires. I had already met you and become intrigued by you. The money that your father spoke about meant nothing to me. I was ready to set it immediately in trust for you to use as you wished. I hoped that you would pass it on to any children that we might have.”

Judith’s expression had altered and become vulnerable as he spoke. The last completely overset her. She covered her face with her hands. “Dear God, how could I have been so wrong?” she whispered.

“Judith.” Sir Peregrine knelt beside her chair and gently pulled her hands down, to hold both clasped between his own fingers. “My very dear Judith, why did you never tell me? We could have saved one another so much anger and bitterness.”

Judith’s smile wavered. “You have said it yourself, Perry. We were not given much time to learn about one another. Whenever we were private, we either fought or you kissed me. I could not keep a single coherent thought in my head.”

A light entered Sir Peregrine’s blue eyes. “That is most interesting, Miss Grantham.” He slowly leaned closer.

Judith watched him come, mesmerized. As his lips brushed hers, her lashes fluttered down. His mouth tasted wonderful and the kiss was heady as wine. The familiar swirl of melting feeling began to engulf her.

Realizing it, Judith broke away. She pulled free her hands and pushed against his broad shoulders. “Perry, do not,” she whispered. For several seconds she was afraid that he would reject her plea. He was still so close that she could feel the warmth of his breath on her face. But then he sighed and eased away from her.

“You are right, Judith. We have still too much that lies between us,” said Sir Peregrine. He rose to his feet and moved deliberately to stand at the mantel so that there was distance between them. “You have said that it was the discovery that your father had offered money to me that decided you against my suit. But I seem to recall quite a different explanation that you gave to me. It sounded a pack of nonsense designed to insult me. But what so deeply enraged me, and what I have carried from that day to this, was your assertion that you feared me.”

Judith sighed and shook her head. “I tried to explain feelings that I did not myself understand. What I did understand was that I was frightened. You see, I did not really know you and what my father said had shaken my faith in what I thought I knew. I was frightened and I had no one to ask for counsel. All my life I had never been able to withstand my father’s will on any occasion, accepting his decisions for my future even when I was caused unhappiness. But my marriage to you-“

She looked at Sir Peregrine somberly. “I would be giving my life into what had become the hands of a complete stranger. I tried to talk to my father, but he paid me not the least heed. He patted me on the head and recommended that I turn my thoughts to my trousseau. My father wished our marriage to take place just as he had planned, but as the date approached my fear of the unknown became stronger than my awe of him. I did not consult with my father before I saw you that day. He was…disappointed.” She could not keep the hurt out of her voice. She had been a frightened young girl sorely in need of support and comfort, but that was not what she had received.

When Sir Peregrine recalled that her father had been a burly gentleman possessed of s supreme confidence in his own opinion, he thought that Judith had surely understated the man’s reaction. All these years he had harbored an erroneous conclusion. His estimation of her mettle had been sadly wanting, he thought. “I know that your father must have made your life very difficult,” he said quietly.

Judith brushed it aside. “It is unimportant now.” She smiled at him wearily. “You must think me a perfect fool, I know.”

Sir Peregrine shook his head. “On the contrary. That is what I thought then, but now I can only salute your courage. You flew in the face of all that you were taught to revere in order to preserve your integrity. I, on the other hand, behaved with as little common sense as I have credited Cecily with. I was so blinded by my own pride and anger that I scarcely listened to what you tried so inexpertly to convey to me.”

The emotional intensity of the past several minutes was proving to be a terrible strain. Judith felt that she simply had to place the situation back into proper perspective or she feared that she would burst into tears. “I shall ring for sackcloth and ashes if you wish,” she said.

For an instant he was completely taken aback. Then he grinned and there was fondness in his eyes as he looked at her. “You are the most obliging hostess of my acquaintance, I must say. Thank you, but I believe that I will do very well without.” He straightened up from his leaning posture against the mantel. Lifting her hand, he carried it to his lips. “Good night, Miss Grantham.”

Judith smiled up at him tremulously. “Good night, Sir Peregrine.” She watched him go to the sitting room door. She had never asked him whether he still loved her, she thought. But perhaps it was just as well. She was not certain that she really wished to hear the answer.

Sir Peregrine opened the door, but he did not go through immediately. Judith stood up. She felt that she had never been more tired in her life. It was difficult to recall that the tail end of the yuletide holidays were normally the quietest days of the year for her. “Was there anything else, Sir Peregrine?” she asked.

“I do not think that I can allow you to dwindle into an old maid,” he said reflectively.

Judith gasped in outrage, quick color flying into her face. “I beg your pardon!”

Sir Peregrine came toward her, his expression unreadable. When he was within touching distance of her, he said, “I have been haunted these past five years, I thought by my hatred for what you had done. But that was merely hiding the truth from myself. Judith, when I think of the years stretching ahead without you beside me, I find it a very dull and empty vision. I fear that I am still very much in love with you.”