Oleanna: A Play (4 page)

JOHN
: What?

CAROL
: I …

JOHN
: What? Tell me.

CAROL
: I don’t understand you.

JOHN
: I know. It’s all right.

CAROL
: I …

JOHN
: What? (
Pause
) What?
Tell
me.

CAROL
: I can’t tell you.

JOHN
: No, you must.

CAROL
: I can’t.

JOHN
: No. Tell me. (
Pause
)

CAROL
: I’m bad. (
Pause
) Oh, God. (
Pause
)

JOHN
: It’s all right.

CAROL
: I’m …

JOHN
: It’s all right.

CAROL
: I can’t talk about this.

JOHN
: It’s all right. Tell me.

CAROL
: Why do you want to know this?

JOHN
: I don’t want to know. I want to know whatever you …

CAROL
: I always …

JOHN
: … good …

CAROL
: I always … all my life … I have never told anyone this …

JOHN
: Yes. Go on. (
Pause
) Go on.

CAROL
: All of my life … (
The phone rings.
) (
Pause
.
JOHN
goes to the phone and picks it up.
)

JOHN
(
into phone
): I can’t talk now. (
Pause
) What? (
Pause
) Hmm. (
Pause
) All right, I … I. Can’t.
Talk. Now. No, no, no, I
Know
I did, but.… What? Hello. What? She
what?
She
can’t
, she said the agreement is void? How, how is the agreement
void? That’s Our House
.
I have the
paper;
when we come down, next week, with the payment, and the paper, that house is … wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait: Did Jerry … is Jerry there? (
Pause
) Is
she
there …? Does she have a
lawyer
…? How the
hell
, how the
Hell
. That is … it’s a question, you said, of the
easement
. I don’t underst … it’s not the
whole agreement
. It’s just the
easement
, why would she? Put, put, put,
Jerry
on. (
Pause
) Jer,
Jerry:
What the
Hell …
that’s my
house
. That’s … Well, I’m, no, no, no, I’m
not
coming ddd … List,
Listen, screw
her. You
tell
her. You, listen: I want you to take
Grace
, you take Grace, and get out of that house. You
leave
her there. Her and her lawyer, and you
tell
them, we’ll see them in court next … no. No. Leave her there, leave her to
stew
in it: You tell her, we’re
getting
that house, and we are going to … No. I’m
not
coming down. I’ll be damned if I’ll sit in the same rrr … the next, you tell her the next time I
see
her is in court … I … (
Pause
) What? (
Pause
) What? I don’t understand. (
Pause
) Well, what about the house? (
Pause
) There isn’t any problem with the hhh … (
Pause
) No, no, no, that’s all right. All ri … All right … (
Pause
) Of course. Tha … Thank you. No, I will. Right away. (
He hangs up.
) (
Pause
)

CAROL
: What is it? (
Pause
)

JOHN
: It’s a surprise party.

CAROL
: It is.

JOHN
: Yes.

CAROL
: A party for you.

JOHN
: Yes.

CAROL
: Is it your birthday?

JOHN
: No.

CAROL
: What is it?

JOHN
: The tenure announcement.

CAROL
: The tenure announcement.

JOHN
: They’re throwing a party for us in our new house.

CAROL
: Your new house.

JOHN
: The house that we’re buying.

CAROL
: You have to go.

JOHN
: It seems that I do.

CAROL
: (
Pause
) They’re proud of you.

JOHN
: Well, there are those who would say it’s a form of aggression.

CAROL
: What is?

JOHN
: A surprise.

JOHN
: You see, (
pause
) I love to teach. And flatter myself I am
skilled
at it. And I love the, the aspect of
performance
. I think I must confess that.
When I found I loved to teach I swore that I would not become that cold, rigid automaton of an instructor which I had encountered as a child.
Now, I was not unconscious that it was given me to err upon the other side. And, so, I asked and
ask
myself if I engaged in heterodoxy, I will not say “gratuitously” for I do not care to posit orthodoxy as a given good—but, “to the detriment of, of my students.” (
Pause
)
As I said. When the possibility of tenure opened, and, of course, I’d long pursued it, I was, of course
happy
, and
covetous
of it.
I asked myself if I was wrong to covet it. And thought about it long, and, I hope, truthfully, and saw in myself several things in, I think, no particular order. (
Pause
)
That I
would
pursue it. That I
desired
it, that I was not pure of longing for security, and that that, perhaps, was not reprehensible in me. That I had duties
beyond
the school, and that my duty to my home, for instance, was, or should be, if it were not, of an equal weight. That tenure, and security, and yes, and
comfort
, were not, of themselves, to be scorned; and were even worthy of honorable pursuit. And that it was given me. Here, in this place, which I enjoy, and in which I find comfort, to assure myself of—as far as it rests in The Material—a continuation of that joy and comfort. In exchange for what? Teaching. Which I love.
What was the price of this security? To obtain
tenure
. Which tenure the committee is in the process of granting me. And on the basis of which I contracted to purchase a house. Now, as you don’t have your own family, at this point, you may not know what that means. But to me it is important. A home. A Good Home. To raise my family. Now: The Tenure Committee will meet. This is the process, and a
good
process. Under which the school has functioned for quite a long time. They will meet, and hear your complaint—which you have the right to make; and
they will dismiss it. They will
dismiss
your complaint; and, in the intervening period, I will lose my house. I will not be able to close on my house. I will lose my
deposit
, and the home I’d picked out for my wife and son will go by the boards. Now: I see I have angered you. I understand your anger at teachers. I was angry with mine. I felt hurt and humiliated by them. Which is one of the reasons that I went into education.

CAROL
: What do you want of me?

JOHN
: (
Pause
) I was hurt. When I received the report. Of the tenure committee. I was shocked. And I was hurt. No, I don’t mean to subject you to my weak sensibilities. All right. Finally, I didn’t understand. Then I thought: is it not always at those points at which we reckon ourselves unassailable that we are most vulnerable and … (
Pause
) Yes. All right. You find me pedantic. Yes. I am. By nature, by
birth
, by profession, I don’t know … I’m always looking for a
paradigm
for …

CAROL
: I don’t know what a paradigm is.

JOHN
: It’s a model.

CAROL
: Then why can’t you use that word? (
Pause
)

JOHN
: If it is important to you. Yes, all right. I was looking for a model. To continue: I feel that one point …

CAROL
: I …

JOHN
: One second … upon which I am unassailable is my unflinching concern for my students’ dignity. I asked you here to … in the spirit of
investigation
, to ask you … to ask … (
Pause
) What have I done to you? (
Pause
) And, and, I suppose, how I can make amends. Can we not settle this now? It’s pointless, really, and I want to know.

CAROL
: What you can do to force me to retract?

JOHN
: That is not what I meant at all.

CAROL
: To bribe me, to convince me …

JOHN
: … No.

CAROL
: To retract …

JOHN
: That is not what I meant at all. I think that you know it is not.

CAROL
: That is not what I know. I
wish
I …

JOHN
: I do not want to … you wish what?

CAROL
: No, you said what amends can you make. To force me to retract.

JOHN
: That is not what I said.

CAROL
: I have my notes.

JOHN
: Look. Look. The Stoics say …

CAROL
: The Stoics?

JOHN
: The Stoical Philosophers say if you remove the phrase “I have been injured,” you have removed the injury. Now: Think: I know that you’re upset. Just tell me. Literally. Literally: what wrong have I done you?

CAROL
: Whatever you have done to me—to the extent that you’ve done it to
me
, do you know, rather than to me as a
student
, and, so, to the student body, is contained in my report. To the tenure committee.

JOHN
: Well, all right. (
Pause
) Let’s see. (
He reads.
) I find that I am sexist. That I am
elitist
. I’m not sure I know what that means, other than it’s a derogatory word, meaning “bad.” That I … That I insist on wasting time, in nonprescribed, in self-aggrandizing and theatrical
diversions
from the prescribed
text …
that these have taken both sexist and pornographic forms … here we find listed … (
Pause
) Here we find listed … instances “… closeted with a student” … “Told a rambling, sexually explicit story, in which the frequency and attitudes of fornication of the poor and rich are, it would seem, the central point … moved to
embrace
said student and … all part of a pattern …” (
Pause
)

(
He reads.
) That I used the phrase “The White Man’s Burden” … that I told you how I’d asked you to my room because I quote like you. (
Pause
)

(
He reads.
) “He said he ‘liked’ me. That he ‘liked being with me.’ He’d let me write my examination paper over, if I could come back oftener to see him in his office.” (
Pause
) (
To
CAROL
:) It’s
ludicrous
. Don’t you know that? It’s not
necessary
. It’s going to
humiliate
you, and it’s going to cost me my
house
, and …

CAROL
: It’s
“ludicrous …”
?

(
JOHN
picks up the report and reads again.
)

JOHN
: “He told me he had problems with his wife; and that he wanted to take off the artificial stricture of Teacher and Student. He put his arm around me …”

CAROL
: Do you deny it? Can you deny it …? Do you see? (
Pause
) Don’t you see? You don’t see, do you?

JOHN
: I don’t see …

CAROL
: You think, you think you can deny that these things happened; or, if they
did
, if they
did
, that they meant what you
said
they meant. Don’t you see? You drag me in here, you drag us, to listen
to you “go on”; and “go on” about this, or that, or we don’t “express” ourselves very well. We don’t say what we mean. Don’t we? Don’t we? We
do
say what we mean. And you say that “I don’t understand you …”: Then
you … 
(
Points.
)

JOHN
: “Consult the Report”?

CAROL
: … that’s right.

JOHN
: You see. You see. Can’t you.… You see what I’m saying? Can’t you tell me in your own words?

CAROL
: Those are my own words. (
Pause
)

JOHN
: (
He reads.
) “He told me that if I would stay alone with him in his office, he would change my grade to an A.” (
To
CAROL
:) What have I done to you? Oh. My God, are you so hurt?

CAROL
: What I “feel” is irrelevant. (
Pause
)

JOHN
: Do you know that I tried to help you?

CAROL
: What I know I have reported.

JOHN
: I would like to help you now. I would. Before this escalates.

CAROL
(
simultaneously with
“escalates”): You see. I don’t think that I need your help. I don’t think I need anything you have.

JOHN
: I feel …

CAROL
: I don’t
care
what you feel. Do you see? DO YOU SEE? You can’t
do
that anymore. You. Do. Not. Have. The. Power. Did you misuse it?
Someone
did. Are you part of that group?
Yes. Yes
. You Are. You’ve
done
these things. And to say, and to say, “Oh. Let me help you with your problem …”

JOHN
: Yes. I understand. I understand. You’re
hurt
. You’re
angry
. Yes. I think your
anger
is
betraying
you. Down a path which helps no one.

CAROL
: I don’t
care
what you think.

JOHN
: You don’t? (
Pause
) But you talk
of rights
. Don’t you see?
I
have rights too. Do you see? I have a
house …
part of the
real
world; and The Tenure Committee, Good Men and True …

CAROL
: … Professor …

JOHN
: … Please:
Also
part of that world: you understand? This is my
life
. I’m not a
bogeyman
. I don’t “stand” for something, I …

CAROL
: … Professor …

JOHN
: … I …

CAROL
: Professor. I came here as a
favor
. At your personal request. Perhaps I should not have done so.
But I did. On my behalf, and on behalf of my group. And you speak of the tenure committee, one of whose members is a woman, as you know. And though you might call it Good Fun, or An Historical Phrase, or An Oversight, or, All of the Above, to refer to the committee as Good Men and True, it is a demeaning remark. It is a sexist remark, and to overlook it is to countenance continuation of that method of thought. It’s a remark …

JOHN
: OH COME ON. Come on.… Sufficient to deprive a family of …

CAROL
: Sufficient? Sufficient? Sufficient? Yes. It is a
fact
.… and that story, which I quote, is
vile
and
classist
, and
manipulative
and
pornographic
. It …

JOHN
: … it’s pornographic …?

CAROL
: What gives you the
right
. Yes. To speak to a
woman
in your private … Yes. Yes. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. You feel yourself empowered … you say so yourself. To
strut
. To
posture
. To “perform.” To “Call me in here …” Eh? You say that higher education is a joke. And treat it as such, you
treat
it as such. And
confess
to a taste to play the
Patriarch
in your class. To grant
this
. To deny
that
. To embrace your students.

JOHN
: How can you assert. How can you stand there and …

CAROL
: How can you
deny
it. You did it to me.
Here
. You
did
.… You
confess
. You love the Power. To
deviate
. To
invent
, to transgress … to
transgress
whatever norms have been established for us. And you think it’s charming to “question” in yourself this taste to mock and destroy. But you should question it. Professor. And you pick those things which you feel
advance
you: publication,
tenure
, and the steps to get them you call “harmless rituals.” And you perform those steps. Although you say it is hypocrisy. But to the aspirations of your students.
Of hardworking students
, who come here, who
slave
to come here—you have no idea what it cost me to come to this school—you
mock
us. You call education “hazing,” and from your so-protected, so-elitist seat you hold our confusion as
a joke
, and our hopes and efforts with it. Then you sit there and say “what have I done?” And ask me to understand that
you
have aspirations too. But I tell you. I tell you. That you are vile. And that you are exploitative. And if you possess one ounce of that inner honesty you describe in your book, you can look in yourself and see those things that I see. And you can find revulsion equal to my own. Good day. (
She prepares to leave the room.
)

JOHN
: Wait a second, will you, just one moment. (
Pause
) Nice day today.

CAROL
: What?

JOHN
: You said “Good day.” I think that it is a nice day today.

CAROL
:
Is
it?

JOHN
: Yes, I think it is.

CAROL
: And why is that important?

JOHN
: Because it is the essence of all human communication. I say something conventional, you respond, and the information we exchange is not about the “weather,” but that we both agree to converse. In effect, we agree that we are both human. (
Pause
)
I’m not a … “exploiter,” and you’re not a … “deranged,” what?
Revolutionary
 … that we may, that we may have … positions, and that we may have … desires, which are in
conflict
, but that we’re just human. (
Pause
) That means that sometimes we’re
imperfect.
(
Pause
) Often we’re in conflict … (
Pause
)
Much
of what we do, you’re right, in the name of “principles” is
self-serving
 … much of what we do is
conventional.
(
Pause
) You’re right. (
Pause
) You said you came in the class because you wanted to learn about
education
. I don’t know that I can teach you about education. But I know that I can tell you what I
think
about education, and then
you
decide. And you don’t have to fight with me.
I’m
not the subject. (
Pause
) And where I’m
wrong …
perhaps
it’s not your job to “fix” me. I don’t want to fix
you
. I would like to tell you what I
think
, because that
is
my job, conventional as it is, and flawed as I may be. And then, if you can show me some better
form
, then we can proceed from there. But, just like “nice day, isn’t it …?” I don’t think we can proceed until we accept that each of us is human. (
Pause
) And we still can have difficulties. We
will
have them … that’s all right too. (
Pause
) Now: