OMG! I'm in Love with a Geek! (43 page)

Wayne doesn't think he can come to Dad's wedding – whenever the date. He can't get Adrienne near the venue. He doesn't want to leave her somewhere that isn't monitored.

This is getting weird now. I thought geckos were weird. They are not. They are fine. Gran was right – world travel does open your eyes.

I have seen Butterfly's wedding dress. It's made of eco-friendly material. It's sort of … brown.

OMG – what if our bridesmaid dresses are like that? Ruby won't wear it.

If Ruby doesn't then I'm not either. I'm just going to say it's SISTER SOLIDARITY.

Also Ruby is basically
Vogue
and I am NOT.

Wayne has put a “Ninja Love Machine” sticker on the back of his car.

This is not going to work.

Wayne says he has to replace Adrienne's engine.

I told him I understood and to contact me when he's finished.

Hopefully it will take a long time!

Cars are just grown-up skateboards. Wayne is just an Australian version of Nicky. I have swapped one disinterested boy for another.

I know who I want really.

Just came home to find Lachlan and Ruby having
the world's biggest snog.

It is still going on!

It is STILL going on! Don't they need actual AIR?!

Ruby has been kissing for HOURS. Occasionally they eat, drink and giggle. Then they start again!

After Lachlan went tonight Dad asked Ruby if she wouldn't mind NOT seeing him for a couple of days as he wanted to spend time with us!

Ruby got a bit annoyed but agreed.

I can't sleep. Ruby has been talking to Lachlan for 3 hours since she just gave him “a quick ring” to tell him she couldn't see him for a few days.

He calls her “KB” – it's short for Koala Bear. VOM!!!

We are having an eco-friendly hen night tonight for Butterfly. I am actually scared what this might mean.

The eco-friendly hen night consisted of a vegan buffet and homemade alcohol created from potatoes that me and Ruby were not allowed to drink!

After Butterfly and her friends tried it most of them ended up singing about how the sky gives women strength, sisters are doing it for themselves and a song called “Mary was meant to be hairy – be brave, don't shave”.

Ruby could not understand this. She asked Butterfly's friend Sky if she'd ever had a Brazilian. She said, “No, but I travelled with a man from Peru once who owned a llama farm.”

Then one of Butterfly's friends did fortune-telling. They told Butterfly her marriage would be very happy as she transforms others and brings a healing love to everything she is near. Yes, total crap, BUT she actually is really sweet and you can't laugh at someone on their hen night.

Butterfly then told everyone she was desperate for a decent steak. The atmosphere turned a bit weird. I said, “She only wants a bit of meat – it's not like she's having an affair or anything.” One of her friends said, “Better to engage in free love than to eat the soul of a living creature.”

No wonder my dad fits in here! LOL!

No that's not fair. Dad HAS changed. He's actually lovely and that's everything you could want in a man. Someone you can depend on and you're good friends with and – OH— WHY HAVE I BEEN SUCH AN IDIOT?! YES! YES! YES!!! I KNOW!!!!

Butterfly thanked me this morning for sticking up for her when she was really drunk. She actually remembered what she had said about steak! I told her not to worry – it would all be forgotten now. Butterfly said it wouldn't be – Rosehip didn't speak to her own mother for 6 months when she caught her eating a tin of tuna. These people are SERIOUS. Apparently it's better to say f*** than veal.

What is veal?

It's baby calf. It's expensive and a delicacy. That's why I don't know about it. We live on economy mince.

Just read about how they keep some of the calves andthey do have a point.

Ruby and I have agreed that when we get home we are jointly spreading it that Matfield has veal for breakfast. RAW. LOL!

OMG – FASHION DOOM!

Our bridesmaid dresses ARE made of felt and hemp. Please let the happy couple be against cameras too because they are not environmentally-friendly or something!

They are not. These photos are going to end up everywhere.

Ruby just said something actually lovely.

Ruby, previous Empress of Cow and fashionista extraordinaire, just said, “These dresses are vile but both of us can rock them with some well-placed accessories. I will help you.”

YET AGAIN, I'M BLOWN AWAY.