OMG! I'm in Love with a Geek! (20 page)

Jen spent 12 minutes with MGK today getting boyfriend tips. Stuff like how to “keep your man interested” and “drive him wild”. Jen already knows all this – it involves twisting a lock of your hair with his and putting a stone you've warmed in his bag. Jen says it never fails.

Jen just texted. She wants to know if I have high heels.

Jen in high heels? No. No. No.

MGK is like an evil disease that spreads and causes terminal girliness. Even Jen is not immune. MGK is like a superbug – but you can't even be cured at the doctor. She doesn't eat your flesh but she eats your personality.

Dimple and me just had the most uncomfortable afternoon EVER with Jen. I told a story about a girl leaving false eyelashes on a boy's shoulder when she kissed him. He freaked out as he thought they were caterpillars. Normally Jen would LOL but today she said, “It's a bit immature to laugh at a girl who is just trying to look good – beauty does matter and accidents happen.”

OMG!

It's MGK. Jen is infected. It's like her mind has been sucked out by MGK's brain hoover.

Rang Dimple to have a total analysis of the afternoon. She was a bit weird and said her mum was “ill” and she “couldn't talk right now”. Dimple can't talk because of her parents. Jen can't talk because she's a loved-up It girl of the moment. I can talk because the only thing I'm having a DEEP relationship with is peanut butter on toast.

MEN!!! AGAIN!!!

Goose can't understand why I am so upset about Jen. I said, “Because she's had a personality transplant, Goose.” Goose said, “Just don't hang around with her then!”

WHAT?!!

Men just give up on friends. Then they get geckos instead.

And they don't try hard enough to get YOU either!

Gran just rang my mob. THE TOTAL LOVE AFFAIR between her and Matfield continues! Gran emailed me her “Rothko”. It's worse than last week! It's 2 colours blurred together. I'm trying this on Wednesday with Matfield to see if she loves it when I do it too!

Mum and Rob went to the cinema tonight so I went round to Gran's to have pizza. She uses a knife and fork with takeaway pepperoni! Sort it out! I told her about Weirdo Jen and MGK. Gran hates MGK so I thought she'd totally be on my side.

Gran said, “You have a massive problem with jealousy, Hattie. You always have had. Like your mother.”

Yes I have, Gran, but its genetic. I can't help it.

LEGENDARY DAY!

TODAY I PROVED THAT ALL TEACHERS TALK CRAPTACULAR BALLS OF NONSENSE!

Matfield asked us to paint how we felt so I just blended blue and red together. Matfield TOTALLY predictably said, “WHAT'S THAT?! My grandson could do better than that.” I said, “Actually, Mrs Matfield, it's my ROTHKO – and when my gran did the same thing at art class on Monday night you said it was brilliant.” Matfield just stared and started STUTTERING. Then she said, “Mature people bring an emotional maturity to art that young people cannot copy.” We weren't quite sure what that meant but she was SWEATING and THEN had to “just nip out to get the mini guillotine”. LOL! Bet she wanted to slice my head off and all she can actually chop is paper!

Nicky “bad boy” Bainton EVEN smiled at me!

1–0 to the HATTIE!!! GET IN!!!

OMG – Dimple's mum is NOT ill.

DIMPLE'S MUM IS PREGNANT!

worldfallingapart.com

Unbelievably Dimple is completely excited about her mum having a baby. What if it's a boy?! In fact I just know it WILL BE. Hasn't she known me long enough to realize the utter hell of brothers? Yes, he will be smaller but he can still cause DIMPLE hell!

Dimple says she has some serious thinking to do! Yes, you have, Dimple. Put everything you love away and prepare your actual mind for years of torture! At least Dimple has grown out of Barbies. She won't have to go through seeing her favourite doll with a completely shaven head trying to ride the vicious dog that lives 3 doors away.

Just want to say my brother put Barbie on the dog. I wasn't saying she got up by herself or anything.

Brothers TORTURE TOYS.

Dimple is totally upset about Jen because she texted Jen with the news about her mum and she texted back:

Jen, what is going on?! No one in the underworld is blonde!

Goose has invited me to the cinema tonight. OMG! Perhaps this is it! I'm OBVIOUSLY going! He likes geek films normally but it will take my mind off Jen and her being a member of the MGK evil posse.

Back from the cinema with Goose. OF COURSE IT WASN'T “IT”! GIVE UP, HATTIE! STOP THE HEART TORTURE! We saw a
Transformers
film. It was JUST noise and machines banging each other on the head. We could only hear it a bit though because a group of boys at the back, including Nicky Bainton, were having a “Who can blow a piece of popcorn from their nose the furthest?” competition. The manager came in with this security guard and threatened to throw them out but not before one of them had moved on to trying to blow nachos out of his nose. He said he would sue them as the cheese was too hot and his nostril was “scarred for life”! THEN Nicky Bainton came and sat by me and Goose and started saying how good it was to see me out, and did I come here often? Goose looked cross but didn't say anything. He didn't say much on the way home either. I think if Goose could take Freak to the cinema he would.