OMG! I'm in Love with a Geek! (17 page)

Goose came round to apologize. Then he gave me the nicest necklace. He said, “I was going to give it to you on your birthday but … but I thought it might be … I saw that massive bunch of flowers that got delivered to you and this looked a bit … er… Anyway. I should go – I've got to help Mum hoover the stairs.”

I didn't get the chance to say they weren't my actual flowers.

Oh, Goose, why can't it just happen?! Even your mum's Henry hoover comes before me.

Just rang Gran for half-term LOVE advice. Gran said she was in the middle of watching
Colour Me Purple
.

No! Gran just called back. She is watching
The Color Purple
and finding the best shade for her skin type on the “Colour Me Beautiful” app. Gran said, “It's all colours, Hattie – it's easy to get confused! The film is a bit too depressing for me so I thought we'd talk.”

I asked Gran about men. Conversation as follows:

Then I heard that Gran was sniffing. I asked her if the film was upsetting. She said, “Yes, Hattie, and I've just found out that I should only wear pastel shades and camel-beige. I'm a BRIGHTS person. What's wrong with orange?!”

Perhaps apps can tell the truth where humans can't.

I've messed up.

He's gone.

Goose is gone.

Got to get over it.

We can be friends. Now I need to find healing love.

I have officially sent the word out via Dimple and Weirdo Jen that I'm available. There must be someone who fancies me. Even Dibbo Hannah has had more boyfriends than me!

Is it feminist to just want a boyfriend?

Weirdo Jen says just wanting any boyfriend could be seen as “a bit desperate”.

A BIT DESPERATE?! Hattie Moore is NOT desperate! I am my OWN woman!

I have just been into Nathan's room and ripped down his poster of some woman with massive mams wearing nearly nothing. That makes up for me being “a bit desperate”, Jen! I told Jen that I'd destroyed something sexist. Jen said it's fine for a woman to feel comfortable in her own body. In fact there's “not enough of it”.

I'm confused now. Are naked women wrong or not?

Nathan wants to know where his poster is. I've hidden it in the recycling bin under 2 empty boxes of mango granola and Rob's big posh newspaper. Health foods and something clever – Nathan will never find it!

Nathan has found it and gone mental. I told Mum I was offended by it as a woman and that it encouraged me to think I needed a boob job. SHE WENT ON MY SIDE!!! FANTASTIC!

•   Not having any money.

•   Not having enough clothes.

•   School.

LOL!

OMG – apparently there is a rumour going round that Simon McKinnon fancies me! Simon McKinnon is vaguely uncraptacular but a bit of a mega-brain goth.

Rang Dimple to find out more about Simon but she was out with Bhavin. She'd told her parents that she was doing homework with me! I said, “Dimple, you need to TELL me things like this. What if your parents check and ring my house?!” Dimple just giggled and said, “Oh yeah! Sorry Hats. Listen, got to go. The Bhavster and me don't have long. I told my parents I was asking you about a medicine through time project. See you soon.”

Medicine through time?! Dimple's dad is a surgeon! Why would he believe that she'd need to ask ME about stuff like that?! Bhavin has made Dimple really do something thick. It's like men completely snog the clever bit of your brain out!

Goose confirmed that Simon McKinnon fancies me, though he says he's a bit weird – in fact totally weird – and I should avoid him. Simon claims that he fixed his short-sightedness with the power of his own mind. Why would you bother doing that when there's Specsavers?

Goose seemed a bit jealous that a tall man who may not have a gecko but wears really cool boots fancies ME. GOOD. Perhaps deep down I have not killed all his pash for me.

Jen is officially jealous TOO that Simon McKinnon fancies me as all the emos AND goths think he is a hero. They think he has special powers!

I don't believe this but I don't care. I just want Simon to have SUPERHERO LOVE SNOG ABILITY!

I am a total doughnut.

Just thought! This Simon McKinnon rumour might spur Goose into action. If he thinks someone else likes me he might actually DO something and I may get some love action! Perhaps good goth love will AWAKEN the GOOSE!

He'd have to REALLY have superpowers though to spur Goose into ANYTHING!