OMG! I'm in Love with a Geek! (23 page)

Perhaps because everyone else is busy at the moment this is the perfect time to work on ME!

I'm reading an article in a mag called “FEEL GREAT ABOUT YOU IN A WEEK!” I'll try it tomorrow.

“FEEL GREAT ABOUT YOU IN A WEEK!” suggests getting everyone round for a DVD night and between films asking everyone to write down what they love about all the other people in the room.

MAHOOSIVELY good idea. I'm going to do it!

Dimple says her mum is really struggling with being pregnant at the moment and she can't really commit to a night for definite. She has to be around if her mum starts crying or wants a jacket potato (apparently every 5 minutes) but she'll message me.

Weirdo Jen says she'll text me when she's got a date that she's free. She's spending all her time with Simon at the moment on “their planet”.

Their planet is actually THIS planet. I saw them at the petrol station the other night buying a grab bag of Quavers.

Goose? No – no more disappointment. Fed up of dates that are actually just mates.

Boys and babies ruin everything.

Nothing happened again today except for Gran taking over the supermarket social committee. The first thing she has organized is a bingo night. The under-30s aren't very happy. Gran said, “No wonder the parties have been so bad. The lady who used to run things had a beautifully made-up face but the dirtiest neck I have ever seen.”

No word today from Dimple or Jen.

I can't believe I am saying this: I wish I was at school.

The couple over the road were having a hell of a row this afternoon. They were swearing every other word! It was max chav! I had to go upstairs for a better look!

OMG – I'm actually turning into Gran!

No, I'm just bored. Can't show Mum I'm bored though – she'll make me clean the bath.

I'm still stuck on Step 1 of “FEEL GREAT ABOUT YOU IN A WEEK!” I don't think it's going to happen.

Weirdo Jen has just posted a photo of her and Simon in a tent in her back garden celebrating “Spring”.

It's definitely not going to happen.

I have too much time to think and my thinking leads to a Goose cul-de-sac every time. The cul-de-sac of dashed hopes, exotic pets and … stuff.

Gran was called into the supermarket office today and asked by Roger the general manager if she'd seen “anything strange” whilst she was on the morning shift the other day. She said she hadn't. Roger then showed her some CCTV footage. A man shoplifted 5 bottles of whisky, a widescreen TV and 12 pots of yoghurt at exactly 11.12 a.m. during Gran's morning shift.

Gran missed it all because she was doing Irish dancing with Elsie in the kiosk.

On the footage you could see Gran and Elsie flinging their arms in the air whilst the bloke walked out with a massive trolley. Scott from security was on a cigarette break – and the kiosk is meant to take “extra care” when he is not around. They didn't. They did what Roger called “a carefree jig”.

They don't think Gran is “in on the scam” (they MUST suspect a bit – she was married to a thief) BUT she's in trouble for not paying attention.

Roger said that the company was “very sensitive to other cultures, including Celtic traditions – but there's not really a place for cultural expressions when stock is at risk”.

Gran decided she's only up to working part-time. Roger agrees it's a good idea.

OMG!

OMG!

OMG!

Goose and Rob bought an ornament from the boot sale on Sunday for £2 and it's worth £150,000!!! Rob says they've had it valued. It's Ching Dynasty China – you can tell on the bottom!

Mum is screaming, “Finally I can get the dishwasher fixed!” She is LOONY happy. She keeps breaking her nails washing up.

Gran is THRILLED. She said, “I told your mother they'd strike gold. She just thought Rob was avoiding doing the crazy paving in the garden.”

Hattie is thinking, “HELLO, VERSACE – OR SOME DECENT CLOTHES!”

April Fool AGAIN.

Goose and Rob have just admitted it's an April Fool. Of course it is. NOTHING that good could ever happen. Gran and Mum are livid. Mum had already been to the shop and bought some Finish “diamond standard” Powerball dishwasher tablets. “I had dreams of unloading that machine,” she said. She looked like she was about to cry!

Goose and me have just had a MASSIVE ROW…

And no, I'm not apologizing. Not this time.

Gran has asked Nathan if he wants to take over some of her shifts at the supermarket. Nathan didn't think it was really “him”. What IS Nathan? That is a question I have been asking all of my life?

I'm going to the library tomorrow. I KNOW! GEEK AHOY! BUT it's free, they have good films and it's not next door to Goose.

Oh, Goose.

I'm sorry.

But I'm sick of saying it.

BREAKING NEWS!

TOTAL LIBRARY SHOCK!

Was just minding my own business in the library when I saw Nicky “bad boy” Bainton. He was reading
Of Mice and Men
in a big chair! That's the sort of book school MAKES you read! He didn't see me but he looked AMAZEBALLS. He's had a massive haircut – in aid of a cancer research charity apparently. He has gone from grubby boy to TOTAL chiselled fitty! I can't believe it! I told Mum, “ALL the boys should now get the chop.” Mum laughed but Rob just looked odd and said, “Don't say ‘the chop' – it means something else. And I've had it. Hair grows back, Hattie.”

Men talk another language. They are totally from Jupiter!

MARS! Men are from Mars! It's all planets! The point is it's miles away and we haven't got a clue what language they speak there!

OR if there is any intelligent life there at all!

Goose is from another black-hole galaxy worm-hole thingy – the sort of mental thing that Brian Cox goes on about.