On 4/19 (On 4/19 and Beyond 4/20) (13 page)

Once the music ended and the preacher began, John found the message interesting. The man was certainly dynamic, and at times, riveting. It was the first time in many years that he read actual words out of a Bible. Chelsea held hers out so they could share, and when she did, she had a smile that assured him she was glad that he came. The entire experience was pleasant, but something about it caused a tremor of discomfort within him. Like the tremors that arrived prior to an earthquake, John sensed there was something ahead that would grab his attention. As much as it seemed to be a promise of good, still it caused him to feel uneasy.

After the service and while they rode together in the car, John asked, “How did I not know you could sing like that? Do you sing in church back home?”

“I do. Not every Sunday, but sometimes I do.”

“I feel like I should have known that.” For a moment he was quiet. Then he asked, “Why business school? Why not pursue singing? You have the voice for it. Seriously, I was blown away. I would buy your CD.”

Chelsea turned away, a bit embarrassed by his many compliments. “I don’t know. I guess all I ever wanted to do was sing in church. I love how I feel when I’m there. Not because of the crowd, but because I know I’m using my gift for God. I feel most complete when I sing.”

“When we get home, may I come and watch you?”

“Of course. I’d love to have you there.” Beaming inside, she was much more excited that he asked to visit her church than she was over his compliments. Though it was nothing obvious, there seemed to be a crack in the shell of John’s resistance toward church. Even if he was only going to watch her sing, at least it was a beginning point. Since meeting him, she had prayed for him constantly, that he would someday know her Jesus.

A
fter twelve days away from home, John had so much that required his attention he had only been able to see Chelsea once since they returned. He stopped by her place one evening on his way home. It was the first time he’d ever done so for no real reason, other than he missed seeing her. The times before, he was there to see what she was doing as she decorated the condo, or sometimes it was to invite her to dinner or to an event, but that particular night, he simply couldn’t resist the urge to swing through the gates of her complex on the way home. He texted her from the car to see if she minded.

He lived only a few blocks away, and the close proximity was what prompted him to purchase her place at such an inflated price. Even so close, he had never once invited her over to see his house, partly because it was his home with Tracy. Since her death, he’d never had a woman there with him. With Chelsea, it wasn’t the same hesitation as he felt with the others. Now that John was in small ways beginning to see the world a little more as she did, he realized how downright pretentious it was. He could almost hear her thoughts concerning how many wells might be dug in Africa with the money he spent on such a house.

This night, as he was sitting in his office alone sifting through reports and numbers that for some reason stayed jumbled in his head, he considered maybe stopping by again. Out of consideration this time, he decided to call her first rather than text.

Since being there that one night, he could hardly get it out of his mind how different she seemed. She wasn’t quite so perky. Although she didn’t seem sad, neither did she seem happy. When he asked her
what she’d been doing with her time, it was her response that made him conclude she may simply be bored.

It was June, so school was still far enough away that there were no plans to be made. She lived alone and had no family nearby. From what he could tell, she was not at all close with her former roommates. More than bored, he had to imagine she was likely pretty lonely. And he knew what loneliness could lead to. Soon enough, she would find a man to fill that free time. Or more likely, one would find her. Even though he knew he had no right to feel that way, he found the thought of her dating anyone else more than a little unsettling. Occasionally he’d recall the young man in Vegas who was so interested in her that day at the pool. Oftentimes in Australia he would notice how much attention she attracted when she entered a room. How could she not? Not only was she adorable to look at, and sweet as well, but there was an air about her that drew you in. Whether dressed casually for sightseeing or elegantly for a night out, there was this alluring glow about her. That was what captured men’s attention; he was certain of it. Even her photograph captured his attention. Maybe that was what was missing the last time he saw her, that glow.

If he allowed himself to think much on the subject and not bury himself under his heavy workload, he missed her terribly and was lonely without her, a completely new feeling for him. After spending so much time together in Sydney, her absence had become a source of pain in his chest. Quite literally, when he thought of her, he felt a burning sensation in the entire region of his chest. She gave him heartburn, and it troubled him. Many times, whether in a meeting or reading a report, he found himself so distracted and unable to focus that he would have to ask someone to repeat themselves, or he would have to go back to the beginning of the same paragraph he was reading over and over again. When this began to happen, he took it as a clear warning that he needed to be extremely cautious in how he proceeded.

Since Tracy died his resolve was firm; he would never marry again. Many believed it was because of such great devotion to her or that he was so hurt by her death that he chose to keep his distance. When in truth it was that he’d never do to another woman what he
had done to Tracy. Small glimpses in Australia of how he neglected Chelsea was a great reminder of how caught up in his work he was, to the detriment of others. Since entering college he was that way. Being driven was not something he chose, rather, it was something that took hold of him, and he was certain it was so deeply ingrained in him he could live no other way. The responsibility that was on his shoulders, the livelihood of the thousands of employees who depended on him, was constantly at the forefront of his mind. It was more than the dollar he chased; he sought to maintain and grow Keller Industries in order that the people would always have a job to depend on and a future to be certain of.

Chelsea would simply be another casualty of his drive for success, and he cared much too much for her to allow her to be hurt because of him. He could do little else but disappoint her. Having but one year to account for, he felt certain he could do what it would take to keep her happy that long. After that, she would be free to pursue her own happiness. In the meantime, he wanted to do everything he could to help set her up for the best possible future. It was that goal that often kept him awake at night.

Since arriving home, Chelsea had seen John only once. Because of that, she felt terribly let down. The guard she had so intentionally tried to maintain was nothing but a joke. The last days of their time together in Sydney, she found herself falling more deeply for him than she could have ever anticipated. It had become such a source of prayer that it actually drew her nearer to God. How wise God was to allow her to love a man who could never possibly love her in return. It was not yet the painful kind of love, even knowing they would never be together; instead, it was still that warm and gooey kind of love where she hung on to every word he said and longed for any moment they could be together. Undeniably though, the pain would come. When April nineteenth arrived, it would be over and she’d somehow have to pick up the pieces and move on. Every time the reality of it struck her with such full force, she felt sick inside. The only way she found to get through it was to choose to live in the present and not for what was to come. God
could change John’s heart, and secretly, that was her prayer. She prayed it every day.

Chelsea thought of the prayers she had prayed the day she submitted her profile to the online match service and what she had felt was her answer. For hours she had sat with the Lord considering the propriety of such an arrangement. Knowing full well she would never cross the boundary of intimacy and that she would never knowingly take advantage of what she had assumed to be an old man, she felt certain her answer was to move forward and that it would be His provision for school. Never would she have tried to convince anyone else of such a thing. No one in their right mind would have believed her. As much as she believed it then, recently there had come a flicker of a doubt. A verse once crossed her mind about avoiding the mere appearance of evil. Not that what they were doing was in any way evil, but as the drunk man in Vegas had assumed, it appeared that way. Maybe what she thought was her answer was really her own way of avoiding going home.

In the aftermath of her decision to hit “
Send
,” she was giving her heart to a man who made it clear from the very beginning he wanted no part of it. Even though she most often refused to think of what the end of their agreement would mean, deep down, she knew she’d be devastated. If she were indeed mistaken about this arrangement being God’s provision, would He make a provision to save her heart? Or if He didn’t save it, would He at least put the pieces back together when it was shattered? How stupid she felt for placing herself in such a position to be as hurt again as she was by Tuck. She once thought herself much smarter than that.

When her phone rang, rattling her from her thoughts, Chelsea immediately hoped it wasn’t her mother. Avoiding her calls recently, she felt guilty for doing so, but felt guiltier still for how she had to dodge her mother’s questions. It was extremely difficult to say what she was doing with her time when she was actually on another continent with a man twice her age.

It was John. Relieved and excited, she answered, “Hey.”

“Hey.” Hearing in her tone the sound of excitement, his heartburn ignited. “What are you up to?”

“I’m about to eat some peach cobbler.”

“Cobbler? Where did you get peach cobbler?”

“I made it. I went to the farmers market this morning and bought fresh peaches. It’s just coming out of the oven.”

“I forget you’re a farm girl.” Shuffling papers around on his desk, he fished, “Sure would be nice to have some cobbler.”

Laughing softly, she admitted, “Sure would be nice to have some ice cream.”

“Vanilla?”

“Of course.”

“Will be there soon. Don’t start without me.”

Arriving with ice cream in hand, John waited beside her in the kitchen while Chelsea scooped cobbler into two bowls. “More,” he insisted.

Smiling up at him, she asked, “Did your mama make cobbler?”

“The best I’ve ever eaten.”

“So far,” she all but bragged. “You scoop.” She passed the ice cream toward him and handed him his bowl.

When he took the very first bite, and while sucking in air trying to cool down the steaming cobbler, he mumbled, “Chels, we have a new winner.”

Grinning, so happy he was there with her, she waited while he spooned ice cream onto her warm cobbler. Taking a bite, she agreed, “This is my best by far.”

Sitting together in the living room, they finished their cobbler. Afterwards, she asked, “So, you’ve eaten dinner I guess.”

Shaking his head, he admitted, “No, just dessert.”

“Me too. Wanna share a pizza?”

This night was different than any they’d shared together so far. In Australia they were basically forced to be together and to communicate. Tonight though, it was by choice that they sat and talked and ate and laughed. He opened up to her in ways he never had, telling her about growing up on a ranch and what a handful he was as a boy. What surprised her most was how much he talked about his parents. Even living so far away, he remained close with them.

An only child, John worked with his dad on the ranch from the time he was old enough to follow along until he left for college. Deciding on a different path than ranching, he chose not to move back to Montana after school. In the small town where he was raised, there would be little opportunity for him. He stayed in L.A. instead with his friend from school, Mark. Chelsea remembered him from her very first interview for the position of whatever she was. Together, they started at a small property development business and within ten years had begun to build what would become Keller Industries.

When Chelsea excused herself for a moment, John sat waiting. Feeling free of the heartburn he experienced since hearing her voice on the phone, he had to wonder if the cure came from filling an empty stomach or from simply being with her. He feared it was the latter. Never in his adult life had he felt as he did that night sitting with Chelsea eating cobbler and pizza. The only way he could describe the feeling was as a sense of being home again. It was comfortable, the way he felt when he lived with his parents. It was as if everything from the day, the hassles and stress of work simply faded when he was there with her. If he had to find a place to lay blame for this transformation within him, he would have to say it was returning home from Australia. This feeling certainly was not present when they were there. Maybe he felt something of an attraction beginning to form, but it was nothing that caused him great concern. But once he was home and they were apart for the majority of the past few days, the emptiness he felt in her absence was causing the pain in his chest. As much as he’d tried to avoid the reality of it by drowning himself in work, he suspected it was the “something big” he had been waiting for since feeling tremors in Sydney. She was the earthquake and would undoubtedly shake the very foundation from beneath him. For the first time, sitting there relaxed and totally unconcerned about work, he considered the possibility that what normally drove him might be loosening its grip.