On Solid Ground: Sequel to in Too Deep (11 page)

But trying to run away from my own heart was a totally different kind of running. My feet pounded into the pavement with angry strides. I needed to work through my anger and disappointment in Gracie’s assumption that I could turn off a switch and stop loving then run off into the sunset with someone else. I knew it was her self-esteem taking a nose dive that had brought her to that conclusion, but, at the same time, it pissed me off. I wanted her to have more faith in our relationship. I wanted her to be sure of where my heart was. But she wasn’t ready.

I knew that her decision meant we wouldn’t be spending as much time together, and my constant concern for her would have to wane as I started to trust her to make wise choices. Thank God Noah was gone for the summer and I wouldn’t have to worry about him preying on her newfound independence. I hoped he decided not to head to campus like he’d mentioned to Gracie. Of course, now there was Calon.
Fuck.

I didn’t know Calon from Adam, but I knew the rock star type. How in God’s name would I protect her from—

As soon as I stepped off the curb, a loud screeching sound came out of nowhere. A sharp pain in my knee radiated up through my pelvis and into my back. A hollow thud resonated inside my skull and everything went black.

****

“I think you should be okay. You have a minor concussion, and you’ll probably limp around on that knee for a while, so you need to take it easy. Are you taking any classes?”

“Um, no.” I was still trying to process the fact that a car had hit me.

“Work?”

“Not yet. I start a job next week.”

“Well, that’s good. A couple of days rest, a simple regimen of icing your knee, and ibuprofen should have you good as new.”

“Thanks.”

“Now watch where you’re going from now on. If the driver hadn’t been slowing down to turn into the parking lot, this could have been a lot worse. You actually ran into her. Had it been the other way around, you’d be in the ER.”

“Got it, doc. Thanks again.”

I limped out into the waiting room only to see my old roommate from the dorms smiling and shaking his head. Maverick was one of my first friends on campus. Freshman year, he, Sam, and I had met during an impromptu volleyball game in the quad. Thankfully, on this day, he had just parked in the lot I got hit in.

“Dude, what are you, four?” He slapped me on the back, which made my head throb even harder.

“Hey, shithead, I’m injured. Knock it off with the slapping.” I back-handed him in the stomach and ducked out of the way of his retaliation. Maverick was a Naval ROTC guy who could kick my ass with his eyes closed, so I knew I’d pushed it by hitting him back. His real name was Sean, but Sam could never keep straight who we were talking about, and it was too much hassle referring to them as ROTC Sean and Becki’s Shawn, not to mention it sounded ridiculous. So we settled on a nickname from the Navy-centered movie
Top Gun
.

“You were mumbling something about Gracie when I helped you stand up. Are you two actually dating? I was there last semester for the show.”

“Yeah.” I wasn’t about to get into the details of the last twelve hours with Mav. My head hurt enough already. “Wait. What show?”

“Your party last semester. You two made out in the hallway. I just assumed it was a drunken thing. Didn’t know you’d dumped Jessica for her. Gracie’s hot. But then again, so was Jess. You’re a stud, man.” He slapped me on the back again.

“Dude. Seriously?”

“Look, I saved your life. You can’t yell at me.”

“Saved my life? The doctor said I didn’t even lose consciousness. I remember walking to Student Health with you. I banged up my knee and bumped my head. Life-saving wasn’t part of your day, Mav.”

“Well, I’m glad you’re good ‘cuz that hottie over there is waiting for me to take her to lunch.” Maverick slapped me harder on the back and jogged backwards, laughing for a couple steps before turning back around and grabbing the ass of the girl waiting for him.

My knee was throbbing by the time I got to our building. I leaned against the wall as I waited for the elevator. I was picking at the bandage taped across my eyebrow when the doors opened and Becki and Gracie walked out.

“Jake!” Gracie ran over to me and held me by my waist as she looked me up and down. There was a huge patch of gauze covering the gash on my knee that swelled and turned blue with each step I took.

“Gracie, it’s okay. Just got a little banged up. Fell while I was running.” I could feel her warm hands through my shirt, and when she lifted them to touch my face, she brushed my chest, and I swore my heart skipped a beat. She held my face and tried to peek under the wad of gauze.

“Are you sure you’re okay? Your knee looks awful. I should—” She looked at Becki who raised her eyebrow as if to remind her she didn’t need to take care of me. Gracie’s eyes lifted to mine with a sadness so heavy, I thought she would burst into tears.

“No. Gracie, I’m fine. I swear. You and Becki go do...whatever it is you two do when you’re together. Nails. Shopping. Go. I’m good.” I didn’t want her to go. I wanted those warm hands all over my body. I wanted her lips on mine. I wanted to know, after she was done hanging out with Becki, she’d be in my bed. But that wasn’t how the day was going to go. I was going upstairs to my apartment, and later, she’d go home to hers.

“Will you call me if you need anything?” She wrapped her arms around my waist and squeezed me gently. The feeling of her head on my chest made me smile.

“I promise, baby girl.”

She smiled and turned to leave. The elevator had been up and down a couple times while she’d examined me and made sure I was okay. This time, when it opened, it was empty. I stepped on it alone.

I scrolled through my contact list on my phone and found Maverick’s number.

“Dude, you busy later? I’m going to need a drink. Or ten.”

Fifteen

Gracie

I didn’t turn back around to see if Jake was still in the lobby or if he’d gotten on the elevator. My heart stung, and I was nauseous.

“Becki.” Her name came out like a sigh.

“Gracie, deep breaths.” She reached over and rubbed my back a little. It didn’t help, but I appreciated her effort.

“Do you think he will fall in love with someone else?” Tears hung at the corners of my eyes.

“Why are you doing this to yourself? You told him you were taking a break until you got stronger. It’s Jake we’re talking about. He’s not going to run off and get laid.”

“Becki!”

The visual of Jake with another girl created a full-body spasm, and a pain shot into my chest. I had to shake my head to rid myself of the image. Becki shrugged.

“I didn’t actually tell him it was a break. I said he deserved someone who had her shit together, but I would always love him and be his friend.”

“Oh.”

“Oh, what?”

“Well, you kinda set yourself up for that one. You gave him the carte blanche of get-out-of-jail cards. Why didn’t you just tell him you needed time?”

“Becki, Jake has waited around for me for forever. He had to wait a whole fucking semester for me to say, “I love you.” I don’t want him to feel like his life will be in limbo while I get mine together.”

“You just need a break from the pressure of a relationship while you get your head on straight...that’s all you need to tell him. You don’t need to tell him to wait. He will.”

“I hope so.” I knew in my heart Jake was not the rebound kind of guy, but Becki was right, maybe I needed to clarify my reasoning for walking away from him.

“So, where to... homeless college student?” Becki tucked a stray section of straight hair behind her ear. She always looked so perfectly put together. Her hair was pulled back in a messy bun, too, but hers looked like a stylist had perfectly placed each and every hair. She wore a tight, pink t-shirt, short-shorts, flip flops, silver hoop earrings, and aviators. Man, she was gorgeous. It wouldn’t be long before she’d have another guy attached to her side. Shawn was an idiot.

“Homeless? I’m not running away. I just needed to get out of my apartment.”

“No, I didn’t mean you
were
homeless, I meant you
looked
homeless.”

I glanced down at my tan UGGS, frayed jean skirt, Jake’s black Green Day shirt and let out a quiet chuckle. We walked silently to her car. I had no idea where I would tell her to go.

“I need gum.”

“Honey, you need more than gum.” Becki shook her head and threw a pack of gum from her console at me.

“Thanks.”

“Where are we running to? Wait let me guess.” She looked me up and down again and smiled. “ There’s a crazy 90’s grunge concert in the area.”

“You’re funny.” I rolled my eyes. “Just drive. And talk about something other than my fucked-up life.”

“So, this guy last night...Oh, Gracie...”

“Do tell, Becks. I can’t wait to live vicariously through you.” Perfect. I would escape my breaking heart for one of her hot sex stories any day.

She was still giving me the dirty details when we pulled into Litton’s. Becki was brilliant. A diner. Coffee and comfort food. I convinced myself that coffee was all I needed to clear my head.

After we ordered and Becki finished explaining something X-rated that, even with my creative brain, I couldn’t have invented on my own, she headed to the restroom. I was trying to figure out how one could contort their body in order to do what I thought she was telling me she had done when I felt my phone buzz against my leg.

Sam.

I answered just as the waitress brought Becki’s food and a carafe of coffee for me. I smiled to thank her, phone glued to my ear.

“Gracie,” he started talking before I even said hello. “Honey, tell me you’re okay.”

“Sam, I’m okay. I’m with Becki, and I really don’t want to talk about anything right now. I’m just trying to clear my head. How did you know—”

I was pretty sure I knew the answer to my question though he answered before I finished it.

“I just got off the phone with Jake.”

“Are you angry with me, Sam?”

“Angry? No. I’m worried about you. And him. You guys are...” His voice trailed off as Becki took her seat and started in on her home fries.

“I know. With all my heart, I didn’t want to walk away from Jake, but I just need some time, that’s all.” I spoke, and Becki mouthed his name and cocked her head, questioning if that was who was on the phone. I nodded.

“I get that. I guess I just needed to hear it from you.”

“I don’t want to hurt him, Sam. He feels like I can only love him with part of my heart because he feels like Noah still holds the rest.”

Becki’s eyes bulged, and Sam went silent. This was a great way to talk it out, to both confidantes at the same time. Stacy would probably be pissed I wasn’t sharing this with her, but I was so pained by the decision to walk away from Jake, I couldn’t bear saying it any more than I already had. Plus, I couldn’t afford a call to Florence, which is where she was when she’d posted pictures online the night before.

It literally brought pain to my chest, thinking of Jake pacing in his apartment, running his hands through his hair, and mumbling to himself, trying to understand and digest what was happening. But, how could I be selfish and stay with him if being with him only reminded him of the part of my heart he thought he would never hold?

I ended up putting Sam on speaker and the three of us talked it out for over an hour. My heart had stopped racing, and I wasn’t shaking as much, but my thoughts were still frantic and open-ended. When Becki went up to the register to pay the check, I took Sam off speaker and finished our conversation.

“Gracie, he wants what’s best for you, and if putting an end to the relationship is best, he will be okay. It will hurt him, and he will have to heal, but he’s more about your happiness than his own. You know that.”

“I know, Sam. I just want him to be happy, but maybe that won’t happen with me.”

“Gracie, how about you start focusing on you and what makes
you
happy...and whole. If you stop worrying about how your decisions will affect other people, you may find the answers to your questions and comfort in place of your doubt.”

“What the hell? Are you reading that out of a book?” I giggled. I knew Sam was deep and emotional—I’d seen that side of him before—but it wasn’t usually something that happened between the two of us. He usually just let Jake do the talking and pulled a “yeah, what he said” kind of follow-up.

“Hey! Jake isn’t the last romantic stud on the planet. There are a few more of us around. Thanks for doubting my soft side.”

“Aww, Sam, I don’t doubt your romantic side. Thanks for your advice. It makes a lot of sense, and it’s exactly what I needed to hear.”

“I’m always here for you, too. Jake isn’t the only collegiate Superman, you know.”

“I know. Thanks, Sam.”

“I love you, Gracie.”

“I love you, too. Talk soon?”

“Hope so.”

Becki was sitting across the table having just walked into a whole lot of mush at the end of my conversation with Sam. “What the hell is with you?” She stood and motioned toward the door. “You have two of the most amazing men on the planet wound around your finger. Why...
how
? Nevermind. You piss me off.” She chuckled and bumped into me with her hip as we walked out the door.

Sixteen

Jake

It was well past dinner time and there was no food in my apartment. I’d iced my knee a couple times, fell in and out of sleep, and re-organized everything in the entertainment center. My headache was gone, and the ibuprofen was working at dulling the pain in my knee, so I headed out to grab a beer with Maverick at
Mitchell’s
.

“Jake, right?” Buzz wiped off the section of the bar in front of me.

“Yep.” I really wasn’t in the mood for small talk, but he was about to be my boss, so I thought I should at least be pleasant.

“What can I get you?” His round gut hung over his belt, and his mustache was thick and untrimmed, but he was a super nice guy. Everyone in town knew him by name.

“I’d like a beer. Rolling Rock.” I thought a couple beers on an empty stomach might take the edge off the mood I was in. Buzz pulled two green bottles from the cooler and set them in front of me as if he’d read my mind.