On Solid Ground: Sequel to in Too Deep (17 page)

Thank you, Calon.

Twenty-two

Jake

My feet pounded against the street and my fists were clenched. I’d just seen Gracie in the arms of another man. I was out of breath and sweating profusely. I rubbed the sweat from my eyes and tried not to translate what my brain was telling me was right in front of me, both figuratively and literally.

The pain in my chest wasn’t from the expansion of my lungs from my run; it was the feeling of my heart breaking. I’d always prided myself on being true to my word, and I’d told Gracie I would be her best friend no matter what. No matter what. But...when I stood in the midday sun and watched the other half of my heart connect with a man who could possibly offer her more than I could, I wasn’t sure I could keep that promise. Had she sought out his comfort over mine?

At the end of last semester, when she and I danced at
Mitchell’s
to Alternate Tragedy’s new single, “Fallen”, it was Calon’s words that brought the truth from Gracie’s lips. The way she looked at me the moment she told me she loved me would stay with me forever. And now that same man’s words threatened to steal her from me.

It took all my self-control not to charge over, rip his hands off her, and beat the living shit out of him for trying to move in where he didn’t belong. I was seething with jealousy. I watched him wipe what must have been tears from her cheeks. He bent down and looked her in the eyes, said something, and gave her one more hug. They went their separate ways, and I was relieved there was no kiss. I would have lost it if his lips had come any closer to hers.

My attempt to run off my anger helped a little, so I grabbed lunch downtown and took it back to my apartment. Distracting myself with food and a hot shower failed miserably. The only thing on my mind was the visual of Gracie in Calon’s arms. But there was one more possibility for distraction, the heap of laundry in my room. I threw it all in a basket and headed for the corner laundromat.

Head down, I walked in and straight to the washer I knew wouldn’t steal my money and dumped my clothes on the floor.

“You shouldn’t be so rough with your clothes.” Her voice. I turned and fell back against the open washer and crossed my arms. I searched my heart for something to say.

“Jake?”

I was so angry. When I looked at her, I saw Calon...with his hands on her. He had just touched her gently, wiped her tears, and held her close. He had taken his connection with Gracie way too far.

“Gracie?” I knew it sounded sarcastic when I’d said it, but it was all I could muster. It was just her name, but in question form, it clued her in to my mood.

“What’s wrong with you?” She giggled uncomfortably and seemed a little more than shocked by my attitude.

I was done pussyfooting around. If I wanted an open and honest relationship with Gracie then I’ll be damned if I continue to watch what I said and soften my tone just to keep her healing on target.

“Oh, I don’t know. Maybe I’m just sick of always being the one that hangs on while you keep yourself enamored with other guys. Dammit, Gracie.” I hated the way my voice sounded. I wasn’t used to the lack of control I felt over my life. It was incredibly unsettling, and I started to feel as though my relationship with Gracie hung in the balance.

“What?” She moved toward me and I had to look away

“Gracie, I’m not an idiot. I see the way you look at him. I know there’s a connection between you two that we will never share.”

“Who?” She took a step back.

“You know who. You and Calon. Face it. You’re attracted to him.”

“Of course I’m attracted to him, Jake. Just like I’m attracted to Sam or Maverick because we have things in common. Sam and I love Pearl Jam, and Maverick shares my love for the beach. But that’s it.”

“Gracie, you’re full of shit. It wouldn’t take much for him to seduce you.”

“I’m offended, Jake. I wouldn’t sleep with Calon.” She looked away from me and shook her hair off her shoulders, obviously a bit uncomfortable with my observations.

“I saw the two of you with your hands all over each other? I was there, Gracie.”

“Jake, what the hell are you talking about? You were where?”

“In the park, oh, I don’t know, about an hour and a half ago. You and Calon were on a bench and then he pulled you up into his arms. I swear to God, Gracie Jordan, if he had kissed you, I would have put my fist down his throat!” I took a step toward her, my fists clenched and by my side.

“Shhh. People are staring. You’re freaking out over nothing.”

“I don’t care if people are staring. Let them stare. Because I’m not doing anything anyone else in my position wouldn’t do. And, yes, I
am
freaking out!”

“Your position? What
is
your position, Jake?” She crossed her arms and tilted her head; a pissy attitude brewed right under the surface.

“Oh, you know my position well, Gracie Ann.” Yeah, I pulled the middle name card, but my blood was boiling. “It’s the position you’re forced into when the person you love seems to be, oh, I don’t know, intrigued or distracted by someone just a little bit more interesting than you. Forging a new relationship is exciting and sexually charged, but when you’re watching the girl of your dreams forge one with someone else, it’s gut wrenching. I’m sure you spent a lot of time in the shoes I’m in right now. But unlike you, I won’t stand for it. I refuse to stand by and let Calon pull you away from me.” Wow. That was a mouthful, none of which went through a filter.

“You think you’re in my shoes right now because you saw me in deep conversation with someone? You think that’s how my shoes fit last year? Well, let me give you a taste of what standing in my shoes feels like, Jake!”

She was livid. I probably shouldn’t have let the shoes thing out, but I felt like I had lost control of the only thing I held onto for dear life. Gracie.

“My shoes were heavy Jake, heavier than any you’ve ever worn. You’ve had it easy in the relationship department; you haven’t even come close to being in my shoes!” Now she was being loud.

“So, explain to me what you feel for him then. Help me understand why I shouldn’t be foaming at the mouth with jealousy right now.”

“I feel a connection with him because of his artistic side. I’m fascinated by his depth and the courage he has to bare his soul in the music he writes.”

“So, you don’t feel connected to him because you two kissed?” I stuffed my hands in my pockets. My knuckles ached from having them clenched for so long.

She tucked her chin and shifted her weight. “Well...”

“You do. Your past with Calon still has you enamored with him.”

She blushed. “To be honest, Jake, yes, it probably does. But, I assure you, it’s not for the reasons you’re thinking.”

“Enlighten me, Gracie.” I crossed my arms.

“Jake, I guess it’s infatuation.”

I actually grunted. That comment knocked the air right out of me.

“I’m flattered he still remembers our kiss. I love that he seems to be just as intrigued by me as I am of him. But I’m not infatuated with Calon. I’m infatuated with the idea of someone like Calon being interested in me...at all. In case you haven’t noticed, I’m lacking in the self-confidence department. But I don’t
love
him, Jake. I love you. You!”

“Gracie, I won’t lose you again. I can’t explain what I felt when I saw him holding you.” I stepped back and leaned back against the washer.

“You’re not going to lose me, Jake. Calon was reading something I wrote, and I told him a little about my past, and he comforted me when I got emotional. You’re really blowing this all out of proportion.” She hesitated coming any closer.

“So, what you’re saying is, worrying I’m going to break up with you every time Jess calls me i
sn’t
blowing something out of proportion, but losing my shit when I catch another guy holding you and touching you
is
?”

“Jake.”

She had nothing. There was nothing she could say that would make me feel comfortable with the relationship she was building with Calon. She came toward me, and I held up my hand.

“No, Gracie. You’ve got serious double standards. You’re allowed to lose your mind with jealousy, but I’m not. I can’t function like that.”

“Jake, how many times do I have to tell you? I’m not going to fall for Calon.” She took another step forward, so close I could feel her breath on my face.

“They’re just words, Gracie. I need you to show me—”

Before I could say another word, her lips touched mine. She was hesitant at first, just letting them brush mine, but then she kissed me. Her mouth became an extension of mine, our lips reunited and our tongues intertwined. She had her hands in my hair, and I held her so close, I could feel her heart racing. I fell into another dimension, but then snapped out of it quickly and pushed her away.

“And how is that kiss different from the one you shared with Calon? What was this kiss supposed to show me, Gracie?” I grabbed all the laundry I had yet to wash and threw it back in my basket. I turned and looked at her. The rejection on her face was heartbreaking, but so was the rejection I felt.

****

I sat alone in my apartment, unable to make sense of the emotions running through my system. On one hand, I was happy that Gracie was pouring herself into her poetry and music, but on the other hand, I hated that it was with Calon. How could I justify trying to dissuade her from investing in her relationship with Calon when the things he could teach her might save her?

Frustrated and with no one else to turn to, I called my dad.

“Son, to what do I owe this honor?” I could tell he was smiling by the sound of his voice. I was used to not seeing him, but it had been longer than usual since we’d chatted.

“Hey, Pop. I need your help.”

“You’re not in jail, are you?”

He chuckled when he said it. I was never in trouble growing up. My observant nature was woven deep within me. When I was really young and saw someone get spanked, I decided obedience would be my best friend. That notion followed me for the rest of my youth. I was about ten when three of my friends were hauled down to the Jackson police station for daring each other to shoplift. And in high school, more people than I could count got caught drinking or doing drugs. It seemed like a simple enough equation to me; I couldn’t understand why other kids didn’t get it. If you want to stay out of trouble you simply follow the rules. So my dad knew I wasn’t calling him from jail.

“No, Pop, it’s a girl. I need some advice.”

“Oh, Jacob, sometimes I believe women are the root of all evil.” He exploded into laughter, which brought a smile to my face. Since their divorce, my mom and dad had remained close, but neither had ever remarried. I’m sure he dated, but no one I ever heard about. I assumed no one measured up to my mom in his eyes.

“Well, Gracie’s not evil. I love her, Dad. My feelings run way deeper than they ever have for anyone else.”

“Yeah, that’s an awful predicament to be in.” He chuckled again.

“No, listen. She’s formed a creatively-based relationship with this local rock star, and...well, I guess I feel threatened by him. He’s giving her things I can’t. She’s writing lyrics and taking guitar lessons, all as a means to deal with some baggage from her last relationship. They really have a great bond. But I’m so damn jealous, I could shred him.”

“Son, what about Gracie makes you love her so deeply?”

“She’s amazing, Pop. Her heart is bigger than the planet, and she loves to love. She hands herself over so readily when someone is in need. She’s talented and beautiful, and she makes me feel things I’ve never felt before. She’s unique and genuine and everything I want in the person I will spend the rest of my life with.”

“Then it’s simple. You know what you have to do.”

“I do?”

“You fight for her, Jake. You fight tooth and nail and never give up on her.” The line went silent.

“You there?” I could hear movement and a faint rustling on the other end of the phone. I wasn’t sure what he was doing, but whatever it was, it was keeping him quiet.

“I’m here. Jacob. Don’t make the same mistake I did. Don’t walk away from the best thing that’s ever happened to you. You know why? Because you will compare everyone that comes after her on the Gracie-meter, and trust me when I tell you, no one will ever measure up.”

I was stunned by what he’d just unloaded. My dad and I were great friends, but he never shared his heart with me like that.

“Thanks, Dad. Hey, how’s Shyla?”

“Oh, she’s hobblin’ around here, still thinkin’ she’s queen. Jake, some days I think she’ll outlive me. She’s a good dog. She keeps me company.”

Shyla was a beautiful Golden Retriever. I was ten when we went on a snowmobile run after a big storm in the dead of winter. She’d been left in a box alongside the road out in the middle of nowhere. I picked her up and nestled her inside my coat, and we later warmed her by the fire when we got home. I had to bottle-feed her for weeks.

“You done with that canoe yet?” My dad was an amazing craftsman and reserved one bay of our garage as project central. His latest gig was a seventeen-and-a-half-foot cedar canoe he’d named Martha. She was gorgeous. He took his good old time with Martha. He spent hours steam bending the ribs, caning the seats, and adding coat after coat of epoxy.

“Nope. I swear I’m takin’ it slow because I almost don’t want her to be done. It’s like my therapy, ya know?”

“Will she be done by Christmas?”

“Well, hell yes. I ain’t makin’ it last
that
long. I want to float her before I’m dead.”

“Perfect. I’m hoping Gracie will visit for the holidays.”

“Hang onto her, Jake. I mean it.”

“I know you do. Thanks.”

“Hey, I heard your mom’s coming to see you.”

I loved that my parents remained on good terms with each other.

“Yeah, she’ll be here next week. I’m excited for her to meet Gracie.”

“Oh, so she gets to meet her first. I see how it is.”

“Finish that canoe and you can meet her, too.”

“Well, then, stop jabbering and let me get to work.” He chuckled.