On Solid Ground: Sequel to in Too Deep (37 page)

Calon leaned against the back wall and hung his head; he chose not to rejoin the group that had formed in front of me. It was almost as though he was trying to take the pressure off me by breaking away from the group. It made the crowd only one less person, but the calm on his face and something in his eyes and the tilt of his head said, “Go ahead.” I took a ragged breath and started the intro over again.

This time, my voice came in on cue. I looked up at Calon again for encouragement to get through the whole song. My eyes landed on him, but his eyes were closed. He leaned against the wall and was clearly feeling the music I played, and when he opened his eyes, they were still locked on me. A single tear fell from his eye and traveled to his chin. He reached up and wiped it away with the back of his hand. I could barely make sense of the irony of the situation. I closed my eyes and made my way through the song. Applause broke out from the mass in front of me. I smiled and waved and thanked all the people who personally came up to tell me how much they enjoyed the song. I looked around for my mentor, but Calon was gone.

I stood up and leaned the loaner guitar against the stool for the next performer. I was sweating like crazy from nerves, but my soul was buzzing. The thrill of performing was like a drug. It was way better than getting drunk and almost as satisfying as sex. Almost.

Soon, the benefit auction began, and the noise was almost unbearable. The doors to the other rooms in the building were closed off, so I looked for the closest door to the courtyard.

I saw Calon through one of the windows in the breezeway near the room the event was in. I walked up to the tall glass door and watched him. He took a deep, exaggerated breath, clasped his hands on his head, then leaned back against one of the stone pillars. His eyes were closed, but his lips were moving ever so slightly, like he was talking or singing silently. A moment later, he slid down the pillar and held his head in his hands. I couldn’t stand it anymore; I walked out quietly, but had no idea what I should say or do.

“Calon?” I was so worried I would startle or embarrass him, but I didn’t want him to feel like I was sneaking up on him either.

He kept his head in his hands, but turned his face toward mine. I sat down next to him and placed my hand on his shoulder.

“Hey, Gracie.” His voice was so small at that moment. I’d never seen this side of Calon. He was always so large and intense, but he was nothing close to that as he sat in the shadows. He was small and seemed lost.

“Calon, what is it?” I scooted in closer and rubbed his back. The ribs of his corduroy jacket made a calming, rhythmic sound as my hand moved across them. His eyes never left mine as he drew in a sharp breath.

“Gracie, we need to talk.”

I had no idea what he could possibly have to tell me that could make him this unbelievably serious. Intense was one thing, but I hadn’t seen Calon serious since the day we’d run into one another at The Garage.

“Sure. We can talk. Here?”

“No, I need to get out of here.” He stood and helped me up. He held my hand in his and led me to the main event room. I saw the same woman he had spoken to earlier just as she turned and saw us. Her eyes went right to our hands.

“Thanks again for having us, Mrs. Alexander. We’ve gotta bolt, but it was nice to see you again.”

“Oh, Calon, it was so good to reconnect. It’s been way too long. Please, don’t be such a stranger. And Gracie, your voice is beautiful. You’re a lucky girl.” She looked back at our hands, and I wasn’t sure if she meant I was lucky to have a nice voice or because she assumed Calon and I were together.

“Thank you, it was lovely to be here.” I didn’t know what else to say.

We headed outside, and I looked around for Calon’s car. I ran late getting ready for the event, so instead of Calon picking me up, I had Becki drop me off. I had no idea what kind of car Calon had, and picturing him in a car seemed strange. He had more of that drifter thing going on. We got to the edge of the lot, and I saw it. Of course, Calon didn’t drive a car.

“No.” I said it calmly, but inside, I was freaking out.

“Here, put this on.” He handed me a helmet.

I kept my arm outstretched, holding it away from me. “Calon, I don’t do vehicles without doors.” I shook my head adamantly.

“Gracie.”

“Fine.” I huffed and put the helmet on.

There was something eating away at him, and I was only going to make it worse if I made a big deal about riding his motorcycle. He climbed on and motioned for me to climb on behind him. The seat was the size of a three-by-five card, I wasn’t sure how my ass was going to fit there, but I climbed on, thankful I’d worn leggings and not the skirt Becki had tried to force on me. A motorcycle suited Calon way better than a car could have. It was an older bike, looked like a classic of some sort, and it was painted flat black, not shiny and glossy like most bikes. It was totally Calon.

“Ready?” He turned his head toward me as the engine came to life.

Vibrations spread up my legs and into my core. It wasn’t entirely awful; it was a little like a giant vibrator. Who knew?

“No.”

“Hold on, Gracie.” He smirked a little. He got a kick out of telling me what to do. At least I got a smile out of him.

I snaked my arms under his and held on around his waist. He revved the engine super hard, and I squeezed tighter. His body bounced a little, and I knew he was chuckling at my fear. He walked the bike a few feet to the edge where the parking lot met the road and put one foot up, gave it some gas, then leaned into the turn as the back wheel fish-tailed just a little on some gravel. I screamed and smacked him in the stomach. As if on cue, he chuckled again. I couldn’t hear him over the engine, but his body bounced even harder that time.

We only rode for about five minutes before he pulled off to the side of the road and stopped. It was a good thing we didn’t go any farther because I had wrung all the blood from my hands from squeezing them so hard. I hopped off the bike and waited for Calon to tell me what to do with the helmet. He motioned toward the seat, so I balanced it there and shook out my hands.

“Fun?”

“No.”

He smiled and shook his head then grabbed my hand. We were on the edge of a road I didn’t recognize. He headed onto a trail that led into the woods. It was so dark, I had no idea how he knew where we were or where we were going.

“You’re lucky I trust you.” I took a couple quick steps so I was right next to him.

“Why’s that?”

“You’re this dark, secretive guy who just forced me onto your bike and brought me to the woods in the dark. It’s like the opening scene of a horror movie.”

“Well, then why
do
you trust me?” It was a good question.

“Honestly? I don’t know, Calon. There’s just something about you I connect with, like we’ve known each other forever.”

“Yeah.” He climbed up on a huge rock and just stood there with his head back, looking up at the stars. I climbed up next to him and looked up. It was so dark, we could see every single star in the sky. It was beautiful. My phone chimed.

Jake: Hey. Where are you?

Shit.

Me: I’m hanging with Calon for a little. We left the event. Something’s up w him. I just need to be here for him. K?

Jake: Sure. Call me when you get home?

Me: Sure. You sure you’re ok w this?

Jake: You love me?

Me: Of course.

Jake: Then I’m ok w it

Me:
:)

“Jake?”

“Yeah. So, what’s going on? You’re totally in a different place right now. I’m not used to seeing you this way.”

“Gracie, do you remember the night we...met?”

“We kissed.”

“Yeah, we did. I couldn’t explain it then, and I’m not going to pretend I can now, but I owe you some sort of explanation.”

“Explain what?”

“When we left The Garage the day we ran into each other, you commented that I’d never called you. Well, there’s a reason for that.”

“Good grief, Calon. You don’t owe me anything from that night. It was just a kiss.”

“But that’s just it, Gracie. It wasn’t just a kiss for me. This connection we have, it’s...”

“Intense.”

“To say the least.” He turned toward me. “Gracie, that night after we kissed, I texted you like a hundred times but never sent any of them. I’d text, then erase, text, then erase. I didn’t have the words to explain what I was feeling. It was like you walked away holding part of my soul, and I didn’t know what to do with that.”

“And then you realized you were drunk and decided it wasn’t a big deal.”

“I wasn’t drunk, Gracie. I swear.”

I started to feel guilty. Calon had way more emotions tied up in that night than I did. How was I going to tell him I didn’t feel the same way? He acted as if I’d stolen his heart, and he’d spent all this time trying to live without it.

“Calon, I—”

“Gracie, just listen. Please don’t say anything yet.”

I nodded.

“I’ve kissed one person in the four years since Chloe died. You.”

“Chloe? The event tonight was for her.” My reaction came out all breathy. Way to drop a bomb on me. My heart raced.

He nodded.

“Chloe and I dated all through high school. We both lived in abusive situations so we sort of saved each other on a daily basis. She was my world. She looked a lot like you. She was beautiful. And she had this spirit that she couldn’t hide. It had people enamored before she even spoke.”

“What happened?” I couldn’t believe how sad his story was, and something told me it was about to get worse.

“She had cystic fibrosis.” He shook his head and squeezed his eyes closed like he was trying to rid himself of something awful. “I don’t know if you know anything about that disease, but it is the cruelest way for someone to die. They literally suffocate.” He reached up and rubbed his face. “My lips were on Chloe’s when she took her very last breath.”

He went down on his knees and grabbed two handfuls of his own hair. The sound of his sobs physically pained me. I grabbed my chest and sat down on the cold rock next to him.

“Oh, God, Calon. I am so sorry. I kissed you and you weren’t ready, I should never have—”

“No, Gracie! That’s not it at all. It was your kiss that pulled me out of two years of wanting to end my life. I know now that’s why I felt such an urgency to see you again. I wanted...I needed to see you, to touch you again, but...”

“But, what?”

“That night we kissed, I walked back to Phi Tau, trying to text you something that wasn’t going to be creepy or have you thinking I was a stalker.”

“You know I wouldn’t have thought that.”

“I know that now.” He smiled and bumped into me with his shoulder then wiped his face with his sleeve.

“Anyway, the guys and I were in the van on the way back to our place. Spider talked me into actually sending the text, but before I hit send we were T-boned by a drunk driver, and I went through the windshield.”

Those words sucked the breath right from my lungs, and tears streamed down my face. I wrapped my arms around him, and he leaned his head on mine. I couldn’t bring myself to speak, so I just hugged. I knew if he connected with me as well as he said he did, he would just feel what I needed him to know. I was so thankful he was alive so he could bless my world with his talent.

“I was the only one seriously injured. I spent months in the hospital then almost a year in rehab learning how to walk and talk...and sing again.”

“A pain so deep you were silenced and an angel in your dreams. The lyrics to ‘Silenced.’ I asked you about it, but you wouldn’t give me a straight answer.”

“I wasn’t ready.”

I brushed the hair from his forehead. “These scars.” I remembered noticing them in the sunshine when we walked from The Garage to the Café while I tried to decipher his intensity.

“Yeah. The glass pretty much peeled my face off. Doctors had to reconstruct it.”

“They did a good job. You’re still as handsome as ever.”

“Thanks.” He smiled and tucked a couple curls behind his ear. “Gracie, after the accident, I couldn’t remember anything from that night or the week leading up to it. My phone was crushed so I lost all my contacts...and the text I was sending you. It wasn’t until I saw you at The Garage that I remembered anything about that night and all that intense connection flooded back with such a force, I couldn’t think straight.”

“Oh, Calon.” What the hell was I supposed to say?

“The explanation I owe you is that, at first, I pursued our musical connection just to see if you had the same feelings I did.”

“Calon, Jake and I—”

“I know, Gracie. And it’s okay. I’m so happy for you.”

“But you’re sad.”

“No, not sad. Overwhelmed. The only two souls I ever had that connection with were both stolen from me, and it’s a little overwhelming when something triggers those feelings. Tonight, being at the benefit and seeing Chloe’s mom, it was a trigger, and I just needed you to hear the story from me, so there was no confusion as to my intent. I don’t ever want to lose you, Gracie. You mean a lot to me.”

“Calon, I feel so blessed to be so close to you. I love this connection.”

“Me too, Gracie. And tonight, having you with me at Chloe’s benefit was unbelievably difficult, especially when you sang ‘Just Breathe.’ It’s about letting go and seeing someone
on the other side.
It’s taken me since we reconnected to put my finger on what it was about you that wrecked me that day at The Garage. It was like I was seeing a ghost. I didn’t remember ever feeling that soulful connection for anyone but Chloe. So, when that feeling pulled me into you that day, it was like I was reconnecting with her.”

“Oh.” It was a weird emotion I felt right at that moment. I was almost hurt that his only connection with me was that I reminded him of Chloe, but at the same time, I was glad I could give him that.

“Gracie, you gave me a gift no one could have given me. You gave me hope that I could one day find someone who fits my heart as well as Chloe did. I just wanted you to know.”