Releasing the death grip I have on Levi’s head, a wave of embarrassment surfaces, and I realize that I have no memory of the words that may have left my mouth. I’m about to stammer an apology when Levi puts me at ease.
“You. Are. Perfect. You. Are. Beautiful. I’m gonna make you mine,” he says, then starts climbing up my body, forcing me to move up the bed with him.
“You ready for me, Scrappy?” he asks. “I need to be inside you, baby, I’m fucking dying to feel that tight pussy gripping me. I want to lose it while I’m buried deep inside you.”
“Now, Levi, yes,” is my reaction to his words. I’m still coming down from the high, but I’m more than ready for another hit. He’s like a drug; I’ve had a little taste but now I need more.
Levi shifts to the side. I hear a drawer open and the telltale crackly sound of a foil package being opened. I know its been years, but I recognize the sound instantly. Suddenly there’s a dropping feeling in the pit of my stomach and I’m feeling so anxious, thoughts seeping into my mind of how I’m about to permanently exorcise Shawn from my body. I know its crazy to think about it this way, but Shawn’s all I’ve ever known. Can I even do this?
As if sensing the shift in me, Levi lays down beside me, so we’re face-to-face. Looking me in the eyes, sincerity in his tone, he works to soothe me. “We can wait, Braun. I’m happy to just hold you, baby.” He kisses my nose, before reaching over to put the condom on the table.
I know I’m ready, it’s not that. I’m just suddenly nervous. I’m more than ready to experience this with Levi. I want this connection with him, physically and emotionally. I’m only struggling because I feel guilty, like I’m letting the memory of Shawn down or something, erasing it. Deep down I know it’s not true, I could never forget what we shared. I know Shawn wants this for me, and I know I want this for me too, especially with Levi. I just need to allow myself to move forward, to allow my mind to follow my heart.
I feel Levi shift on the bed, turning on the iPod dock as the polarizing voice of Tom Odell fills the room. And there’s the sign I’ve been secretly wishing for, the last little push I need. The lyrics to “Heal” play as Levi rolls onto his back, resting with one arm around my shoulder and allowing me to come to him, signalling that it’s okay for me to set our pace, that there really isn’t a rush or a worry. He rubs my arms gently, and I lay there looking at him, knowing that this is—that
Levi is
—what I want.
I lean over and kiss him with everything I have. A kiss I hope is telling him everything he needs to know. That I’m ready. For him.
For us.
Our mouths meet again, tongues dancing with each other in the slowest of routines, the movements teasing—consuming.
“Levi,” I whisper, as his hands slowly make their way into my hair, gently mussing and twisting it, pulling me closer.
“Fuck, you always taste perfect. I’m addicted to you, Braunwyn.” Levi says, kissing my lips before moving down to my neck and chest. “I’ve been dreaming about you like this, here in my bed. I can wait to be with you, baby, but I know you’re already mine,” he utters, kissing me again as the comfortable sound of the tender lyrics surrounding us. I know Levi means it, that he’ll wait, but I’m ready to become each other’s. I’m consumed with a need for him to feel what I feel…that he is what I need. All I want.
Without drawing attention, I reach for the condom packet before I move to sit up. I bring myself up slowly until I’m straddling him, as the song talks about taking the heart and the hand, about healing, about taking the pain. Levi does that for me. He takes my pain; he makes me better.
I sit for a moment looking down at him, taking him in. This feels new to me, taking the lead, putting myself out there and taking what I want. I’d been a kid before, not truly knowing what I know in this moment.
My feelings for Levi are deep. True. Levi looks at me as if he knows what I’m thinking. His strong hands reach up to cup my face, and I lean into his strength. “You’re stunning, Braunwyn. I’ve got you. We’ve got this.” I shift a bit as his words impact me. “Fuck, you amaze me. I can’t wait to feel us.” I move to kiss his palm, before looking in his eyes once again, eyes that set me afire.
Looking down at Levi, I whisper, “I’m ready,” before sheathing his long throbbing cock with the condom. Visions of the last time I did this same act jolt into my mind but I dismiss them just as quickly, instead focusing on Levi’s thickness, thinking how much I want to feel him move within me.
I grab his hands, smiling as I shift my hips over his hardness once again, teasing him. “I’m more than ready for this. I want to love again, Levi. I want to stop thinking about living and actually live again. I want to live my life for me, focusing on moving forward, with you, with us.” I kiss both of his hands before easing myself up, positioning myself to take all of him. I slide one hand down and guide him to where I need us connected. I ease down on him slowly, with some back and forth, allowing myself to adjust to his size and to the sensation of having him there.
“Fuck, Braunwyn. You take my breath away.” Levi sighs appreciatively, deeply, then rubs his thumb along my cheek as he leans up to kiss me. He holds me close, sitting up now, settling his hands back into my hair. He breathes me in as we move in sync, the pace slow and steady. I soon feel the urgency building in him to pick up the pace.
Comfortable with having him inside of me now, I begin to move up and down excruciatingly slowly, teasing him back for what he did to me earlier, only letting his cock glide in and out when I feel like it, as I move up and down, over and over. I know I’m testing his control, but it feels so good that I don’t pay any mind to how he grips my hips to try and force the pace to quicken. I push him back down, not having it.
“Christ, you feel fucking good, baby. So fucking tight and smooth, gripping my cock in your tight pussy…” he grunts. His words wreak havoc on my body, and force me to begin picking up my pace.
The next thing I know, Levi has us flipped, with me on the bottom, my hands pulled up above my head and our fingers intertwined. He grazes his nose along my face and neck.
“What are you doing to me, Braun?” he asks. “Jesus, I’ve never felt this before. I’m falling in love with you. I’ll be dammed if I know when it started to happen, but it is.”
I have no words again. It’s as if the English language has fled me at his admission, not because I’m frightened but because I feel the same way.
“Levi…” It’s a whisper, but I finally get something out as my eyes well up. I gasp trying to heed the crazy rush of emotions that have taken root deep within, all the words I want to say clogged in my throat fighting to escape, but there are too many vying for the lead. So instead I stare him square in the eyes and tell him: “You really do heal me, Levi. You make me happy.”
“Always, Scrappy. Always.”
Levi continues to move inside me, fusing our bodies together with each movement. The sound of my wetness is suddenly the only noise occupying the otherwise quiet space for a few seconds before the next song starts. We move into one another like it’s home. Levi’s moving like his body has always been meant for mine and mine for his, connecting as if we were a reunion of two souls.
He moves his head down, taking my nipple in his mouth while picking up the rhythm. “I can’t do slow anymore, Scrappy. Fuck, seeing you taking me into your sweet cunt was enough to drive me crazy. You. Feel. Fucking. Amazing.” He punctuates his words as his thrusts become deeper, more intense.
“Levi!” I shout as a kaleidoscope of colour ignites behind my eyelids, as Levi drives me over the precipice.
“Oh, shit, yeah, fuck, Braun, your pussy feels like a vice grip on my cock. Fuck, I’m gonna come so
haarrrrd
…” Levi says through clenched teeth as he loses himself to me, in me.
He lets his weight drop for a moment, and I hold this strong muscular man tightly, thankful I let my guard down long enough for him to slip past the gates.
Resting on Levi’s chest now as it rises and falls, I break the quiet, knowing I need to properly respond to my feelings of him sharing he’s falling in love with me.
“In case you missed it,” I whisper, “I’m falling for you too, Levi. I think I already have.” I hold onto him tight. And then we fall asleep to Sarah McLaughlin singing “Angel.”
Braunwyn
“E
eep! I’m way
too excited that we’re finally going to do this, Braun. We’ve been talking about getting these tattoos forever,” London squeals as Levi pulls his Mustang into Sinkin’ Ink.
“I know! I hope it doesn’t hurt too much. I’m a sucker for pain,” I joke, knowing full-well that the little bit of discomfort will be worth it.
“Nah, you’ll be fine. It’s such a small tatt, you’ll be done in no time.” Levi assures me as he helps Emmerson out of her booster seat.
After all the positive changes in my life over the last year I decided it was time to get the tattoo I’d wanted for a long time. As soon as I mentioned getting it, Levi all-out insisted that he make the arrangements, including being there. As long as I went to Sinkin’ Ink and used Bettie then Levi was happy.
Now here we are. To get my
tattoo
, and I’m so stinkin’ excited. Time to reward myself for finally living my life for the future, not the past.
“You ready, baby?” Levi asks in my ear, using that gruff tone I love, the one that causes my body to react immediately. The butterflies begin their giddy dance while my face flushes, the warm feeling in my cheeks always the giveaway. “Jesus, Braun, you’re gonna kill me,” he whispers, as he notices the effect he has on me. I swear he speaks to me like that on purpose whenever he can. Laughing, he pulls Emme and I toward the main entrance.
“Come on, ladies, I’ll get you set up. Then I’ll take Scooby over to McDonald’s for a Happy Meal and some running around time in that Play Place thing you like,” Levi says, turning to Emmerson and hamming up his excitement for her benefit with a giant smile.
“Yay! Shaggy, you’re the best. I wove Play Place!” Emmerson answers, jumping up and down. I was a bit reluctant to bring Emme to the tattoo parlour; I didn’t think it was a great place for her to hang out, but Levi—being the amazing man he is—offered to take her for lunch while London and I get our ink. Listen to me, I sound like a tattoo veteran, rather than someone fighting a mix of nerves and excitement, someone facing an entirely new, and potentially painful, “first time”.
Walking into Sinkin’ Ink, my senses are immediately put on overdrive. I can’t decide where to let my eyes land first, seeing mural-after-mural of amazing tattoo illustrations and photos decorating the walls. My ears perk up at the low hum of tattoo guns coming from the back room, and my nerves kick up a notch while I stand in the lobby taking it all in. Emmerson drags me to the left wall, pointing out a few of the bigger posters showcasing full-body-tattooed people.
“Mommy, you’re not getting’ a big one wike that are you?” she asks, looking concerned, and I laugh at the sincerity in her question.
“No, Little Miss. Just a tiny little arrow right here,” I say, and point to the inside of my index finger.
“
Phew.
Okay. I was worried. I mean, I wike Levi’s but you’re too pretty for all those.” She hugs my legs before leading me over to where London and Levi are talking.
“So…who’s ready to rumble?” a petite woman growls, as she enters the lobby from the back room. “I’m Bettie you guys are my twelve o’clock, right?”
She stares straight into Levi’s eyes while she speaks, a knowing smile gracing her full lips. She’s a beautiful woman with a short blonde pixie cut, a nose ring and—you guessed it—lots of tattoos, which only serve to make her more edgy and appealing. I’m hit with a pang of jealousy as I glance between her and Levi. I’m suddenly feeling a bit nervous but also a bit curious, I’m not gonna lie.
“So, Braun, you going first or am I?” London chirps. Bettie’s eyes are still trained on Levi while she stands by the counter.
“Umm, I’ll go,” I say, bending down to kiss Emme. I figure I might as well get it over with, besides I want Emme and Levi to see that I’m braver than I actually feel. “Be good for Levi, Emme. I’ll meet you at McDonald’s soon.”
“Okay, Mommy. Have fun gettin’ a tatt,” she says and I laugh at her using the term Levi’s been using when talking about my getting a tattoo.
I kiss the top of Emmerson’s head, and stretch up to give Levi a kiss before they leave for the restaurant and I march back with Bettie to get my ink. “Thank you, babe. You’re incredible to Emme and me. I think you deserve a Scooby snack,” I say, and raise my brows suggestively.
He gives me that deep rumble I love while pulling me closer.
“You know I love hanging out with Scooby, so it’s no big deal,” Levi says. “‘Scooby snacks’, eh? Is that what we’re gonna call it now? I like it, kinky girl. I definitely deserve me some Scooby snacks.” He squeezes my ass before letting me go.
I think I need a Scooby snack too. Jeez, this man…
“All right, break it up, you two. We run a clean shop here,” Bettie almost grunts at Levi and I.
“Here, here,” London chimes in. “I agree. You two are worse than an after-school special. Vomit,” she gestures, putting her finger down her throat.
“Real nice, London,” I roll my eyes at her.
“Don’t hate the player, sister, hate the game. You two are way too adorable for me at this moment. Boys suck,” she adds, before sticking her tongue out at Levi.
“Hey, hey! I’m innocent. I’m the good guy. Remember?” Levi raises his hands in mock surrender.
“Pssht, you have a penis and you are friends with the enemy. Therefore, you, my handsome friend, get lumped in with the lot.” She crosses her arms over her chest with indignation.
“Oh, Finn. What have you done now?” Levi questions, but before London can reply Bettie butts in.
“Okay, drama class is over.” She nods at me. “Now, go get your ass in the back, lady. The needle awaits, I got me a cherry to pop. This is this the part of the job that gets me off; nothing beats marking virgin skin with a little bit of Bettie,” she says, walking up close to us and interrupting our moment. She spoke more harshly than she needed to, I think, and my stomach gives another jolt, more painful this time. Bettie is really, really cute, and feisty to top it all off, not to mention that look she gave him…
Has Levi slept with Betty?