And, one day soon, I plan on telling him so.
Levi
“Y
eah, Scrappy, it’s
no trouble. We’ll meet you at my place instead. Don’t worry about dinner. Scooby and I will figure something out. Okay. Okay, yeah. Give Grams hugs for us. Tell her to rest up and feel better for tomorrow. Love you too, baby.”
Clicking off the Bluetooth, I look back at Scooby as she watches me in the rearview mirror. “That was Mommy. Grams isn’t feeling so good after her appointment today, so you and me are gonna go to my house and Mommy is going to meet us later on.”
“Okay, Shaggy. I’m okay wif that. I wove going to your house. Can we watch some Scooby-Doo?”
“Sure, but we’re going to make a quick stop at Home Depot first. I have a surprise for you. Something we can do to make my house even more fun for you, seeing as you come over a lot. What do you think?”
“Oh, I wove surprises! Let’s go.” She smiles so big, her dimples show.
I never expected to have such a tight bond with an almost-five-year-old. Over the last three months since Grams has been fighting cancer and recuperating, Emmerson and I have become thick as thieves. I pick her up most days after school, then either keep her with me until Braun is home from university, or drop her off to either London or Grams and Lewis, if Grams is up for it.
Never have I been so thankful for owning my own business in my life. Because of the later hours and everyone knowing about Grams, Braun and I have been able to have extremely flexible shifts. Luke is officially the bar manager now, so I don’t even have to work most nights if I don’t want too. This arrangement works better as I can work during the day and be free to pick up Emmerson. Of course, I still work a shit ton, I probably always will, but for now I choose day shifts and work from home when I can, and usually choose the nights Braun works to go in. Lewis and Grams still insist on looking after Emmerson when Grams is up to it, despite how fatigued she’s been.
Driving along, listening to our favourite Snack Time CD by the Barenaked Ladies, Emme breaks the silence at the red light a block away from Home Depot.
“Levi?”
“Yeah, Scooby?” I ask turning down the “Popcorn” song.
“Levi, are you somebody’s daddy?” Emme asks, surprising me.
Oh, no. Please don’t ask me about your dad. About Shawn Parker.
I start to panic, thinking about what the hell I’m supposed to say. Braun and I never talked about this coming up.
“No, Scooby. I’m not, not yet. Why do you ask?” I look back and see her shrug.
“Well, I just thinked that you’re so good and fun that maybe one day if you don’t get to be a daddy, you might want to be my daddy, ’cause I don’t have one yet,” she says, and my eyes sting as her words pull at my emotions.
God. This kid…
“I’d really love that, Scooby. I’d be honoured,” I tell her honestly, because I would. I would love to be a dad to this incredible little girl.
Emmerson doesn’t say a word. She just smiles up at me in the rearview mirror as if she didn’t completely rock my world. Then, without missing a beat, she goes on: “Shaggy, can I ask you a question?”
“Always, Scooby. Always.”
“Can we get a cat at your house? Grams’s allergenic so we can’t but I reallllllly want one. My best friend in my class has one and she says it’s her best friend. I know I have you and mommy, but I want a fur baby too,” she pleads and just like that I became a dad and a future cat owner, all because a little girl I love asked me to.
Braunwyn
P
ulling into Levi’s
driveway in a cab, I take a deep breath. “Can you just give me a second?” I ask the driver.
“Sure thing. Take all the time you need,” he nods, grabbing his phone, the red numbers on the metre continuing to run.
I take a second to compose myself. Over the last few months, Grams has been slowly getting better. The surgery was successful and thankfully she didn’t need the additional chemo which was great news, but Grams has had a bit of struggle bouncing back to her normally active self. A bout of the flu and fatigue has been a huge obstacle in her recovery time.
Today I took her to the lawyers to update her last will and testament. She was adamant, given the last few months, about making sure that everything was indeed updated and in order. Talk about an emotional thing to do with one of the people who means the most to you in the world.
I sit in the cab for a moment more, listening to the tail end of a Lifehouse song on the radio. The distance from Grams’ house to Levi’s is so close that I really should have walked, but I’ve just been so tired and lazy lately that I decided to cab it. I can’t wait to get my license and a vehicle of my own, that’s for sure.
Another few months…
“Thank you, please keep the change,” I say, handing over the cab fare, able to smile again now that I’ve cleared my head. I can’t wait to see Emmerson and Levi any longer. I need them to cheer me up after my rather morbid day.
I head up the driveway looking forward to hearing about what my humans have been up to all afternoon. I let out a breath I didn’t realize I had been holding.
Exhausted.
I am completely exhausted. I’ve been so tired for the last couple of weeks, I feel like I’m now running on empty, between helping Grams, looking for a job and—oh, yeah—graduating with honours: top five in my class.
Unfortunately, Grams and Lewis weren’t able to make my graduation ceremony because she was still recuperating. But London, Brooke, Beth, Emmerson, and Levi (along with a surprise guest appearance by Patricia Eddison), all came out to cheer for me as I accepted my diploma. They recorded the whole thing on Levi’s phone, and we rushed over to watch it with Grams and Lewis as soon as it was over.
Now, almost a month later, with Grams feeling a little more like herself, Levi and Grams have planned a big graduation party for London and I tomorrow night at Pub Fiction. I want to make sure she and Lewis have a peaceful night tonight without Emme running around all over their place, to help Grams gather some energy for the party tomorrow. I know she’s fine and wants us at her house, but truth be told I like being here at Levi’s.
More and more, Emmerson and I spend our time here. It feels natural, right, like home. I know Levi wants us here too, he’s even mentioned us moving in on a few occasions. I want to, but I need to make sure Grams is truly going to be okay. We go for a follow-up appointment in three weeks and that will tell us if the cancer is truly gone.
Closing the door behind me, I drop my keys and purse on the foyer table before removing my coat and flats. Breathing in deeply, I sense that something’s different. I swear I smell paint.
“Heeellllooooo, I’m home.”
Home?
Stepping into the grey hallway, I’m met with the sound of crickets. “Where are you two?”
As I walk deeper into the house, the smell of paint definitely grows stronger as I reach the stairs. Emme and Levi are still nowhere to be found. I’m not worried, though; they could be out in the yard, or over at the park. With Spring here now, we’ve been trying to get outside as much as possible.
I’m just about to head back to the kitchen when I hear it: The Weekend, singing “I Can’t Feel My Face When I’m With You”, coupled with snickering and giggles coming from the guest room. I smile, wondering what trouble these two have gotten into now. I love hearing my Little Miss laughing like that.
Opening the bedroom door, my senses immediately overload as I take in the smell of paint fumes, the colour pink, music, laughter and the sight of Levi and Emmerson dancing around the room. Levi is spinning, making funny faces along with the lyrics—lyrics about not being able to feel his face—all the while twirling a paint brush in his hand. I watch them until I can no longer keep in my laughter.
God, I love my humans.
“Mommy! Look,” Emme shrieks, then spins around pointing to the brightly coloured pink and white painted walls. Levi sees me and stops mid-dance move. He gives me a chin lift, taking me in with his trademark molten lava stare topped off with what Grams calls that “panty-dropping grin” of his that he reserves for only me.
Yum, Levi, but let a girl get in the door for five minutes before turning her into a pool of need.
“Hi, Scrappy. Welcome home.”
Home.
There’s that word again. I smile back seeing the bastard smirk, knowing exactly what he does to me.
A giddy and excited Emmerson rushes over and gives me a huge rough hug, her oversized coveralls almost causing her to trip into my legs.
“Do you wove it, Mommy? It’s pink, my favourite! Levi let me pick. He said he wanted me to have my room here, too. So now I have
phree
bedrooms.”
“Whoa, Little Miss. Be careful with your army warfare. Slow down. Yes, I do love it. It’s perfect.” I smile down at Emme, but lift a brow at Levi.
I see Emme’s eyes, wide from smiling so much, looking up at me over the top of her painter’s mask. The sight makes my nose twitch and my eyes burn as the realization hits me:
Levi loves her too
. Levi loves my daughter, maybe as his own or maybe almost as much, but, regardless, I have no doubt that he will always keep her safe and protected. I know it’s just coveralls and a mask, but they mean everything to me in this instance.
Everything.
I bend down, scoop Emme up in my arms, and hug her hard to my chest. “I missed you.” I remove the mask from her face. Having spied the paint can, I see it’s non-toxic, the window is open, and the ceiling fan is running, too, so I think she’ll survive without it.
I look up to see that Levi hasn’t taken his eyes off of me. Cocking my head, I silently query if everything’s okay, wondering if I’ve done something wrong or if he’s suddenly realized he needs something.
“What?” I pause, looking at him. “You okay?”
“More than okay, I just needed a minute. You’re so beautiful.”
Oh, my ovaries!
“Levi…” It’s a whisper.
“Well, you are, Mommy, Shaggy’s right. Oh, did I tell ya we’re gonna get a cat that’s gonna live here, too? Shaggy said we could. I think we’re gonna name him Mystery.”
“Wow. Mystery. That’s a great name. A
cat
, eh?” I say, shaking my head and giving Levi a scowl that doesn’t hold much weight after his last comment.
Bastard doesn’t play fair.
Hell, if he asked me to move in again right now, I’d say yes without any hesitation.
“It’s for us, Mystery Inc., like on Scooby,” she says all proud, puffing out her little chest.
The sound of Levi clearing his throat, trying to hide a laugh, forces me to laugh, too.
“It’s a perfect name for a cat.” I tell her, and tuck a ringlet that’s come loose back into her ponytail.
“How about we clean the brushes up, Scooby, and have Paint and Pizza Night?” says Levi.
“Yeah! Paint and Pizza Night. Can we watch ’punzel, too, again?”
I roll my eyes at the idea of once more watching Tangled. Ever since Pat bought it for Emme a few weeks ago, it’s all we’ve watched when we’re here.
“Yes, we can watch ’punzel again. But you go help wash up. I’ll call and order the pizza,” I say.
Making my way into the kitchen, a feeling of peace settles over me. I want this life. I want to come home to hear two of my favourite people laughing and happy. I’m done with the guilt, I’m ready to move on. It’s time I think about doing what I know Shawn wanted all along, and what I myself want now: it’s time I let Emmerson and I be loved without feeling like I’m doing something wrong. For the first time in almost five years, I don’t feel it at all. That heavy weight that bogs me down is finally gone, and in its place I feel excited for the things to come. I deserve to be loved and best of all, all I want to do is love Levi back, hard. The need to be close to him all the time has become so innate that I want him around always.
Always
.
My hand shakes a little as I pick up the phone to dial Attic Pizza, and I smile like a lovesick fool at the thought of actually moving Emme and I in with Levi.
I get it, Shawn. I finally get it all.
Levi
L
ying in bed
with Braunwyn nestled up close, I feel all is right in my world.
At first, I worried that Braun was going to be upset about the painting and the cat, that she might feel I was trying to pressure her to move in with me. I mean, I’m not gonna lie.
Hell, yes, that’s what I want.
I can’t help it. I’m a selfish bastard who wants tonight over and over again.
But I know she needs more time. She’s been through a lot, and I’m not sure how long it will take for her to fully trust me, trust us. I love these two girls more than I have ever loved another thing in my entire life—even Pub Fiction, so that’s saying a lot. I’d do anything for them. Braun knows I’m serious about having her and Scooby here permanently. I’ve been bringing it up more and more, and I think I’m slowly wearing her down, but the decision has to be hers.
I’m hoping that painting a room for Emme might have actually tipped the scales in my favour, though. Braun was super sweet and flirty with me all night while we hung out with Emmerson eating pizza and watching a movie, and promised me Scooby snacks later for being so “bloody sweet”.
As for Emme, she kills me. She kept running off to sniff her room, making sure the paint smell was going away so she could sleep in it tonight. I opened all the windows and put an industrial fan inside, hoping for her sake it would be all clear. Luckily it was. I’m not sure I could have handled seeing her not getting to sleep in that room tonight. But,
finally
, after a movie marathon, a game of Trouble, and a story, her room was finally okay to sleep in, and Emmerson is now passed out cold in a cloud of bubblegum pink.
Braun and I decided to watch a movie in my room. Braun asked if we could snuggle up and just veg. I agreed, as long as I would be getting my much-coveted Scooby snacks too.
“Oh, I’m still so full. Look at my little baby foodbelly!” Braunwyn groans, pushing her stomach out roundly and patting it after lifting her shirt.