Once Burned (Firehouse Fourteen Book 1) (17 page)

I'll just sleep on the sofa.

Nick's words came back to haunt him for the hundredth time as he rolled over on the couch and tried to get comfortable. He groaned and readjusted the quilt, covering his bare shoulders only to have his feet peek out. He sighed and ran a hand through his hair, staring up at the ceiling in the pale light that came from the kitchen.

He had no idea what he had thought to accomplish by saying he'd sleep on the sofa, but continuously rolling over in frustration certainly hadn't been it. And Kayla. The look on her face when he had opened his mouth was almost comical. She stood there in the kitchen, backed against the refrigerator, her eyes wide with surprise. Then, as if something had exploded inside her, she grabbed the water bottle off the counter and flew through the living room and up the stairs, telling him there was a quilt and pillows in the closet.

That had been over an hour ago. By now, she was no doubt snuggled in the feathery comfort of her bed, sound asleep, while he was down here on the sofa, calling himself the worst kind of fool while his mind moved from one thought to another to another. Yet no matter which way it turned, it always ended back on one thing: the guitar he had seen in the closet when he took out the quilt and pillows.

With a frustrated sigh Nick sat up and tossed the covers aside, then walked to the closet and pulled out the guitar. It was Kayla's old acoustic, still in good shape. He sat back on the sofa and pulled it across his lap, toying with the strings, surprised to see it was well-tuned. Maybe she still played once in a while. Or maybe not.

Nick leaned back and closed his eyes, his fingers alternately strumming and picking the strings, turning the solitary notes into soft music. He lost track of the minutes as he played, lost track of everything as the music flowed through and out of him, comforting, soothing.

He wasn't sure how much time had passed before he became aware of a subtle difference in the air around him, a change in the solitude cloaking him. His fingers slowed then stopped, the music drifting to a silent finish as he opened his eyes. Kayla was standing at the base of the stairs, silhouetted in shadows, wearing an oversized t-shirt. Nick hesitated before setting the guitar off to the side.

"I didn't mean to wake you up."

"I wasn't sleeping." Her quiet words penetrated the silence, a soft whisper in the still room. Nick stared at her, unable to see her face and wishing he could. A long minute went by before Kayla took a hesitant step forward. He grabbed the quilt and drew it over his lap, holding out one hand to stop her.

"Kayla, I'm not really dressed."

She paused for just a split second then continued walking, her steps slow and unsure, not stopping until she was less than a foot away from him. The light from the kitchen fell across her face, revealing an expression of heartbreaking loneliness and uncertainty. Nick watched her, his breath held, afraid to move, afraid to speak.

"I want you to hold me." Her voice was shaky, the words barely a whisper in the stillness surrounding them. Nick swallowed, still staring up at her, trying to see her eyes more clearly. He held out his hand palm up between them, not daring to breathe. Seconds ticked by, quiet and tense, before she reached out and took his hand in her own, lacing her fingers with his.

Nick slowly stood, his heart beating heavy in his chest, his breath catching in his throat. He wanted to pull her to him, to wrap his arms around her and hold her tight against him. But he didn't move, didn't touch her except for where their hands joined, knowing somehow that this was something she needed to do on her own.

Kayla hesitated, staring up at him with wide eyes, then slowly stepped closer and wrapped her arms around his waist. Nick took a deep breath, almost afraid to move, then brought his arms around her and held her tight, feeling her body press against him as she rested her head on his shoulder. A knot tightened and rolled in his stomach and he took a shaky breath to calm it. "Kayla, are you okay?"

"No. Yes. I don't know." The words were mumbled against his neck, her breath soft and warm on his flesh. "Just hold me."

Nick squeezed his eyes shut, not sure what to say or do. He tightened his arms around her, his hand gently rubbing small circles on her lower back as he waited. The tension coming off Kayla was thick enough to wrap around both of them and Nick wondered how long it would be before it broke.

Several long moments went by before Nick noticed a droplet of moisture on his shoulder, followed by another and another. Kayla's breathing hitched and became irregular, and Nick realized she was crying. Something painful squeezed in his chest and he wrapped his arms more securely around her, gently rocking her. He reached up with one hand and cradled the back of her head, threading his fingers through her hair.

"Kayla." He stopped, not sure what else to say. Nick eased away from her a fraction of an inch and looked down, surprised when she raised her head to look up at him. Her cheeks were damp with moisture, her eyes wide and uncertain. Nick reached up and gently wiped at her cheek with his thumb, surprised to see that his hand was trembling. "Talk to me, Kayla."

She continued watching him, that look of uncertainty and vulnerability still in her eyes. She finally closed her eyes and rested her head on his shoulder again. "I'm scared, Nick. I don't know what's happening anymore."

"Scared of what?" Nick whispered the question into the quiet air, his arms still tight around Kayla. She was pressed so firmly against him that he could feel her heart beating hard and fast in her chest, a rhythm that said even more about the tension thrumming through her than her words. "C'mon Kayla, talk to me. Why are you scared?"

She was quiet for a long time, so long that Nick thought she had changed her mind, that the chance to have Kayla open up was gone. Then suddenly she loosened her hold on him and looked up, her deep eyes holding his gaze with a penetrating look. Kayla licked her lips and looked away, still holding him but not as desperately. She took a deep shaking breath, almost as if working up courage.

"I…I still want you, Nick. After all these years. And I don't know why and it scares the hell out of me." Kayla pushed away from him and began pacing, small hesitant steps back and forth as Nick fought to catch his breath, still shocked at her words, shocked at the anguish in her voice. He opened his mouth to say something, only to shut it again when she continued speaking. "I use to hate you for what you did. Up until a few months ago, I would have sworn that I still hated you. But I don't think I do. How could I still hate you and want you as much as I do? And it hurts."

Her voice broke on her last words, releasing Nick from his paralysis. He closed the distance between them and took Kayla in his arms, holding her and rocking her as she sobbed quietly, her arms entwined around his waist as if he were a lifeline. "Kayla, it's going to be okay."

"No, it's not. I'm not used to feeling anything anymore, Nick. I haven't felt anything for a long time, and then you come back and now suddenly…and I don't know what to do anymore, and I'm scared."

Nick squeezed his eyes closed, swallowing against the pain twisting inside him, a razor sharp slicing that didn't even compare to the pain racking Kayla's body as surely as her sobs. He wasn't sure why she was suddenly opening to him, admitting all of this to him. And he was terrified of saying the wrong thing, of doing something that would only make her pain worse. Something that would drive a wedge even more completely between them.

In the end, the only thing he could do was follow his instinct. He cupped her face gently in his hands, his touch feather-light as he traced her tears with his thumbs. "Shh, I'm here. We'll figure something out."

Kayla blinked up at him but said nothing, only watched him in silence for a long minute, her wide eyes bright with moisture. Then she slowly leaned forward, pressing herself closer until her lips met his in the barest of touches. Soft and hesitant at first, then firmer, more demanding, exploring. Sensation exploded inside Nick at the first touch and he opened his mouth under hers, quickly taking over, threading his fingers through her thick hair and holding her.

A shred of sanity flashed through his mind, as quickly as the initial explosion. Nick groaned his frustration and gentled the kiss, trying to ease away from Kayla. Her own groan trembled against his lips, making it even harder to pull away.

"Kayla, this isn't—"

"Make love to me, Nick, please. I need to feel again." She paused, naked emotion clear in her eyes as she reached up with a trembling finger and caressed his lower lip. "I need to feel
you
."

Nick made no effort to hide his groan as he struggled to maintain a grip on the thin thread of sanity holding him back from giving her exactly what she wanted. He took a deep breath, trying to ignore the touch of her finger against his lip. "God, you're driving me crazy, Kayla. I'm not superhuman, I don't know how much more of this I can stand."

"Then stop fighting it, Nick." She lowered her hand, sliding her finger across his throat and down his breastbone. She rested her open hand in the middle of his bare chest, directly over his pounding heart. Nick took another deep breath, this one shaky, and stared down at her, at the emotion and desire so clear in her eyes. The thread of sanity snapped and he lowered his head, claiming her mouth with a fierceness that took the breath from both of them.

He forced her mouth open with one swipe of his tongue then delved deeper, his tongue meeting hers in a wild frenzy. His hands roamed over her body, hungry for the feel of her silky skin. He grabbed the hem of her nightshirt and dragged it upward, his knuckles grazing the curve of her bare bottom, the swell of her hip, the smooth arch of her back. She broke the kiss and stepped back, raising her arms over her head so he could completely remove the cotton shirt. He tossed the wadded material to the floor and stared at her.

Nick's heart swelled at the sight of her, standing naked and proud in front of him. He reached out with one hand and trailed a shaking finger across her collarbone then down, tracing the swell of her breast, circling the rosy nipple until it was a taut peak under his touch. Kayla's breathing hitched as her head fell back, a soft sigh escaping her parted lips.

He stepped closer, watching her body's response to his touch, then lowered his head and closed his mouth over one taught nipple, sucking, teasing the rigid flesh with his tongue. She wrapped her fingers in his hair and held him to her, her back arching to give him better access. A moan tore through her, shaking him to his core. Nick lifted his head and straightened, watching her, then leaned forward and claimed her mouth once more, drinking her in, taking as much as she could give, giving the same back.

Kayla pressed her body even closer, arching her hips against him as her hands traveled downward. Her fingers eased into the waistband of his boxer briefs and tugged at them, easing them down over his hips until his erection popped free against her. She moaned and rubbed against him, breaking the kiss and letting her head fall back as she reached between them and cupped him firmly with one hand.

Nick groaned at the sensation, his muscles clenching at her touch. Her hand squeezed around him gently, then slowly began stroking him, back and forth, an exquisite torture that turned him inside out. He allowed himself to enjoy her touch for another minute before biting back an oath and reaching between them to still her hand. With a swift move he bent over and picked Kayla up, cradling her in his arms long enough to turn around and gently lay her on the sofa.

She looked up at him as he leaned over her, her eyes glazed with passion and desire. Her arms reached out and wrapped around his neck, pulling him down so their mouths met, wet and hungry and wild. His hands moved over her, touching her, sliding down her body until his fingers found the opening at the juncture of her thighs. She sighed into his mouth, a breathy sound that tore through him as she arched her hips more fully against his hand.

"Nick." Kayla whispered his name, her voice pleading as she eased her hands along his shoulder and back, lower still to push his briefs further down his legs. Nick pulled back and stepped out of his underwear, kicking them away before easing himself on top of Kayla. She sighed again, reaching for him, her teeth nipping at his shoulder.

"Are you sure this is what you want, Kayla?"

She opened her eyes and looked at him, her honesty clear as she nodded. "Yes, Nick, please."

He groaned and claimed her lips in a quick kiss, then pulled away. "Not yet," he whispered. He lowered his mouth to her neck, nipping and kissing, trailing his lips down along the smooth silkiness of her skin, stopping to suckle at each breast. Her body writhed under him, her breath coming in short gasps from her parted lips. Nick continued further down her body, his hands caressing every inch of her, his lips and tongue skimming the flat of her stomach, his mouth gently caressing the marred flesh of her skin, moving even lower.

He shifted on the sofa and settled himself more fully between her legs, draping each long limb over his shoulders. Nick lowered his mouth, pressing his lips against her hot opening, licking, reveling in the tangy taste of her. Kayla called his name, a hoarse demand as her body came to life under his touch. But he showed her no mercy, caressing her inner thighs with his hands, caressing her softness with his mouth and tongue until she shattered under his touch.

Kayla reached out, searching for him, pulling him toward her. Nick lifted himself over her, still touching her with one gently teasing finger as she continued reaching for him. He held himself still, staring down at her and softly demanding that she open her eyes and look at him.