Authors: Jimmy Cryans
All the rodents packed up that very night. Problem solved. To reassure Billy’s old friend we dropped in for a wee chat and a nice cup of tea once a week for the next couple of months. He was a smashing old fella and I would sit listening to his stories of growing up in the Gorbals in the 1920s and 1930s and all the characters who lived there. Fuck me, but those really were hard times which bred hard, tough people. It is amazing how many of them went on to be successful in life, building families and businesses through sheer force of will and a desire to shape their own destinies. I am talking about people who are amongst the most honest and straightforward you could ever wish to meet. They are the real heroes and role models because they succeeded against all the odds. They are Clyde-built. They are the ones who have gone all over the world and carved a
reputation for being hard-working, reliable and honest and where to be known as Scottish is worn like a badge of honour and rightly so.
B
y October 1983 I had been on the run for three years. I was not keeping quite as low a profile as maybe I should have been but I was still managing to avoid the so-called long arm of the law. I am still amazed that neither myself nor Billy ever came to the attention of the old bill. Not once were we even questioned, never mind arrested and when you take into account what we were doing it almost beggars belief.
We certainly led a charmed life, but we were made to pay in other ways. Both of us were on the receiving end of some horrific violence. Still, if you are dishing it out then you do not complain when it comes your way. I suppose in some ways it was like an occupational hazard, unwelcome but sometimes unavoidable.
One day I was down in Parkhead doing the rounds and as I left a shop after buying some cigarettes I stepped aside so that two females could enter. As I looked at them when they thanked me, I saw a face that I hadn’t seen in over eight years. It was Ruth Connor and she looked good enough to
eat. She looked at me and said in a way that only Ruth could, ‘Hello, stranger. Where the fuck have you been hiding?’
I said, ‘Hi, sweetheart. It’s a long story, but I’m still alive and kicking. You look terrific, Ruth, but then you always do.’ We exchanged phone numbers and I told her I would arrange to meet her later in the week. And so began a brief but very intense affair that was brilliant while it lasted. This was my supernova.
Ruth was back living with her ma in Shettleston. Ruth really was a one-off and I have never met any other female quite like her. She was devastatingly attractive and she had a personality that was as big and as infectious as Glasgow itself – what a fucking woman! I took her to East Kilbride to meet Ma and then later on we went to a party where I introduced Ruth to everyone. She just bowled them all over and everyone fell in love with her. Though the fling we had only lasted a few short weeks it will live long in my memory. It has been quite a few years since we last met but I somehow think that we have not seen the last of each other. I know she’s still living in the east end because my cousin, big Jim Yorke, tells me he occasionally sees her at mass on a Sunday morning and she’s still looking good!
Christmas 1983 was a real family affair. My brother Gerald and my nephew Tony travelled up from England so we were all together at Olive’s and brought in the New Year at Sheena’s. Money was still very tight for everyone and I don’t just mean the family. Almost everyone I knew was finding it tough. The cutbacks and closures of industries by the Thatcher government were having a devastating effect right across the country. But from my own point of view this meant that I was able to sell very easily and people who would previously never have even considered buying
anything knocked-off were now having to compromise their principles just to survive. I saw a lot of broken men during this period – proud men who had been honest, hardworking providers for their families all their lives, reduced to surviving on state handouts.
Even though I had kind of gotten used to living on the edge there was no doubt that in some ways it was taking its toll. I was drinking more than I had ever done and more frequently. It could perhaps be argued that this was down to the company I kept, all hard-living, hard-drinking men. But I have always been my own man and nobody was holding a gun to my head. I could have walked away from it at any time. I could have found a job as both my brothers had done and earned an honest crust but I chose not to. Any stress or pressure was quite simply a by-product of the lifestyle I lived.
My young sister Carolyn was doing really well for herself. She had been spotted in the street by a fashion photographer and signed by one of Scotland’s top modelling agencies. Then she came to me one day to tell me that she was pregnant. She wanted to keep the baby and was asking my advice. I told her that it was a big responsibility but that if that was what she wanted to do then I would support her. She decided that she was going to keep the baby and from my point of view it was the best decision she ever made.
That year, 1984, was a very significant one for me in more ways than one. In March we received news that my ma’s brother, my uncle Willie, had died in Windsor. I had always liked Willie, so I was very sad to hear of his death. He was a very funny man and always had some scheme on the go. I had spent many happy times at his home in Windsor with my auntie Greta and my cousin Ronnie. Our family travelled south for the funeral. After the wake I decided to slip through
to Thatcham and pay a flying visit to my old pal John Renaldi. John and Alexis were so glad to see me and as usual they pulled out all the stops and could not have made me feel more welcome.
Taking a bit of a chance, I decided I wanted to go for a drink in the White Hart. John said that it would be too risky for me because the old bill hadn’t forgotten and I was still wanted for the alleged Midland Bank job. But I wasn’t to be told and so we went with my brother Gerald. It has to be said that we all became aware of a few moody looks in our direction and after about an hour we decided to call it a day. As soon as we left the boozer I saw there were coppers all over the street and cop cars blocking both ends of the road. John said, ‘Fucking lively, Jim. Get on your toes.’
I managed to evade the first group of coppers but as I rounded the corner into the Broadway I ran into another three who forced me to the ground. Within a second or two I was surrounded by over a dozen lawmen. I was soon bundled into the back of a van and driven to Newbury police station. As I was being loaded aboard John called out, ‘Don’t worry, Jim. I’ll get a brief sorted for you.’
The CID conducting the usual one-sided interview were new to me. Big Scottish Sergeant ‘Bastard’ had been transferred out to another nick a couple of years previously. This was a bit of good news as he had made it more than clear during the early hunt for me that he was determined to do me for the bank job.
John sorted me out with a really tasty young lawyer who was just starting to make a name for himself. He was already well thought of by other guys like me. He simply said, ‘Hello, Jimmy, I’ve already had a word. I know you have said nothing to them. Good, we will keep it that way for the
time being. You will be charged with robbery and also with a parole violation. Now the robbery I don’t see as too much of a problem but the parole thing may be a little bit tricky and could be the stumbling block in any bail application I may make. Let’s not ask for bail and put the ball firmly in their court. Then they will have to show their hand in relation to what they’ve got in regard to the robbery. My guess is, not much.’
I have to say that I was very impressed with this young guy. He had a confidence about him that was infectious because everything he said had been well thought out. His game plan was to keep it tight and keep it simple.
John and Gerald came to visit me with good news. ‘I’ve had a word with your brief, Jim,’ said John, ‘and he feels that the robbery charge will be slung out. There is no physical or forensic evidence linking you to the blag. You have made no admissions and there is no co-accused to give evidence and the only witness they have has had a severe attack of memory loss. They’re fucked and it looks like you’ll walk on the robbery at least. Oh, and one more thing, old bill haven’t verballed you.’ After a few weeks my lawyer came to see me and told me that the crown had decided not to proceed as there was insufficient evidence to secure a conviction. Result!
Now all I had was the parole violation. At most I could only be returned for the length of time that was left – four months. At the suggestion of my lawyer I wrote to the parole board outlining the reasons for the breach – that I had gone on my toes after learning that the old bill had me down for a robbery. I had panicked and done a runner. I pointed out that during the four years I had been on the run I had not committed any further offences and had been gainfully employed, albeit on a casual basis. I eventually received a
letter from the board agreeing to my release, just two days before my wee ma’s birthday. What a present that would be for her.
Ma and the rest of the family were overjoyed to have me back home. They organised a wee homecoming do. Carolyn was as big as a house and only had a few weeks to go until her due delivery date. She looked absolutely beautiful and was glowing in those final months of her pregnancy. Carolyn gave birth to Emma on 15 June in Rutherglen maternity hospital and what a truly beautiful baby she was. She looked so much like my boy James when he had been born. They had the same tiny button noses and rosebud mouths set in lovely small oval faces. I held Emma in my arms and I thought I would burst with pride and happiness.
Some of the happiest times I have had over the past 25 years have been spent with my Emma. She filled the huge hole that had been left inside me by the loss of James and brought so much joy into my life. I love her as my own and there is nothing I wouldn’t do for her and her boys. As I write this Emma is about to be married to a really smashing fella called William Dawson. Let me put it this way: if I were to pick the perfect guy for Emma, then William would be the guy, no contest. He is an engineer who works in the Rolls-Royce factory in East Kilbride, an honest, hard-working, family-orientated man who loves Emma to bits. They have two wee boys, William Jr and Sam, truly wonderful, brilliant, fantastic wee guys who just light up my life whenever I see them. Along with my brilliant niece Shona’s wee angel delight of a daughter, Aerin, they give me so much pleasure. I just dote on the three of them.
So 1984 turned into a very good year for me and it wasn’t over yet. I continued to have a few earners and life was
certainly a bit more relaxed now that the threat of arrest for the alleged bank job had been removed. The flip side to this was that it perhaps made me a bit too relaxed and though I hate to admit it, I was maybe becoming a wee bit reckless. The violence was really starting to escalate and I take no pride when I say this. It is as if I am writing about another person. But it was me, and I make no excuses. I did some things that I am none too proud of. I was cutting guys when perhaps a few right-handers would have sufficed and I was gaining a reputation as a dangerous wee guy.
I can remember having a conversation with Ma around his time and she said something that was so profound and so true. ‘Listen, Jim, I’m going to tell you something and you should keep this in mind. Getting a reputation is very easy to do and very hard to get rid of.’ And how right she was. No matter how much I may have changed there are still a lot of people who only remember me for the violence of those days. That is the price I pay even now for the lifestyle I chose to live then.
On the other hand, it is always nice when I meet someone now and they are pleasantly surprised by how I am now. I have lived and experienced both sides of the coin and believe me it is much better when people like you rather than fear you. The only people who should fear me are my enemies and they are right to fear me because I have only caged the beast, not killed it.
I decided to spend Christmas in Thatcham and really looked forward to seeing my brother Gerald and my nephew Tony Park. Both were now young men of 21 and doing well for themselves. Along with Alexis they welcomed me and we had a good drink and a lot of laughs that first night. The next few days were spent doing the rounds and catching up with some old friends.
One day I was with Tony in his van and we were about to buy a carry-out for the evening when a woman walked right in front of us. I thought I was going to pass out with the surge of electricity that shot through me. For a few seconds I was in shock: it was my Alison. I hadn’t seen her since she had visited me in Horfield jail nearly seven years previously. She looked fucking sensational in a pair of faded blue jeans, a black, low-cut blouse and a very expensive-looking, light
tan-coloured
calf skin jacket and matching boots. All of this was topped off by her head of golden hair. She had blossomed into a truly beautiful woman, the best I have ever seen.
I watched as she entered the bank that we just happened to have parked outside (totally innocently, I might add!). I left the van and waited for her to come out. My heart was beating like a man playing the bongo drums and my mouth was as dry as a stick – I was saying to myself, ‘For fuck’s sake, Jim, pull yourself together. You’re like a wee boy on his first date!’ But I was just so excited at seeing Alison and no woman has ever had that effect on me. But how would Alison react to me?
A
lison wasn’t aware that I was standing behind her and to her right outside the bank but when she was a couple of steps from me I said, ‘Hello, Alison.’ Stopping in
mid-stride
she appeared frozen to the spot and before she had even turned around I heard her say just one word: ‘James.’ Then she turned to face me. She looked surprised, shocked and excited and she tried to say something but the words would not come. As I stepped forward she was finally able to find her voice. ‘Oh, James. Is it really you? I can’t believe it.’
Placing my hands on her shoulders and looking straight into those huge, baby-blue eyes I said, ‘Yes, Ali, it’s me.’
Her eyes filled with tears and as she threw her arms around me and buried her face in my chest. ‘James, James, I’ve missed you so much. How are you? Where have you been? Are you OK?’
‘I’m fine and I’ll tell you everything, but just let me have a look at you, sweetheart. It’s been so long.’ We settled into a
small cafe to talk in private. Alison placed her right hand in my left and it was so good to feel her next to me.
‘You haven’t changed a bit, James,’ she said. ‘You look exactly the same. Are you behaving yourself?’
‘I am just the same as I always was Alison. How about you? I heard you had gotten married and moved to the States.’
‘Yes, I am married, but at the moment we are separated. He is in the military and is based with the US air force in Suffolk. I’m living here in Thatcham on the new private estate in a nice little two-bedroom house that I share with my daughter, Danielle. She is a gorgeous little girl, almost three years old. You’ll have to meet her, James.’ Then she said something that almost brought a tear to my eye. ‘You know, James, I have never forgotten you and I am still in love with you. If only things could have been different.’
I looked into her eyes and said, ‘I have never stopped loving you, Alison.’ Tears cascaded down her cheeks, falling and splashing like raindrops onto the table. I leaned forward and held Alison in my arms and I whispered gently into her ear. ‘It’s all right, Alison, no regrets and no more tears. Right now, we have each other, so let’s just hold onto that. I love you, baby.’
Alison quickly composed herself and dried her tears. Then, looking at me with that million-dollar smile, she said, ‘Right, James, here is my address and phone number. Now I will expect you at my place at eight o’clock tonight. We have got a lot of catching up to do and I don’t mean talking, so don’t be late. You are going to love my bedroom. I have just finished decorating it and now all it needs is a bit of passion.’ She winked. ‘Are you up for it, James?’
I looked at her and said, ‘Alison, I have been up for it with you since 1976. So just you keep it warm, sweetheart.’
She said we would have the house to ourselves as Danielle was staying over with Alison’s mum and dad. I took her in my arms, kissed her softly on the mouth and the last seven years just fell away. It was as if we had never been apart.
I made my way to the White Hart and Tony ordered me a large Vera and tonic. ‘Was that your ex, Alison?’ he said. ‘Fuck me, Jim, she is stunning. What a gorgeous looking lassie.’
‘I would appreciate it if you kept this quiet for the time being,’ I said. ‘Alison’s parents still live in Thatcham and I don’t think they would be too happy to hear that I am in contact with Alison again, even if it is innocent enough. You know what her Gordon thinks of me and it wouldn’t take much for war to break out between us. I don’t want to have to damage him, and that is what I would need to do as he’s still a force to be reckoned with. So keep this quiet, eh, Tony?’
I knew I could rely on Tony. He was a smashing lad. I knew that he looked up to me, and he also knew that I would do anything for him.
Tony dropped me off at John Renaldi’s, and John’s only concern was similar to my own with regards to Gordon. ‘Mind you, Jim, things are a bit different this time. You ain’t on your toes and old bill ain’t looking for you, so that gives you a lot of leeway if he has a pop. If he does and it is on the street, then here’s a little bit of info that will be handy. Gordon has got a bit of a dodgy heart and had to have a pacemaker fitted last year, so if he does want to have a row then fucking hit him with a solid shot to the chest. It will fuck his pacemaker and he will fold like a deckchair.’
When I stopped laughing at this and the way John had said it, I looked at my best pal and said, ‘Thanks. John, I’ll bear that in mind. Pacemaker, eh? You ruthless bastard. Fucking lovely.’
I sorted out and ironed a nice, crisp, pale-blue Ben Sherman shirt and a pair of black, mohair dress trousers and made sure that the black brogue shoes I would be wearing were gleaming. Before I ordered a taxi to take me to Alison’s I splashed on some Aramis aftershave and asked John how I looked. He said, ‘Fuck me, Jim, you’re like a little kid, but you look a million. I’m well happy for you, mate. I’ll see you in a couple of days. If you need anything just give me a bell.’ And with that I left for Alison’s.
She looked absolutely sensational, wearing a beautiful, black silk, Chinese-style dress that seemed moulded to her body. Her hair fell to her shoulders, sparkling and gleaming in a golden mantle. Alison had a naturally beautiful face and she had applied only the minimum amount of makeup around the eyes, with the lightest touch of pale red lipstick at her perfectly formed mouth. ‘Come in, James. I’ve got a drink ready for you. Gin, tonic in a tall glass with lots of crushed ice – will that be OK?’
‘Perfect, you remembered.’
I stepped forward but even before we reached the living room, we embraced and our mouths came together, hungry for each other. I tasted the sweetness that was Alison as her tongue came between my lips and probed my mouth. Yes, we loved each other, but at that moment it was pure animal sex that consumed us. It was wild and terrific.
Later, as we lay together in bed, recovering after the best and most memorable love-making I had ever experienced, we spoke quietly to each other. Alison was lying with her head across my chest and I could feel the wetness of her tears. ‘Oh, James, why does everything have to be so complicated? I love you so, so much but I just don’t know what we are going to do.’
I knew exactly what she meant. There was a bitter-sweetness to our reunion and really we were in an impossible situation. For one thing, Alison was still a married woman – separated or not – and that was not to be discounted. There was also her daughter to be considered and while I would have loved to be part of that wee girl’s life, I did not want to be the cause of any unhappiness in it. But the major stumbling block was Alison’s mum and dad, who hated me with a passion. And who could blame them after what had happened eight years before? Alison had gone on the run with me and her college career lay in ruins. If I had been her dad I would have wanted me dead! In our hearts we both knew there would be almost no chance of us living happily ever after. So it was a case of accepting the hand that fate had dealt us and seizing the moment.
I spent the next two days and nights at Alison’s and in that time we never wore a stitch. We wandered about the house like a couple of hippie love children and it was fucking terrific! I have never felt so relaxed, comfortable and at ease with any woman before or since, and I decided to stay on over New Year. Ma was disappointed that I wouldn’t be home but she was really happy when I told her about Alison. My ma had really loved Alison and thought the world of her. She was reassured when I told her how low-key we were playing it.
I spent Christmas with John and Alexis and their two daughters. My brother Gerald and nephew Tony came round and we had a smashing time. The rest of the time I spent almost exclusively with Alison and met her gorgeous little daughter Danielle. We hit it off really well. She was such a cute little thing, highly intelligent and a very happy child who Alison absolutely loved to bits. It was heart-warming to see them together.
After bringing in the new year at John’s I ordered a taxi and made my way to Alison’s. We both knew that this would be our last time together. So, for that night and all the next day we made love, cooked some nice meals and tried to put off the inevitable. There were tears and laughter and sometimes we just lay in bed holding each other close. Snow had started to fall on New Year’s Eve and when we looked out from the windows in the morning it was to see a picture-postcard winter scene.
On the morning I was leaving Alison’s I decided that I wanted to leave by the kitchen door and down through her garden and on into the fields that adjoined the house at the rear. Don’t ask me why I wanted to do this, but I just felt that it was the way I wanted to leave. We stood in the kitchen and I held Alison close and said to her, ‘Now, sweetheart, no tears and just remember this: you will always be with me because I carry you here in my heart, okay?’
Alison said, ‘I love you, James, and no matter what happens just you remember that. There was only ever you, no one else ever came close, and no one else ever will. Please take care of yourself and tell your ma I love her.’
I kissed Alison one last time and then I opened the kitchen door and walked out. Opening the gate at the bottom of her garden I was aware of my footprints in the snow and I thought, There, Alison, I’m leaving a part of me behind for you. I entered the fields that were covered with thick snow and started to walk across. I did not look back. That was the hardest walk I have ever taken in my life and before I had reached the road on the other side I was consumed by a feeling of emptiness and it hit me like a shock wave and I knew that I was in for some tough times ahead.
My cup was empty.