Once Upon a Time: The Villains (13 page)

I can’t tell you all the hateful things he said. It were right indecent of him. Me ears turned warm, and I pulled out of the barn and returned to me wife.

She had a vat slung over the fire and a spoon in her hand. I could smell bean soup in the air. Essie glanced at me and frowned. “Did you talk to my da?”

I nodded and slumped into me chair by the fire. I wiggled me toes until they were toasty warm.

“Well? What did he say?” she asked swiping at the sweat upon her brow. It was an action, I noticed, which she did quite a lot. Essie were a worker, and that be no lie. I felt guilty causing the mess earlier, but when I looked at the floor, it were clean. Well, no cause for grief there.

“Husband?” she asked louder. “Did you hear me?”

I did. I sunk lower in me chair as I thought about her da. “He don’t like me much.”

She paused in her stirring and glanced me way. “He just gets in a mood, is all.”

“I don’t like his moods.” I peeked over at her, me mind awhirl wit all the bad words her da had said. “I
don’t
like your da. I
don’t
like being wicked. And I
don’t
like it here.”

There, I’d said it. I was sure she’d haul off and scream at me, but she didn’t. She set her spoon aside and climbed up onto the chair wit me. She were so small, so delicate, I was always afraid I’d hurt her. Some of her red hair had pulled loose from her braid and it sprung in tight curls about her face. The tiny freckles on her skin grew deeper as she laid her hand against me cheek. “My poor giant. Are you so unhappy?”

“I am.”

“I know I’ve not been kind to you lately. Living on this island is hard and dreary. You brought a bit of light when you arrived, and I took advantage of it. I should be ashamed for it, but I’m not. Do you regret marrying me?”

“I…I…”

I looked in her face and saw how sad she were and I couldn’t say it, because it weren’t really true. “I found a place to rest when I came here. If only your family were miles away.” I gazed into her blue eyes, seeing her distress. “But I don’t regret you.”

She smiled and it felt as if the sun had found a way to shine through the sod roof. She were a pretty little thing, me Essie.

“Well, then. We’ll just have to solve that problem, won’t we?”

For a few days, life was sweet again. But soon, even Essie couldn’t keep her father at bay. He railed and moaned and made me as miserable as a man wit a hundred bee stings could be. There were no place he didn’t bite or sting and cause me pain.

It were plain to me that Essie and me had to leave.

While I lay abed a few nights later, groaning under the weight of another of her father’s hate filled tongue lashings, Essie cuddled on me chest — much like me poor poochie what gots knocked in the head wit the wood from me cradle used to do — and snuggled close.

“My dear husband, I fear you are still unhappy.”

Ever since I had that talk wit her da, the sweet words were back. I was afeared I’d do somefin to bring back the shrew. I had to tell her what I wanted to do. Leaving her home would be hard. It had been fer me, so I assumed it would be fer her, but I was so afeared. “I is fine.” I lied.

She lay there fer a while, her soft hum finding me ear. I grew lax and me eyes grew heavy under the spell of her music. All me troubles drifted away and I were back in the barn wit me father croaking out a tune.

“Husband,” she cooed.

I opened me eyes like a lazy dog on a summer day. “Aye?”

“What if I were to tell you of a place far, far away where you could be king of your own castle?”

“Far away?” That sounded grand. It fit in wit me plans to leave. “Where is this place?”

“It’s in the far North.”

The far North sounded cold, but anywhere was bound to be better than here. “You’ve seen it, then?”

“Nay. Only those who know about the faeries have spoken of it. They say there is a king with riches galore, who’s been blessed by the faeries and lives in a grand castle made of crystal and gold and precious gems and with more room than he will ever need.”

“Sounds right nice fer him, it does.”

“But it could be ours, my love. You are strong and bold and your need outweighs his. He should give his castle to you.”

“He should?” I couldn’t think why he’d want to do that.

“Make him, my love, and all our problems will be solved.”

I liked the sound of that. No more problems. No more running from the Englishmen. No more bad words that made me want to hide from her da. No more getting me feelings in a knot because of her family. “I suppose there’d be no harm in taking a look.”

“Aye. No harm at all.”

And wit that, she sang a sweet tune that lulled me to sleep. I dreamed of a castle, and me Essie were its queen.

So, the next morning, we packed a few essentials for our trip and headed outside…where her family stood waiting wit the cart piled wit all sorts of household items. I looked from me wife to her parents. “It’s right nice of you to see us off.” I looked at me wife and whispered behind me hand, “Where they be going?”

Essie’s ma snorted. “I believe you’re the dumbest man alive.”

Frowning, I drew meself up, and she stumbled back. “I ain’t dumb. I’m slow.” I was getting tired of telling people that.

“Slow as the dawn on a cloudy day,” Essie’s da said. “We’re coming along, make no mistake about it.”

Me heart sank. I was looking forward to having a life wit just Essie and me. I wasn’t too keen on the idea of a family move. “If yous’ll excuse me for saying, but we didn’t invite you along.”

“Invite us along?” her father suddenly railed. “Invite us along, did he say?” And then the bad words started in. It were fierce and ugly and it made me ears burn again.

Essie pulled me aside and I lifted her up to me ear. “There ‘s nothing to do for it but to take them with us.”

“But I don’t want them along.”

“I’m sure, once they see us settled properly, they’ll return to their home.”

I thought, if he were me da, and not hers, I’d want him along. I could understand her parents’ care of her. They loved her. I screwed up me face and whined disappointedly, “Is there no other way?”

“We have no choice. Let them come if they like. The journey will be far and as soon as their feet begin to ache they’ll turn for home.”

“Are you sure?”

“I’m sure.”

This were me wife. Me Essie. She were sure about most things and she’d never been wrong before. Besides, when she smiled at me like she were doing now, I felt as light as the half ton hearth stone I’d built our little house around. Anyfin were possible.

“Let them come along — for me — my brave and handsome husband.”

I got all squiggly inside and a grin touched me lips. “I’d do just about anyfin fer you, Essie. Just make sure they leave when we find me castle.”

I set her down, and she walked back to her family. They spoke in whispers I couldn’t hear, but in the end, Essie threw the bag she was carrying into the cart and started forward. I guess they agreed to leave once we found the castle. Me Essie were a fine wife. I didn’t know what I’d do witout her. Her family must have felt the same for they lost no time in following her, as did I.

A half mile to the coast, Essie’s da looked back and cursed. “Where’s the cart?”

I looked back and saw it setting in front of the house. “It be just where you left it.”

Me father-in-law slapped his forehead and moaned. “You simpleton. You were supposed to bring up the cart.”

“Oh,” I said. No one told me that. I rushed back to get it.

When we got to the coast, I scratched me head. “There ain’t no boat fer yous all.”

“How did you get across?”

“I swum it.”

“Well, then. We’ll just sit on your head while you swim back.”

I frowned at that idea. I could see having Essie on me head, but her whole family, plus the cart? That weren’t a good idea, I was thinking, and I told them so.

“Stop your thinking, you great lummox,” her father shouted. “I say it’ll work. Now put us up there and go.”

It didn’t take but a half dozen strokes before the brothers were swinging off me sideburns and causing me a bit of a headache. I asked them to stop. It weren’t safe anyways, but no one paid no nevermind to me. So, four strokes later, during a rousing wrestle match over me ear, the boys fell into the freezing sea. I were right upset about that, the poor mites.

Essie urged me to keep swimming, saying the boys were strong swimmers and would most likely go back. I wasn’t sure they could swim that far, but Essie were right persistent. At this great calamity, Essie’s ma screamed and then keeled over in a dead faint. It were while I was debating whether to look for the boys that the roly-poly woman rolled off the back end of me head. The great splash she made tickled me nape.

Now, I didn’t like that woman, but I didn’t wish her no harm. We were well and away from land and I knewed she weren’t no swimmer. It were getting dark and the water was as black as ink by now. You can imagine me father-in-law’s distress. He’d lost almost his whole family in one day. He were babbling somefin fierce by now, acting as delusional as Simon when he got deep into his eighth pint at the pub. “You pushed her!” Essie’s da yelled.

Essie denied it, as well she should. She loved her ma. But that didn’t seem to matter to him. He were well on his way to crazy by now. He were using so many bad words, even I was tempted to plunge me head into the water to dislodge him. If it weren’t fer Essie loving him as much as her ma, I just might of. But the next thing I knowed, I heard a splash. The icy water seemed to invade me veins.

Panic seized me. “Essie? Essie? Are you still there?” I felt along me pate until I found her little body huddled in me cowlick. “What fell off?” Were it the father or the cart?

She bounded up, and I could hear her clanging about. “Don’t you worry. The cart is fine. I don’t know what we’d do if it had fallen off.”

I searched for her da for a good minute. He were nowhere to be found. Washed away like a bad tide. I was concerned about Essie. Her family were popping off me head like grease snapping out of the fire. I was scared she were next. “Hang on Essie. Shore is just a few strokes away. Yous’ll be just fine.”

When we reached the shore, I put her on the ground where she sank to the earth. I carefully set the cart next to her. She sat looking out to sea, an unreadable look on her face. I looked out over where we’d been and shook me head. “I told them it weren’t a good idea.”

“You’re smarter than you look, husband. They should have listened to you.”

No one had ever called me smart. I felt guilty when me heart swelled at the praise. This were a time of mourning. I should be trying to comfort me wife. I stroked her hair wit me finger. “I’m right sorry about your family.”

“What’s a burden in life is a respite in death. We didn’t want them along in the first place.” She sighed and then stood, brushing her skirts free of sand. “What’s done is done. It’s time we find us that castle.” And off she went.

I smiled. Me Essie, she were a strong woman.

That night we spent talking about how grand it would be to have our own castle. “Just think, husband. You’ll have whatever you want, whenever you want.”

“But I do now, Essie.”

“Listen to yourself. You have no idea what it’ll be like being king.”

“Tell Me.”

And she did. She spoke of golden rooms and soft beds and people who’ll do whatever I told them. “But why, Essie? Nobody’s ever cared about me except me da and you.”

“They’ll care, because if they don’t obey you, you’ll punish them…severely.”

“I will?” That didn’t sound very nice.

“Of course you will. You’re king. You’ll have every right to eat them if you so choose. You can do whatever you want; have whatever you want and no one can tell you no.”

I remembered how them Englishmen smelled and I was afeared. “How do them Englishmen taste?”

“Don’t you worry about that. I’ll cook them up right for you.” She cuddled against me chest, a wee smile touching her lips and said, “Only the best for my husband.”

Me Essie, she were a treasure.

We set off bright and early the next morning fer our castle. It weren’t no surprise to me that at the first village we come to, they all screamed, “Giant!” and ran into their homes. Seeing as how I was peckish, I found them hiding a nuisance. How were I to ask for a cow if they insisted on hiding?

Me wife put her hands on her hips. “What are you waiting for? Go get us a cow.”

“I gots to ask.”

She shook her head. “No you don’t. You’re a king, on his way to claim his castle. It’s their duty to give you what you want.”

“It is?” I widened me eyes in wonder.

Her pert wee nose lifted straight up to the clouds. “You can trust me, husband. I know the way of it.”

I smiled. What would I do witout me Essie? She were the smartest lass I ever done knowed. I didn’t waste any time, and selected a fat, lowing cow from a nearby herd. Essie quickly seared the meat, and I popped it in me mouth. It were juicy and tasted better than those pitiful few sheep of her father’s I was forced to eat.

That be the way of our journey. One village after another, them screaming, us telling them what we wanted, them giving it to us, until we came to a cliff, its height eight times higher than me, and at the very top amid the swirling clouds, we saw the castle. It gleamed like a jewel in the sun, and appeared to float on them clouds. But that weren’t really true. It were just so high up, that the clouds floated about the crest at will. Pretty and icy-blue, the castle made me hairs stand on end and me gut go all flippy, for I liked sparkly things almost as much as I liked to eat.

It took me a while, but I scaled the cliff all the way to the top, Essie securely in me pocket. This land were truly magical. The trees were full, the grass green and the air sparkled and slipped in and out of me lungs like the sweetest of perfumes. A grin landed on me face and wouldn’t go away.

“Now listen, husband,” me wife said as we crouched in the nearby woods. I was so happy to see trees again, I would build me a cottage right here and send fer me da. Essie weren’t as thrilled wit that idea. “We haven’t a kingdom yet. This king is selfish. He wants only to keep that fine castle for himself. But you’re ten times the man he is and you deserve to live here instead.”