One Foot Onto the Ice (13 page)

“He thought it was me. He’d poured some wine, he was fresh from the
shower, and she walked in. Marcus said Daisy was fine and that she’d just
wanted to borrow his phone, but I thought I’d come down and get your opinion on
the matter.” She shook her head. “Should I file an incident report? Should I
discipline Marcus? Or should I be doing something else?”

Jenna looked serious. “You need to phone her parents at the
earliest opportunity and let them know what’s happened.”

“Really?”

“Yes, of course. It may not have been intentional, but a child in
your care has been exposed to something indecent. You speak to Daisy first
thing in the morning and you phone her mother straight after.”

Susan nodded. “Right, yes, you’re right. Do you think there’ll be
repercussions?”

“That all depends on their stories, whether they match up or not.
It also depends on the type of family the Buttons are.”

“She’s only in year seven. I’ve not had any dealings with her
parents yet. I know she’s an only child, and actually, thinking about it, I’m
pretty sure Mrs Button’s a single mum. I remember reading it in her
family-background form.” Susan paused. “No, wait, there was definitely a man
there with Daisy’s mum when we left for the trip.”

“Regardless, they need to know.”

Susan nodded. “You’re right. Thank you.”

Jenna puzzled. “What if it
had
been you? Was he
deliberately naked?”

“Apparently so. He wanted to be a devil and show me his
pitchfork.”

Jenna shuddered. “How can you say that so calmly?”

“He’s harmless.” Susan shrugged. “I actually feel a bit sorry for
him. I think I was probably a bit flattered when he started taking an
interest.”

Jenna’s brow was completely furrowed. “He can’t be your best
offer?”

“He’s the only offer I’ve had in a very long time.”

“
What
?”

Susan laughed. “Stop pulling that face.”

“Don’t you go out?”

“We have school functions.”

“Friends? Sports clubs? You must do things outside of St Wilf’s?”

Susan shook her head. “Not really. I spent three years studying at
Cambridge and then I went straight back to do my PGCE at school and I’ve been
there ever since.”

Jenna reached across and shook Susan’s knees. “Good god, woman,
you need to experience life.”

“I’m a simple person. I like simple things. I enjoy my job. I like
to read. I holiday with my family.”

“Your parents?”

Susan nodded. “Yes, and my sisters and their families. It’s great.
I’m the fun auntie.”

“Don’t you ever want more?”

Susan looked at the floor. “I guess I’ve never been offered more.”

Jenna shuffled closer and reached out her arms. “Can I just give
you a hug?”

Susan looked up and laughed. “I don’t want your pity. I’m
perfectly happy.”

Jenna gently wrapped her arms around Susan’s back and whispered
into her ear. “Are you?”

Susan closed her eyes and breathed in the sweet smell of coconut
oil. “Completely.”

“I’m drawn to you,” whispered Jenna. “I know it’s only been two
days and I don’t expect you to believe me, but I am. I’m drawn to you by this
invisible bond that I can’t ignore. It’s just there and it’s pulling me
closer.”

Susan leaned backwards and looked at the beautiful woman sitting
inches away. “You’re drawn to the challenge.”

“What challenge?”

“Me. I’m completely different to the women you go for. I’m
awkward, I’m probably slightly square, and I’m certainly not a looker.”

Jenna lifted Susan’s chin. “You’re beautiful. Inside and out.”

Susan moved the hand away and laughed. “I’ll say it again. You’re
good.”

“At what?”

“Making someone feel special.”

Jenna bent her head slightly and found Susan’s eyes once more.
“You
are
special, Susan.”

“I’m straight.”

“Stop me then,” said Jenna, moving her head forwards and gently
placing her lips onto Susan’s. She pulled back slightly and whispered, “Tell me
to stop.”

Susan felt the soft lips on her own and closed her eyes to the
dizziness whirling all around her. She couldn’t tell her to stop. She was
melting, slipping into the forbidden world of arousal, awakening the dormant
nerve endings that were ill prepared for this rush of adrenaline, this thrill
of excitement, this buzz of illicitness. She gasped as Jenna kissed her deeper,
encouraging her desire, provoking her longing, and urging her to come alive. Susan
lifted her hands and clung to Jenna’s cheeks, responding hungrily and moaning deeply
at the intense satisfaction it brought.

Chapter Twelve

Susan jumped at the sound of her alarm. 7.00 a.m., breakfast in
half an hour. She silenced the beeping with a slide of her finger and gasped as
the events of last night crashed into the forefront of her mind. She sucked on her
bottom lip and scrunched up her eyes in an attempt to make herself disappear.
It didn’t work. Instead it intensified her racing heart and the nauseous feeling
pounding deep down in her stomach. Susan sat up and swung her legs out of the
bed. She dropped her head into her hands, completely overwhelmed by the feeling
of utter embarrassment. Jenna had tried to take the kiss further.

Susan found the courage to glance up at the edge of the bed where
Jenna had straddled her; where Jenna had pushed her down and slid on top of
her. Susan gasped again, remembering just how badly she’d wanted to be touched;
how erotic it was to be manhandled, to be pushed into position and set upon by
someone as experienced as Jenna.

Susan shook her head and chastised herself, unsure if she was
angry at her inability to just let go and live a little, or angry at Jenna’s
ability to calmly get up and walk away when she’d said stop. She took a deep
intake of breath and exhaled with far more control than she actually felt.
Head
high and carry on
, she told herself, thinking back to that awful day when
she was ankles up, head down, in Battle-Axe Brown’s vice-like grip. Susan
rolled her eyes at herself. It hadn’t worked then and it wouldn’t work now.
Jenna would either joke off the whole experience or snigger at her inexperienced
frigidity. Either way it would be embarrassing. She checked the clock,
desperate to see its hands frozen in time, needy of an extra week or two to
come to terms with what had gone on. She’d kissed a woman. She’d kissed a woman
and enjoyed it. She’d seriously been tempted to let that woman take things
further: to let that woman pin her down and use her for pleasure. Susan snapped
herself out of it. Something had made her say stop, and she wondered if it was
indeed that desire, yet fear, of being used.

****

Susan’s shower had been quick and cold. There was no time to
contemplate, or analyse. She had to focus and stay in control. The students
were relying on her. There was no way she could turn into a blithering mess. She
threw on her lilac fleece, marched along the corridor and down the stairs
towards the dining room, desperately trying to ignore the trepidation pounding
away in her stomach. She pushed open the door and held her breath. Only six
girls were down. She relaxed slightly and stepped into the strong smelling room,
noticing Sylvie shuffling around behind the long table, laying out the final
few plates of ham and cheese.

Sylvie looked up. “
Bonjour
, Susan.” She beckoned her over.
“I’ve put
fromage
in
zee
girls’ sandwiches today.
Zee
sausage did not go down too well yesterday, I think.”

Susan joined her at the table and smiled at the elderly French
host. “Most of them bought chips at lunchtime so don’t take it too personally.”
She looked at the wonderful continental breakfast on display. “This really is
ideal, Sylvie, thank you for all of your effort.”

Sylvie folded her arms and sucked on her deep-lined lips. “You
want
zee
truth, Susan?” She carried on before Susan had a chance to
respond. “It’s Jenna who is ideal.”

Susan looked up quickly. “Pardon?”

“
Ah oui
, you
‘eard
me.”

Susan reached for a patterned china plate and loaded it with
whatever was at hand. She tried to speak with nonchalance. “She’s a good ski
guide and she’s great with the girls.”

Sylvie looked at the mound of pastries piled onto Susan’s plate.
“Love gives you an appetite.”

Susan glanced down, realising that she couldn’t actually stomach a
thing. “We’re just old school friends. We have a connection from that.”

Sylvie shook her head fiercely. “
Non, non, non, non
, she
needs
zee
love of a good woman. She sees that in you.” Sylvie narrowed
her wrinkled eyes. “I see it.”

Susan put the plate down and smiled warmly. “This is only our
third day, Sylvie.” She laughed at the elderly French hostess. “You’re such a
tease.”

Sylvie shrugged. “She would be very good for you too. Am I not
right?” She started to shuffle away before pausing and shuffling right back up
to Susan’s toes. She signalled for her to drop her head.

Susan bent down lower and brought her ear to Sylvie’s mouth,
noticing the slight garlic aroma. Susan whispered first. “Please don’t tease me
anymore. I’m not sure I can take it.”

Sylvie, in her attempt to be discreet, actually looked incredibly
conspiratorial and her French accent became even stronger. “That little girl’s
been sat down
‘ere
for over an hour.” She nodded her head backwards. “I
couldn’t even get
‘er
talking over a
pain au chocolat
.”

Susan looked up and noticed Daisy Button sitting at a table in the
corner. “Thanks, Sylvie, I’ll have a word.” She bent back down to Sylvie’s ear.
“And just so you know, I don’t really think I’m Jenna’s type.”

Sylvie reached out and squeezed both of Susan’s cheeks with force.
“
Oui, oui, oui, oui, oui.
You’re exactly
‘er
type.” She let go
and waved Susan in closer. “I’ve spent many an evening in this bar drinking and
chatting. I know what she needs. She won’t admit it, but that lady is lost. That’s
why she flits from woman to woman to woman to woman. She needs someone like you
to find
‘er
. You understand?
Oui?
”

Susan looked at the animated old lady. “But I’m straight, Sylvie.”

Sylvie slapped Susan around the thigh and laughed loudly. “You’re
no straighter than that croissant!” She pointed at the curved pastry on the top
of Susan’s pile and laughed once more before shuffling off to the kitchen, continuing
her chuckle in French.

Susan looked at her plate of pastries and sighed.
Surely she’d
know if she were gay? Surely there’d have been signs.
She closed her eyes
for a moment and instantly re-lived the earth-shattering sensation of Jenna’s
kiss. Susan threw her eyes open and spoke to herself firmly.
Enjoying
something doesn’t automatically make you become that thing.
She sighed and
looked down at her bent croissant …
Does it?

“Are you okay, Madam?” Daisy Button was looking up with big eyes.

Susan jumped out of her daydream and immediately crouched down.
“Oh, Daisy, I’m fine. How are you? Are we okay to sit down? I need to talk to you
about last night.” She tilted her plate of pastries. “Can you help me eat
these?”

Daisy shrugged. “I can try.”

Susan put a hand on the little girl’s shoulder and guided her back
to the table in the corner. She looked at the mobile phone sitting next to
Daisy’s bowl. “Is that Professor Ramsbottom’s?”

Daisy nodded.

“Why didn’t you return it?”

Daisy sat down and pulled herself tightly into the table. “I
didn’t want to see his dangly thing again.”

Susan lowered her voice. “Can you tell me what happened?”

“I didn’t mean to see it. I’m not going to tell anyone. Am I going
to get in trouble, Madam? I’m really, really sorry.”

“Stop, Daisy, you’re fine. Of course you’re not going to get into
trouble. Just talk me through what happened.”

Daisy bit on her bottom lip and tried to hold back the tears. “I
just wanted to call my mum.”

“Oh, Daisy, come here,” Susan reached out and rubbed the little
girl’s back. “I know this is your first school trip, but is this your first
time away from home?”

“It’s the first time I’ve been away since Justin’s been there.”

Susan tried to ignore Champagne noisily entering the dining room. “And
Justin’s your mum’s boyfriend?”

Daisy nodded and wiped away a tear.

“Is there anything you want to tell me about Justin?”

Daisy shook her head. “No, I’m not allowed to say anything. I just
need to call my mum every day and check she’s okay.”

Susan decided to go with it. “And is she okay?”

Daisy nodded. “She keeps telling me to stop ringing, but I have
to. I’m worried.”

Susan moved in closer. “What are you worried about, Daisy?”

Daisy dropped her head. “Nothing.”

“Can you tell me what happened last night?”

Daisy looked back up, more at ease with this conversation. “I
knocked on Professor Ramsbottom’s door, he told me to come in and I saw him
with no clothes on.” She shrugged. “He let me borrow his phone though.”

“Did he ask who was at the door?”

“No.”

“Did you say who was at the door?”

“No.”

Susan looked kindly at the little girl. “Daisy, I’ll have to tell
your mum about this.”

Daisy looked up with wide eyes. “No, please, I’m in enough
trouble. She’ll be cross at me.”

“Why?”

Daisy was talking quickly. “Because I told on Justin and now
she’ll think I’m telling on Professor Ramsbottom and you shouldn’t tell on
people, not on people who help you. We need Justin to help pay for the house
because all of Mummy’s money goes on my school fees and we don’t have enough
for anything else. She had to take a lower job at work because of the cuts and
I had to give my phone back because we couldn’t afford the contract, but Justin
says I can have it back if I’m a good girl.”

Susan tried hard to remember her child protection training. “What
do good girls do?”

Daisy wiped away another tear. “They don’t tell.”

Susan whispered. “What happens if you do tell?”

Daisy was struggling to find the words. “Justin hurts Mummy
again.”

Susan’s brain was in overdrive. She remembered that you shouldn’t
put words into a child’s mouth, but she was confused, desperately hoping it
wasn’t little Daisy Button who was being mistreated. “Does he ever hurt you?”

Daisy shook her head. “No.”

“Does he ever do anything to you that he doesn’t want you to talk
about?”

Daisy pushed her glasses back up her nose and looked up. “No, just
to Mummy.”

“Okay, don’t worry, Daisy,” she reached for the phone, “I do need
to let her know what happened last night though.”

Daisy reached out and grabbed her teacher’s arm. “No, she’ll be
cross. I told on Justin when I saw him kissing Auntie Shell. Mummy got cross at
him and he hurt her. He said if I told anyone else he’d hurt her again.”

“Daisy, I’ll be calling about what happened last night. Nothing
else.” She nodded. “This was an accident. Professor Ramsbottom thought it was
someone else at the door.”

Daisy thought for a moment before breaking into a smile for the
first time that morning. “Did he think it was you, Madam?”

“No!”

“Champagne then?”

Susan gasped. “No, Daisy, stop.” She paused for a moment. “He
thought it was the doctor.”

“The doctor?”

Susan nodded her head. “Yes. The doctor needed to look at his bruises
after his fall yesterday. That’s why he didn’t have any clothes on. He’s a bit
embarrassed so it’s probably best not to talk about it.”

Daisy looked back down at the table. “Adults are always telling me
not to talk about things.”

Susan felt a pang of regret and bent her head back towards the
little girl. “Sorry, right, no, it wasn’t the doctor.” She lowered her voice.
“He thought it was me.”

Daisy’s eyes lit up. “Is he your boyfriend?”

“No.”

“Does he want to be your boyfriend?”

Susan coughed, uneasy at the conversation’s swerve in direction. “Quite
possibly.”

“Good morning, ladies,” cheered Jenna, joining them at the table
and leaning down to kiss Susan on the cheek.

Daisy smiled. “I think you should be Jenna’s girlfriend instead.
The older girls said she’s looking for one.”

Susan felt a rush of blood to her cheeks; Jenna hadn’t greeted her
that way yesterday. “Good morning,” she said. “You’re cheery.”

Jenna pulled a chair next to Susan and sat down. “I have lots to
smile about.”

Daisy piped up again. “I think you should be Jenna’s girlfriend,
instead. Not Professor Ramsbottom’s.”

Susan rolled her eyes. “I heard you, Daisy. I was ignoring you.”

Jenna nudged the little girl’s arm. “That’s a bit rude to ignore
us, isn’t it?” She smiled and whispered to Daisy. “I think Madam Quinn should
be my girlfriend too.”

Susan ignored the banter and lifted the mobile phone off the
table. “I need to get this back to its owner and I need to make that call to
your mum.”

Daisy instantly lost her good mood. “No, Madam, please.”