One Foot Onto the Ice (15 page)

Jenna watched the fall unfolding in front of her. Susan was doing
her best to stay in control, but she’d been going too fast. She hit the slope
and snow sprayed out in all directions. Jenna stopped herself with a huge snow plough
and grabbed one of the loose skis that was trying to slide all the way to the
bottom. “You okay?” she asked sidestepping up to a snow covered Susan.

Susan shook the white powder from her head. “I hit a dip. I’ve had
my first wipe out.” She stretched out her hand and laughed. “Help me up?”

Jenna dropped the ski horizontally on the slope and gave Susan a
hand, only to have Susan yank on it sharply. “Susan Quinn! What are you doing?”

Susan pulled again and laughed as Jenna fell into the snow next to
her. “I’m down here because of you, so I thought it only fair that you join
me.”

Jenna adjusted her skis and rolled onto her side, lifting herself
onto her elbow. “Is that so? What happened? You thought of me and your knees
went weak?”

Susan brushed some more white dusting off her jacket and moved
onto her side, mirroring Jenna’s horizontal position. “Something like that.”

Jenna laughed. “You’re a devil, Susan Quinn, I knew there was
something exciting hiding under that bloody awful lilac fleece of yours.”

Susan grabbed some snow and threw it towards Jenna. “What’s wrong
with my lilac fleece? It’s from Cotton Traders.”

“That’s nothing to shout about, Susie.”

“You were pretty eager to get it off this morning.”

“Yes. Because it’s so god damn awful.”

Susan laughed and flicked some more snow. “I always thought Cotton
Traders was a good brand?”

“It is, for pensioners.”

Susan pretended to huff. “Whether my fleece is, or is not,
fashionable, is not the issue—”

“Yes it is.”

“Stop it,” laughed Susan. “Fleece aside—”

“So you’ll take it off?”

“Stop it! The fact remains, we were in Sylvie’s lounge, the girls
were next door, and there was no way you were getting under my fleece. Plus I’m
not even sure I’m comfortable with
any
of this yet.”

Jenna looked back up the quiet slope to check there were no fast
approaching skiers. “Should I stop?”

Susan pursed her lips. “Hmmm.”

Jenna elbowed herself closer in to Susan. “What does hmmm mean?”

“It means we’re lying half way down a red run, the chances are
we’ll be skied over, or bumped into, or—”

“Kissed,” said Jenna cutting her off mid-sentence and planting her
lips firmly onto Susan’s mouth.

Susan dropped her head back down into the cool snow and let the
warmth of Jenna’s embrace melt away her objections.

Jenna pulled back. “But you’re right, we may get skied over.” She rolled
over and lifted herself up. “This next chairlift’s a long one. I’ll kiss you
slowly on there if you like?”

Susan opened her eyes, feeling totally disorientated. “Why am I
always the one left in the moment? You walked out of my room last night with
such ease and now you’re able to just stop your kiss and get up without a
second thought?”

Jenna laughed. “You’d rather I found it a struggle? You’d rather
see me unable to tear myself away from you?”

Susan moved her skis into position and laughed. “It’s
not
a
struggle?”

“Not yet.” Jenna watched as her old classmate stood up and balanced
on her poles, quickly clipping her boots into their bindings. “But it may become
a struggle very quickly. You’re drawing me in, Susan.”

Susan shook her whole body as if freeing herself from the remnants
of the fall, but silently knowing she was trying to shake off the aftermath of
the kiss: trying to play it cool, just like Jenna was. “It’s a new experience
for me, that’s all. New experiences always seem more noteworthy than they
actually are.”

“Ooo, was that a dig?” Jenna was grinning.

Susan shrugged. “You do this all of the time. I realise today’s a
run of the mill day for you. Kisses before breakfast, snogging on the slopes.”
She smiled. “Maybe I just need slightly longer to compute my response to all of
this.”

Jenna laughed. “Exactly. You’ve got the time it takes to get to
the bottom of this slope to sort out your emotion based keywords.” She jumped
forwards in her skis and pushed off with her poles. “Go.”

Susan smiled and composed herself, following on behind and paying
careful attention to the bumps up ahead. “I’ll give you one now,” she shouted.

“Oh yeah?” screamed Jenna over her shoulder.

Susan brought her skis together and bent her knees, quickly
matching Jenna’s pace. She pulled alongside her and smiled. “Anticipation.”

Jenna nodded, “I like it. As long as it’s not the feeling of
expectation then I’m fine. Anticipation’s good, expectation’s not.”

“You’re a psychologist’s dream, Jenna. You know that don’t you?”

Jenna laughed. “Me? What about you and your lack of intimate adult
interaction with either of the genders?”

“I’m picky, you’re not,” shouted Susan, bending her knees even
further and speeding off ahead.

Jenna shook her head and smiled. “And there’s the pull,” she said
to herself. “How can I not be interested in that?”

“Stop talking and ski,” shouted Susan waving her pole in the air.

“Yes, boss,” nodded Jenna, once again enjoying the feeling of
second place.

Susan sped down the final section of the slope, enjoying the rush
of the run and the buzz of flirtation. She turned sharply to the left and
pulled into the metal barriers. “This lift?”

Jenna forced her skis together and pulled to a stop beside Susan.
She lifted her arm to the sensor. “Yes, and it’s long.” She pushed through the
bar and looked up at the route the chairlift would be taking. It was off-piste
and incredibly quiet with clusters of tall pine trees beautifully framed by the
imposing mountains. “Make sure you line up next to me,” said Jenna, pushing
herself into position and waiting for the yellow barriers to swish open.

Susan did the same and edged into the waiting bay next to Jenna.
“Am I about to experience the skiers’ equivalent of the mile high club?”

Jenna gasped, “Susan Quinn! You’re crazy!”

Susan frowned. “What? I thought you wanted to kiss me slowly?” She
smiled. “I’m
anticipating
it.”

Jenna laughed. “You know what the mile high club is, right?”

The yellow barriers opened and both women shuffled forwards.
“Kissing on an aeroplane.” Susan rolled her eyes. “Let me guess, you joined it
when you were twelve?”

Jenna felt the chair slam into the back of her thighs. “Sixteen
actually.” She adjusted herself on the seat and reached for the safety bar.
“And it’s shagging, not snogging.”

Susan gasped. “What?”

Jenna continued, “But yes, I
am
in the chair-affair club.”

“The chair-affair club? You’ve had
sex
on a chairlift?”

“Uh-huh,” smiled Jenna, “but I have to be honest, you’re moving
slightly too fast for me. Can we get to know each another a bit first?”

Susan adjusted herself under the safety bar and placed her poles
across her legs. “I’m twenty-six and you’re the third person I’ve ever kissed.
Do you really think I’d be suggesting
that
on day three?”

Jenna narrowed her eyes cheekily. “Maybe. You do have lots of
catching up to do.” She smiled. “And anyway I was hoping we might progress to
that at some point this week.”

Susan looked away, pretending to admire the snow-topped mountains.
“Can we stop messing around and just talk about it properly?”

Jenna laughed. “We are. Humour’s the best way to break the ice
after an experience like ours.”

Susan turned back around. “And what exactly is an experience like
ours?”

Jenna paused and thought about it for a moment. “Well, neither of
us envisioned this happening. We just have to come to terms with it.” She
grinned. “But more importantly I want to discuss why you thought the mile high
club was about kissing?”

“You can’t have
sex
on an aeroplane.”

Jenna grinned. “Yes you can, just like you can have sex on a
chairlift.”

Susan shifted in her seat. “I’m actually more comfortable talking
about emotions.”

“Fine, take it away.”

Susan nodded. “Right. I’ve got my keywords. Let me start.” She
composed herself. “When you kissed me last night I felt nervous … apprehensive.”
Susan bit on her bottom lip and looked down at the tall trees. She spoke
quietly. “But then I might have started to feel a bit excited by it all … A bit
aroused. I felt the adrenaline and I was anticipating what was going to happen
next, half hoping it would but at the same time praying it wouldn’t.”

Jenna bent her head, trying to get Susan’s attention. “What are
you scared of?”

Susan shrugged. “Everything.”

Jenna reached out with her gloved hand and gently lifted Susan’s
chin. “But it’s just kissing. What’s wrong with kissing? It doesn’t mean
anything. It just means we have a connection and we’re making the most of it.
Seeing where it goes.”

Susan wiped her glove along the metal safety bar. “But that’s just
it. I’m a planner. I like to know what’s happening. I like to feel in control.”

“And you didn’t feel in control when we kissed?”

“No. Not at all.” Susan re-lived the moment where Jenna pushed her
down onto the bed. “I felt totally out of control.”

“But you stopped me?”

Susan shook her head. “Jenna, you’re not understanding me. I don’t
do this sort of thing. Ever.”

“With women?”

“No! With anyone.” Susan clenched her fingers inside her gloves.
“I’m the lead teacher on a school ski trip, for heaven’s sake. I shouldn’t be
re-living my teenage years.”

“So adults don’t kiss, or play around, or get excited by the
thrill of secret intimacy?”

“It just feels wrong and I have to admit that I’m still struggling
with the whole female thing. I’ve never considered the possibility that I might
be gay.” She paused. “I thought Mr Right would show up one day and my life
would just fall into place.”

Jenna shrugged. “Okay, so we stop.”

Susan studied Jenna’s relaxed face. “It’s really that easy for
you?”

“Yes. I like you, Susan. You intrigue me. We have a connection.
Whether that’s from our past or from something else I don’t know.” She raised
her eyebrows. “But, we’re not star crossed lovers. This isn’t the next big
romance.” Jenna shrugged her shoulders. “We’re just two women who like each
other. It’s up to us what we do with that knowledge.”

Susan closed her eyes and listened to the distant sound of laughing
skiers. “And what are our options?”

“Look at me then.” Jenna waited for Susan to twist back around and
stayed silent until they were facing each other. She lifted her sunglasses and
pushed them on top of her beanie hat. “First things first. We stop analysing.
Like you said, let’s talk about this once on this chairlift and then never
again.”

“Agreed,” said Susan, starting to smile. “How long have we got?”

“Long enough,” said Jenna talking quickly. “Here are our options.
Number one. We stop.”

“That’s it?”

“Yes.”

Susan smiled. “Okay, option two?”

“We carry on.”

“That’s it?”

Jenna was the one laughing now. “Yes! It’s that simple. Either we
have this experience or we don’t. I get what you’re saying. You’re a novice.
You analyse. Things like this seem like they’re a big deal to you.”

“They don’t to you?”

Jenna shook her head. “No! It’s just kissing,” she said, smiling. “And
then maybe cuddling, and then…” She grinned widely and showed off her dimples.
“We just see where it takes us.”

“So it’s just a bit of fun?”

“Of course it is. Isn’t that what life’s about? Having fun?
Gaining experiences? Living for the moment?”

“And what if we become attached to one another?”

“We’re already attached. That’s why we’re sitting here having this
discussion.”

Susan fell silent, desperately trying to ignore the nagging
questions circling in the pit of her stomach.

“Just ask me,” laughed Jenna.

“Ask you what?”

“Whatever’s playing on your mind right now. I can see your eyes
darting around behind your sunglasses.”

“Fine,” said Susan, sitting more upright in the chair and deciding
to brave it. “How do I know you’re being serious? How do I know you’re not
using me?” She took off her glasses and pushed them on top of her hat. “How do
I know this isn’t one big dare set up by Amber? How do I know I won’t fall for
you and end up hurt because you seem to move from woman to woman to woman like
you’re walking through a department store trying everything on with absolutely
no intention of buying.” She paused. “How do I know I’m not just the next in a
long line?”