“I hope it’s that easy,” Staci said.
She did, too, but if the sleepless night she’d spent was any indication, nothing was going to be easy about this thing with Jay.
* * *
J
AY
RAN
ALONG
the beach and tried to clear his mind. Frankly though, there wasn’t a safe place for it to go. He’d already scanned the area in front and behind him. It didn’t matter that he was in San Diego on Coronado Island, a part of him just couldn’t relax. The other part of his mind kept replaying last night—every damned second of it. Physical exhaustion had seemed like the only means out of the endless cycle of images of Alysse, but it wasn’t. His room felt like a prison when he got back there and he wondered what normal people did on vacations. He couldn’t imagine spending too much time in this place. He felt boxed-in and edgy.
He showered and changed and got on his bike and drove without a destination in mind, but he wasn’t too shocked when he found himself parked down the street from Sweet Dreams. It was the one place he wanted to be. But he knew that he couldn’t just show up at her bakery. She was working and he had commitments of his own.
He was meeting Lucien at ten this morning and he decided that had to be his priority right now. But Alysse was winning the battle in his mind. He had let things go too far last night and, as hard as it was for him to admit, making love to her might have actually hurt his chances of getting back together with her.
He cast aside the disturbing thought, put his sunglasses on and roared away from the curb. He drove to the offices of Company B. The name gave Jay a chuckle since Lucien and the other men who’d formed it were all from Bravo or B Company. He parked the bike and entered the impressive office building, feeling the cool air conditioning brush over his skin. The receptionist was a pretty California blonde.
She smiled up at him and Jay wondered why everything couldn’t be as uncomplicated as this girl. Why hadn’t he just taken those divorce papers from Alysse and moved on?
“Can I help you, sir?”
“I’m Jay Michener, I have an appointment this morning with Lucien DuPoin.”
“I’ll let Lucien know. Please have a seat over there. Can I get you anything to drink?”
“I’m good,” Jay said. He moved toward the guest chairs but they were lined up against the glass windows and there was no way he was sitting with his back to the street. Didn’t matter where he was, he couldn’t switch off his instincts.
Instead he walked to an interior wall that had the Company B logo on it and their mission statement—Securing What’s Important to You.
Vague, Jay thought. No clue as to what the company actually did, which was exactly as it should be.
“Jay, buddy,” Lucien DuPoin greeted him.
Lucien was six feet tall, with more muscles than seemed humanly possible. His head was shaved and he wore a mustache that Jay knew hid a scar on his upper lip.
Lucien held out his hand to Jay. Jay took the hand and leaned in to bump chests with Lucien. They’d served together on Jay’s third tour. “What’s up?”
“Not much. Glad to see your ugly mug,” Lucien replied. “How’d your plans go last night?”
“Not as I’d expected.”
“What do you think of the place?” Lucien asked.
“Cushy setup you have here. Not bad for a guy from the First,” Jay said. They’d served together in the First Recon Battalion in 2006.
“You have no idea,” Lucien said. “Come on back and I’ll show you what we’re all about.”
Jay followed his friend down the corridor to a high-tech, windowless conference room. Jay heard the solid thump of a bulletproof door closing behind him. There was a video wall along the right side of the room, and on the left, a huge Company B logo was displayed.
“Have a seat,” Lucien said, gesturing to the leather armchairs around the table.
Jay sat down. He took his sunglasses off and set them on the table in front of him.
“Let me tell you a little about what we do and what we can offer you,” Lucien said.
“Who are ‘we’?”
“Myself and four other guys—two of them were Army Rangers—you met them yesterday at the bar, one was a SEAL and the other is ex-CIA. We are a unique private security force and we operate as a team or unit the way we would in the Corps. That much would be the same. We want you to be a sniper but you won’t be working with a scout—we don’t have the staff for that.”
“What kind of missions are you taking?”
“High-risk, high-pay missions from the private sector.”
“Really?”
“Yes, usually we protect or rescue ordinary citizens when our government can’t go in and do so. The families or companies have the money to afford us,” Lucien said.
“Like who?”
“Usually executives kidnapped in South America or kids who go missing or land in trouble. We’ve had a few jobs that involved the DEA and Border Patrol, but to be honest I think we’ve all agreed those aren’t our favorites.”
Jay chuckled. “I can understand that.”
“Your role, if you choose to join us, would be to use the skills you have now, mainly as a marksman,” Lucien explained.
Jay was one of the top-rated marksmen in the world.
“Okay. I’d be the sniper. How often do you need one?” Jay asked. Rescue missions didn’t always require a man with his skills.
“More often than you’d guess,” Lucien said. “T-bone, the SEAL, is good with long-range shots, but he’s not you. And we need him in other roles. You’d provide expert cover. If you decide to come on board you’d be paid a monthly salary plus a bonus based on the danger factor of the mission.”
The amount that Lucien mentioned was eye-opening; Jay had had no idea his skills with a weapon were worth that much. But he was looking for a change in lifestyle, not just his income bracket. “How often would I be gone? And what would I do when we aren’t on a mission?”
Lucien leaned back in his chair. “We monitor security and provide bodyguards for the affluent in Southern California. Also, when dignitaries are visiting we’re usually the detail assigned to guard them. So that keeps us busy. You’d have two days off a week, unless we are on a mission, and you would work regular hours.”
“Sounds tempting,” Jay said. Really tempting. It would mean closing one chapter of his life and starting another. Here. This job would give him a way to romance Alysse and do it right this time. But he hadn’t stayed in one place since he’d left North Texas. And he had a really hard time picturing himself in a home.
“Good, I want you on my team, Jay,” Lucien said.
“When do you need to know if I’m in?” Jay asked.
“When are you due to re-up?” Lucien asked.
“Two weeks. I’m on leave until then.”
“Why don’t you think it over tonight and let me know tomorrow?” Lucien said. “Then you can come and work with us for a few days, see if it’s really what you want. I’d hate to have you regret leaving the Corps.”
“Do you regret it? I thought you were going to be a lifer,” Jay said.
“At first I hated it. I just wasn’t cut out for civilian life, but then, once I got involved with these guys at Company B, I found my place. It’s helped me a lot to be able to still use my skills but to sleep in my own bed each night,” Lucien said. “Plus I have a steady woman in my life. She’s more important than the Corps. For a while I didn’t think she would be. Oh, I’m making a mess of saying this.”
“Nah, I get it. Women are complicated,” Jay said.
“You spoke a mouthful,” Lucien said with his smooth Cajun accent, and Jay smiled. They’d had a lot of fun in the old days even when they were on missions, and there was something about working with his friend again that appealed to him.
“I’ll call you tomorrow and let you know what I think,” Jay said.
He left the offices a few minutes later and drove toward the Hotel Del Coronado but that wasn’t really where he wanted to go. He wanted to see Alysse again, and if nothing else, at least talk to her.
Lucien’s offer sat squarely in the front of Jay’s mind. He wasn’t convinced he’d be happy on a security detail, but if he knew he’d be coming home to Alysse each night, maybe he could be.
6
T
HE
END
OF
THE
LUNCH
HOUR
signaled the end of their busy time at the bakery. During the school year they’d sometimes have a rush of after-school moms and kids, but it was summertime and the afternoons were slow-paced. Staci was in the kitchen trying to perfect a recipe she’d been juggling with for days. It was a main course, not a dessert.
Alysse was afraid sometimes that Staci was getting restless in the bakery. One of her greatest fears was that Staci would move on and leave Alysse alone with Sweet Dreams. She knew she could handle the shop, but she had come to really depend on having her friend around.
But that worry wasn’t foremost today, she thought, as she cleaned the counter in the empty shop front.
Okay, so she’d gotten the usual professions of love from men who liked her baked goods. However, today it hadn’t seemed as much fun as it always did. She’d had a hard time flirting, knowing that Jay was back. Since their divorce had been final he’d been in the far recesses of her mind. But last night had changed all of that.
Meanwhile, her brother had called and invited her to join him and a group of their friends for a bonfire on the beach later tonight. She’d started to make her usual excuses but then decided to go. What was she going to do? Stay home and stew over Jay?
The doorbell tinkled as someone entered the shop. “Welcome to Sweet Dreams...”
Jay.
He stood backlit by the summer sun, looking totally out of place in her shop. He had on a pair of faded skintight jeans, a form-fitting khaki T-shirt and, despite the heat outside, a leather jacket. His aviator sunglasses were on so she couldn’t see those dark chocolate eyes of his.
Why was he here? This was her Jay-free zone. She didn’t want to talk to him or see him right now and certainly not in her shop.
“Why are you here?” she asked, knowing she didn’t sound hospitable but not really caring. She was tired from last night, edgy about Staci’s future plans and he was the source of a lot of her unease about her own future.
“I wanted to talk to you,” he said as he stepped into the shop and removed his sunglasses. He opened up the side of his jacket and put them in an inner pocket. “I don’t have any other number for you.”
“Oh. Right.” She wasn’t ready to deal with Jay. Not now. Possibly not ever.
She wished she could be cool and calm, instead she figured she was coming off as more than a little flaky.
Get it together,
she admonished herself.
“So, what’s up?”
“I think we still need to talk. And I didn’t feel comfortable about the way you left last night,” he said.
“I can’t really do that here because if I have a customer they have to be my priority.” Thank God. The last thing she wanted to do was rehash last night and her bold proclamation that she was using him for sex.
“Can you take a break?” he asked.
“Can’t this wait until later?” She needed a good twenty-four hours of sleep and some distance between them so she could forget about how those big muscled arms of his felt around her. But right now all she could see was him last night as he’d moved between her legs and made her his once again.
“It could,” he said, moving slowly closer to the counter.
“Great,” she said.
“I can come back when the shop is closed and take you to dinner,” he offered.
She wanted to do that. Have a private dinner with him, but she knew she’d end up making love to him again. She needed to get out and do things with him that brought other people into their company. Otherwise, she’d fall back into bed with him and in two weeks he’d be gone and she’d be wondering why the hell she’d let him dominate her life again.
“I can’t tonight,” she said.
“Do you have plans?” he asked.
“Yes. I have a very busy life. You got lucky last night when you asked me to bring you that cupcake, which you never paid for,” she said.
“Let me rectify that now,” he said, taking out his credit card and handing it to her.
She went to the cash register and rang up his order from the night before and then slid the card through the credit-card machine. She focused on every detail of the mundane task, ignoring the spicy scent of his aftershave and the fact that he was so close she could reach out and touch him.
“I’ll need your signature,” she said as she tore the receipt from the machine.
She pushed the paper across the counter to him and handed him the pen with the flower on top of it that they kept in a jar by the register. His fingers brushed hers and a little electric tingle went up her arm.
How could one man’s touch affect her so much?
“What are you doing tonight?” he asked.
“I’m going to meet friends at the beach after work. We’re going to surf and do some paddleboarding.”
“Sounds interesting,” he said.
He was so close she could see the scar on the left side of his face more clearly. Last night when she’d been kissing him she’d concentrated on other places, but today in the bright sunlight that scar seemed more prominent.
“How did you get this?” she asked, reaching up to touch it.
“Our convoy was attacked. I went out looking for high ground to get a good shot, ran into an enemy combatant with a knife. We fought. He cut me.”
The words were sparse but the image in her head was horrifying. She reached over and touched the scar again. She didn’t know what to say. He stood there and let her touch his face. There was so much more to her ex-husband than she’d ever guessed.
“We’re planning to have a bonfire on the beach tonight. Do you want to join us?”
He shook his head. “That’s not what I had in mind. I wanted a private night with just you, me and not on the beach this time.”
As empathetic as she felt toward him right now, she wasn’t about to have another night alone with him. They needed to be with other people or they’d spend the entire time naked. And she’d learned more about Jay in the last five minutes than she had all of last night.
“My offer is the only one that’s on the table at this time,” she said.
“Fine, but I want to have a chance to talk to you properly,” he said, handing her back the pen. “I need to get your opinion on a job offer I got today.”
“Really? I thought you were just thinking about leaving the Marines,” she said.
“I was. But near misses like this one,” he said gesturing to his scar. “Make me think I might need to change professions.”
“That’s very true. But you’ve only been here one day... I didn’t think you’d started job-hunting.”
“Well, one of my buddies owns the company so it wasn’t exactly hunting that had me find it. He knows I’m due to re-up and wanted to see if I’d be interested in joining him instead,” Jay said.
She wasn’t sure what any of this had to do with her but she did know it would be helpful for a long-term relationship if he got out of the Corps and took a job here. That was an interesting tidbit.
“What is the job?”
“Can you take a break? I don’t want to talk about it in the store,” he asked.
“Let me check with Staci,” Alysse said. She left the shop to go into the kitchens and found Staci standing right inside the doorway, clearly eavesdropping.
“What are you doing?” Alysse asked her friend.
“Listening in on your conversation, obviously. So that’s the guy?”
“Yes,” Alysse said. “I guess you aren’t working now.”
“No. I hit a snag and need to think about what I want to do. I really want this dish to be more than a main. But it just tastes so bland... Not enough wow,” Staci said.
“I’ll give you a hand if you want,” Alysse offered. Even though she knew Staci would decline the help. Staci was always trying to prove something to herself with her cooking, and, Alysse suspected, to the world.
“Nah, I’ll figure it out. So are you going to do it, go talk to him?” Staci encouraged, peeking around the corner at him.
Alysse wanted to, but a part of her thought getting to know him better was stupid. He was the one man who’d hurt her worse than any other. Was she really going to open herself up to that kind of pain again?
“He is one hot-looking guy,” Staci said.
“Yes, he is.”
“I can see why you fell for him, but you aren’t the same person you used to be. I think you are in the right place to deal with him,” Staci said.
“Me, too,” Alysse said with a confidence she was far from feeling. “I’ll be back in twenty minutes or so.”
“Take your time,” Staci said. “It’s not like we’re busy right now.”
Alysse took off her apron and went out front where Jay was still waiting. He was studying the glass cases but she sensed his attention was really on her.
“I’m ready to go,” she told him.
“Good. Do you want to go someplace on my bike? Or we can walk,” he suggested.
“Let’s go to Old Town. It will be busy but there are a couple of quiet streets where we can walk and talk,” Alysse said. Her plan to use Jay made sense when she was in the throes of wanting him sexually and trying to justify that to herself. Now, in the bright light of day, she wanted more. She wanted to find out what kind of man Jay was.
Finding out more about Jay would be hard and she’d have to stay focused because Jay didn’t give up much information about himself and she didn’t blame him because she also played her cards close to her chest.
She’d learned the hard way that being as open as she used to be didn’t pay off. And she hated that she’d become so guarded and afraid to risk herself. Jay had stolen that confidence from her. She wanted it back, but she also wanted to fix him.
Oh, my God,
she thought. That was what this was about. Jay was her latest project. Someone who needed her help. But she wouldn’t fix Jay for herself. She’d help him so he could move on and so she could finally be over him.
* * *
J
AY
WATCHED
A
LYSSE
out of the corner of his eye as they strolled down the hilly street. The weather was a temperate eighty degrees today and as he watched other people nearby he felt almost normal. For the first time in a long time he was exactly where he belonged, but he knew that was false. He didn’t really belong with Alysse and even though to the world they probably looked like every other couple walking through town on this nice afternoon, he knew they were different.
She led him to a quiet park where an empty bench stood under the shade of a tall tree that he didn’t know the name of. She sat down and stretched her legs out in front of her, then tipped her head slightly toward him.
“So, talk,” she said.
She seemed relaxed, but in spite of her posture he could sense the tension in her. She wasn’t sure of him and didn’t trust him, and he knew that he would have to earn back her trust. He just wasn’t sure he deserved it. Didn’t even know how he’d go about winning her over because for years he’d been alone. And though he wasn’t happy about it, there was a part of him that could get along just fine with Fantasy Alysse running through his mind.
It was safer that way. For him, certainly, and also for her. He didn’t want to disappoint her again or hurt her anymore than he already had.
“Are you going to say anything?” she asked. “Or just keep staring at me?”
“I don’t know how to begin. I’ve been thinking of the way you left last night. How you said you were going to use me.”
“Maybe that wasn’t the nicest thing to say,” she admitted. She tucked a strand of her hair back toward the high ponytail it had escaped from and then rubbed her hands along her thighs.
“But that is who you are now. I made you into a woman who wants to use someone else. I did that,” he said. He hadn’t thought of anyone but himself when he’d left her in Vegas and he regretted that now.
He’d told himself he was doing it for her. That he wasn’t the right guy to make her dreams come true. But he knew he’d left because he’d been unsure of what to do next.
She straightened up, twisting to face him. “I did that. Not you. I’m the one who put myself in a place where I can’t find my way back to who I used to be. I’m not ever going to be that girl again.”
She carefully put her hand on his wrist. “I need to do this and you’re looking for answers, too. Don’t worry too much. We’ll do this together.”
“I do worry. And I’m not someone who’s ever anxious, but with you—I am. I am afraid I’m too hard for you. I already hurt the woman you used to be.”
She bit her lower lip and he saw her hesitate and then she smiled over at him. “I’ve never complained about your hardness.”
He chuckled. “I guess not. In fact, it probably works for your plan to use me for my body.”
“It does,” she said. “It definitely does.”
“So where does that leave us?” he asked. Because, as he’d discovered last night, sex wasn’t necessarily the answer to what he was searching for from her.
“It leaves us where we are. Two people who are both trying to get who we are and where we’re going, who enjoy sex.”
“I need more than sex from you,” Jay said. “You’re different for me.”
“You were for me, too, but then you became someone I didn’t know. Let’s try to start over.”
“I don’t know if we can,” he said.
“We can. It won’t be easy, but it will work. You told me you have a job offer....”
He pushed his sunglasses up on top of his head and turned to face her full-on. “I do. I’m not sure if it’s the right thing for me or not.”
“What is it exactly? I know we talked about you being a cake froster but I don’t imagine you went out and found that kind of job opening.”
He gave her a wry smile. “Your cookies are the only ones I’m interested in frosting.”
She just shook her head and waited.
“It’s a private security firm. They take on missions, some similar to what I’ve done in the Corps. They want me to be a sniper, which is what I’ve trained for and what I know.”
“Sounds like what you’re doing now, just that you’d be based here.”
“Sort of. They aren’t always deployed, so when they are here they do security for celebs... That sounds lame. Could you imagine me guarding some pretty face on the red carpet?” he asked.