Authors: ARUN GUPTA
looked over at us. ‘Right guys?’
‘Sure,’ Vroom said. ‘What do you think Shyam/’
Stupid ass, I hate Vroom.
‘Me?’ I said as everyone continued to look at me. Esha kept staring at
me for five seconds non-stop. I did not want to come across as sulking for
childish, my new tag for the night), so I responded.
‘Sure, might as well get it done. Then go to Paris or Bahamas or
whatever.’
Damn. I kicked myself as the words left my mouth. Priyanka heard me
and looked at me. Her nose twitched as she thought hard.
‘What did you just say Shyam?’ Priyanka said slowly, looking straight at
me, her nostrils flaring big-time.
‘Nothing,’ I said, avoiding eye contact. ‘I just said get married and go to
Paris sooner.’
‘No, you also said Bahamas. How did you know Ganesh mentioned
Bahamas?’ Priyanka said.
I kept quite.
‘Answer me, Shyam. Ganesh also suggested Bahamas, but I didn’t tell
you guys. How did you know he’d said that?’
‘I don’t know anything. I just randomly said it,’ I said, trying to be
convincing, but my shaking voice was giving me away.
‘Were you listening to my conversation? Shyam, have you played around
with the phone?’ Priyanka said and got up. She lifted the landline phone and
pulled it away from the table. The wires followed her. She looked down under
the table and tugged at the wires again. A little wire tensed up all the way
back to my seat.
Damn, busted
, I thought.
‘Shyam,’ Priyanka screamed at the top of her voice and banged the
landline instrument on the table.
‘Yes,’ I said, as calmly as possible.
‘What is going on here? I cannot believe you could sink so low. This is
the height of indecency,’ she said.
At least I had achieved the heights in something. I thought.
Radhika and Esha looked at me. I threw up my hands, pretending to be
ignorant of the situation.
Vroom stood and went up to Priyanka. He put his arm around her
shoulder, ‘C’mon Priyanka, take it east. We are all having a rough night here.’
‘Shut up. This is insane,’ she said and turned to me. ‘How could you tap
into my personal calls? I can complain about this and get you fired.’
‘Then do it,’ I said, ‘what are you waiting for? Get me fired. Do
whatever?’
Vroom looked at Priyanka and then at me. Realizing he could not do too
much to help, he returned to his seat.
Esha pulled Priyanka’s hand, making her sit down again.
‘What the…he…’ Priyanka said, anger and impending tears showing in
her voice. ‘Can’t once expect just a little decent from their colleagues?’
I guess I was just a colleague now. An indecent colleague at that.
‘Say something,’ Priyanka said to me.
I stayed silent and disconnected the tapped wire. I showed her the
unhooked cable and threw it on the table.
Our eyes met. Even though we were silent, our eyes communicated.
My eyes said to her: Why are you humiliating me?
Her eyes said to me: Why are you doing this Shyam?
I think eye-talk is more effective than word-talk. Every now and then,
human beings should shut up and let their eyes speak. But Priyanka was in no
mood to be silent.
‘Why Shyam why? Why do you do such childish, immature things? I
thought we were going to make this amicable. We agreed to some terms and
conditions, didn’t we?’
I did not want to discuss our terms and conditions in public. I wanted
her to shut up and for me to scream instead. However, I was in the wrong,
like the car driver who hits a bicycle. I had no choice but to stay quiet. I had
to pay for my ‘childishness’.
’We said we could continue to work together. And that even if we have
ended our relationship, we do not have to end our friendship. But this?’ she
said and lifted the wire to the table. Then she threw it down again.
‘Sorry,’ I said, or rather whispered.
‘What/’ she said.
‘Sorry,’ I said, this time loud and clear. I hate it when she does this to
humiliate me. Fuck it, if you have heard an apology—just accept it.
‘Do me a huge favour. Stay out of my life pleas. Will you?’ Priyanka said,
her voice heavy with the sarcasm she had picked up from me.
I looked up at her and nodded. I felt like putting her and Ganesh in their
dark blue mica Lexus, wrapping it with the landline wire and drowning it in
Ganesh’s new pool.
Vroom sniggered, even as he continued clicking his mouse. A smile
rippled over Esha and Radhika as well.
‘What’s so funny?’ Priyanka said, her face still red.
‘It’s okay, Priyanka. C’mon, can’t you take it in a bit of good humor?’
Vroom said.
‘Your humor,’ Priyanka said and paused, ‘has a tumor. It isn’t funny to
me at all.’
‘It’s 2:30 guys,’ Esha said and clapped her hands, ‘time to got o Bakshi’s
office.’
Priyanka and I gave each other one final glare before we got up to
leave.
‘Is Military Uncle required?’ Esha said.
‘No. just the voice agents,’ I said. I looked at Military Uncle at the end
of the room. I could see he was busy at the chat helpline.
‘Let’s go Radhika,’ Vroom said.
‘Do you think he loves her? Or is it just sex? Some good, wild sex that
they share?’ Radhika said.
‘You okay Radhika?’ I said.
‘Yes, I am fine. I am surprised that I am, actually. I think I must be in
shock. Or maybe nobody has taught me an appropriate reaction for this
situation. My husband is cheating on me. What am I supposed to do? Scream?
Cry? What?’
‘Nothing for now. Let’s just attend Bakshi’s meeting,’ Vroom said as we
turned to go to Bakshi’s room.
My brain was still fumbling at Priyanka’s words—‘we had terms and
conditions’. Like our break-up was a business contract. Every moment of our
last date replayed itself as I walked to Bakshi’s office. We had gone to Pizza
Hut, and pizzas have never tasted as good ever since.
#
2
3
My Past Dates with
Priyanka—V
Pizza Hut, Sahara Mall, Gurgaon
Four months before this night
She came on time that day. After all, she was coming with a purpose.
This was not a date—we were meeting to formally break up. Actually, there
was nothing left in our relationship to break anymore. Still, I had agreed, if
only to see her face as she told me. She also wanted to discuss how we were
to interact with each other and move forward. Discuss, interact, move
forward—when you start using words like that, you know the relationship is
dead.
We chose Pizza Hut only because it was, well, convenient. For break-
ups, location takes priority over ambience. She had come to shop in Sahara
Mall, where half of Delhi descends whenever there is a public holiday.
‘Hi,’ she said and looked at her watch. ‘Wow! Look, I have actually
come on time today. How are you?’ she held her shirt collar and shook it for
ventilation. ‘I can’t believe it is so hot in July.’
Priyanka cannot tolerate awkward silences; she will say anything to fill
in the gaps. Cut the bullshit, I wanted to say, but did not.
‘It’s Delhi. What else do you expect?’ I said.
‘I think most people who come to mails just come for the air-
conditioning—‘
‘Can we do this quickly?’ I said, interrupting her. Consumer motives of
mall visitors did not interest me.
‘Huh?’ she said, startled by my tone.
The waiter came and took our order. I ordered two separate small
cheese ‘n mushroom pizzas. I did not want to share a large pizza with her,
even though, on a per square inch of pizza basis, the large one worked out
way cheaper.
‘I am not good at this break-up stuff, so let’s not drag this out,’ I said.
‘We’ve met for a purpose. So now what? Is there a break-up line that I’m
supposed to say?’
She stared at me for two seconds. I avoided looking at her nose. Her
nose, I had always felt, belonged to me.
‘Well I just thought we could do it in a pleasant manner. We can still be
friends, right?’ she said.
What is with women wanting to be friends forever? Why can’t they
make a clear decision between a boyfriend and no-friends?
‘I don’t think so. Both of us have enough friends.’
‘See, this is what I don’t like about you. That tone of voice…’ she said.
‘I thought we decided not to discuss each other’s flaws today. I have
come here to break up, not to make a friend or get an in-depth analysis of my
behavior.’
She kept silent until the pizzas arrived on our table. I started eating a
slice.
‘Perhaps you forget that we work together. That makes it a little more
complicated,’ Priyanka said.
‘Like how?’
‘Like if there is tension between us, it will make it difficult to focus on
work—for us and for the others,’ she said.
‘So what do you suggest? I have broken up already, now should I resign
as well?’ I said.
‘I didn’t say that. Anyway, I am going to be in this job only nine more
months. By next year I would have saved enough to fund my B.Ed. Therefore
the situation will automatically correct itself. But if we can agree to certain
terms and conditions—like if we can remain friendly in the interim…’
‘I can’t force myself to be friendly,’ I interrupted her, ‘my approach to
relationship is different. Sorry if it is not practical enough for you. But I can’t
fake it.’
‘I’m not telling you to fake it,’ she said.
‘Good. Because you are past the stage of telling me what to do. Now, let
us just get this over with. What are we supposed to say? I now pronounce
ourselves broken up? Then we say, I do, I do?’
I pushed my plate away. I had completely lost my appetite. I felt like
tossing the pizza like a Frisbee to the end of the room.
‘What, say something,’ I said, after she had remained silent for ten
seconds.
‘I don’t know what to say,’ she said, her voice cracking.
‘Really? No words of advice, no last minute preaching, no moral high
ground in these final moments for your good-for-nothing unsettled boyfriends?
C’mon Priyanka, don’t lose your chance to slamming the loser.’
She collected her bag and stood up. She took out a hundred-rupee note
and put it on the table–her contribution for the pizza.
‘Okay, she leaves in silence again. Once again I get to be the prick,’ I
mumbled, loud enough for her to hear.
‘Shyam,’ she said, slinging her bag on to her shoulder.
‘Yes?’ I said.
‘You know how you always say you are not good at anything? I don’t
think that’s true. Because there is something you are quite good at,’ she said.
‘What?’ I said. Perhaps she wanted to give me some last minute praise
to make me feel better, I thought.
‘You are damn good at hurting people. Keep it up.’
With that, my ex-girlfriend turned around and left.
#24
We reached Bakshi’s office at 2:30 AM. The size of a one-bedroom flat,
it is probably the largest unproductive office in the world. His desk, on which
he had a swank flat screen OPC, is at one corner. Behind the desk is a
bookshelf full of heavy management books of a scary thickness. Some of them
are so heavy you can use them as assault weapons. The thought of slamming
one hard on Bakshi’s head had often crossed my mind during previous team
meetings. Apart from blonde threesomes, I think hitting your boss is the
ultimate Indian male fantasy.
At another corner of the room is a conference table and six chairs. In
the center of the table is a speakerphone for multiparty calls with other
offices.
Bakshi was not in his office when we reached his room. ‘Where the hell