One Special Christmas & Home for the Holidays (17 page)

She nodded. “I think that's a good plan. But can I tell you something?” she added impulsively. “I hope He doesn't wait too long.”

Eric chuckled. “You and me both.”

 

“Okay, I put Cal in charge of Caitlin's midnight feeding and very firmly told him that it was now or never for our sister-to-sister tête-à-tête. Here's your hot chocolate. Let me throw another log on the fire and then we're all set,” Amy said briskly.

Kate tucked her feet under her and smiled as Amy joined her on the couch a moment later. “This is nice.”

Amy sighed contentedly and nodded. “Yeah, it is, isn't it?” She settled herself comfortably into the cushions and took a leisurely sip of her hot chocolate, then turned to find Kate grinning at her. “What's wrong?”

Kate chuckled and reached over to wipe the sticky marshmallow mustache from her sister's upper lip. “It's nice to see that some things never change,” she teased.

Amy grinned impudently, but a moment later her face grew melancholy. “Too bad other things do, though,” she reflected wistfully.

Kate's expression sobered. “You're thinking about Mom, aren't you?”

“Yeah. It seemed so strange not to have her here for Thanksgiving. It's like a puzzle with a missing piece. She was always such a rock. No matter what scrapes I got into, I could always count on her to get me back on the straight and narrow, or to point me in the right direction when I was lost. Now I feel kind of like a ship adrift without an anchor. And on top of everything else, I missed her gravy at dinner. No one made it like Mom.”

Kate nodded. “I thought about that, too.”

“It must be doubly hard for you, Kate,” Amy reflected with a frown. “She was part of your everyday existence. I can't even imagine the gap her death left in your life.”

Kate blinked back her tears and turned to gaze into the fire. “It was pretty awful. Sometimes, in those first few weeks, I'd get so lonely… You'll think I'm crazy when I tell you this, Amy, but there were times I actually talked out loud to Mom. Like she was still there. Meeting Anna has helped a lot, though. It's not the same as having Mom, of course, but in many ways she reminds me of her. And she's taken Sarah and me under her wing. It was a godsend that she came into our lives when she did. I was grieving so much for Mom and at my wit's end about the day-care situation. Then she just appeared, out of the blue. I'll never get over it.”

“The timing was pretty incredible,” Amy concurred. “I'm glad you met her. And Eric, too.” She took a sip of her hot chocolate and then spoke carefully. “I know you insist that your relationship is pretty platonic, but I have to say things didn't look like ‘just friends' the other night when I interrupted you two.”

Kate blushed and gazed down into her mug. “I think maybe it won't be platonic for much longer,” she admitted quietly.

“Can I say I'm glad?”

Kate looked at her curiously. “Why?”

“Because I like what I've seen of Eric these few days. Because Sarah obviously adores him. And most of all because I think it would be good for you to let love back into your life. The question is, are you willing to open that door?”

Kate nodded slowly. “I think so, Amy. In fact, I think I'm… Well, I think I'm falling in love with Eric. But I still love Jack. Sometimes I feel so confused. I mean, how can I love them both?” she asked helplessly.

“How does a mother love more than one child? The heart has an infinite capacity for love, Kate. We can love many people in our lives, all in different ways. The love you have for Jack will always be there. Part of your heart will be his and his alone until the day you die. But that doesn't mean there isn't room for someone else. Love Eric for himself—for all the special qualities that are uniquely his. That won't diminish in any way the love you have for Jack. It's just different. A new dimension of love, if you will.”

Kate reached over and took Amy's hand. In the firelight her eyes shimmered with tears. “Thank you, Amy.”

“For what?”

“For understanding. For trying to help me find a way to let go.”

Amy squeezed her hand, and when she spoke her voice was slightly unsteady. “It's time, Kate. In your heart I think you know that. And I have a feeling that one very special doctor is waiting for you to close the door on the past and open the one that says Future. Because until you do, things will go nowhere. There's no place
for him in your past. But unless I'm way off the mark, I think he'd very much like to be part of your future.”

 

Kate glanced toward the passenger seat and her lips curved up into a tender smile as she gazed for just a moment at that very special doctor, who was now sleeping quite soundly. In repose his face looked younger, more relaxed, more endearingly vulnerable. Reluctantly she turned her attention back to the road. Though she'd insisted they take her car for the trip, he'd been equally insistent about driving them down. But for the trip back she'd convinced him that they'd both arrive more rested if they took turns. She'd even encouraged him to sleep on this final lap, and he'd taken her up on it. In fact, both of her passengers had drifted off.

Absently Kate switched on her wipers as a soft drizzle began to fall. She was actually glad to have some quiet time to think. Since her conversation with Amy the night before, she'd felt a new sense of peace and resolution. Everything suddenly seemed more clear. Months before, when her pediatrician had retired, she could have chosen any number of doctors as a replacement. But she'd selected Eric, a man who had once saved her husband's life. Though some would dismiss it as an odd twist of fate, Kate believed there was more to it than that. Things happened for a reason. The Lord had guided her toward Eric, and through him, to Anna. Both had enriched her life tremendously. And now it seemed that she was being given the chance to find love once again. The choice about whether to pursue it was hers; but the opportunity had come from the Lord. And, with His help, she resolved to start building the future Amy had referred to.

The rain intensified, and Kate's full attention snapped
back to the road. Ever since the accident five years before, she'd hated driving in bad weather, especially at night, and avoided it whenever possible. But she could handle a little rain, she told herself encouragingly.

Twenty minutes later, however, when the rain turned to sleet, her confidence faltered. As the small ice particles zinged against the windshield, she frowned worriedly and tightened her grip on the wheel. She detested sleet. It brought back the nightmare of the accident with harrowing intensity. Her heart began to thump painfully, and she risked a quick glance at Eric, who was still sleeping soundly. She knew he'd take over in a minute if she asked him to, but she hated to wake him. He worked too hard and slept too little as it was. And she wasn't at all sure he'd gotten much rest on this trip, between the sleeper sofa and Caitlin's nighttime fussiness. She glanced at her watch. They were less than an hour away from home. She could do this if she took it a mile at a time, she told herself firmly. Her fears were irrational, after all. She had to get over them sooner or later. She might as well take the first step tonight.

 

Eric wasn't sure exactly what awakened him. But as he slowly came back to reality an odd noise registered in his consciousness. He frowned, struggling to identify the sound. Once he opened his eyes, the icy buildup on the windshield quickly gave him his answer. Sleet. His gaze flickered to the road. Judging by the glaze, the freezing rain had been coming down for some time.

Eric quickly straightened and turned to Kate. Though the car interior was dim, the tension in her body was evident in her rigid posture and white-knuckled grip on the wheel. She was driving slowly and cautiously, with absolute concentration, and seemed completely oblivious
to everything but the task at hand. These conditions must be a stark reminder of a similar night five years before, he realized, suddenly filled with compassion.

“Kate.” He spoke softly, trying not to startle her, but she jumped nonetheless as her gaze jerked toward his.

“Oh! You're awake.” Her voice sounded tight and was edged with panic.

“How long has the weather been this bad?” he asked with more calm than he felt. It was obvious that he needed to get her out from behind the wheel as quickly as possible. She was terrified. The hazardous conditions had clearly brought back the traumatic memories of the accident.

With a hand that shook badly, she reached up and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. “About…about half an hour.”

“Why don't you pull onto the shoulder and let me take over?” he suggested quietly.

“It's too icy to stop here. And there's…there's a drop-off at the edge.” There was a note of hysteria in her voice now.

“There's plenty of room, Kate,” he reassured her soothingly. “Just take it slow and easy. There's no one behind us. I'll help you.” He placed his hand protectively over hers on the wheel, alarmed by her frigid fingers. “Come on, sweetheart, just guide it over real gently. That's right.”

With his help she edged the car halfway onto the shoulder. Eric glanced into the rearview mirror as they rolled to a stop, and was relieved that there were no other vehicles in sight. “Can you just slide over here, Kate? I'll go around to the driver's side.”

Jerkily she nodded. By the time he'd slipped and slid around the front of the car and settled himself behind
the wheel, she was huddled into the passenger seat. Her face was totally devoid of color, a thin film of perspiration beaded her upper lip and her breathing was shallow. He frowned as he reached over to take her cold hands in his.

“Kate?” She turned to him, her eyes slightly dazed. “Everything's going to be fine. We're almost home. You'll be back in your apartment in less than an hour. Okay?”

She nodded mutely.

He released her hands reluctantly. What he wanted to do was take her in his arms until her trembling ceased. But he suspected the best way to calm her was to get her out of the car and into her apartment.

The remaining drive was made in silence, though he glanced her way frequently. She stared straight ahead, her hands clenched in her lap, her posture still rigid. And, in truth, her concern—if not its intensity—was valid, Eric admitted. The roads were slick and hazardous, and continued to worsen as the minutes passed. He didn't realize how tense
he
had become until they pulled into a vacant spot in front of her apartment and he shut off the engine. Only then did the knotted muscles in his shoulders and the tension in his neck register. He took a deep breath and turned to Kate.

“Home at last,” he said quietly.

Shakily Kate reached up and brushed her hair back from her face. “Th-thank you for driving, Eric. I'm sorry you had to take over.”

“I didn't mind, Kate. I just wish you'd woken me up sooner.”

“Are we home?” A sleepy voice from the back seat interrupted them.

Eric turned, lightening his tone. “Indeed we are, Miss Sarah.”

She rubbed her eyes and stared out the window. “Oh! It's snowing!”

“Not yet. But it wouldn't surprise me if we didn't wake up to a winter wonderland tomorrow. Right now it's just ice. And very slippery. So I'm going to carry you up to the apartment, okay?”

“Okay. Can I build a snowman tomorrow if it snows, Mommy?”

Eric glanced at Kate. “Your mommy's awfully tired right now, honey. She drove for a long time. We'll decide about the snowman tomorrow.” He turned to Kate and reached over to rest his hand on her knee. “Sit tight, okay? I'll take Sarah in and come back for you.”

“I can manage, Eric.”

“Humor me, okay? I don't think we want any trips to the emergency room for broken bones on a night like this.”

He had a point. “Okay.” She reached for her purse and fumbled around for her keys.

He squeezed her shoulder as she handed them over, then opened his door and carefully stepped out. The pavement was like a newly cleaned skating rink, he concluded, moving with extreme caution as he reached in for Sarah. “Hold on tight, sweetie.”

He was back more quickly than Kate expected, his collar turned up against the pelting sleet. “Take it slow and easy, Kate,” he cautioned as he opened her door and held out his hand. “Walking is pretty treacherous.”

She took his hand and stepped out, steadying herself on the car door. “What about the luggage?”

“I'll come back for it. First I want to get you inside where it's safe and warm.”

She didn't argue. At the moment, anywhere safe and warm sounded like heaven.

Eric kept a firm grip on her arm as they made their way slowly up the steps from the parking lot and along the walk. He was right—the night was too dangerous for either walking
or
driving, she reflected. Not until she'd stepped inside did she finally relax, her shoulders drooping as she drew a weary sigh.

“I've never been all that thrilled with this apartment, but right now I could get down and kiss the floor,” she admitted, summoning up a shaky smile.

“I have a better idea.” He took her hand and led her to the couch, then gently urged her down. “Sit for a minute and take a few deep breaths. You'll feel a lot better. I'll get the luggage and then head back to my place before it gets any worse.”

“But Eric, it's too dangerous to drive!” she protested in alarm.

“Why can't Dr. Eric stay here tonight, Mommy?” Sarah piped up. “He can sleep on the sofa bed, just like you used to do before Grandma went to heaven.”

Kate looked up at Eric. His eyes were unreadable. “Would you consider it?” she asked uncertainly. “I'll be so worried if you try to drive home. It's not safe out there.”

Eric studied her. She seemed so vulnerable, her eyes huge in her white face, her body still trembling, her dark hair loose and mussed around her face. She was right about the danger outside. But suddenly he was a whole lot more worried about the danger inside.