One Stubborn Cowboy (25 page)

"Kelly!"

"And I'll tell you something else, Kit Lockford." She walked along, trying to keep a straight line to her car, but the ground was broken and she wrenched her ankle twice. Watching where she was going, she was relieved to get onto the packed ground near the house. "I will take perfect care of my baby. And when it grows up I'll tell it how its mother and father loved him into being. I'm not afraid of it, even if you are."

"Dammit, Kelly. I'm not husband material."

"Right you are, Kit, but not because of your accident." She reached her car, yanked open the door and slammed it behind her.

Starting the engine, she pulled away, refusing to look in the rearview mirror, refusing to look at Kit as she drove rapidly from the ranch.

He made her so mad she could spit! How could he think she wouldn't want his baby? Was he deaf? Hadn't she told him more than once that she loved him? Loved him just as he was. Was she fighting a losing battle? Would he never give in and admit he loved her? He had to! He couldn't have made love to her as he did that last night if he didn't love her. Surely he wouldn't have tried to ride for her if he didn't care something for her. Why couldn't he admit it?

He was brave in so many ways. Had he been too hurt to be brave in this last area? What would it take to breach his walls and pull them down?

Or was she only fooling herself? Maybe he didn't love her. Maybe he wasn't afraid to tell her, or admit it to himself. Maybe he only wanted her for sex and not for love.

She shook her head. There was more between them than that! And she was going to make Kit admit it. Somehow, some way.

* * *

Eight long days later she knew. True to her promise, she called him first thing. It was still early—he wouldn't have left the house yet. Kit answered the phone.

"Kit?" She had to make sure she didn't confuse him with Clint.

"Yes."

"I'm not pregnant." And she hung up the phone.

It was stupid to feel so sad about the situation, she tried to tell herself as she ate toast and tea for breakfast. She'd have been in a far worse situation if she had been pregnant. But at odd times during the past few days she'd thought about his baby. Thought how much she'd love it and care for it. And she knew if something ever happened to her as it had her mother, Clint and Sally would raise the child with love.

Chances were good she'd live to an old age.
And I'll have Kit's baby,
her mind played over and over. They'd have had a tie binding them for as long as their child was around. But she didn't want to bind him that way. She wanted his love to bind him to her as hers bound her to him.

The daydreams ended now. It was over.

The doorbell sounded as she was washing her breakfast dishes. She dried her hands as she went toward the front. Who would be calling this early? It was barely nine o'clock.

She opened the door and stared at him in surprise. Kit.

He looked at her and moved to enter, forcing Kelly to take a step back to let him pass.

"Are you okay?" he asked, reaching out to close the door.

She nodded.

"Come here." He leaned against the wall and waited.

Kelly hesitated a moment, then with a rush of longing stepped forward and was enfolded in his warm embrace. She felt as if she'd come home, as if she belonged. She closed her eyes, tears seeping through her lids despite her efforts to keep them contained. Resting her head on his shoulder, she hoped he wouldn't see she was so disappointed.

"I'm sorry," he said softly.

Surprised, she looked up, her lashes spiky with tears.

One finger traced her damp lashes, brushing away the tears as he gazed deep into her eyes. His mouth covered hers and his kiss was gentle, soothing, comforting.

One of his crutches clattered to the floor. Kelly jumped and pulled back slightly, then leaned against him again, her head again on his shoulder. She wished she could stay in the safety of his arms forever.

His hand came up and brushed in her hair, his fingers combing the shiny tresses, soothing her, caressing her.

"It's better that you're not," he said softly, clamping down on the anguish her words had caused.

"Maybe. But I'm not getting any younger and I would like to have children."
Yours.

"Time enough for that. You're not that old."

"No, but I need to do something before I get too old. Maybe I should take Beth up on her offer to introduce me to her cousin."

Kit went rigid. "What the hell are you talking about?"

"Well, if I want to do something about children, I have to find a man to marry. I like it here, so I should find someone from around here. Doesn't that make sense?"

She could feel the tension in him, and wondered if he had never thought of her with another man. Would that influence his thought process at all?

"Find someone for what?" His voice was ominously calm.

She pulled back a little and noticed the look on his face. Maybe it was time he started thinking things through. She didn't belong to him. He'd made that clear. Maybe it was time he understood what that meant.

"Want some coffee? I was doing dishes."

"No, I want to know what the hell you're talking about."

"Come on in the kitchen and we can discuss it while you have some coffee. Why did you come? Wasn't the phone call enough?"

"I wanted to see you." He hesitated a moment. "Kelly, I'm sorry you're not pregnant. It would have been awful if you were, but for a few days I started thinking I was going to be a father. I'd never thought of that before. I kind of liked it."

She nodded, handed him the fallen crutch and turned toward the kitchen, afraid to let him see her expression as she blinked back tears.

He sat at the table, accepted the coffee she gave him and watched her as she began to dry the dishes.

"Now tell me what you were talking about earlier," he said heavily.

Chapter 12

She poured herself a cup of coffee and joined him at the table, sitting opposite him.

"This scare gave me time to think. I'd like to have children, but not like my mother did, if I can help it. I want my child or children to grow up surrounded by love and with a feeling of belonging. If I'd been pregnant, I would have cared for and loved the baby more than anything. But I would always worry about what would happen if I died young, like my mother did."

"You wouldn't have had it alone."

She looked up at that, surprised. Then shrugged. "Doesn't matter now, we're not having a baby."

He winced and took a deep gulp of the scalding coffee.

"But it proved to me that I would like to establish roots. I'd like to get married, start a family and be a part of the community. San Francisco was too big for me, but Taylorville would be perfect."

"Time enough for all that," he said, a feeling of panic starting.

"Sure. But I don't need to waste the time now. I think Althea knows she's not in the running anymore. Our charade can end. Then I can start dating other men. Maybe find someone who wants to marry me."

"So much for love," he said harshly, glaring at her. Panic threatened to choke him. It was too soon. He wasn't ready to let her go, though he knew he'd have to eventually.

"What?"

"Didn't you say you loved me?" His eyes held hers.

She nodded, then broke their gaze, looking at her coffee. No sense in letting him see the lie in her eyes.

"Yes, but I can get over that. And I would make someone a good wife and a good mother to his children. Love would surely come." Her heart pounded so loudly she was sure he must hear it. The words were so forced she knew he'd call her on the lie.

"Dammit, I don't want you with another man!" Kit growled.

"You don't want me, but you don't want anyone else to have me, either? That hardly seems fair to me," she said reasonably.

His hand caught hers across the table. Slowly he tightened his grip and pulled, forcing her out of her seat, around the end of the table.

"Come here and I'll show you how much I want you," he said, his voice low and hard.

"Not that way." She was mesmerized by his eyes. His hand was tight around hers, but not painful. The grip sent pulses of awareness through her. She stumbled around the table's edge and came up to him. He pushed back his chair and pulled her down onto his lap, his hand releasing her to encircle her, pulling her hard against him and lowering his mouth to find hers.

Kelly gave herself up to the delight of his embrace, wondering how he could ever think she'd even look at another man, loving him as much as she did. Had he been blinded in that accident, as well?

She opened her mouth and let her tongue skim the softness of his lips, seeking admittance, finding him and mating with his tongue as the dizzy spirals of passion built.

His hand roamed over her back, pulling her tightly against him, tracing the indentation by her spine. He eased her back slightly and one hand slipped under her shirt, moving easily against her heated skin.

"You're so soft," he whispered, his lips moving against her mouth, then nibbling on her cheeks, her jaw, the tender skin of her throat.

When he found her unbound breasts, he cupped first one then the other, squeezing gently, teasing the nipples into hard peaks. "No bra?" he asked as his hand fondled her, caressed her, drove her to distraction.

Eagerly her mouth found his again. She shook her head, wanting to tell him she had not been expecting visitors, but unable to stop kissing him long enough to find her voice.

Heat invaded every cell in her body, and the deep pull of desire began to build. One arm encircled his neck, her other hand wandered over the strong muscles defined beneath his shirt. Opening one button, then another, she slipped her hand in to find the warm strength of his chest, and drag her nails over his skin, reveling in his reaction.

Kit's hand left her breast and moved over her ribs, then lower to her belly, unsnapping her jeans, easing down the zipper. She stilled, but he was only rubbing her belly, his hand warm and comforting.

"Does your tummy hurt with your period?" he asked, rubbing her gently, his fingers brushing the top of her bikini panties, but not venturing lower.

She shook her head, snuggling against his neck, her breathing still ragged and heavy. He soothed her and petted her and she forgot what they'd been talking about. She forgot about everything but the way his body felt against hers, how his hand alternately soothed and inflamed her. And how much she loved him.

"It's going to be a long few days," he said, kissing her forehead.

She nodded, lassitude spreading throughout her body from his soothing touch. She took a deep breath, immediately excited by the heady scent of him, his own spicy aftershave, his body heat, the scent of love in the air. Her fingers pressed against his chest, feeling his tight nipple, the pulse of his heart and the heat rising from his skin.

Time drifted by as Kelly floated on a sea of contentment and peace. It was so right to be with Kit like this. She loved him so much and knew he must love her. If she could only get him to admit it.

Minutes, hours, days later he stirred, kissing her on her temple. "We've got to stop this or I'm going to forget you're having your period," he said at last.