One to Keep (One to Hold) (24 page)

I nodded, and he studied me a moment. “You okay?”

“Yes.” I was already out the door. “Thanks.”

* * *

Two weeks of analyzing portal after portal, working late, avoiding being alone in my apartment as much as possible, lifting weights with Derek, running, basically doing everything in my power not to think about her all the time, I was exhausted.

And I still thought about her all the time.

Thanksgiving came and went, and instead of spending the holiday with Elaine, I’d spent it alone at my apartment, eating a cold turkey sandwich, lying on my couch, and watching football.

Kenny checked in at least. “Why is the father of my child spending this family holiday alone?”

“It’s okay,” I lied. “My family’s deal is at Christmas. We’re too spread out for both holidays. Anyway, I’m not the best company right now.”

“Well, we had the entire Woods clan here, and let me tell you, I would rather be hiding out with you.”

Somehow Kenny could still make me smile. “How’s my little troublemaker cooking?”

“As far as I can tell, just fine,” she said with an exhale. It sounded like she lay back. “But something happened today… It might be a plan that would satisfy my dad, and I want to know what you think.”

Sitting forward in my chair, I muted the game. “Okay, shoot.”

“My aunt Laura was in town for the holiday,” she paused as if choosing her words. “She’s an interesting person. My mom’s sister, single, but a very successful businesswoman.”

She waited as if I were supposed to say something.

“That’s… nice?”

“Anyway, she was talking about how she’d considered adoption before, but the paperwork and the whole process was so tedious and overwhelming…” another pause. “I want to ask her if she’d like to adopt Peanut.”

Kenny said it in such a rush, it took me a moment to catch up. “Who?”

“My aunt Laura—”

“No… you’re calling the baby Peanut?”

“Would you focus? She lives in New York, so she’s not far from here. She’s got plenty of money, and, well, it’s a longshot. But at least it’s family?”

Her tone was optimistic, but I needed to be sure. “Is that something you think you can do?”

“Would you be okay with it?”

I thought about that. Relief was my initial response, but I wasn’t sure I could trust that emotion. Still, when it came down to it, a loving aunt who wanted a baby, who was related to Ken…

“I think, considering what’s going on with both of us, where we are and what we’re prepared to do, it’s probably the best solution. If you think your aunt will be a good mom?”

A huge sigh filled my ear. “She’ll be the best mom.” I could tell Kenny was smiling now. “I always loved visiting her when I was a kid. And they’ll be in New York! Imagine if the baby’s an artist.”

“Like you.” A return-smile crossed my lips. “Ken, if it makes you this happy, I trust you. Do you need me to do anything?”

“No, that’s just it. We’ll work out all the details.” She paused a moment, and I waited. “Thank you, Patrick.”

“I don’t feel like I’ve done enough—tell me if I can help you, okay?”

“I will,” she said.

“Take care of yourself.”

Kenny’s optimism was contagious, and knowing we had a solution, I was brave enough to take a chance. Hopping over to my recent calls, I touched the name I loved. Waiting as it rang, I realized she was probably with family and not able to talk.

Hearing her voice in the greeting still tightened my stomach. I missed her so much. “Just thinking about you,” I said in my message. “Hope you’re having a nice holiday. I love you.”

Leaning back in the chair again, I couldn’t give up hope. I had to believe Elaine and I would be together for Christmas.

* * *

Another week of getting through the hours, and by Thursday, the report for our Dallas client was done. Derek hadn’t questioned my sudden, work-obsessed behavior, and I hadn’t said anything to him about my relocation being on hold. Our Dallas analysis was completed in record time, and the only complaint I could imagine them having would come in the future. When they asked why our subsequent services took longer.

Time of day wasn’t even on my radar when I noticed a tapping on my door. Looking up, it was already growing dark outside.

“Let’s shut it down, hit the gym.” Derek was in my doorway, and I looked up briefly before returning to my laptop. He was right, and I was tired.

“Sure,” I said. “Be right there.”

A few clicks later, I was heading out, saying goodnight to Nikki and crossing the courtyard to Building E. A quick change in the locker room, and I was joining my partner on the bench.

“I’ll be out for the rest of the week,” Derek said through an exhale. Our gym visits had become more sporadic in the last weeks. He was gone more and actually seemed less driven, his spotting needs less frequent.

“What’s going on?” I asked, thinking how things had changed. I was the driven one now, pushing too hard, looking for any way to kill the nonstop ache grinding in my chest.

He dropped the large dumbbell on the rack and picked up a towel. “I’m not into this tonight. You feel like getting a drink?”

I finished my set and then nodded. “Sure.”

* * *

The Tavern on the Corner was a new bar within walking distance of our office complex, and as such, it smelled too fresh to me. The glossy wood shone too brightly, and as it was Thursday, we saw too many familiar faces from around the offices. It wasn’t the right atmosphere for the pain-killing drunk I’d had in mind when I agreed to ditch the workout for the bar, but I’d deal with it.

“So where you headed?” I asked once the server had placed my usual vodka in front of me. Derek was having a beer.

“Sloan’s hiring prostitutes again,” he said, lifting the curvy glass and taking a sip. “I want to see if one of them will talk to me, help me put him away.”

“The fuck is wrong with that guy,” I exhaled, lifting my stocky tumbler and taking a sip. “Mel’s gorgeous, and with the way you’ve been stuck…”

I decided not to finish that sentence, but he knew what I was getting at. “He’s a lot sicker than I ever knew,” Derek said quietly.

We were both silent a moment, and a thought I hadn’t considered lit in my brain. “I might have someone who can help you.”

“With what?”

“Remember the setup? The deal you told me to forget about?”

Frowning, he studied my face. “Yeah?”

“Well, I didn’t forget about it. I tracked Star down.” I waited, gauging his response. So far it was neutral. “She was hired. She’s a professional.”

“Who hired her?”

“The who and the why part is stupid. I’ve dealt with it. But I was thinking, Star might work with you if I asked her.”

He was quiet, but I could tell he was thinking about what I said. “What makes you think she’d do it?”

I shrugged. “I’d just say she’s helping us get an abusive asshole behind bars. She seems like the type that would matter to.”

He nodded slightly. “Hold that thought,” he said. “Let me see how it goes tomorrow, then maybe.”

The bartender served me a second vodka, and I took a sip. Maybe my reckless behavior could help someone. At least it might give me one point in the redemption box.

“Speaking of stuck,” Derek studied me. “When are you going to tell me what happened?”

The drink was making my insides feel less achy. The edge of the pain I’d been wrestling too long was dulling. Maybe it was time to share.

I muttered into my glass before taking a longer hit. “Elaine’s… I don’t know. She’s not talking to me.”

“With how you two were? What the hell did you do?”

My lips curled into a frown, and I squinted as I said it. “I got Kenny pregnant.”

From my peripheral vision, I could see Derek’s brow shoot up. “Did you just say—”

“Yes,” I exhaled. “It was way before, back when I was being stupid. She was on antibiotics or something and, well…”

He didn’t say anything. Instead, he turned back to the bar and looked at his drink a moment. “By Kenny, you mean the little girl who works with Carl?”

“That’s the one.” I felt like an ass.

“She’s young. What are you going to do about it?”

“I already did it. I went with her to tell her parents. She has a relative who wants to adopt the baby. I told her I’d do anything she needs.” Rubbing my forehead hard, I tried again for a pain-relieving exhale. “I just don’t know what to do about Elaine, to show her nothing matters to me as much as she does.”

“Go to her,” he said flatly.

“What?” I dropped my arm and looked at him.

“Go to her. Beg her to forgive you. Grovel if you have to.”

Shaking my head. “You’re one to talk. You haven’t been near Melissa since—”

“It’s a completely different situation. Melissa thinks I knew about what was happening to her. She thinks I helped the guy who hurt her. I’m trying to prove I didn’t, and I’ll do whatever it takes to nail him. You’ve already done everything. Go and tell her.”

My brow lined. “I don’t know. She was pretty upset.”

“It’s been two weeks?”

“Almost three.”

He nodded. “Do what you want. I’m just saying what I’d do.”

For a moment, I only stared ahead thinking. My drink was finished, so I slipped off the stool. The too-bright bar with its too-bright wood that smelled of too-fresh varnish was getting to me.

“I’ll think about it,” I said. “Have a good trip.”

In the cab headed home, I did think about Derek’s advice. The more I considered it, the more it made sense to me. Back at my apartment, I pulled out a case and threw some clothes inside. In the morning I’d get on the road to Wilmington.

Chapter 21 – Bubblegum

Finding her, being with her, holding her in my arms—the images burned hot in my brain the entire drive south. Three weeks of waiting, of wishing I could change things, of trying to find anything to fix it, had me wound so tightly, I almost couldn’t take it anymore. The miles felt like they spread out longer the closer I got to her, and I wanted to pull the car over and run the rest of the way, which didn’t make sense. The Charger was much faster.

When I finally reached the school, it was dark. For a moment I sat there contemplating what I was about to do. Her last words to me tried to creep into my brain, but I forcefully shoved them out. That was three weeks ago, a lifetime it felt like, and before I’d let any second-thoughts kick in, I turned the wheel and pushed the pedal down. I was at her condo in less than five, my body humming as I sat out in front of her place. If she asked me to leave, I’d leave, but I wasn’t losing another day wondering.

My knock on her door seemed too loud to me, but anticipation had all my senses heightened. We hadn’t spoken, she hadn’t returned my calls. This was crazy. I was crazy. My head was spinning when the door opened quickly, and Elaine appeared. She was so beautiful, I almost couldn’t breathe at the sight of her.

“Patrick!” Her mouth dropped open, but I didn’t wait. I rushed forward and pulled her to me, burying my face in her hair.

“I’m sorry,” I whispered, fighting to keep my voice even as adrenaline flooded my veins. “I couldn’t go another day without telling you in person.”

Her arms fluttered up, and she rested her hands on my shoulders. I took it as an encouraging sign. “Patrick,” she said again, but I wasn’t done.

“I know you asked for time, and I’ve done my best to stay away.” I was still holding her close, my lips at her ear. “I need to tell you this, and if you still want me to go, I’ll go.”

I stepped back then, meeting her eyes. She blinked rapidly, and I wasn’t sure if tears were a good or bad sign.

“You drove here from Princeton?” she asked, and I nodded. Then she nodded as well. “Come inside and tell me.”

The tiniest flicker of hope sparked in my chest. She was letting me in.

“Before I met you, Elaine, I was out of control. I’d been hurt and I was angry and I didn’t believe in love anymore. I’d decided anyone who’d commit themselves to another person was a… fucking loser.”

She didn’t take her eyes from mine, and for a moment, I couldn’t believe I’d ever doubted I could feel this way about another person again. “And then I met you, and in one night, you changed everything.”

Her chin dropped, but I stepped forward, catching it and lifting her eyes to mine. She didn’t struggle, and gazing into her beautiful green eyes, my heart ached with all I needed her to know.

“Everything that was wrong with me, all the pieces that were broken or that I’d tried to force into the wrong spots were fixed. Your smile, your touch… everything about you made me want to be a better person. You put me back together, Elaine, and not just that, you’re beautiful and sexy… You’re the only woman I want. You’re the only person who completes me. None of this other stuff matters, nothing matters to me as much as you do.” My voice was a cracked whisper. “Nothing.”

She shook her head, eyes glistening, but I leaned down and kissed her. She didn’t pull away, and I drew her closer, wrapping my arms around her, my chest rising with every movement of my lips against hers.