Nick looked somewhat embarrassed. “I made the cookies for Mary Bea. She just had her appendix out. “ Kathy expression turned to worry. “Not my baby. Is she okay?”
“She’s fine,” Lisa said. “She’s sleeping.”
“Oh, I have to go see her. I promise I won’t wake her up. Come on, Bill. Let’s go check on our sweet thing.”
As they left the room, Lisa turned to Nick. “What are we going to tell them about Maggie?”
“I don’t know. I’m thinking.”
“What are you thinking?” she demanded. “They’ll be back any second.”
“I’m thinking I should leave you here to explain.”
“No way. They’re your parents. Besides, I don’t think they like me much anymore.”
Nick looked at her in amazement. “Are you kidding? They love you.”
“Not after I left you the way I did.”
“They told me it was my fault.”
“They wouldn’t have said that.” Lisa paused, lowering her voice so she wouldn’t be overheard. “Sometimes I think your dad blamed me for what happened. I know he never said anything, but he just couldn’t look me straight in the eye after that night.”
Nick put his hands on her arms and shook her. “You could find rejection in an ant who decides not to make his home in your kitchen. My father doesn’t look anyone in the eye when it comes to personal, emotional matters. He can’t let his feelings show, whether they be good, bad or indifferent. You used to tell me that.”
“Yes, I guess I did,” she said slowly. Something else she’d forgotten. Why was her view of the past so distorted?
“She’s still asleep,” Kathy said, as she walked down the stairs with Bill at her heels. “Now, tell me what’s going on.”
“How about a cookie?” Lisa asked again, heading toward the kitchen. “I can make some coffee.”
Kathy followed them into the kitchen while Bill muttered something about catching the news on television.
“All right. What’s going on?” Kathy demanded, giving Nick a motherly glare that told him he’d better answer or else.
“Cookie, Mom?” Nick asked with a smile, offering her the plate.
“Chocolate chip, huh? Lisa’s favorite.” Kathy sent them each a speculative look. Then she took a cookie and sat down. “Okay, talk.”
Nick sat down across from her while Lisa leaned against the counter by the sink. She suddenly realized how quickly they’d swapped positions. With Raymond, she’d been at the table with Nick at the sink. Now it was reversed, yet they were both still involved. In fact, everything seemed to involve Nick. It was as if he were living in every molecule of the air she breathed.
“Maggie needed to get away for a few days to get her head straight,” Nick said. He glanced over at Lisa, drawing her attention back to their conversation.
“Straight about what?” Kathy asked.
“Oh, jeez, I don’t know.” Nick rubbed the back of his neck with his hand. “She’s a little nuts at the moment.”
“What does that mean?” Alarm rang through Kathy’s voice, and she leaned forward. “Is she having some sort of a breakdown?”
“Nick, you’re scaring your mother.” Lisa softened her voice deliberately, hoping to ease some of the anxiety she could see on Kathy’s face. “Maggie had some questions about Keith’s death that she needed to resolve. That’s all.”
“She thinks Keith might still be alive,” Nick said bluntly.
“Well, don’t sugarcoat it, Nick,” Lisa said in disgust. “She’s a mother, she can take it.”
Kathy put a hand to her heart and took several deep breaths. “Why would my usually sensible daughter think that her husband is alive, when we all know that he died in a fire almost a year ago?”
“She thinks she saw him,” Nick replied.
Kathy gasped. “What?”
“It’s a long story. There are all sorts of other things, insurance money, missing cash.” He shook his head. “I’ll admit, I’m getting worried. Maggie was supposed to be back on Sunday. She doesn’t even know Mary Bea had her appendix out, because she didn’t leave us a number where she could be reached.”
“That doesn’t sound like Maggie.”
“None of it sounds like Maggie. I’m not sure she’s even in San Diego.”
“She’s not,” Lisa said. “When my mom spoke to Maggie, she heard an announcement in the background. She thinks Maggie went to San Francisco.”
“What’s in San Francisco?” Kathy asked, confusion drawing her brows into tiny sharp points. She tossed her half-eaten cookie down on the plate as if she had suddenly lost her appetite.
Lisa hated the look of worry that crossed Kathy’s face. She and her husband had just come back from a long overdue second honeymoon. They were rested, relaxed. At least they had been.
“I don’t know what’s in San Francisco, Mom, or maybe the better question is who,” Nick replied.
“Maybe she went to see Joey,” Kathy said, her face lighting up with hope. “She always looked up to her big brother.”
“Joey’s in Santa Cruz.”
“It’s not that far from San Francisco. Maybe she just flew into the San Francisco airport, then drove down the coast…” Her voice trailed away. “But she would have told you if she went to Joey’s house.”
“If Maggie was in trouble, the last person she’d ask for help is Joey,” Nick said with a shake of his head. “He criticizes first and thinks second.”
“You’re right. How long has she been gone?”
“Since Friday,” Nick replied.
“Five days? So long?”
“But she called us just yesterday,” Lisa interjected. “I’m sure she’ll call again today and everything will be fine. We’ll find out where she is and when she’s coming home.”
Kathy nodded, looking more relieved as she turned to Lisa.”I’m glad you’re here, Lisa. It’s good to see you again, and it’s especially nice to see you and Nick together.”
“Forget it, Mom. She’s marrying someone else in a month.” Nick shoved back his chair and stood up.
“Oh.” Kathy looked taken aback, but she quickly recovered. “Congratulations. I hope you’ll be happy.”
“Thank you. I think I’ll check on Mary Bea. If you’ll excuse me…”
As Lisa left the kitchen, Nick walked over to the window and looked out at the backyard. He knew what was coming, and it didn’t take more than a minute.
“You still love her, don’t you?” Kathy asked.
He shook his head.
“Oh, Nick. I’m sorry.”
His mother obviously did not believe him. He felt a wave of anger mixed with self-pity. “I don’t love her,” he denied, because it was what he was supposed to say. You weren’t supposed to love a woman who’d walked out on you at the darkest moment of your life. He was just as afraid of Lisa as she was afraid of him. Having suffered the worst together and fallen apart, how could he think of taking that chance again, of letting himself love her, then having to say goodbye when things got tough?
But Lisa hadn’t left yesterday, not even when he’d given her the chance to go. She’d honored her promise to Maggie. She’d stuck by Mary Bea and by him. Maybe she’d changed. He knew he had. Was he a fool to think the impossible could happen after all these years?
Kathy walked over to him, put an arm around his waist and leaned her head on his shoulder. “You two were so in love. I used to envy you.”
“Why would you envy us?”
“Because you reminded me of the way I used to feel when your father and I first met.”
“Yeah, but you lasted, we didn’t,” he said, his voice suddenly so tight he could barely say the words.
“We didn’t go through what you did. You and Lisa were both very young when Robin died. Heavens, Lisa was still breast-feeding. Her hormones were going crazy. I never held her responsible for the way she acted then. She didn’t know what she was doing.”
“Yeah, well my hormones were just fine, so what’s my excuse?” He shook his head in self-recrimination. “I had no excuse.”
“You were hurting, Nick. Drinking was not the answer, but you were so overwhelmed with pain that you couldn’t handle the real world.” She paused. “You have a great depth of love. When you commit yourself to someone, you go all the way, no holding back. You give everything you have to give. When you lost Robin, you lost a big part of yourself. When Lisa ran away, she took the rest.”
“Well, I won’t make that mistake again.”
“That’s what I’m afraid of. You haven’t been serious with anyone since Lisa. I don’t want you to end up alone, Nick, without a wife, without children.”
“Maybe I’m better off without children. I certainly couldn’t protect the one I had.”
“That’s the hardest part about being a parent, accepting that you can’t protect your children from getting hurt. You can take all the precautions in the world and worry yourself like crazy, but each individual comes to this world with a life to live, no matter how long or how good or how scary it might be. We give our children life, but sometimes we forget that they’re the ones who actually have to live that life.”
Nick put his arms around Kathy and hugged her. “Thanks, Mom. Sometimes I need a kick in the butt.”
“Here’s another kick,” she said pointedly. “Lisa’s not married yet.”
“Do I have a sign on my back that says sucker?”
“No, it says stubborn fool. You still love her. And she’s here.”
“Because of Maggie, not because of me.”
“So what?” She waved her hand in the air. “You’ve got a second chance. Take it. If you don’t, I think you’ll regret it more than anything else that’s happened.”“I’ll think about it.”
“Good. Now what are we going to do about Maggie?”
“I thought you just said children have to live their own lives. How come you’re giving me advice and worrying about Maggie?”
“Oh, shut up and give me another cookie. On second thought, give me the whole plate. I need something to do while we wait for Maggie to call.”
Nick handed his mother the plate of cookies, then looked over at the phone and willed it to ring. It remained ominously silent.
Chapter 22
Lisa wasn’t babysitting, she was hosting a family reunion, she thought wearily as she brewed another pot of coffee. Kathy and Bill refused to go home until Maggie called. Silvia and Carmela had arrived just before five to check on Mary Bea, and they’d all ordered out for pizza before Lisa could think of suggesting that anyone go home.
Now it was after eight and there was still no call from Maggie. Lisa stared at the coffee slowly filling the pot and had to admit she was worried, too. Maggie had been gone a long time, and this business about Keith was unsettling. There was no way he could be alive. No one could have survived the fire.
“My father wants to know if there are any cookies left,” Nick said as he entered the kitchen. “Your Aunt Carmela wants to know if we have any mint tea and your mother—”
Lisa held up a hand. “Do they think this is a restaurant?”
“Yes. And we’re the waiters.”
“They’re treating us like children. Have you noticed that? I swear my mother gives Roxy more respect than she gives me. “Lisa, dear, are you sure you told the pizza man how to get to the house?”” she mimicked.
Nick laughed. “And my father suggested I didn’t know how to work the remote control because I couldn’t find golf on any one of sixty-seven channels. Can you imagine?”
“You not know how to work a remote control? Is the man nuts? You are
the master. The grand master. “”Okay that’s enough.”
She smiled. “So when are they leaving?”
“They’re not.”
“What do you mean, they’re not?”
“My mother says she’s not going anywhere until Maggie calls. Roxy graciously offered my mother her bed, and Dylan suggested my father take the bed in his room and he’d sleep on the floor. You’ll notice that Dylan never offered to do that for me.”
“I guess you don’t rate. I should just give them Maggie’s bed. Then they could sleep together. After all, they’re still on their honeymoon.”
“I know. My father actually kissed my mother when she handed him some pizza.” Nick shook his head in bemusement. “It’s disgusting, really.”
Lisa couldn’t stop the smile that spread across her face. “I think it’s nice. They’re still in love after all these years.”
“It is nice, kind of sappy, but nice.” Nick sighed as his father shouted for his coffee. “That’s it. We’re out of here.”
Lisa looked at him in surprise. “We can’t just leave. The children…”
“There are more babysitters here than there are children.”
“Mary Bea is still weak,” Lisa protested, although it was halfhearted. Getting out of the house was the best idea she’d heard all day.
“Mary Bea is propped up like a princess in the living room with six people seeing to her every whim. Her fever is gone. She has no more stomachache, and my mother and your mother know more about taking care of kids than we do.” Nick sent her a wheedling smile. “Come on, let’s go. We’ll sneak out the back.”
“My purse is in the other room.”
“I’ll pay.”
“We should at least leave a note.”
“Fine.” Nick grabbed a piece of paper off Maggie’s To Do list and scribbled the words “Back later, Nick.” Then he took Lisa by the hand and pulled her out the door before she could think of another reason to say no.
They snuck down the side yard like thieves in the night, or at least like two runaway teenagers. Unfortunately, they had to pass very close to the living room window, and Nick paused as they heard his mother ask his father to close the window. They were literally trapped, because to move on the crunchy leaves would only draw attention to themselves. To stay might mean discovery if Nick’s father happened to look out the window.
Suddenly the situation struck Lisa as funny, and she couldn’t help the giggle that snuck past her lips. Nick put his hand over her mouth.
“Sh-sh,” he said. “They’ll hear you.”
Lisa bit down on her lip to prevent another laugh. Heavens, she hadn’t had this much fun in years.
Bill pulled the window down halfway, but he didn’t bother to look outside. “Is that better, dear?”
“Yes, sweet’ ems Kathy said in a cooing voice. “You’re a darling. Come here and give me a kiss.”
“Oh, God, I might just be sick,” Nick muttered. “I don’t know who those people are in that house, but they are not my parents.”
“They’re honeymooners.”
“Who have been married for forty years. Come on, let’s go, before they start looking for us.”
They dashed across the lawn to the driveway and slipped into Nick’s car. He put the car in neutral and rolled down to the edge of the driveway, not turning the ignition or hitting the lights until they were as far away from the house as possible.
As they turned the corner and headed toward the highway, Lisa let out a sigh of relief. “We’ve escaped.”
“And not a moment too soon.” He flung her a quick glance. “So, where do you want to go? And don’t you dare say L.A.”
“Anywhere, Nick. Surprise me.”
“All right. I will. “Los Angeles was actually the last place she wanted to go right now. Lisa still felt disturbed by her conversation with Raymond, not just the fact that he’d given her account away so quickly, but he’d seemed different after learning about Nick and Robin. He had said all the right things—that it didn’t matter, that he had made more mistakes than she had—but she had still sensed disappointment. Maybe Nick was right. Maybe she anticipated rejection so much that she made it happen, or believed it had happened even when it hadn’t.
Still, even if Raymond hadn’t rejected her, she knew that he was not happy with her decision to remain in Solana Beach until Maggie returned home. He didn’t like that she was putting family before work. He also didn’t care for the fact that she had friends outside of their world.
It hadn’t bothered her before, because she hadn’t wanted these friends. Now, she did. She’d learned that in the past few days.
She’d missed Maggie, and now that she’d gotten to know the kids, she knew she would miss them, too. Even Silvia and Carmela had brought a sense of fond nostalgia to her heart. And there was Nick.
She was acutely aware of his presence, fine-tuned to his body, the way he moved, the way he smelled, the way he breathed. Years had passed. But she still felt him within her as if it had only been yesterday when they made love.
How could she marry Raymond, knowing she still had feelings for Nick?
How could she act on those feelings when she knew she and Nick could have no future together? She wouldn’t go down that road again. She couldn’t. It was too frightening.
But how could she marry a man without loving him the way she’d loved Nick? Was that fair to Raymond? Did he deserve more?
She knew she could be a good wife. But could she be a great wife?
Could she give Raymond everything he needed and still protect herself from getting hurt?
Lisa looked out the window at the dark night, the lights of the passing cars, and she knew she’d been worrying about this marriage for far longer than the past few days. That’s why she’d resisted hiring the wedding consultant and had insisted on doing the invitations herself, because she had wanted to control what was happening—maybe even stop it if she had to.
The wedding invitations were still sitting on Maggie’s counter, untouched, unmailed. Who was she kidding? She couldn’t send them out now. Not with so much unsettled in her mind.
Do you love me, Elisabeth? She could still hear Raymond’s voice, his sharp, tense question. Are you sure you want to marry me? She was terribly afraid that she couldn’t answer yes to either of those questions.
Lisa looked down at the ring on her finger and twisted it with her hand. It felt heavy and pretentious and wrong. She slipped it off and stuck it in the pocket of her jeans, even though it seemed sacrilegious to stick a two-carat diamond in a denim pocket. But without the ring on her finger, Lisa felt lighter, better, less anxious.
She glanced at Nick and caught him watching her. She waited for him to say something, but he didn’t say a word. He just gripped the steering wheel and stared straight ahead. Ten minutes later, he turned off the main highway and drove down the street that lined one of the harbors at Mission Bay.
She thought they were going to a restaurant. But when she stepped out of the car, Nick led her toward the boats.
“Where are we going?” she asked, suddenly nervous.
Nick took her hand. “It’s not far.”
She followed him down the pier, until they stopped in front of a sailboat. “Whose boat is this?”
“It’s mine.” He pointed to the bow, where something was written.
She took a step closer so she could read the words. “Blue Eyes,” she said out loud. Her heart thudded against her chest. “You named your boat after Frank Sinatra?”
Nick laughed. “No, I named it after you, Blue Eyes.”
“Oh, Nick. Why?”
“Because I missed you.” He closed the gap between them drawing her into his arms, threading his hands through her hair so she had to tilt her head and look at him. “I missed the way you made me laugh, the way you made me want to play the most seductive music I could find because you always made love to me afterwards. I missed the way we could read each other’s thoughts without even trying, finish each other’s sentences, eat half our dinners, then swap plates.” His voice turned husky. “I missed my best friend.”
Lisa’s eyes filled with moisture. “I missed you, too—the music, the laughs, all the secrets we told each other. I’ve never been as open with anyone as I was with you.”
He kissed her on the mouth with tenderness that immediately rose to passion. Her best friend became her lover with one long, tingling kiss.
“Would you like to see the rest of the boat?” Nick asked. “I think you’ll like it.”
“Yes.” She answered one question aloud, the other with her eyes. “Just don’t—don’t let me think too much,” she whispered.
“Honey, the last thing I want you to do is think.”
He helped her on board, but didn’t bother to point out anything but the stairs that led to the galley, and her brief view of that was cut off by the sudden descent of Nick’s head, blocking out everything in her vision but him, his green eyes, his curly hair, his strong, wonderful face.
She cupped his face with her hands and smiled at him. He smiled back, but didn’t move. He seemed strangely hesitant to proceed, now that they were alone together. Lisa knew it was her turn to step forward. Nick had brought her this far. She had to take them the rest of the way. If she dared.
The boat rocked lazily in the water, the slippery motion making her only that much more dizzy with desire and need. Nick turned her world upside down. He overwhelmed her senses. He made her feel things that scared the hell out of her, because they were so deep, so personal, so private.
If she made love to him now, Nick would take everything she had to give. He wouldn’t let her hide behind the walls she’d built, and she would risk losing everything she’d worked so hard to attain—her independence, her resolve to move forward.
“You’re thinking,” Nick muttered. “We can’t have that.”
He kissed her on the cheek, trailing his lips across her face to her ear, tugging on the lobe with his teeth, until she shuddered. He pulled her shirt out of her jeans and slid his hands up the bare skin of her stomach, raising goose bumps in his wake.
Lisa tensed as his hands grazed her breasts, as his fingers teased the skin above her bra and all the while his mouth was moving slowly down her neck until she closed her eyes and let the sensations wash over her.
The want was too powerful, the need too strong to be denied. His mouth left her skin and she felt a rush of unwelcome cold, the silence of a chilling question. She opened her eyes and saw Nick watching her, desire firing his eyes, but control steadying his hands as they slipped to her waist.
She answered him the only way she could. She started with the top button on her blouse and slipped it through the hole, then moved down to the next one and the next. Nick followed each move with his eyes, his hungry, starving eyes.
Lisa suddenly felt in control, powerful, and wanted. When she finished with the buttons, she slipped the blouse off her shoulders and stood before him in a lacy black bra. She moved to undo the front hook.
Nick stopped her with his hand. “Let me.” He undid the hook and slowly opened the bra.
“Oh, God,” she whispered. “I feel like I’m about to fall off of a cliff.”
“Don’t fall.” He looked into her eyes. “Jump.”
She drew in a breath, then let her bra fall to the floor.
Nick’s hands covered her breasts, followed by his mouth, moving greedily from one breast to the other, arousing her senses, until she wanted to sink to the floor and pull him on top of her, inside of her.
Suddenly impatient, she reached for him, for the edges of his T-shirt.
He lifted his head long enough to pull the shirt off, then pressed his chest against hers as he kissed her with a powerful longing that was both familiar and new, raising the old feelings of desire along with new feelings of passion that had come of age.
Lisa mirrored every move he made, delighting in the feel of his rough chest against her soft breasts. When he drew circles around her nipples, she drew circles around his. When his hand dropped to the snap on her jeans, she did the same to his, until they were moving in a beautiful, perfect duet.
Her jeans hit the floor just a second before his. Her panties fell on top of his boxers, and finally they were totally naked, skin to skin in every wicked curve and secret corner of their bodies.
She was hot and ready. He was hard and ready.
He slipped his hands between her thighs. She cupped his buttocks, then slid her hands around to the front, to stroke the long, silky length of him, until Nick impatiently pushed her down on the bed.
“Too much,” he muttered.
“Not enough,” she said. “More.” And she wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him back for another kiss.
Nick sank his tongue into her mouth, while his fingers slid down her body once again, delving into the curls at her thigh, touching and caressing until she moved her hips restlessly on the bed.