Maggie nodded, her eyes filling with tears. It sounded just like Keith, practical to the end.
“He told me how much he loved you,” Serena added. “He said you’d been together forever, but the marriage just got better and better. It sounded like a fairy tale to me. I guess that’s why I wanted him to buy you that ring. It seemed like a good way to have happily ever after.”
Happily ever after. Her husband had loved her. The tears fell down Maggie’s cheeks unchecked. Keith had been faithful to her and the children. And she’d doubted him. How could she have doubted him? He had never given her any reason to doubt him, but somehow she’d let it happen. “I’m sorry,” she whispered. “I’m sorry I didn’t believe in you.” She hoped that somewhere he could hear her, he could understand that it was only loneliness and grief and fear that had led her to such a ridiculous conclusion.
Maggie’s gaze swept the group. Nick stared furiously at Jeremy as if Jeremy were responsible for her crazy behavior. Lisa looked worried and had a firm hand on Nick’s arm. Serena and her lover seemed a bit bemused by the entire scene. Maggie knew it was time to end it.
“I’m sorry for barging in on you, Serena. We’ll go now.” She headed toward the door, breaking free from Jeremy, brushing by Nick’s outstretched hand and Lisa’s concerned face.
Once in the hall, Maggie leaned against the wall and took several deep breaths. It was over. It was really over. Keith was dead. And this time he would stay dead.
Lisa walked over to Maggie and hugged her. “Are you all right?”
“I will be.”
Nick frowned. He tipped his head toward Jeremy. “What are you doing with this guy?”
“He’s a friend.”
“Really? Since when? “”Since I went to L.A. looking for Serena.”
“I’m Serena’s neighbor,” Jeremy offered. He extended a hand to Nick, who ignored it. Jeremy smiled and dropped his hand to his side.
“Nick, don’t be such a jerk,” Lisa said. “He’s just worried about his sister,” she told Jeremy.
“I’m worried about your sister, too.” Jeremy’s glance moved from Maggie to Nick. “I wish I could say I’d heard a lot about you, but I can’t.”
“Likewise,” Nick replied tersely. “And if you’ve been messing with Maggie—”
“Don’t yell at him, Nick.” Maggie straightened up. “He only tried to help me.”
“By doing what, taking you on a wild-goose chase?”
“No, by listening to me and being there and not telling me I was crazy.”
“You should have called your family.”
“I did. You told me I needed to see a shrink.” She sighed. “Although you were right.” Maggie turned to Lisa. “I wanted Keith to be alive so much that I tried to make it come true. But he’s really dead.”
“I know, honey.”
“There was no mystery at all. The money was for my ring. He was leaving for L.A. that weekend. And our anniversary would have been a week later.”
Lisa hugged her again, and Maggie couldn’t help but cling for just a moment. She felt like the rug had been pulled out from under her for the second time in less than a year.
“It will be okay,” Lisa murmured. She pulled back and gazed into Maggie’s eyes. “You won’t have to go through anything else alone, Maggie. I’ll be there for you, whatever you need, whenever you need it.”
“And so will I,” Nick said.
Maggie smiled at their somber faces. “I didn’t go nuts because you two weren’t around, although I am happy to hear you’ll be around a little more often in the future. It was me, all me. I created this in my mind. But I’m okay now. It’s over. ”
“Are you ready to go home?” Lisa asked. “The children have missed you.”
“Children!” Jeremy’s sharp word drew Maggie’s attention to him. “You have children?”
Maggie looked into his dark eyes and saw not anger but hurt. “Yes, I have three children. Roxy is thirteen. Dylan is eight, and Mary Bea is five. I have a dog, too. Her name is Sally. She likes to bring dead animals into the house.” Jeremy stared at Maggie without blinking. “And I don’t work at a school. I carry crayons in my purse for when the kids and I go out to eat, and they want something to do. I’m a mom, Jeremy. A single mom with a house in the suburbs, a station wagon, and a lot of baggage.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
“I didn’t want to ruin the fantasy,” Maggie said in a whisper. She leaned over and kissed him on the lips. “I’ll never forget you.”
“This is it? The end?”
“Do you think you could write a better one?”
“Hell, yes.” He grabbed her by the shoulders. “You can’t just walk out on me.”
“Then walk out on me, Jeremy.”
“No! Maggie …” He twisted a strand of hair through his fingers. “Last night…”
His husky words tore apart what little was left of her heart. She felt as if she had betrayed not only Keith but also Jeremy.
“Last night was incredible,” she said, cupping his face with her hands. “But I have to go back to reality, to my kids. They need me. And I need them. It will be okay now, because I know the truth. I don’t have any more questions. I’ll find a way to live without Keith, and…” She stroked the side of Jeremy’s face, feeling the tears well up behind her eyes once again. “And somehow I’ll find a way to live without you, too.”
“You don’t have to.”
“I do. I really do.”
She pulled away from him, struggling to maintain the little Control she had left. She turned to Nick. “Can I have a ride home?”
He nodded. “Of course you can. I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you.”
“You were there. You just weren’t the one I wanted.” Maggie turned one last time to Jeremy. “Goodbye. Take care of yourself.”
“You, too.”
“Let’s go home,” Maggie said. “Let’s all go home. “
Chapter 26
“There’s no place like home,” Lisa whispered as she unlocked the door to her condo and walked inside. It was late Thursday afternoon, and she’d been gone almost a week. Six days away should not have changed her life, but they had, and her oasis of comfort and security suddenly seemed strange and unsettled.
The wallpaper she’d lovingly put up, the couch she’d paid bundles of money for, the pictures she’d chosen so carefully—it was all an illusion, a pretense of a normal life. But her life here in L.A. had never been normal or honest. She’d denied her past, her husband, her child, her mother and her friends. Now her condo didn’t seem calm and cool and unfettered by emotion—it just felt lonely and empty.
Lisa dropped her overnight case on the floor and sat down on the couch, closing her eyes for one long, restful minute. As soon as she did, she was once again swept back to the day before, when they’d talked and talked about Maggie’s adventures, and, finally, when Nick had come to say goodbye.
He’d picked up her box of wedding invitations and asked her if she was still planning to marry Raymond. She hadn’t been able to say no. So, Nick had kissed her goodbye and taken her wedding invitations to the mailbox. His action had dared her to say “stop,” to deny that she would marry Raymond, but the words refused to come out of her mouth.
So, it was done. The invitations were finally in the mail. She was home And her reunion with Nick was over.
Oh, damn. Her eyes filled with tears, and her stomach clenched into a familiar knot. She didn’t want to miss Nick. Not now, not so soon.
With time she’d forget him, the way she’d done before.
Liar. Her own conscience mocked her, and she tried not to listen, but the word ran around and around in her head.
“Stop it,” she said out loud.
Great, now she was talking to herself. Lisa got up and walked over to her answering machine. It was time to get back to reality. There were three messages from Raymond on the machine, each one asking her to come to the office as soon as she got back, each one more impatient than the last. How could she blame him? She’d let him down. She’d let Nick down. She’d let everybody down. Why? Because she was a coward. Nick was right about that.
Lisa sighed and twirled the bracelet on her arm, but felt only a cool breeze, not the exciting, tingling heat of magic. She suddenly wanted it back, that feeling of being alive, of being on fire, of excitement and joy and all the colorful emotions she’d painted white the last eight years. Impulsively, she ran to the window and searched the nearby trees for a robin. The branches were empty.
“Fool,” she whispered to herself. “There is no magic in life. Go to work. Forget him. You did it once. You can do it again.”
Lisa reported to work at eight o’clock on Friday morning, and after a brief, unsatisfying conversation with Raymond, she closeted herself in her office until past six that evening writing copy for the Nature Brand account.
Raymond asked her to have dinner, but she declined pleading tiredness and a need to study the box of material he’d collected from the Nature Brand people. Raymond hadn’t persisted. Perhaps he sensed that she just wasn’t ready to talk yet, at least about anything personal.
Saturday morning she went into the office early and continued to create new ideas for Nature Brand. Raymond arrived just after noon, but aside from a few casual words, he once again retreated to his own office to work.
By late afternoon, Lisa had put together an initial proposal that she knew was good. Now Raymond just had to sell it to Nature Brand.
She stood up and stretched, then walked to her office window, knowing she was still looking for the robin. But there were no more robins in her life. The emptiness in her heart didn’t just hurt, it mocked her. Nick had offered her a second chance, and she’d turned him down.
Because she was afraid of losing. She’d always been afraid of losing.
Raymond shared the same fear. He didn’t want to lose the Nature Brand account, and he didn’t want to lose her. But why? Because he loved her or because he was afraid of ending up alone?
Their wedding invitations were being opened in a hundred homes probably this very minute. And Mrs. Carstairs was determined to get them down the aisle. She’d already called five times about final payments on contracts that were coming due.
Lisa started as she saw Raymond walk out of the Coffee Hut down below. She’d thought he was in the office down the hall. Raymond stopped as a woman came up to him. The woman wore a peach-colored linen suit with a short skirt and a box jacket. She put her hand on Raymond’s arm and whispered something into his ear, then laughed and pulled away. Raymond laughed, too.
Lisa strained to get a better look. Suddenly the woman’s face came into view. It was Beverly Wickham, Raymond’s main competitor. But they didn’t look like enemies—they looked like friends.
Beverly continued to talk, with Raymond hanging onto every word. She waved her hands a few times, then grabbed his hands, and, to Lisa’s complete amazement, twirled around. Then she kissed him on the cheek, waved and took off down the street in the opposite direction while Raymond headed back toward the office. Lisa sat down in her chair, unsettled by their exchange. She’d never seen Raymond look so young and carefree, she realized, laughing, smiling, twirling Beverly like a dancer when they were standing on a sidewalk in downtown L.A. He’d certainly never acted so spontaneously with her.
Did she know him? Did she really know him? And more importantly, did he know her? No. No. And no. She and Raymond barely scratched the surface of each other. She knew what kind of topping he took on his ice cream, but not what dreams were in his heart. She’d never asked. She’d never wanted that incredible closeness with another man. And Raymond had never pressed her for any confidences. Even now, he’d barely mentioned her trip to San Diego, her ex-husband, her lost child. Was he waiting for the right time, or just hoping it would all blow over?
Somehow she knew it was the latter. How could she marry a man who was still in so many ways a stranger? Yet, how could she marry Nick, a man who would take over her life until she couldn’t find herself any more—only him?
Maybe he wouldn’t be able to do that now. Maybe Nick was right. Maybe they were different, better able to be partners, to stand next to each other, to share their lives but not live in each other’s pockets.
“Elisabeth?” She looked up as Raymond called her name. Actually, the name felt strange. Since returning to San Diego, she felt more like Lisa than she did Elisabeth.
“Hello, Raymond.” She stood up so he could kiss her.
His lips hit the corner of her mouth, and he made no attempt to straighten the kiss or to lengthen it. “Ready for dinner?”
“Sure.” She paused. “I was looking out the window a minute ago, and I saw you talking to Beverly.”
Was it her imagination, or did Raymond’s face turn pale? And why couldn’t he look her in the eye?
“Right. She was just coming back from a meeting. She said to say hello.”
“Really? Was that after you twirled her or before? “”Oh that was just a silly …” He shook his head. “Beverly had the crazy idea that we could join forces on the Nature Brand account. She said something about making a pretty good dance team, and the next thing I knew she was twirling.”
“Actually, you were twirling her,” Lisa corrected. “Are you considering joining forces with her agency?”
Raymond hesitated. “I have to admit, the idea has crossed my mind.”
“Why? You hate her. You’ve always called her a sharp, conniving bitch. And I think those were your exact words.”
Raymond picked some lint off the edge of his sleeve. “She’s not that bad. She’s ambitious, forthright, has a fresh mouth.” He cleared his throat. “Monty likes Beverly. He likes her innovative ideas, but he likes my stability, my strength and reputation.”
“We have innovative ideas,” Lisa argued. In fact, they were her innovative ideas, and she was damn proud of them. “You said you loved my copy.”
“I like it. You’re very good, Elisabeth. You know I have the utmost respect for you.”
“But…” she prodded. “There’s more, isn’t there?”
“You don’t always take the big risks,” Raymond admitted. “You play it safe. Hey, I’m not saying that’s bad. We probably get more small accounts by playing it safe, but—”
“Not the big ones,” she finished.
“I’m starving,” Raymond said, obviously uncomfortable with the tension developing between them. “Are you ready to go to dinner?”
“No.” Lisa leaned against the front of her desk and crossed her arms. “Raymond, do you want to marry someone safe or someone who takes risks?”
He didn’t answer for a long time, then he looked into her face, his eyes deadly serious. “I thought I wanted to marry you. Why? What do you want? Or should I ask, who?”
“I thought I wanted you,” she said, repeating his own words with a helpless smile. “We can make it work, Elisabeth.”
“Can we, Raymond?
Can we, really?”
SUNDAY MORNING Maggie carried a load of laundry out of the laundry room and headed toward the stairs. It was her second load that morning, and she was tired. Since returning from Santa Barbara, she’d fallen back into motherhood with a vengeance. Her adventure already seemed like a memory, a distant but beautiful memory.
She still couldn’t believe Mary Bea had gone through surgery while she’d been away. That guilt would stay with her for a very long time, although Mary Bea didn’t seem to hold it against her. In fact, the children had thrived with Lisa and Nick. They’d talked endlessly about their aunt and uncle, as well as their grandparents and Silvia and Carmela. It seemed everyone had rallied to take care of the children in her absence.
Maggie was lucky. She might not have a husband, but she did have a lot of people in her life who loved her. And now that she had no more questions about Keith, she’d finally packed away his things. After convincing her parents and Nick that she was not about to go off the deep end again, she’d spent most of Friday going through Keith’s clothes and other personal belongings, a task she had never been able to face.
Now it was done. They still had pictures of him in the family room. The children each had something of his to keep in their rooms, and Maggie had her wedding ring—tucked away in her jewelry box. She would keep it always, but she wouldn’t wear it again.
She set the laundry basket down on the dining room table and bent over to pick up a trail of socks that had somehow escaped from the basket. She tried to concentrate on the mundane task, but her mind drifted to Jeremy. She wondered what he would think if he could see her now, a mother, a housekeeper, a cook, a gardener and everything else that came with the job titled Mom.
He’d probably be disappointed, she thought, as she stuffed the socks into the basket. This was the real Maggie, not that woman who’d made love to him with wild abandon in a hotel room. She smiled to herself.
She’d surprised herself as much as him, and she would never regret that night of passion. Jeremy had brought out another side of her. He’d made her feel beautiful and sexy and adored. And he’d reminded her that she was a woman who had a lot of life left to live.
Although part of her felt guilty about being with a man other than Keith, Maggie knew Keith would have wanted her to be happy. He would have wanted her to love again. And she did. She loved Jeremy.
Logically, she knew it was too soon, too fast, too much of a fantasy, but deep down in her heart, she knew that she had fallen in love with Jeremy, and it would be a long, long time before she got over him.
But she would get over him, she told herself firmly. She had no other choice.
The doorbell rang. Maggie groaned. Carmela and Silvia were early, and she was late, as usual. She was supposed to go with them to the cemetery to celebrate the anniversary of Robin’s death. This year she would take all the children, including Mary Bea, who already felt well enough to walk slowly around the house, so that her daughter could begin to understand that while people die, they are celebrated forever in the heart.
Maggie opened the door. “Silvia, I’m sorry, we’re not quite ready—”
She stopped as she realized the person on the porch was not Silvia. “Jeremy.”
“Hello, Maggie.”
Maggie shifted the laundry basket to one hip, painfully conscious of how much she looked like a mom. Her hair was a frazzled mess, and she hadn’t changed out of her blue jeans or put on any makeup. And Jeremy—Jeremy looked great in his beige slacks and white polo shirt. His dark hair was neatly combed, his skin tan, his eyes filled with energy, his lips curved into a warm, sexy smile that made her want to melt. “What are you doing here?” she asked, finally able to get some words out. “Seeing you. And boy, have I missed seeing you.”
Her body tingled under his intense gaze. Maggie cleared her throat. “It’s only been a few days.”
“It feels like a lifetime. Aren’t you going to invite me in?”
“Uh—we’re leaving soon.”
“You’re not gone yet.” He took the basket out of her hands. “Let me help you with that.”
Once her hands were free, Maggie had no choice but to step back and invite him in.
“Where do you want it?”
“You can set it down there,” she said, pointing to the bottom stair.
Jeremy looked around her house, nodding approvingly. “Exactly as I pictured it.”
“When did you picture my house?” Maggie asked.
“The first day I met you.”
“The first day you met me you thought I was Crystal,” she reminded him. “A swinging, single friend of Serena’s.”
He laughed. “I never thought of you that way. I’ll admit the three kids took me by surprise. Where are they? I’d like to meet them.”
“Jeremy, you have to leave,” Maggie said abruptly.
“Why? Are you ashamed of me?”
“No, but you and I—it’s over. I’m a single mother.”
“So what? I like kids.”
“You do not. You told me you never wanted kids.”
“I told you I’d never met the right woman. I think I have, now.” He looked at her with sexy, loving eyes that brimmed with tenderness and compassion. “In case you haven’t figured it out yet, I love you, Maggie.”