One Wedding Night... (13 page)

Because of her. She swallowed hard, trying to dislodge the knot in her throat. He’d told her that he’d never intended to get married again. Why had she thought that being intimate with her had changed anything?

“Is that what you really want? To be free to leave?”

“Freedom is what we both wanted,” he reminded her, his gaze unwavering.

“Then I’ll get the test,” she said in a barely audible tone.

Russ stared at her a moment longer. Without saying
anything more, he turned and left the kitchen. Lynn felt the room close in on her. She sank into a chair, leaned forward and held her head in her hands.

He doesn’t love you.

She had to face the truth, no matter how hard it was, no matter how very much it hurt. He did care for her. He wouldn’t be making the sacrifice of giving her the ranch if he didn’t. But he didn’t love her, and that’s what she wanted from him.

His love.

The next day, Lynn returned from San Luis with a pregnancy test. It hadn’t been easy for her to get away from Catherine, but she’d managed it. She’d purposely carried along a large handbag so she could tuck the test in it and Catherine would never know.

Lynn waved at Catherine as she drove away, then turned and walked into the house. Russ was nowhere around, and she figured he was over at the Bar M.

Relieved, she pulled the pregnancy kit from her bag and went into the main bathroom, her heart hammering. Moments later, a little blue dot told her the results.

She was pregnant.

You’re carrying Russ’s baby.

The confirmation of her pregnancy caused her legs to go weak. She slipped to the bathroom floor in a heap and began to cry as the pregnancy stick fell to the floor. What was she going to do now? Russ didn’t love her. He’d already made that clear.

But he was a man bound by duty. He’d proved that by marrying her when he thought her reputation as well as his was fodder for gossip, when there was a chance before that she was pregnant.

He doesn’t love you.

But he would insist on staying married, wouldn’t he, if he knew she was pregnant? Wracked by the emotions raging inside her, Lynn sobbed. She didn’t want Russ to stay married to her out of obligation. If he didn’t love her, she’d eventually learn to live with it, but there was no way she’d hold him in a marriage he didn’t want.

Lynn cried until no more tears came. When she finally quieted, she forced herself to get up and wash her face, then she drew in a deep breath. She could get through this. She quickly gathered the items from the test and stuffed them into the box, then threw it in the wastebasket. All she had to do was tell Russ that the test was negative. He would never know otherwise.

He would walk out of her life and never know that they’d created a child together.

When Russ came in late that evening, the kitchen was dark. He flipped on the light switch, and his gaze fell on the slim form sitting in one of the chairs at the table. Regarding Lynn, he wondered why she’d been sitting there in the dark.

“Is something wrong?”

She shook her head. “No. Actually, everything is fine.” She struggled to maintain her composure, and it took every ounce of strength and courage for her to forge ahead. “I did the pregnancy test today. We got lucky. I’m not pregnant.”

“You’re not?” As he spoke, the coiled tension inside him vanished, and his shoulders sagged. “You’re sure?”

“Yes,” she said a little too brightly.

His mouth tightened a fraction as he nodded. “Then I’ll be leaving by the end of the week.” He turned away.

“Russ—” Lynn called out to him.

He stopped, then swivelled around and looked at her.

“You don’t have to go. I can move back to the Bar M.”

“There’s no reason for you to do that. I’m leaving anyway, and this place is big enough for you to raise as many horses as you want. You might as well stay here as look for someplace else. It’s close to the Bar M, and I know Jake and Ryder would like to have you nearby.”

He walked out without saying anything more. Lynn went to her room to get her keys to her truck. She had to get out of there before she fell apart. She didn’t know where she’d go, but she couldn’t stay in the house with Russ another moment.

Tears blurred her eyes as she looked around her. She swiped at her face, brushing them away. Then she spotted the keys on the floor where they’d apparently fallen earlier. Snatching them up, she started from the room, but stopped short when Russ was suddenly standing in front of her, blocking her path.

“I’m going out for a while.”

She started to move around him, but he stepped in front of her again, blocking her from leaving. “Not so fast.” Taking her by the arm, he dragged her back into her bedroom. “What’s this?” he demanded, letting her go.

Lynn’s eyes widened, and she stared at the pregnancy stick in his hand. She backed away a step. “What?”

Russ’s gut twisted. “I found it on the bathroom floor, then I saw the box in the trash. You lied, didn’t you?” Fury blinded him, making him unable to focus on anything but the fact that she’d kept the truth from him.

She shook her head, and he snorted. “Dammit, tell me the truth, Lynn.” He waved the stick in front of her face. “You’re pregnant with my baby, aren’t you?”

Lynn stared back at him, then increased the distance between them. She’d never seen Russ so angry. “All right, yes. I’m pregnant,” she admitted, a guilty blush rising to her cheeks. “But I didn’t lie about the baby to hurt you.”

“Now why don’t I believe that?” His eyes bore into her, his face twisting with anger. “You had me fooled, honey.” He visibly shook. Pain seared him, and he advanced on her. He’d thought he’d kept her at a distance. He hadn’t thought she could hurt him. But she had.

Just like every other woman in your past.

“I thought I was doing what was best for both of us,” she insisted, defending her actions.

“By not telling me about the baby?”

“You said you didn’t want to be married! I knew if you found out I was pregnant, that you’d insist that we stayed together.”

“And that’s not what you wanted, is it?” he asked harshly. “You just figured you’d lie, then stay here on the ranch and get that freedom that’s so damned important to you.” His tone was bitter.

“No—”

“Don’t lie to me again, do you understand?”

“I’m sorry,” Lynn whispered shakily. “I didn’t mean to hurt you, Russ.”

“Yeah, right,” he said severely. “You acted like you didn’t want this ranch, too, but that’s what you wanted all along, isn’t it?”

She paled. “I wanted a ranch, yes, but not yours.”

“I don’t believe you.”

“But you have to. I know you think this is what I want, but it isn’t.” His expression remained hard as stone. “Listen to me,” she pleaded, wanting to make him understand that she hadn’t meant to hurt him. “I do want to raise horses, but I never wanted to take the ranch from you. I didn’t lie to you to hurt you, I swear.”

He stared at her, his green gaze piercing. “Why did you lie, then, Lynn? Why couldn’t you have told me the truth?”

“Because…because I love you!” she told him, blurting out the truth.

Russ whitened, then recovered his composure. “Yeah, right.” He wasn’t about to believe that one. He was gullible when it came to Lynn, even stupid sometimes. But there was no way he was going to swallow her desperate attempt to smooth things over.

“It’s the truth, Russ. I do love you.” She started to touch him, but his cold gaze froze her movements. “Okay, I’ll admit I didn’t want to fall in love with you. I thought I wanted my freedom. It was so important to me to be able to think for myself, to choose my own path in life. When we made love after Jake’s wedding, I knew I was in trouble. I started thinking about you all the time, and that’s why I was so determined to end what was happening between us. You
were a threat to all I thought I wanted. I wouldn’t let myself believe that I was falling in love with you.”

He grimaced. “And, you want me to believe that your freedom isn’t important anymore?”

“Not if it means losing you, Russ. It’s because I value the right to make my own choices that I didn’t tell you about the baby,” she insisted. Testing him, she moved closer. “I love you. I thought you wanted to leave, and I was letting you go because that’s what
you
wanted.” She reached toward him, and despite the way he flinched, she placed her hand on his chest.

“How can I believe you?” he asked, holding himself back from touching when that’s what he wanted to do more than anything in the world. He wanted to gather her in his arms and hold her and never let her go.

His heart was pounding. She could feel it beneath her palm. “Listen to your heart, Russ. What happened between us was meant to happen because we belong together.”

Russ drew in a deep breath. He wanted to believe her, but the women in his life had taught him differently. Lynn moved closer, and she put her hands on his cheeks, forcing him to look at her.

“I don’t want you to go. I want you to stay here and love me back.”

She was going to let you go because she thought that was what you wanted.

Russ’s heart began to melt. As he watched her, her beautiful blue eyes teared, and he realized she was telling him the truth. Her love had been there all along, but he hadn’t been able to see past his anger. She’d been willing to let him go, even though she was carrying his child, a tie that could bind them to
gether. She was ready to face her family and tell them about her pregnancy without him there to support her. Lynn had been willing to give him the very thing that she held sacred.

Freedom.

“Come here.” Gently grabbing her by the arms, he pulled her against him. “I’m never going to let you go, you know that?” he asked, his voice slightly rough.

She slid her arms around his back. “Do you promise?”

Russ’s mouth came down hard on hers, and he kissed her deeply. Then he lifted his head and gazed into her eyes. “I promise with all my heart.”

She hesitated, lowering her gaze for a moment before looking back up at him. Her heart wanted to believe him, but she needed to be reassured. “But you were leaving.”

“I knew how much you wanted to be on your own. That’s why I was leaving—to give you what you said you wanted.”

She kissed his mouth, then searched his face. “I don’t want to be free of you, Russ. I want to stay married to you.”

“I want that, too.”

“Are you sure?” He hadn’t said he loved her, nor had he said what he thought about her being pregnant. “How do you feel about the baby?” she asked quietly. Was there room in his heart for his child?

“I’m gonna love our baby, Lynn. I never had a mother and father to raise me, and I’ve always wanted the things I’d been denied all my life. I’ve lived alone a long time, and I’d resigned myself to never having children. Honey, I want our baby. I want to be right
here with you raising it.” He stopped speaking and stared at her.

“I want that, too, Russ, but there’s something I want even more.” Her eyes watered again, and a tear slid down her cheek. “I want your love.”

Russ’s lips turned upward. “I’m going to love you for the rest of your life, Lynn. I told you once that I don’t lie. I’m not lying now. I love you—so much that I ache with it. I think I knew it all along inside my heart, but my mind just wouldn’t let go of the hurt and pain of my past.”

“I’m sorry—”

“Don’t feel sorry for me, honey,” he whispered fiercely. “Your love is enough to make me happy for the rest of my life. Believe me, sweetheart, I’d marry you all over again if you wanted me to.”

She grinned at him then, her eyes lighting with joy. “I think I know another way that you can convince me.” Her eyes twinkled merrily.

Russ looked at her with caution. He loved her desperately. He’d do anything for her. “Yeah?”

She kissed him, molding her mouth to his. Russ groaned when her tongue touched his, then retreated as she lifted her lips. “Come on, cowboy,” she said, smiling. She took his hand and drew him toward the bed. “Prove it.”

Russ had to hand it to her. She knew just the way he could prove how much he loved her.

And he did.