Only Pleasure (24 page)

"I know you are."

He stepped inside the elevator with her anyway, punched in her floor, and watched the digital display as they rose up.

Kia took the key from her purse as the elevator doors opened again, and was once again surprised as he gestured for it.

Seconds later, her door opened and she stepped inside. Chase didn't follow her. He stood in the open doorway, watching. She turned to meet his gaze.

She slid the cloak from her shoulders and tossed it to the couch. Kia had to force back the shiver that wanted to race over her body, the betrayal of anger that wanted to rise inside her.

"Are you staying the night?" she asked him, her voice cool, remote.

She wasn't taking this anymore. Damn him to hell. She was falling in love with him. Bastard that he was—cold, remote, distant— something in her heart responded violently at the flicker of emotion in his eyes, and his battle to hide it.

His jaw clenched. "No. And you don't really want me to."

Her lips twisted mockingly as the anger that would have surged inside her days before remained at a slow simmer. She wasn't even surprised. She thought, perhaps she had expected it.

"You know, Chase," she finally said. "I want a lover, not a fuck every now and then. I'll tell you what. Close the door as you leave, and we'll pretend none of this ever happened. I've had enough."

She couldn't take this ride. It was tearing her apart inside, leaving her scrambling to hold on to something, to make sense of herself and her own emotions. She couldn't handle it anymore.

He stepped into the apartment then, and with a controlled flick of his hand, the door closed with a bang.

Kia didn't flinch. She stared at the door, then back at Chase as she crossed her arms over her chest and shook her head.

"First, you couldn't take me alone. Now, you take me alone, but I don't want you to spend the night in my bed, according to you." She waved her hand back at him. "Give you a way out, and what do you do? You step in and slam the door closed." Her smile was one of angry mockery. "I thought women were the ones who had trouble making up their minds, not big tough private investigators."

His eyes narrowed on her. "You've enjoyed every minute we've spent together," he informed her harshly. "You can't cry foul now, Kia."

"I'm not crying foul, Chase," she assured him. "I thought you got the message the other night. I want more. I'm not a doll to be taken out for your enjoyment and content to sit on a shelf until you're ready to play again. If that's what you want, go hire a call girl. They won't give you near the problems over it that I will."

"You knew this was just for the pleasure," he snapped.

She could see the anger in his eyes now, the pulse of hunger and of dark intensity.

"Well, as far as I'm concerned, the pleasure involves more than kinky sex," she retorted. "There's more to the pleasure than that, Chase. And if there isn't, then I don't want a part of it. I want more than you're offering; you don't want to give it. Fine. Walk the hell out of my life and stay out of it."

Perhaps she was being unfair to both of them, but the needs rising inside her overwhelmed her. She wanted more. She ached for more from him, despite her promises to herself that she wouldn't let this happen. She was tired of staring into the night, wondering if tomorrow he would deign to hold her, talk to her, just be with her for more than the sex.

She needed that from him. She needed that in ways she couldn't combat any longer.

And that was exactly what he should do. He should walk right out that door and out of the damned building and have the hell done with it.

Instead, he was standing there, staring at her, seeing something in her eyes that had every male instinct inside him standing up in warning.

"And what will you do when I walk?" he snarled. "Find someone else so you won't have to sleep on that damned couch every night?"

He couldn't believe the words that burst from his lips, or the anger that seemed to ignite inside him. Damn her, he knew it was time to let her go. Knew it was time to walk the hell away before he hurt her, and yet he was still standing here. Still pushing both of them.

She inhaled sharply. "You think this is just because I don't like that damned bed?" She threw him a disgusted look. "How very good you are at salving your own pride, Chase. And whether or not another man fills it is none of your concern."

The hell it wasn't.

Chase had been ready to walk away. He had known, clear to his soul, that after tonight he had no choice but to break this off. Now, breaking it off was something he knew wasn't going to happen. Letting her go wasn't going to be an option.

He glowered back at her, watching as her chin lifted defiantly. Her shoulders were straight, her entire body braced for battle and humming with stubbornness.

And she was making him harder than ever.

"It's very much my concern," he growled. "Tell me, Kia, do you have my replacement picked out?"

Her eyes narrowed, satisfaction curling at her lips and fury burning inside her.

"Actually, I do. It's an electric blanket and a vibrator. I've decided, Chase, there are definite benefits to both."

Shock exploded through his system. It wasn't even another man? She wasn't even replacing him with flesh and blood?

"Have you tried it yet?" he snapped. "It's not going to be as satisfying as you think it will."

She shrugged at that, her expression tight with anger. "I've gotten along fine with my vibrator for two years. It's never cheated on me, yelled at me, or made impossible demands," she said. "It's never refused me, nor does it have commitment issues. And you know what, Chase?"

"What!"

"As long as I keep it in batteries, it never fails to keep me company all night long. A definite improvement over my dismal lovers, don't you think?"

"Dismal?" He said it slowly, feeling it now. He could feel it. Damn her. That darkness creeping at the edge of his senses, that pounding, primal need that he only fucking felt around her.

This was why it rose inside him like a damned animal fighting to be free. Defiance. From the moment he had met her it had glittered just behind her gaze, hidden, mysterious, daring him to find it.

"Dismal." She punctuated the word by propping her hand on her hip and regarding him with angry eyes. "You're a sex god, Chase. You have all the right moves, all the right words, and you can make a woman come until she's certain her brains have liquefied in the rush. But guess what?"

"What?" he growled.

"You're a lousy lover." Her nose wrinkled in disdain. "I can't imagine how your ex-lovers had the nerve to lie with such astounding ease when they bragged of you holding them through the night." Her voice rose. "Showering and washing them, drying them, and taking them even after Cameron left." She swung away.

Chase almost swore he heard her voice break. Kia almost swore she was going to lose control of her anger, and her pain. She shook her head and swallowed tightly.

She deserved at least as much as his past lovers, and she received so much less. It was breaking her heart, needing him to hold her, needing more in a lover than Chase was willing to give her.

"Why?" She turned back to him. "Tell me why you think they deserved more than just that very experienced cock of yours and I didn't."

The pain blooming inside her was overshadowed not by anger, but by the pain, and the determination. She wasn't going to allow him to destroy her. She could love him. She didn't need him to be here, to hold her, to touch her, to love him. And she couldn't make herself not love. But neither did she have to let herself be destroyed.

"Because." He faced her, staring back at her, his eyes intent, watching her closely. "You're not strong enough for a relationship with me, Kia, and we both know it. You couldn't handle the games Drew wanted from you, and you may not be able to handle the dominance I'd bring into it. He nearly broke you. I won't be responsible for that."

Incredulity filled her. "You think Drew nearly broke me?" she asked in disbelief.

"You know he did, Kia," he snapped. "I watched you, when you allowed herself to leave this fucking apartment. You hid from the damned world. You couldn't face them knowing he had tried to share you. What the hell do you think you're going to face in a relationship with me, Kia? People know. Ex-lovers, friends, they know Cam and I shared our women until his engagement to Jaci. They'll guess what's going on. Is that what you want?"

She inhaled, held on to her control by a thread and refused to scream out in fury. She didn't give a damn about the gossip or what others thought they knew. What raked talons of agony across her soul was that he would use such a flimsy excuse to hold back from her.

"Fun and games are over, Chase," she told him harshly, her voice rough, her throat thickening. "You can leave now. Please lock the door behind you."

She turned away from him. She had to get away from him. If she didn't, she might get violent. Even worse, she might cry. Damn him.

"Don't you turn away from me, Kia." His hand gripped her arm, swinging her around. "You wanted this argument. You wanted the explanation, now deal with it."

"Deal with what, Chase?" she snapped. "A man who believes I'm a coward? One who thinks I deserve less than every other woman he's ever slept with?"

"That wasn't what I said, damn you."

"You called me weak." She pushed away from him.

"This is what I mean." He gripped her arms again. "Look at you, you're already hurt. Less than a month into whatever the hell is ripping through us, and I've already hurt you. This is where we are. You're soft, baby. So soft and gentle, and I'm hard. I'd break you, and I don't want that."

He truly believed it. Kia stared up at him, shaking inside and out, so furious and so filled with disbelief that she could barely make sense of her own emotions.

"I asked you to leave," she said carefully, staring at him with steely resolve. "I deserve more than this, Chase. More than a man who believes I'm too weak for a relationship with him. Perhaps you're the one with the fault. Perhaps you're too weak for a relationship with me."

The challenge. Chase felt his cock harden to impossible degrees.

Damn her. He'd never reacted to a woman like this, no matter the defiance or the challenge. Never before had he wanted to make one scream for pleasure or beg to submit as he wanted this one to do.

Before she could stop him, he had her pressed against the wall, her arms over her head, her wrists shackled in his hand. She showed no fear. He didn't want her frightened of him, but had always worried she would be if she saw what he was inside.

The man who could kill. The man who needed the flaming lust, the challenge, the defiance she was giving him now. He had never seen this side of her, but somehow, he knew, he had always sensed it. Known it was there. And had fought giving it a chance to face him.

But it was only her anger. That stubbornness he saw in her eyes wouldn't make the long haul in a relationship with him. When he was dark and moody, she would cry. If he snapped at her, she would be hurt. If he dared to take her harder or stronger, or challenged her to stretch her sexuality, she would never know how to set her limits.

She wouldn't know her own boundaries, only his. And that would destroy both of them.

"You're right." He stepped back from her. "You deserve better."

He watched as she lifted her chin, her arms moving to her sides as she stepped away from him, walked to the door, and opened it before turning to face him.

"You're damned right I do."

"This won't change anything, Kia," he told her. "The next party, the next ball, we'll end up exactly as we ended up tonight."

"Bet me!" Her nostrils flared, her blue eyes hardened to gemstone brightness in her pale face.

With her hair mussed from their lovemaking, her neck still showing the scrape of whisker burn, and her lips swollen from his kisses, she looked like an enraged sex goddess.

And he wasn't about to bet her, because he knew the truth of it. He was hurting her, hurting them both, and he hated it. But he was learning. Staying away from her was impossible, and after tonight it would be even more so.

"Goodbye, Chase." Her lips thinned, her expression so filled with feminine purpose that he felt like an animal ready to rut.

He didn't trust himself to speak. He nodded sharply and left, bracing himself for the slam of the door as he walked past her.

A second later, he flinched and paused as the door closed softly, deliberately, the lock snicking into place. He clenched his teeth and stalked to the elevator.

She would see that the next time it would be harder, faster, burning hotter, and hurting deeper. He could feel the ragged wounds ripping through his soul now. The force, the control it took to walk away from her, as it always did to walk away whenever his emotions were involved.

She was his weakness. He was hers. And until he could get a handle on the dark emotions ripping him apart, he didn't dare give her any more than he was giving her now.

Because once she learned what being with him meant, dealing with him day after day, she would know it wasn't that easy. And she might well learn that Chase Falladay didn't let go of anything that belonged to him.

He had every possession now that he had ever owned in his life. He hoarded them. He guarded them. He fucking ensured they stayed his. And if he ever claimed Kia as his, then he had no doubt in his mind that she would live to regret it.

They both would. Because he'd never let her go. She would become his soul. And if Chase ever had to watch his soul walk away, it would destroy him.