Only You (17 page)

Yet even as he spoke the denial, there was a voice in his head shouting that it wasn’t true.  He’d assumed he’d never wanted it—until he met her.  He could absolutely picture himself wed to her.  She would constantly entertain him with her antics and frivolous habits.

But he’d been a bachelor for so long that he couldn’t imagine changing for her.  He’d never manage it, and they’d be miserable.  She’d hate him.

It was better to make a clean break.  She’d get over him, and he’d get over her, and really there wasn’t much to get over.  They’d had a fleeting holiday romance, but he had a job and a paramour waiting for him in Cairo.  It was time to return to both.

He’d forget about Theodosia Postlewaite, and that would be that.

“Are you sure, Soloman?” she asked.  “Are you sure you won’t have me?”

“I’d like to
have
you in many, many ways, Theo, but all of them are illicit.  Now please go before this grows awkward.”

“May I walk you to the dock?”

“No.  Just…go.” 

She took a deep breath and let it out.  Took another and let that out too.  She studied his face as if imprinting his features into her memory.

 “All right then,” she murmured.  “So be it.”

“So be it,” he echoed.

“I liked knowing you.  I liked the person I became when you were here.”

“I’m glad.”

“I’ll miss you.”  He must have looked as if he’d protest, because she held up a hand, halting any comment.  “You don’t have to lie and say you’ll miss me too.  I’d merely like you to recall that I told you.  I’ll always remember you with such fondness.”

He relented a bit.  “I’ll remember you fondly too.  You be careful after I leave.”

“I will be.  I never thanked you for saving me yesterday.  Or for watching over me last night.”

He waved away her remark.  “It was nothing.”

“You would have done it for any damsel in distress?”

He forced a smile.  “Well, not
any
damsel, but definitely for you.”

“I apologize for my aunt’s behavior.”

“There’s no need.  You’re not the one who insulted me.”

“Despite her opinion, I’m grateful for all your efforts on my behalf.”

“You’re welcome.”

“If you ever change your mind and would like to write to me, you can.  It would bring me great joy, and I’d write back.”

“I won’t change my mind.”

“And you have to promise we’ll cross paths in Cairo before I sail to England.”

It was a small request, and he tossed her a bone, even though he intended to hide when she and her aunt were in the city.  “I’d like that, Theo.  I’ll keep an ear out so I know when you’re there.”

After that, the conversation dwindled to a close, and it dawned on him that she was very brave, much braver than he could ever be.  She’d rolled the dice, had risked all to obtain what she yearned to have.  He never could have done that.

She might have offered some parting words, but in the end she didn’t.  She spun and hurried out.  As she reached the tent flap, he suffered a moment of panic as he realized it was probably the final time he’d ever see her.

Stop her!  Don’t let her leave, you fool!

But he stood like a statue, mute, indifferent.  At the last second, he couldn’t prevent himself from saying, “Goodbye, Theo.”

She glanced over her shoulder.  “Goodbye, Soloman.”

“You’ll be fine without me.”

“Of course I will be.  I never doubted it.”

Then she was gone.

With every fiber of his being, he was desperate to run after her, to tell her he didn’t mean any of it, that he’d stay and flirt and tryst until disaster struck.  But Edna Wallace had already had two chances to berate him, and she wouldn’t get a third.

The Wallace family was rushing toward a hard set of rapids, where a river of mistrust and dislike would whisk them away.  He hoped Theo wouldn’t be swept under, but it wasn’t his job to protect her.  Edna had been very clear about that, and he couldn’t argue the point.

He had no connection to Theo but for a very illicit one.  He wasn’t her father or brother or beau, so he was in no position to help or guide her.

For the briefest instant, he allowed himself to mourn and regret the loss of her, but only for an instant.  He was busy, and he had a journey to complete.

He went outside and called for his crew to begin dismantling his tent.

W
hat was that?”

“What was what?”

“I heard a noise.”

Preston stopped in mid-thrust, and Susan scrambled off his lap.

After they’d begun their affair in earnest, they’d taken to frolicking in the bathing pools late in the evening after everyone was asleep.  There was one that was a farther distance away and surrounded by thicker foliage so it offered much more privacy. 

A servant had told Susan it was Cedric Webster’s pool and not for common use, but with Mr. Webster going to bed shortly after dark, they’d quickly decided to make it their own.

They were seated on a rock bench built into the water, and Susan stared into the ferns.  The desert was very quiet.

“No one’s there,” Preston griped.

“I’m telling you I heard a noise.”

“It was probably a rat chasing a spider.”

They sat very still, listening carefully, but when Preston was in the throes of passion, he wasn’t very patient.

He reached for her and drew her over his lap again, and as he slid his cock inside, she hid a grimace.  She didn’t like the physical aspects of amour any better than she had the first time, but she liked the other parts of their affair very much.

He was debonair and charming, funny and urbane, and they were so much alike.  She couldn’t wait to marry him.  Their life together would be a gay parade of parties and balls, attending the theater and hosting delicious suppers.  How did she get so lucky?

He flexed into her over and over, filling her all the way so she tried to pull back and not let him thrust in so deeply.  But he simply grabbed her and held her tight, guiding her in the rhythm he enjoyed.

Eventually, he reached the end, his seed shooting into her.  The moment he finished, he released her and relaxed.

She snuggled herself to his chest, and for a minute or two, he allowed her to rest there, but he wasn’t an affectionate person.  Neither was she.  He would let her cuddle for just so long, then he’d grow weary of having her so close.  She always sensed when he was ready for her to scoot away.

She climbed off and sat beside him.  They’d brought a glass of whiskey with them, and they shared it while gazing up at the night sky.

“The stars seem so much brighter here than in London,” she said.

“Yes, they’re much brighter.”

“It will be odd to return to England, won’t it?”

“Very odd.”

“We’ll have this adventure to remember though.”

He chuckled.  “We won’t stumble on any bathing pools there, so we won’t have many opportunities to consort out-of-doors.”

“This place is so splendid.  Almost magical, don’t you think?”

“
Magical
definitely describes it.”

“After a bit of time has passed, will we wonder if we imagined it?”

“I’ll always remind you of how grand it was.”  He peered over at her.  “I have a question.”

“What is it?”

“What if we didn’t proceed to England after we wed?  There’s no law that says we have to.”

“What would we do instead?”

“We could stay in Cairo.  Or perhaps we could move to Italy or Spain.”

She hadn’t considered the possibility, and she grinned with excitement.  “It would be fabulous to live in Italy.  Have you been there?”

“Yes, and I could see us ambling down a cobbled street, with ancient buildings towering overhead.”

She rapidly warmed to the idea.  “We’d pop into a café and drink red wine all afternoon.”

“Yes, and after the sun set, we’d hurry to our apartment and make love until dawn.”

She was bubbly as a little girl.  “Oh, yes, Preston.  Let’s do that.  Let’s move to Italy.”

“Let’s do.  Your mother won’t be too keen on having us in England with her, and I’d rather not bump into her there.”

“No, and I would never want to cross paths with her after we elope.  She’ll be so angry, and I doubt she’ll ever calm down.”

She suffered a minor twinge of guilt about Edna.  She hated to hurt the woman, but Edna was so arrogant and unlikable.  Yes, she was Susan’s mother, but when had that ever mattered to her?

Edna had abandoned her children so she could remain in India with her precious Colonel.  Susan had always been an afterthought to Edna.  If Susan felt the same now, who could blame her?  If Edna ended up old and alone, whose fault was that?  Certainly not Susan’s.

“What time would you guess it is?” she asked.

“I’m sure it must be two or later.”

“We should head back.”

“Probably.”

They stood and waded across the pool, Susan preening at how her womanly areas were stretched and tender.  It was a sign of Preston’s affection.  He couldn’t get enough of her, and the more they dallied, the more enamored he became.

It was thrilling to be out in the fresh air and naked, to stand in front of each other very much like Adam and Eve in the Garden. 

They’d established a ritual.  Slowly, they dressed each other, then Preston brushed her hair and tied it so—should anyone see them—she would look presentable and they could insist they’d simply been enjoying a stroll.

She studied the pretty glen, the water rippling, the moon shining down.  They were to tarry with Mr. Webster a full month.  How many more chances would they have to sneak off to the delightful spot?

They walked to the part of the camp where their tents were located, and they stepped off the path and into the foliage, so he could kiss her goodnight.  Then, with a hand on her bottom, he eased her toward her tent.

She peeked both ways, then flitted over and inside.

To her surprise, Theo was up.  She was kneeling on her bunk, the flap on her window open so she could stare out.  From her woeful expression, she might have been the saddest person in the world.

Since the incident at the pyramid, she’d been very quiet, very reserved, and Susan could understand why she was overwhelmed.  If Susan had had any courage at all, she’d have roped her brother to a tree and whipped him bloody for playing such a mean trick.

Theo rarely ventured out now.  She claimed she wasn’t afraid of Fenton, but Susan didn’t believe her.  Who wouldn’t be terrified of the little monster?

And Mr. Grey’s departure was likely vexing her.  He’d fought with Edna and had left immediately after their quarrel.  Theo had never admitted to being sweet on Mr. Grey, but Susan suspected she had been.  Was Theo grieving his departure? 

She and her cousin had never been that close and weren’t confidantes, so Susan had no idea.  Nor would she pry.  She wasn’t overly friendly and didn’t wish to hear the details of Theo’s broken heart.

“Did you have a nice time?” Theo asked without turning around.  They’d given up pretending over where Susan was during her nocturnal absences.

“Yes.  It was very nice.”

“How is Mr. Price?”

“He’s fine.”

“We had a bit of excitement while you were gone.”

“What was it?”

“Your mother stopped by.”

Susan’s pulse raced.  “Was she looking for me?”

“For both of us actually.”

“When she saw I wasn’t here, what was your explanation?”

“That you were bathing.”

Susan went over and sat on her own bunk.  “What did she want?”

Theo finally pulled away from the window.  “We’ve been evicted.”

“From our tent?”

“No, from the camp.  Cedric Webster has kicked us out.”

Susan’s jaw dropped.  “Why?”

“Because of Fenton’s behavior.  Mr. Webster was incensed.”

“With good reason,” Susan huffed.

“So after supper, when Edna stayed for a brandy, he gave her the boot.”

Susan laughed.  “I’d like to have been a mouse in that corner to witness Edna’s reaction.  She must have been livid.”

“I think she was more embarrassed than anything.”

“When are we leaving?  Did she say?”

“We have to pack tomorrow, then he has a boat crew that will take us to Cairo on Wednesday.”

“Then what?” Susan asked.  “Will we remain in Cairo or will we continue down the river to the other sites Edna originally intended to visit?”

“She was quite stunned.  I’m not sure what she’ll choose.”

Susan’s mind began to hum as she worked through the possible scenarios.  They were to have spent a month at Webster’s camp, then they were to have returned to Cairo and dawdled a few weeks, waiting for Monsieur Valois’s friends to arrive from Paris so Edna could meet them.

The lengthy sojourn in Cairo was to provide the opportunity Susan needed to elope with Preston.  What if none of it happened now?  What if Edna was so humiliated that she decided to sail for England without delay?

What if Susan couldn’t sneak away with Preston?

Panic assailed her, but she shoved it down.  Preston was extremely competent, so she shouldn’t worry.

However, she had to speak with him at once.  If matters grew hectic, there might not be occasion to confer with him and review the situation.  He’d know the best way to proceed.  He’d be very calm, so she’d calm down too.

She hurried for the door, and Theo said, “You’re leaving?”

“Yes, I have to talk to Preston.  Just for a minute.  He should be apprised of this recent development.”

“But where would he be at this hour?  In his tent?”

“Yes, Theo, he’s in his tent.”

“Oh, Susan, should you?”

This was old ground they’d raked over many times, and Susan wasn’t in the mood to rake over it again.

“Yes, Theo, I should.”

“What’s your plan with regard to him?  You’ve never told me.”

“I have no plan,” Susan lied, masking her expression.

“You must have a goal you’re chasing.  Are you hoping he’ll marry you?  Is that it?”

“What if it is?  What if it’s what I want?”

“Edna will never agree.”

“No, she won’t.  She’d like me to wed a soldier and live the life she lived with the Colonel.  I’d rather slit my wrists.”

“You’re making your own choice.”

“I’m not saying I am, and I’m not saying I’m not.”

“You know I think he’s a dodgy character.”

“And you know I don’t care what you think.”

“I’m afraid he has ulterior motives toward you.”

“Ulterior motives?  What do you mean?”

“It has to be money or our family connections.  It would be quite a coup for him to snag a baron’s niece.”

“So what?  Everyone marries for money and connections.”

“Have you explained to him about your dowry?”

“If we’ve ever discussed it, I wouldn’t admit it to you.”

“So he’s aware that Edna has to approve of your betrothed or the funds will never be released to him.”

Susan gnawed on her cheek, eager to tell Theo to be silent.

It was a great dilemma about the elopement that Susan still hadn’t resolved.  But
he
had plenty of money.  He always bragged about it, and it was a sufficient amount that they could travel to Italy and reside in Rome where they’d be insanely happy.

And who could predict how it would all end?  Maybe she was completely wrong about Edna.  Maybe after some years had passed, Edna would miss Susan.  Maybe she’d relent and accept the match.  Especially if Susan had a baby someday. 

Not right away of course.  She refused to grow fat and ugly.  She had to remain slim and beautiful so Preston would desire her.  Yet if she
did
have a baby in the future, it might soothe Edna’s temper so there was no reason to enlighten Preston.

“The terms of my dowry aren’t any of Preston’s business, Theo.”

“Really, Susan?  I’m curious—if I mentioned the issue to him—would he stick around?”

“Yes, he would.  He loves me!” she blurted out.

“Let’s put him to the test then.  Let’s inform him of the stipulation and watch his response.”  Theo shook her head.  “I’m sorry, Susan, but I’m betting he’d be gone the next morning.”

“You don’t know anything, Theo, and I suggest you butt out.”

Theo shrugged.  “Fine, but if it crashes down on you, and you’re crushed in the rubble, promise you won’t blame me.”

“Blame you for what?”

“For not helping you or stopping you from committing folly.”

“Oh, for pity’s sake.  I’ve never committed a folly in my life, and I’m not about to start.”

“Well then…good.”

Susan marched out and went directly to Preston’s tent, but he wasn’t there.  She tarried until the night began to seem spooky—where could he be?—and she finally gave up.

When she arrived back, Theo was still up, on her knees on her bunk and gazing out at the sky.

“What did Mr. Price have to say?” she asked.

“He wasn’t there.”

“You waited for him all this time?”

“Yes, but some of Mr. Webster’s assistants were having a card game,” Susan fibbed.  “He must have decided to attend.”

“Could be.”

“Why are you awake?  Why are you up and staring out at the stars?”

“Because I wish I could simply fly away and never return.”

“That’s certainly dramatic.  Are you pining away over Mr. Grey?”

“Absolutely, but he could never have been mine.  I guess that’s the difference between you and me.  I prayed so hard that my dream would come true, but I realized long ago that I can’t change the world.”

“Your father would never have let you wed him,” Susan said. 

“No, he wouldn’t have.”

“It obviously wasn’t meant to be, so it’s stupid to mourn and mope.”

“I’m sure it is, but I’ll keep on anyway.”

Theo’s misery was so tangible that Susan could practically feel it.

If she’d been a good friend, if she’d been a good cousin, she’d have asked Theo about Mr. Grey, would have allowed her to vent her woe, then Susan could have eased Theo’s anguish with kind comments and commiseration.

But Susan didn’t care about Mr. Grey or Theo’s problems.  She was worried about Preston and wondering where he was.  She had her own problems to solve, and there wasn’t time or energy to fret about Theo’s.