“I did. But… I’m kind of starting to feel glad we weren’t.”
“
Hallelujah
. Can we please go back to sleep for a little while? I’m really kind of loving this bed, and you’re a good cuddler.”
Oh my God.
“Reece.”
Reece reached out and roped his arm around Angus. “You cool with this?”
“Yeah.” He was unfortunately way too cool with it. “Is it weird?”
“Yeah. Super weird. Can’t you tell I hate it?” Reece snorted against his neck. “Go back to sleep. We’ll get up in a few hours, do a little sightseeing, and figure out what we’re going to do next, okay?”
“I think I can do that.”
ANGUS DID
manage to fall back to sleep, surprisingly, and when he woke up the second time, there was a coffee sitting on the nightstand right next to his head, and he heard the sound of the shower. How he’d slept through Reece leaving to get coffee and starting a shower was beyond him, but somehow he’d managed to.
Reece came out of the shower with just a towel around his hips, trying to give Angus a heart attack and everything. Angus decided not to make a joke of it, because if he did, his voice might come out squeaky and hoarse. Embarrassing.
“How’d you sneak out?”
“It wasn’t hard. You were out like a freaking rock. Good coffee, isn’t it?”
“Yeah.”
“I walked down the hill to Old Town and by this French breakfast place. We should check it out. Looked awesome. They had omelets and stuff on the menu. And the downtown area is beautiful. Probably the polar opposite of Vegas, but I think you’ll like it.”
“Sounds pretty good. Breakfast and downtown and stuff.” Good Lord, Angus felt
awkward.
He was all mumbly and dumb around Reece, like he had been with Jesse Cortland back in high school—
and what the ever loving hell?
Reece gave him a quizzical look. Angus blushed. Of course he did, because he was pale and easily embarrassed sometimes, and it was
Reece
.
“Listen, I hate to be that friend, but I’m going to. How are you today?” Reece sank down on the bed next to him. All of a sudden, Angus wanted to cover his scrawny torso. He didn’t know how to act. But Reece deserved an answer after the crap he’d put him through the past few days, weeks… months. Angus thought about it for a few moments, truly tested himself. No, it hadn’t been a fluke when he woke up earlier.
“I’m… better, actually. Way better.” He gave Reece a shaky smile.
“So you want to grab a quick shower and get some brunch?” Reece got up. “Also, there’s this amazing road, apparently, that’s lined with art galleries. I’d never be able to buy anything, but it would be fun to look.”
“And you say you’re straight,” Angus joked.
“
You
say that.” Reece raised his eyebrows and pointed at the bathroom. “Go. Shower.”
Angus pretended to search his clothes for a viable clean outfit, but mostly he was trying to breathe. Reece had been throwing stuff like that at him for years, but he seemed… serious for once. Had he been serious the whole time when they were joking about him sucking dick and making out with guys?
“Reece?” It was the epitome of awkward bro talk, but he had to know.
“Yeah?”
“Have you….” Angus thought his throat might get sealed shut. “Have you ever been with a guy?”
“No.”
That’s what he thought. “Then why do you say that stuff?”
“Have you ever been to Paris?” Reece asked.
“I’m being serious here.”
“So am I.” Reece sent him a long look. “Have you? Been to Paris?”
“No. You know that.”
“But are you pretty sure you’d like it there?” Reece cocked his head to the side like he was waiting for thickheaded Angus to get it.
Oh. Shit.
Was Reece really telling him what he thought Reece was telling him? “So… you haven’t been with a guy, but you’re pretty sure you could go that way.”
“Sounds about right.” Reece shrugged. “C’mon. Hurry. It’s a beautiful day.”
Angus didn’t know how to respond to that, so he simply nodded and took his little pile of clothing with him into the bathroom, where he could have a complete breakdown.
Reece.
Reece was into guys.
Reece….
Fuck.
IT TOOK
him a while to shower, mostly because every time he started to shampoo his hair or wash something, he thought about Reece, with a guy, with him. And he nearly passed out. All those years, how could he not have known? He turned off the shower and stood in the bathroom with a towel around his hips, staring in the mirror.
“Angus, get dressed, babe. I’m hungry, and from what I’ve already seen, Santa Fe is amazing. I can’t wait to wander around.”
“Okay,” he called.
“Hey.”
“Yeah?”
“You sure you don’t want to go home?”
Absolutely not.
“I’m very sure. Right now, home is the last place I want to be.”
“So we’re going to walk around here for today, get you a new phone, get some brunch. Where do you want to go tomorrow?”
“I don’t know. I’ve heard Austin is cool.”
“Texas?”
“Yeah. Texas.”
Reece was quiet like he was considering it for a moment. “Okay, cool. Austin it is.”
ANGUS FOUND
he liked it in the desert. He would’ve thought the quiet of artsy Santa Fe would be hard to take, that it would make him
think
too much, but he didn’t mind that at all. He and Reece ate at the tiny French café and then wandered through the breezy square and up a winding road lined with art galleries and sunbaked terra-cotta-colored rocks.
It was a little hard to breathe with the altitude and dry air, but there was something light about the place, or maybe it was just him.
They stopped for lunch at a Mexican restaurant with a shaded outdoor patio. Angus ordered a huge bowl of chips and fresh-made guacamole with his enchiladas, and he gobbled them both down.
“You like that?” Reece asked with a laugh.
“Something about the air here. I don’t know. All the art made me hungry.”
“I like the trees. They look silver almost and the sky is so blue.” Reece looked up at the tree that arched over the courtyard. “So different from home.”
It was just about the opposite of home. He was used to green and grass and rain, but something about the alien quality of the orangey-brown rocks, rounded buildings, and clean, dry sunshine was healing. He could almost picture himself sitting in a shaded courtyard, like the one they were in, painting a picture or something.
“You miss home?” Angus asked. He was worried Reece would get tired of him, of the trip. Him more than anything.
“A little, maybe. But not really. I never thought I’d do anything like this. Especially not without months and months of planning.”
Angus snorted at that. “It’s good for you. You plan too much.”
“I know.”
Austin
“WE AREN’T
really doing this, are we?” Reece bit his lip like he always did when he was about to suggest Angus do the sensible thing.
Well, fuck that.
Angus had spent too long being sensible.
“Let’s go to Pace Bend Park, he said…. It’ll be a fun place to swim, he said. Nowhere in the manual did you tell me
cliff
jumping
would be involved.”
Angus laughed. “I’m doing it.” He felt determined somehow, even though the drop into the water was nauseatingly long. “I need to do this, but you really don’t have to if you don’t want to.”
“You don’t have to prove anything, Ang. You don’t have to do something crazy to show people you’re back.”
“I have to show myself,” Angus said.
He
did
need to prove he was back, or at least a lot further along the road to being back. He had to prove he wasn’t going to keep letting Brad rule his life or his emotions. It had felt good to let it all out in Santa Fe, his anger and sadness and fear of the future, but he needed to do something definitive to mark that time in his life as over. Something the old Angus would’ve done. This was that something. “You don’t have to come with me, but I’m going down.”
“Angus….” Reece gave him a pained look. “Fine. You’re not doing this alone. I’m coming with you.” They picked their way back a little bit and looked at each other. “Somehow, every crazyass thing I’ve ever done was with you,” Reece grumbled.
“Isn’t that the way it’s supposed to be?”
Reece stripped off his T-shirt and his sunglasses and laid his flip-flops on the rock beside them. Angus did the same, pulling his shirt and shoes off until he was in his trunks only.
“It’s going to be freezing cold in that water. The lake looked really deep.”
“We’re not swimming all day, just jumping. You ready?”
“I want to get another look at the surface,” Reece said.
Angus decided to ignore him. He let out a loud battle cry that felt damn good, if he did say so himself, and started sprinting the few feet to the edge.
“Shit!” Reece cried.
Angus laughed once, loudly, and then catapulted himself off the edge.
He felt like he was flying for a brief moment, out in the clean air surrounded by nothing but rocks and trees, but then he plummeted stomach-droppingly quickly to the water below. It was the rush he needed, that primal moment of being out of his body. A new beginning. One huge splash. The impact hurt a little, but it was exhilaration at its best. Angus plunged deep and hovered there in the cold water for long seconds. He felt more than saw Reece hit the lake, a big surge and a tornado of bubbles. Angus kicked to the surface and inhaled deeply. Reece came up right after him.
“My balls!” he cried. “I can’t believe you talked me into that.”
“What, did you land doing the splits or something?” Angus snorted.
“No. But I’m never listening to you again.”
“Right. I think you said that to me back in first grade.”
“I hate you.”
“No, you don’t.” Angus reached over and pushed Reece’s wet blond head back under the water. Reece came up spluttering and splashing.
“You’re such an asshole. Let’s get out of here. It’s freezing.”
“Yeah. Plus, there are water snakes in Texas.” Angus grinned.
“I seriously fucking hate you.” Reece started swimming for the edge of the water.
“You’re glad you did it!” Angus called after him. He laughed when he didn’t get an answer other than a quick middle finger flipped his way.
THE CLIMB
to the top might have been twice as scary as the jump. It was long and crumbly and not roped off at all. Angus was happy he’d done it, though. It was symbolic, in a way. The end of Brad and the person Angus had been with him. The irony was, all those months he’d spent feeling empty and sad, like he had to drink away the blank space Brad left, were still back there haunting him. And they were worse than what had caused them in the first place. All he felt at Brad’s absence was relief. He didn’t even mind the thought of going back to real life so much anymore, not when he was moving in with Reece and would have his family around him. He was almost starting to look forward to starting over.
Almost.
But he and Reece had come so far, and he didn’t know when they’d have the chance to do something like this again. So if Reece was willing, they’d keep going until one or both of them had had enough.
“I’m never doing anything like that again.”
“You didn’t like it?” Angus flipped Reece his most innocent grin. He knew Reece was scared of heights. He was too, but the exhilaration overcame the fear. Or maybe that wild thrill was recklessness. Either way, it had worked.
“Sure, it was great after I peed my pants. I especially enjoyed the precarious walk back up the hill. That was my favorite part by far.”
Angus laughed. “Good thing we were in a lake. What do you want for lunch?”
“What does anyone get in Austin? Barbecue.”
THEY DROVE
back into town to their hotel room, showered the lake water off, and changed into street clothes. Angus liked what little they’d seen of Austin so far. Reminded him of home, in a way, even if the scenery was completely different. He had great plans to watch the bats at sunset when they flew out from underneath the bridge. Reece had sounded a tiny bit squeamish about the whole bat thing at first, but then agreed it wasn’t something you saw every day. Then they planned to check out the 6th Street nighttime scene, even if they were missing the weekend by one day.
But first. Barbecue.
To appease Reece after the cliff jump, Angus easily agreed to visit the famous barbecue place that Food Network-obsessed Reece had wanted to try for a long time. They had famous meats, apparently, and even more famous lines. It wasn’t within walking distance to their hotel, so they hopped in the rental and followed the GPS on Angus’s brand-new phone to get them there.
There was a line out the door at Franklin Barbecue, but Angus had no problem waiting. They’d done so many things in the past days to make him happy, to pull him out of his funk. He felt like their entire little bubble had revolved around him. He was happy to make it revolve around Reece for a bit, especially since Reece naturally sat back and let Angus get his way for most of their lives.
“What’s the specialty here?” Angus asked. They had a long wait ahead of them, but he figured he’d get his order ready just in case the line started moving faster than it had been.
“Everything.” Reece looked more excited than Angus had seen him the entire trip. Franklin Barbecue was on his hero list when it came to restaurants. Part of Angus wished he’d insisted on Nobu back in Vegas, even if it was more pretentious than down-home. Reece really liked his food.
Angus smiled and pinched his side. “Since I can’t order everything, what would you suggest?”
“I’ve heard the tipsy Texan sandwich is good, but I’m just going plain. No bread. Nothing. Just the meat.” Reece smacked his lips together.
Angus giggled. “I’m sure you like your meat.”
Reece just raised his eyebrows like he always did when Angus teased him. “You know I do.”