“College. Before Brad for sure.”
“
Fuck
….”
“Yeah. I know. I’ve probably just screwed everything up, haven’t I?”
“No. Why would you think you screwed everything up?”
“Because I just told you I’m in love with you!” Reece snorted out an uncomfortable laugh. “I didn’t think that would go over well.”
“Reece….”
“What?”
“I’ve been sleeping with you for
days
. It’s not like I expected us to be platonic anymore.”
“I kinda figured you were just trying to get over Brad and, like, have fun.”
“You think I’d use
you
as a rebound? Reece, have you lost your mind?”
“I guess I was trying not to think about it in general. I hoped. I hoped a lot. I just didn’t know for sure.”
Angus crawled over to where Reece was sitting and slung a leg over his hips until he was straddling Reece’s thighs. He wound his arms around Reece’s neck. “Hey.” Reece looked up. “I love you, okay? I’ve loved you my entire life. I may not have ever thought this was going to happen, but you’re
not
a rebound fling. No matter what.”
“What are you trying to tell me?” Reece asked, echoing Angus’s earlier words.
“That I love you, and I may be a little bit of a mess still, or a big bit.” Angus rolled his eyes. “But I would never do anything to jeopardize you and me unless I really thought something amazing could come out of it.”
“Something amazing?”
Angus leaned in and gave Reece a long, slow kiss. “Yeah. I think you and I could be pretty amazing, don’t you?”
“I think we already are.”
THE FLIGHT
home was long and quiet. Angus had used some of his and Brad’s joint frequent-flyer points to upgrade them to first-class seats. He supposed it was underhanded, but he didn’t mind giving Brad one more little fuck you for the road. He draped himself over the center console and laid his head on Reece’s shoulder. Reece dropped a small kiss on his forehead and leaned over so it would be easier for Angus to fall asleep.
He didn’t ask, even though he wanted to. He and Reece were together, right? He thought that’s what the conversation the night before had meant. They’d said they
loved
each other. Angus had always known he loved Reece, but it had taken him so long to figure out he was in love with him. He felt so stupid for missing what was right in front of him most of his life.
He reached over the too-thick armrest area and cursed the fact that in first class he couldn’t move it. He wanted to feel Reece’s warmth. Instead, all he could do was lay his hand on Reece’s thigh and try to absorb some of his heat that way.
Reece played with his fingers for a few moments, then whispered, “Are you cold?”
“A little. Not really.” Mostly he just wanted to make sure last night wasn’t a figment of his imagination. He’d been burned and hard, and while Angus didn’t think Reece would ever do that to him, Reece did have a tendency to date someone for a little while and then get tired of them. The idea of Reece getting tired of them and moving on made Angus’s belly clench.
“What’s wrong?”
“Nothing. Just being stupid.”
Reece rubbed his thumb across Angus’s wrist. “I love you,” he whispered. “I just…. I can’t believe we’re really doing this.”
“Me neither. I love you too.” It felt so different from anything he’d said before. Different than Brad, different from the thousands of times he’d said it to Reece. It made his chest ache in the best way.
“Who’s going to tell the moms?” Reece asked with a chuckle.
“Not it,” Angus muttered. “I’ll tell Cherry, but that’s about as much confessing as I want to do.”
“They’re going to be so happy.”
“I know. They’ve been waiting for this for years. Guess I was the stupid one.” Angus tried not to think about how it could disappear.
“You know, I’ve never told anyone that I loved them before,” Reece said. “Family, sure, but nobody that I was ever seeing.”
“Really?”
“Yeah.” He made a face like he was embarrassed for emoting so much. Angus didn’t give a shit. Bring on the cheese. He was loving it. “I guess I was waiting for you. Please don’t ever tell anyone I just said that.”
“I’m having it printed and framed for the living room wall,” Angus quipped.
“Somehow,” Reece said with a quiet snort, “somehow everything has changed, but some things are exactly the same.”
“Amazing how that works.” Angus closed his eyes and put his head on Reece’s shoulder.
HE DIDN’T
miss the look the flight attendant gave Reece when she passed them their third round of drinks. He didn’t miss the way she tried to slip him her number either. He was more than happy to get off the airplane at home. Even more happy, in a cringey, tentative kind of way, to see Cherry waiting for them outside of baggage claim.
“What happened with you two?” was the first thing out of her mouth when they got in the car.
“Seriously, CP?” Reece asked. “We’ve been up since like four in the morning West Coast time, and you’ve been in our presence less than thirty seconds.”
“Yep. And you’re tired to the point of delirious, and therefore much more likely to tell me the truth.” She smirked. “Plus, you know I’ll take you through the Starbucks drive-through and buy you
ventis
if you talk.”
“Bribery isn’t the way to get things out of us,” Angus told her. He wasn’t quite ready to say the words out loud yet, to have this thing be between more than just him and Reece. He looked at his sister, wild hair flying in the warm air, dark sunglasses, and a knowing smirk.
“Speak for yourself,” Reece muttered from the backseat. Angus laughed.
“So you are together, right?” she asked. “I’m getting like ten times the ‘I want to jump his bones’ vibe as usual.”
“Cherry,” Angus said. He wasn’t sure if Reece was ready to talk either. They’d barely said it to each other.
“We’re together,” Reece told her. Angus had to admit he was surprised it had come out so easily, like Reece had been waiting to say it forever. Angus saw him smile a small, private smile in the rearview mirror.
Cherry screeched and nearly swerved off the street.
“Drive. We’ll talk at Reece’s place,” Angus said.
“
Our
place now.”
Angus barely felt his belly swoop over the high-pitched squeal that came from his sister.
“You two are so cute. I’m probably going to puke.”
“Really, Cherry. Stop.”
Angus didn’t know how freaked-out Reece would get. Sure, he’d said he always wanted what they were on the way to having, but it wasn’t going to be the same having it with the entire family standing over their shoulders watching, mediating if they had a disagreement, calling every day to check on their relationship status. Angus was going to have to have a serious talk with the families about freaking Reece out, and freaking him out, for that matter. But it was worth it. It already felt so good. It had to be the right choice.
“It’s okay,” Reece said from the backseat. He reached up and cupped his hands around Angus’s tight shoulders and squeezed. “They’ll get bored with us soon enough.”
“Have you met our mother? Or yours?” Cherry asked.
“Good point.”
ANGUS WAS
puttering through the grocery store looking for stuff to make dinner for him and Reece a few days later when the thing he figured would happen eventually… happened. He ran right smack into Brad, hard enough that he nearly dropped his basket. He should’ve known. Things had been so fucking amazing, even back in their usual surroundings with the usual people. He and Reece were, like, this heady combination of new and comfortable and perfect, and, hell, if Angus wasn’t the prime candidate for something sucky to come along.
Well, it did. Brad.
Brad looked shocked and then relieved. He also looked a little gaunt, unshaven, wrinkled, and just about the opposite of everything Brad ever was. Angus would’ve died for the opportunity to see him for weeks and weeks after they broke up, but now he wanted to run the other way. He supposed it was closure, one more thing to come full circle, but maybe this circle didn’t need to be closed. He tried to turn and walk the other way, but Brad’s hoarse voice choked out—
“Angus?”
“Hi,” Angus said. He didn’t actually want to talk. At all. He hadn’t realized how much he’d changed until that moment. It wasn’t just healing from his heartbreak; it was deeper than that. It was looking at Brad and realizing just how much he wanted nothing to do with him ever again. He didn’t like the person he was when they were together. He couldn’t believe he’d let himself be that person for so long.
“You look really good,” Brad breathed. He reached out as if he was about to touch Angus but then looked like he thought better of it. “How have you been?”
Angus thought about all the things he could tell him, about drinking away his humiliation, losing his job, his apartment, everything he’d thought was important in his life. But he didn’t. Because that part of his life was over. “I’m really, really good. How are you?”
“Not so good.”
Fantastic. Just the conversation Angus wanted to have in the middle of the grocery store. He’d kind of hoped he and Brad would avoid the whole talking thing altogether. Especially since he had jack shit to say to him.
“Oh. Um….” Like Angus knew what to say to that. “I’m sorry.”
“Eric and I broke up.” Another statement Angus would’ve thought he’d love to death. Instead he just felt uncomfortable. “I wanted to tell you about it, but you weren’t answering your phone.”
Angus remembered chucking his phone off the ridge that night, watching it soar out into the dark. “Oh yeah. I dropped it and it broke. I needed to get a new plan anyway.”
“Oh. Well, can I have your new number?”
Angus had a horrible feeling about where this was going. It was a place of his ex-fantasies and literally the last thing he wanted. So he lied. “I haven’t taken care of that yet, so I don’t have a new number to give you.” He tried to sound casual. Noncommittal. He wished like hell Reece was with him.
Brad smiled that smile, that indulgent, bullshit smile Angus used to love, the one that said he was used to Angus’s little quirks and he didn’t mind having to deal with them from time to time.
“Hey, listen, Brad, I’ve got to go—”
“I made a huge mistake, babe,” Brad said at the same time. “I think we should get back together.”
Angus had somehow known it was coming, but he wanted to gag anyway. “You think
what
?”
“That we should get back together. I didn’t know how amazing we were together until I lost you. I went by the apartment the other day to talk to you about it, but you weren’t there.”
Angus’s stomach twisted. He really didn’t like it. Not at all. He was going to have to flat-out turn him down. There was no easy way out. “I don’t actually live there anymore. I moved.”
“Why?” Brad crinkled up his forehead and rubbed his nose, classic Brad signs of distress. Angus used to know them well. They foretold a fight over some bullshit. He found himself totally and completely not caring. And it felt amazing.
“I….” Angus thought he’d have relished this moment, but he felt a little bad. Strange. “I moved in with Reece.”
“Oh, in his guest room?” Brad asked. He seemed relieved somehow, like Angus living with Reece was no big deal and he could find a way to work that to his advantage.
Well, fuck that.
“No. Not in his guest room. I’m living with Reece.”
Angus saw the moment Brad got it.
“You’re
with
Reece.”
Angus laughed, high, airy, and a bit hysterical. Sounded about right for how he felt. “Turns out he wasn’t so straight, after all.”
“You’re
fucking
Reece.”
And that’s when Angus decided he was done being nice. “No. Hell no. You don’t get to be like that after what you did to me. You
broke
me. You broke me in half, and I never thought I was going to recover. It took falling in love for real, or maybe just figuring out who I’d loved all along, to realize that what you and I had wasn’t love. It was never love. It
sucked
.”
Brad sneered, bitter and ugly. “He’s just a straight boy who will fuck you and then break your heart.”
Angus backed away from Brad. “At least you got me all primed on that experience. If it happens again, this time I’ll know exactly how to deal with it.”
Brad winced. “You don’t mean that.”
“I suppose you’re right. I don’t mean it. Reece would never do anything like that to me. And I suppose I should thank you. After all, if you’d never left me, I wouldn’t have figured out who I was meant to be with.”
Angus didn’t wait for Brad to answer. He turned on his heel and walked away.
REECE WAS
chopping the tomatoes for his salad when Angus walked in from the store, empty-handed. Reece started to chuckle, but then he took one long look at Angus and stopped. He dropped his knife on the cutting board and rushed over to wrap his arms around Angus.
“Ang, what happened?”
“I saw Brad,” Angus said. His voice sounded funny. Reece didn’t know how to place the emotion. He thought he knew everything about Angus, his best friend, his lover. He thought he knew every flicker of emotion, every noise, every laugh, every cry… but he didn’t know this face. It was stoic. Inscrutable.
“What did that bastard do to you?”
“He told me he made a huge mistake,” Angus said flatly.
“What does that mean?”
Angus shrugged. “That he wants to get back together with me. What else could it possibly mean?”
Reece’s gut sank hard. Angus loved him. He’d said he loved him, right? There wasn’t a chance he’d take Brad up on his offer. Right?
“What happened to Eric?” Reece asked. He figured he might as well have all the facts if he was going to get his heart broken into a million little painful pieces.
“They broke up. I didn’t really ask for details.” Angus shrugged again. It didn’t look like he was denying Brad. He hadn’t said a single thing about turning him down. Reece had spent so many years watching Angus keep trying with Brad no matter how horrible he was. He couldn’t stand to watch it again.