Authors: Jessica Wilde
Andrew was still as a statue and
both of his hands were clenched into fists. I didn't let him say anything,
though. I had to get it all out and put it behind us. Once he knew, we could
move on and forget it ever happened. There were more important things to worry
about.
"I can't really be that mad
at him. He gave me Olivia. In a way, I'm grateful for him. I can't blame him
for what he did either, I'm just glad that I don't have to deal with him
anymore and Olivia wouldn't be as happy as she is if it were any different. He
didn't want anything to do with the baby and immediately signed over all of his
rights. The divorce didn't take long and I didn't ask for much and he didn't
care as long as his hands were washed clean of me." My voice started to shake,
but I got it under control.
I wasn't sad about David ending
our relationship. I was sad because Olivia didn't have a father at all. I
thought it would be okay for her to grow up without one, but talking about all
of this again made me question my previous beliefs.
"How can you say you can't
blame him for what he did? He left you because he didn't want the child that he
helped create. That is the most selfish thing I have ever heard."
I shook my head and spoke without
really thinking, "No, he left me because he didn't want to be left with
the responsibility of a child after--"
I realized what I was starting to
say and stopped immediately. I stood and walked to the other side of the kitchen
and grasped the counter for support, unable to face him. I didn't want to get
into
this part
. I wanted to keep doing what we were doing and not think
about that.
Andrew spoke slowly and his voice
was low and calm, "After what?"
I took deep breaths and tried to
push through the shock of what I had just done. I wasn't prepared for this,
yet. He wasn't prepared for this either.
Andrew had already moved to stand
behind me and was so close, his warmth radiated over my back and up my neck. I
felt his breath in my hair before his hands rested on my shoulders and turned
me to face him. "After what?"
"I don't know," I
breathed.
"After what, Joss?" His
hand cupped my face and I instinctively leaned into his touch and closed my
eyes. He sighed loudly and his thumb traced circles across my cheek. "If
you don't want to tell me, I understand."
My eyes flicked open in surprise.
He was giving me an out and I sagged with relief.
"But I want you to know that
you can trust me."
I blinked a few times and thought
about how much I
did
trust him already. If I didn't, I wouldn't let
Olivia anywhere near him. I wouldn't think about him when I went to bed and
when I woke up. If I didn't trust him, I wouldn't be falling in love with him.
It was ridiculous really, to be
falling in love with a man after knowing him for such a short amount of time.
But I needed time.
More time.
It felt like that was what I was always asking for these days. I felt foolish
after that whole speech I had given him weeks before about not expecting anything
but friendship from me. He had done everything I asked for and never pushed for
more and here I was wishing that he would just kiss me and force me to the next
step.
No, Joss. Not when everything can
still come crashing down.
"I do trust you, Andrew. I
just… It's nothing. It won't change anything anyway."
He nodded in acceptance,
"Okay. But whenever you decide…"
"I will."
His hand hadn't moved, but his
thumb was still gently caressing my cheek and I couldn't really focus on
anything else.
"I want to kick his
ass."
"What?" I had been
enjoying his touch so much that I forgot what we were even discussing.
"David. I want to kick his
ass, for doing what he did. For being such an idiot." He pulled his hand
away and took a step back, "But I want to hug him at the same time because
you are right, without him Olivia wouldn't be here."
I smiled at the thought of her. I
missed her. I was rarely without her and it physically hurt to be for too long.
"Will you tell me about your
pregnancy? About the day she was born? I can't imagine that Ben and Linda let
you do that alone."
"No," I chuckled.
"No they didn't."
Andrew
I almost kissed her. I almost
took her into my arms and showed her how much she meant to me. But I didn't. I
couldn't. She wasn't ready for that and I would rather go without it for a
little longer than lose her completely.
The moment I kissed her hand, my
whole life became clearer. The shocked look on her face mirrored the shock I
was feeling. The current that had run through me was overpowering.
I had to sit back down when she
told me about her pregnancy with Olivia and how incredible it was the day she
was born. She was so beautiful and even more so when she talked about that
little girl. Her eyes lit up and her smile got bigger and the air around her
glowed. She was perfect.
And I was falling in love with
her.
Olivia already had my heart. She
was everything to me. Her smile and laughter sparked a light in my soul and
every time she ran to me, I dropped to my knees from the overwhelming feelings
that came over me. She would talk to me so animatedly and even though I
couldn't understand a word she said most of the time, I knew those words were
just for me.
When Maddy walked in with Olivia
asleep in her arms, I immediately went to her and made her hand her over.
Jocelyn was right behind me and we whisper-argued for a second about who got to
put her to bed. We decided that both of us could do it together and started up
the stairs. Maddy just rolled her eyes and said goodbye.
Jocelyn changed a little after
that night, she didn't flinch anymore at the occasional time I put my arm
around her shoulder and she hugged me a little tighter whenever we said
goodbye. We were moving forward slowly, but it was forward.
I know I didn't deserve either
one of them, but damn it, I was going to do everything in my power to get
close. I had dated a lot of women and my job forced me to be around a lot more
women than I really could tolerate, but it gave me a chance to see what was out
there and none of them, not one, even came close to Jocelyn. She was the best
of everything, beautiful, smart, funny, dedicated. After spending so much time
with her, I stopped even noticing that I was around women at the clubs and
shows. Sure, a lot of them approached me, but it wasn't even a factor anymore.
I wanted Jocelyn.
I had never wanted anyone in my
life so much.
That's why I called Maddy when I
left Jocelyn's. I had to know if she was still determined to just be 'friends'.
I wouldn't mind too much, but it was torture every day to not hold her and kiss
her and I had already been caught staring at her mouth several times.
"Seriously, Drew? It's 11
o'clock."
I could hear the smile in her
voice, so I knew she had been expecting my call. She was the one to encourage a
night alone with Jocelyn to see if anything more could happen. Hence, the
reason I had gotten off of work.
"I need your help,
Maddy."
"As usual," she
chuckled.
"Will you take Jocelyn to
lunch tomorrow and maybe do a little recon work for me?"
"Serious? Drew, I'm not
really good at being subtle. Didn't you guys talk tonight?"
I heard Jocelyn moving around in
her room when I climbed into bed and smiled. She was always only a few feet
away and I would give anything to knock that stupid wall over.
"Yeah, we did, but I don't
know what she wants exactly. We are going to spend the 4th of July together and
I think there may be a chance that we could… I don't know. I'm just too much of
a coward to ask her."
"Yeah, I figured that."
I could just see her tapping her chin trying to come up with a plan. "I'll
take her to lunch tomorrow, but I can't guarantee she won't find out that you
put me up to it. She is too smart anyway."
My stomach twisted at the thought
of her reaction. Would she be upset? Would things get awkward? No. I wouldn't
let that happen. I would have to just convince her that we were good for each
other and that being together wouldn't hurt Olivia. Unless of course I screwed
up somehow, which was a very likely possibility.
"Crap! Maybe I shouldn't
have you do this. What if she gets mad or something and I lose her
completely?"
"Andrew!" She sounded
pretty exasperated so I knew I was about to get a lecture. "Do you see the
way she looks at you? Do you think that a woman who wanted nothing more than
friendship would allow you to be so involved in her life and her child's life?
She is probably just scared for Olivia. I mean, something serious must have
happened with that little girl's father."
"Yeah, the asshole left her
as soon as he found out she was pregnant."
"What? You've got to be
kidding me! No wonder she is always changing the subject when I talk to her
about dating."
" Yeah, I wish I could find
that bastard and-- wait, what? You talk to her about dating? Who? Why would you
do that?"
My own sister was trying to
encourage my girl to go out with other men? No, not men. Boys. No one deserved
her attention. Especially the losers around town. Well, some of them were
losers. There were actually some pretty good guys, but not good enough for Jocelyn
and definitely not good enough for Olivia.
Did I just say 'my girl'? My
friend. For now. Right.
"Calm down, doofus. I was
just trying to find out if she was going to date ever again. I mentioned a
couple of guys that had noticed her and she immediately turned down any kind of
introduction."
"What guys? Who the hell
is--"
"My God, Drew. Does it
really matter? She isn't interested. Plus, that was a while ago. You guys have
gotten closer since then so I'm sure every guy in town now knows to stay away from
her. Wait! Oh my God! You are in love with her aren't you?"
Crap. No way I could talk to her
about that. She would tease me even more than she already does.
Just see what you can find out,
okay? Thanks, sis. Love you. Goodnight."
"Andrew, wait! Are you--"
I pressed END and held my breath.
She was going to be pissed. I thought about turning off my phone, but when she
didn't call back after a minute I figured she was busy planning how to throw me
under the bus tomorrow. I felt nauseous. Then calm, then anxious. Then angry.
No way was I going to let any other guys take her out. I had to make a move and
fast. Or just lock her in her house and never let her out.
Yeah, that sounded good to me.
Jocelyn
"So, when are you and Tyler
going to have kids?" I asked Madison as she dug into her bacon
cheeseburger.
The day after I told Andrew about
David, Madison had called and invited me to lunch. Andrew insisted that I go
and have some girl time while he watched Olivia for me. I hesitated at first
because he had never really been alone with her and I wasn't sure what I would
do if something happened while I was gone.
After reassuring me that he would
text me every half hour and that they would only watch movies and eat
popsicles, I agreed to meet her. And I have to admit, it was nice to be able to
eat my entire meal in one sitting. Plus, Andrew seemed anxious to make me go
and I didn't want him to have a heart attack.
"Not sure. We have talked
about trying, but haven't really decided yet. He is kind of nervous and I guess
I am too," she replied.
I nodded in understanding,
"I can imagine. It hasn't been that long since you guys got married
anyway. You still have some time."
"That's the thing. I know we
still have a lot to learn about each other and all, but I worry that if we wait
too long, we will miss our chance." She ate a few fries and looked around
the small restaurant.
How true that is.
She glanced up at me and smiled,
"So, Andrew tells me that you guys are spending the holiday together. Mind
if we tag along?"
"Of course I don't mind.
That would be great!" I replied excitedly. I really enjoyed watching
Andrew and Madison bicker back and forth. It was quite entertaining.
"Would Catherine and Ethan come, too?"
She waved her hand as if
dismissing the question, "Oh yeah, they'll come regardless of whether they
want to or not. The kids love everything about that day."
"Great."
"So," she paused and
nibbled on her bottom lip, obviously a little nervous. "How is Olivia
doing, with Andrew I mean. Is she getting attached?"
I gulped down my water and picked
at my chicken.
Yes. We both are,
I wanted to say.
"Yeah, I think she is. It
makes me a little nervous, but he is great, so how could she not? He has been a
really good friend."