Out Bad (14 page)

 “I didn’t get the option to have the things you have,
so I had to settle for what I got.  If you think for a second I’m happier
with all that shit than you are with what you’ve been lucky enough to have,
then you would be very wrong.”  Gwen felt hot tears begin to trickle down
her cheeks and for the first time ever in her life, she didn’t care who saw
them, refusing to wipe them away even as the waitress arrived with their
lunches.

The woman deposited a massive burger next to a heaping pile
of fries in front of her, then set down a matching plate for Gabbi.  

“You all right honey?”  From the tone of her voice, she
might as well have been asking if she needed a refill. 

“Just a little emotional today.” 

The woman stood and gave Gwen the once over. 
“Hopefully it's
nothin
’ a big
ol
’
pile of grease can’t fix.”  She smiled warmly before patting her
shoulder.  “Let me know if you need anything.”

Gwen took a deep breath as the woman walked away, suddenly
feeling much better.  She knew the waitress meant anything related to her
food, but it was amazing how that little bit of kind concern helped the sadness
seem less… overwhelming. 

A little calmer and relieved at finally telling her sister
how she felt, Gwen turned her attention to her lunch.  Miraculously, her
little outburst hadn’t put a damper on her appetite.  She popped a fry in
her mouth as she squeezed ketchup onto her burger and into a pool onto her
plate.  She had a mouthful of burger before realizing Gabbi wasn’t
touching hers.

She tongued her sizeable bite into her cheek.  “It’s
really good Gabs.”

While she was feeling remarkably better after her admission,
her sister did not seem to be having the same reaction.  Gabbi’s chin
began to quiver.  “Gwen…  I never knew what to say to you when he
died.  You just…  You left and all I could do was hope you
were…  okay.”

“I tried to be okay."  She shrugged. 
"It seemed like everyone just went on with their life so I tried to do the
same.  Only I couldn’t just go on.  The life I had, the life I
wanted, it ended and I didn't know how to deal with that.”

Gwen swirled a fry in ketchup as she thought about what
she’d chosen to do instead.  “I had to begin a new one, but I had very
different and fewer pieces to work with.”

Gabbi simply sat and stared at her food as Gwen spoke. 
Their upbringing had left them both ill prepared for emotional
situations.  They were taught it was easier to ignore the issue and move
on.  Eventually it will go away. 

Gwen leaned against the table.  “Look.  I don’t
know what is going on with me and Joe.  All I know is what I’ve been
doing, the way I’ve been living my life, it isn’t making me happy and something
has to change.”

Gabbi rubbed her hands over her face.  “Can you just
figure yourself out first?  Joe doesn’t deserve to be drug along while you
try to get it together.”

The old wound from years ago started to sting, but this time
Gwen wasn't going to pretend and she wasn't going to hope it would go
away.  “Gab, I love you more than anything, but you are dangerously close
to being a bad sister.” 

“Joe is a grown man.  You are not his goddamned
keeper.” 

For the first time in years she may have found someone and
instead of being happy for her, Gabbi was acting like she was some evil
temptress using a delicate man for her own benefit before casting him
aside.  “And quit acting like I’m some kind of selfish bitch out to break
this man’s heart.”

“That’s not what I said.  He's ready to get married and
have a family.  He deserves that.  If you aren’t ready for that level
of commitment, and it doesn’t seem to me like you are, just let him be. 
If he’s still around when and if you get to that point, then fine.”

Gwen sighed and relaxed back into her chair.  She
really wanted to be mad at her sister for being more concerned about Joe’s
happiness than hers.  Instead, it made her love her sister a little
more.  It also had the opposite effect of what Gabbi was probably hoping
for. 

Gabbi knew him well.  She also knew a lot more about
his past than she did and she clearly really, really liked him as a
person.  That meant he was worth liking.  Probably even worth more
than liking.

“I don’t think I can stay away from him.  Even if I
wanted to.”

Gabbi leaned her head back to look at the ceiling. 
“Damn.” 

After more than a few seconds, she sat back straight and started
finally picking at her lunch.  “I knew when I saw you two at the
bar.” 

She pointed a fry at Gwen.  “If something happens, he
is going to stay our friend.  Just keep that in mind.”

"I didn't do anything."

"You know damn well they don't care."  Heath
rubbed his face.  "What you did or didn't do is irrelevant at this
point."

"What in the hell am I supposed to do then?" 
Joe paced across the kitchen trying not to think of everything this
meant.  "What about you?"

"Nothing's been said.  I think they were too
focused on you."  Heath yanked a stool out from under the island and
flopped down.  "We've got to figure out what's going on."

"I can call some guys, see what they've
heard."  Joe pulled out the stool beside Heath and sat.

"No.  Don't talk to anybody.  It just doesn't
make sense after all this time."  He shook his head and furrowed his
brow.  "Why now?"

Joe scratched at his blackened thumbnail.  The same one
Gwen handled so gently.  "If they can't set me up, there's not much
left they can do to me."

Both men sat silently.  “The Sixes only have one way to
get at me.  Have they put out an order?"

He held his breath, not sure he was ready for the
answer.  He'd worked so hard and it was all finally paying off.  His
business.  His house.  Gwen.  What if he only had two
options?  Leave it all behind or--

"What in the hell are you two talking about?"

Gabbi stood in the doorway, a shopping bag looped over one
arm.

Heath jumped up and started toward Gabbi.  He made it
two steps.

"No."  She pointed at him as she walked
further into the kitchen, her face hard.  "You need to tell us what's
going on."

Us.

Joe jumped up almost as fast as his friend, but he didn't
freeze under Gabbi's icy glare.  He had more important things to worry
about than whether or not Gabbi was pissed. 

Gwen stood staring at him from the living room
doorway.  "What's happening?"  Her eyes were wide, her fair
skin a pale he'd never seen before.  She looked absolutely terrified which
meant two things.  She'd heard everything and she'd put more of the pieces
of his past together than he realized.

"Everything's going to be fine.  There's just been
a misunderstanding."  He cupped his hands over her arms, stroking her
bare skin gently with his thumbs as he eased her back into the living room. 
The kitchen was getting louder and louder and he didn't want Gwen to get any
more upset.

"Who are the Sixes and what's an order?" 
Gwen's voice was quiet.

He held his breath.  He couldn't lie to her, but the
truth...

"Are they going to try to hurt you?"  Her
body went stiff. 

"No." He took a deep breath. 
"Maybe."

Gwen looked down, her eyelashes fluttering as she blinked
repeatedly.  When she looked back up at him her eyes were rimmed in
tears.  "I have to go."  She pulled out of his hands and
turned, quickly disappearing out the front door.

The sound of Gabbi yelling behind him registered as he
watched Gwen's car pull away.

"Where is Gwen?"  Gabbi grabbed his
arm.  "Where's Gwen?"

"She left."  He stared out the front window
at the empty road.

"Nobody fucking ever listens to me."  Gabbi
threw up her hands.  "How much have you told her?"   

Joe turned.  "She found out herself." 

“You didn’t even tell her?”  Gabbi looked at
Heath.  He looked away.  “You two better start talking.”  She
turned to Joe and stuck her finger in his face.  “And you are going
first.”

“Gabs, I was going to tell her everything, but she already
knew.”  He glanced at Heath as his friend backpedaled out of the living
room into the kitchen.  Coward.

“She knows everything?”  Gabbi’s voice was tight.

“I don’t know.  She knows I was in-”,  He cleared
his throat.

“Prison?”  Gabbi’s hands were on her hips and she was
staring him down with an evil eye like he’d never seen before.

“Yeah.”

Gabbi shook her head and let out a long exasperated breath
as she flopped down on the couch, catching her head in her hands.  “I
don’t know what to do.”

Joe sat down beside her and put his hand on her back. 
“It’s going to be okay.  I’ll go talk to her.  I’ll explain
everything.”

Gabbi sat up.  Her eyes were rimmed with tears and her
forehead was creased with worry.  “You don’t understand.”

“It will all be okay.  I promise.”

Gabbi took a shaky breath.  “What about you?”

“Heath is on top of it.  This will all get cleared
up.  It’s just a little misunderstanding and somehow my name was brought
into the middle of it.” 

He hoped he sounded more certain than he felt.  He
hated not telling Gabbi the truth, but there was no way around it.  The
truth wouldn’t make anything better right now.  Hell, he didn’t even
actually know what the truth was himself.

Hopefully he was right about at least one thing.  That
Heath could get this all straightened out.  Quickly. 

All Joe wanted was move forward with his life, every step
taking him further away from these people, and if one of them tried to pull him
back, just as everything he’d ever wanted was within his grasp, chances were
real good it might not end well.  For either of them.

****

Gwen’s fingertips paused, hovering over the keyboard of her
laptop, the gentle clicking of the keys temporarily interrupted.

“Damn.”  She took a swig from the coffee cup sitting on
the end table beside her elbow, holding the cold liquid in her mouth as she
tried to decide whether it was going down, or back into the mug.

“
Gwennie
?”  Her sister’s
voice was soft as she called in through the mudroom door.  “
Gwennie
are you home?”

Gwen swallowed the cold coffee and set the cup back on the
table.  “I’m here Gabs.”  She closed the lid on her laptop and slid
it onto the couch beside her, stretching her legs onto the coffee table.

Her sister came clamoring in and flopped onto the couch
beside her, sitting on her computer and throwing her arms around Gwen in an
uncharacteristic show of affection.  “I’m so glad to see you.  I was
worried something happened.”

“Nothing happened.  I just haven’t felt very well so I
took a couple days off.”  Gabbi’s stranglehold on her didn’t loosen up as
she fished Gwen’s laptop out from under her butt with one hand. 

“You were still working, stop lying.”  She finally loosened
her grip and leaned back, inspecting.  “You don’t look sick.  Crappy,
but not sick.”

 “That was harsh.”  Gwen couldn’t stop herself
from reaching up to smooth the hair leading from her hairline to the rubber
band holding up her messy bun.

Gabbi cocked an eyebrow.  “You deserve it.  Do you
know how many times I’ve called you?”  She crossed her arms.  “Not
calling me back after running out of the house Saturday was a jerk move
Gwen.  I’ve been worried about you.”

“As you can see I am fine.  Just taking a couple of
days to regroup.”  Gwen gave Gabbi her best smile hoping it would be
enough to avoid any more involved of a conversation.

“Have you talked to Joe?”

Apparently it wasn’t.

“I haven’t.”  Gwen picked up her cold cup of coffee and
contemplated taking another drink.  Maybe she could go Irish it up first.

“Hasn’t he called you?”  The tone in Gabbi’s voice
forced Gwen to tell the truth.  She didn’t want Joe to have to suffer
through her sister’s wrath.  Especially if it was unwarranted.

“He has, but…”  Gwen put her cup on the coffee table
deciding without a little bit of spiritual infusion, it wasn’t worth it. 
“I think you were right Gabs.  He and I are just at different places.”

“You and I both know that’s not why you haven’t called him
back.”  Gabbi sighed and rubbed her temples.  “I need some
coffee.”  She grabbed Gwen’s mug off the table and headed into the
kitchen. 

“I’m going to make us each some spiked coffee,” Gabbi
grabbed the bottle of Irish cream out of the cabinet and set it down beside the
coffee maker, “and then we are going to talk about some shit.  Like I’ve
heard normal people do.” 

She splashed more than a little liquor into Gwen’s mug after
dumping out the old coffee and giving the cup a quick rinse.  “And for
future reference, if you’re going to try to fib you probably shouldn’t start
out by telling me I was right, since we both know that will always be a lie.”

Gabbi stopped, squinting up the front hall.  "You
expecting someone?"

Gwen’s heart started to pound in her chest. 
"No." 

Gabbi looked at Gwen, then back at the door.  “
Gwennie
, I hate to tell you this, but I think a certain man
we both know doesn’t want to be ignored.” 

Gwen stared at Gabbi from the couch, an odd feeling growing
in the pit of her stomach, keeping the rising panic company.

“I have to let him in.”  Gabbi looked torn.  “Do
you want me to stay?”

Gwen took a deep breath and shook her head.  “I’ll be
fine.”

The worry didn’t leave Gabbi’s face making it clear she
didn’t believe her.  And why should she?  Gwen had been more of a run
away from her problems kind of girl up to this point.

Gwen closed her eyes and focused on breathing as she
listened to Gabbi’s footsteps up the front hall to the door.

“Hey Joe.”

“
Gwennie
, I’ll call you.” 
Gabbi’s voice echoed through the silent house.  Even then it was hard to
hear over the blood rushing through her ears.

The front door quietly clicked shut.  She waited for
the sound of heavy boots across the floor. 

Slow steps started, coming closer, her stomach flipping with
each one.  She wanted to hide.  A part of her wanted to go
back.  For everything to go back the way it was before that night in the
bar.  Before she knew Joe Parker existed. 

She closed her eyes as his steps came closer, fighting back
the tears that started when she considered never knowing Joe.  How was she
going to tell him goodbye?

The steps stopped.  She knew he was in front of
her.  She could feel his eyes on her, watching her silently, waiting until
she was ready.  She took a deep breath and slowly opened her eyes.

“What’s wrong Gwen?”  His voice was so deep, so
soft.  Like he was talking to a child being careful not to upset
them. 

“Nothing.”  Her voice was barely a whisper as she tried
to remain in control, keep it together. 

All she had to do was tell him she was sorry, but this
wasn’t going to work.  Then everything would go back the way it was and
she would be fine.

Except for the part where she would never see Joe again.

“This doesn’t look like nothing to me.” 

His eyes were dark, almost black, as they stayed fixed on
hers.  His hair was down, loose and wavy around his shoulders.  A
fitted gray t-shirt cut just above his biceps showed off his toned arms and the
large number of tattoos covering one, reminding her why she could never be with
him. 

“What’s wrong Gwen?”  His voice was firmer this time.

She cleared her throat and swallowed hard trying to work up
a convincing sounding argument.  “Like I just told Gabbi.  Everything
is fine.”

“Okay.  Let’s try a different question.”  He
crossed his arms over his broad chest. 

She closed her eyes, needing to shut him out even if it was
just for a second, to clear her mind. 

“Why haven’t you returned my calls?” 

“You were right.  You and I want different
things.”  Yes.  Different things.

“Are you sure about that?”

“Yes.”

“What is it you think I want?” 

“A relationship.” 

“That’s right.  What do you want Gwen?”

Her throat began to ache as she held back the same tears
she’d held back time and time again.  “I don’t know.”

“I don’t think that’s true.”

A defiant tear rolled down her cheek.  “I can’t do
this.”

She was not the kind of woman who fell to pieces and cried
all over the place.  She squeezed her eyes shut trying to force the
collecting tears back into her ducts and to wherever they came from.

“I think you know what you want, but you don’t want to admit
it.”  He uncrossed his arms and rested his hands on his hips.  “And I
think that's because you’re scared.”

Finally a feeling other than sadness made its way through
her and she jumped on it hoping it could carry her through the rest of this
conversation. 

Standing up from the couch, she pointed her finger into the
middle of his chest.  “And it’s your fault!”

A smile spread across his face, only infuriating her
more. 

“This isn’t funny.”  She used her finger to poke him in
the chest.

The sound of his laughter made her want to punch him right
in his handsome face.  He wiped a tear from his eye.  Yeah.  She
needed to punch him.  Just as she curled back her right fist, he grabbed
her and pulled her hard against his chest, leaning his face close to
hers.  “You’re something special, you know that?”