Out Bad (9 page)

Well that didn't help.

Gwen rubbed at the hot pink blush covering her cheeks,
checking her progress in her rear view mirror as she waited for the light to
change.  Normally spending a couple hours with her nieces was all it took
to dramatically improve her outlook on life.

Not today.

It wasn't the girls' fault.  They were as sweet and
funny as always.  It was her.

She was just...

God, she was so many things, but right now the only one that
came to mind was fucked up.  She was just royally fucked up and there
didn't seem to be anyway to rectify it.

She'd tried what she thought would be a sure fire way to get
Joe out of her mind.  Granted in hind-sight it was a terrible idea, but
that was just another example of how very fucked up she was. 

On top of everything, her terrible idea hadn't even
worked.  Not at all. 

Instead of successfully ending this problem she was having
by sleeping with Joe, she'd ended up only respecting him more.  Liking him
more.

All she could think of as Caroline and Cassondra ran around
her, giggling and bouncing, was their father's best friend.  The girls
played and sang songs and she wondered where he was.  They covered her in
cheap make-up and she worried about what he thought of her after the way she
acted.  She sat at a tea party imagining what might have happened if he'd
taken her up on her offer.

That was when she knew things were not getting better, but
worse.  Much, much worse, taking her already foul mood along for the
ride.  She finally gave up and made some excuse to leave.  If Gabbi
thought something was wrong, she didn't ask.  It was probably a good thing
since Gwen herself was struggling to come to terms with exactly what her
problem was.

Aside from Joe.

But right now, she didn't want to think about Joe or the
ninety-nine other issues she had going on.  Right now, she wanted to feel
better and there was only one other option.

Retail therapy.

Gwen pulled into the covered garage at the outdoor mall and
slung her purse over her shoulder.  At least it was a pretty day.

She wandered slowly from store to store, looking through
racks of clothes and displays of handbags.  She tried on five pairs of
pumps and six pairs of jeans.

Nothing was worth buying.

Finally she bought a back-up eye cream and some sort of
bronzing powder that would hopefully make her look a little less pale.

Maybe she could just spend some more time outside
instead.  She hadn't been outside the office or her house much at all
recently.  Maybe that's why the warm breeze and the sun on her face felt
so good right now. 

She took a deep breath.  Maybe this would all blow
over.  Maybe it would just take a little time and everything would be fine
again.

The smell of sesame oil and garlic blew past her.  Her
stomach growled.  She'd wandered into the line of restaurants at the back
of the sprawling complex.  A large Buddha smiled at her from just outside
the entrance of China Garden.

She passed through the doors, the cool air-conditioned air
chilling her skin, immediately giving her goose bumps.  A young girl stood
at the hostess station looking over the seating chart.

"How long is your wait?"

The girl jumped and quickly looked up.  "I'm so
sorry ma'am.  I didn't see you come in."

Ma'am.  Ouch.

"That's no problem.  Do you have a wait?"

The girl scanned the chart in front of her.  "For
a table we do, but you can sit at the bar and order food right now if that's
okay."

"That's fine."  Gwen headed to the bar
area.  Multiple televisions were mounted high on the walls.  At least
she'd have plenty to watch while she ate.

She slid into a seat at one end of the bar.  The man
behind the bar took her order and she had a glass of wine in front of her
almost immediately.  The girl wasn't lying when she said right now.

The girl that called her ma'am.  Gwen took a drink of
her wine.  She was a ma'am.  Ready or not, she wasn't in her twenties
anymore.

She had her glass to her lips when a body filled the seat
beside her.  She rolled her eyes to the side and found a baby staring at
her.

Not an actual baby, that was just probably what his mommy
still called him.

"Hey."  He leaned in close, a smile on his
young face.  "Can I buy you a drink?"

What in the world was going on?  "Are you even old
enough to buy alcohol?"

He laughed.  "Yeah.  Of course."

"Oh.  In that case, no thank you."

The bartender set her food down in front of her, the smell
of the spicy sauced chicken making her salivate.  She grabbed her fork and
had a mouthful before realizing baby boy was still beside her.

"You're real pretty ma'am."

What the hell?  Was this some sort of conspiracy? 
Was the universe trying to make her have a total meltdown?

"I'm sorry.  Why are you here?"  She
kept her tone sharp.  She was hungry, the last few days had been a little
rough, and all she wanted was to enjoy her dinner in peace.

"I thought maybe I could get your number."

She almost rolled her eyes.  "What for?"

"You know."

She narrowed her eyes at him.  "I don't think I
do."

"I mean, you're a cougar, right?"

Gwen heard Heath's voice in her head,
'you can't just
punch a guy for hitting on you'
.  Well what about for calling you an
old woman who sleeps with younger men?

She looked the kid beside her up and down.  She sighed.

"Can I get a box?"  She just couldn't catch a
break.

"Are we getting out of here?"  Baby face
jumped up beside her.

She snorted.  "No.  I am getting out of
here."

She
slid
her food into the
Styrofoam container and dropped some cash on the bar.  "Go play with
girls your own age.  You're not ready for the big leagues little
boy."

She spun on her heel and marched out the door, not even
feeling a little satisfied by the shock on his face.

This whole evening was turning into a bust.  She was
actually in a shittier mood now than when she started off, which she didn't
think was even possible.  Now, she had been reminded she was fucked up and
old.

And she couldn't forget alone, but that was by choice.

Yes.  By choice, and the kid tonight was the perfect
example of why.  Just like the two guys from the gym.  She'd told
herself she was just waiting for the right kind of man, but if her behavior
over the past few weeks was any indication, that wasn't actually true.

Nope.  It seemed more like she'd subconsciously decided
it was better to just be alone than take that kind of risk.  It was better
to be lonely than destroyed.

Again.

****

 Joe shoved his finger against the button beside the
front door.  He waited.  He shoved it again.

The door yanked open. 

"We need to talk."

She didn’t say a word.  Actually, she didn’t even look
at him, just stepped to the side so he could come in, then shut the door and
headed to the back of the house.

Her long dark blond hair was tied up in a knot on the top of
her head.  A button-up shirt she had rolled up to her elbows was tucked
loosely into a pair of dirty jean shorts.  Her ratty sneakers squeaked as
she walked across the gleaming wood floor.

He looked closer.

Droplets of water clung to her ankles and calves.  Her
shoes left
splattery
prints and squished as she
stepped.

"Why are you soaked?"

She stopped abruptly and spun around so quickly he almost
plowed into her.  "I was watering my garden and-". He could
swear he saw her chin make the tiniest, barely perceptible quiver.

Gwen closed her eyes and took a deep breath.  "My
faucet broke."

Joe walked to the kitchen window overlooking a beautifully
landscaped back-yard.  Sheets of water were running across a large dusty
red paver patio and pooling around the edges.

"Shit Gwen!  It's still going." 

Gwen threw her hands up.  "You think I didn't
notice that?"

Joe jogged for the back door, yanking it open and rushing
out.  The faucet was spraying full force and looked to have been going for
more than a few minutes if the wetlands surrounding it were any indication.

He turned to go back inside.  Gwen was still in the
kitchen, leaning on the counter, her head in her hands.

“Basement?”  There was an egress window right beside the
offending water line so it should be easy to locate and shut off the valve.

She straightened and opened a door off the kitchen. 
Thick carpet padded his steps as he followed her down the stairs and into a
beautifully finished basement.  He stood at the landing, looking around,
trying to get his bearings. 

“What I need is that way.” He pointed to the back corner not
sure how best to get where he needed to go.

“You can’t just shut it off from outside?” 

Wouldn’t he have done that while they were just standing out
there?  “Nope.  Shut off is inside.”

She shifted from one squeaky shoe to the other. 
Finally her eyes slowly moved to his, the look in her pale green eyes very
different from the other times he’d been close enough to stare into them. 

He’d always seen confidence, boldness, and strength. 
Now, her eyes were filled with sadness, and the way she was looking at him
could tear him up if he let it. 

Each time he was around Gwen there were more contradictions,
making him wonder if she was just that complex, or just that crazy.  It
was the reason he was here in the first place and he would have the answer
before he left today.

She nodded slowly and headed for the area he needed to be,
hesitating for a second at a closed door before twisting the handle and opening
it wide, letting him go in front of her.  The light from the window he'd
seen outside barely illuminated the unfinished storage room. 

Large tubs in what he imagined were organized groupings
filled a large part of the area.  He made his way between them in the
direction of the window.  A few steps in, Gwen switched on the lights.

He stopped and looked around him, familiar items catching
his eye.  He turned to look at her, wondering why in the world she would
have some of these things, but she was staring at her shoes. 

“Do what you need to do.  I’ll be upstairs.”  She
turned and was gone.

He went to the valve and shut the water down, the rushing
sound of water racing through pipes stopping.  One problem down.  He
turned to face what he was pretty sure would end up being problem number two.

Well, if he ever needed a part for his bike or a tool to do
the work, he knew where to come.  Gwen's basement was packed with items
that would be useful to only one kind of person.  A mechanic.  More
specifically, a bike mechanic.

He shut off the light, taking one last look over his
shoulder and gently closed the door and went back upstairs.  Gwen was
sitting at the kitchen table, her back to him, staring out the window.

"Why didn't you call me?  I would have come to
help you."

She didn't move.

"I'm sorry about the other night."  Her voice
was flat.

"Are you?"

She jumped out of the chair and was two feet in front of him
in a split second, her hands on her hips.  "Do you think I just go
around propositioning men?"

"Isn't that what happened?"

"No!"  She shook her head.  "I mean
yes, sort of.  But that isn't--"

He cocked his head at her. 

"You don't understand."  Her voice caught and
she quickly turned away from him.

"Then make me understand."  He tried to keep
his voice soft.

She shook her head.  "I can't."  Her
voice was barely a whisper.

Her arms were wrapped tightly at her waist, as if she was
holding herself.  He stepped behind her until there were only a few inches
between them.

"Okay."  He gripped her shoulders and gently
spun her to face him.  A single tear trailed down her cheek.

"I'm sorry."  She wiped at her face and tried
to step away.  He held her in place.

"You don't have anything to apologize to me
for."  He slowly moved his hands from her shoulders to her face,
giving her ample time to stop him.  "Let's pretend the other night
never happened."

She nodded, her eyes avoiding his.

"Gwen."

Her eyes stayed fixed to his chest.

"Gwen."

"I'm going to come back and fix your faucet later this
week and then I'm going to take you to dinner.  Then I'm probably going to
want to take you to dinner again."

She stared at him for a minute, her eyes wide and, if he was
correct, filled with fear.  Not exactly the reaction he was hoping for,
but also not completely unexpected.  Everything with Gwen seemed to be
unexpected.

Eventually, she nodded.

He held her a second longer, wishing now was the time he
would find out how her lips felt pressed against his, but it wasn't.

Unfortunately he had a bad feeling that time might not come
for a while.  He was quickly discovering as tough as Gwen appeared to be,
tried to be, she was not.  It was turning out that strong, intimidating
Gwen was actually very, very delicate.

He slowly dropped his hands, missing the feel of her soft
skin instantly.  "I'll call you, but if something else like that
happens, you call me, no matter what.  Okay?"

She again nodded silently.

He turned before he made a bad decision and pushed Gwen in a
way he knew she wasn't ready for.  He opened the front door and looked
back.  Gwen was standing exactly as he'd left her, both sadness and fear
still etched in her face.

He pulled the door closed and left.  Getting over the
walls Gwen had built was going to be a long, tough road.  Luckily, he was
in good shape.