Out of Sight Out of Mind (15 page)

‘So – she took him to a corporate fundraiser. Big fucking deal.’ Vic slung the report on to the floor. ‘Christ! It’s been weeks. This is so boring. She hasn’t found her way into his head yet and he hasn’t found his way into her knickers.’

Alec retrieved the papers, studying the photographs of Jay and Madison partying. ‘Don’t be so impatient. We’re still well on track,’ he pointed out mildly. ‘You know the plan, and the projected timeline, as well as I do. They have to build a relationship. We have to give them the chance to do that. I’m sorry if you find it tedious.’ He tapped one of the pictures. ‘There was some sort of … incident … at the reception. Albi spent a while in the ladies and soon after that they left. Might have been an argument.’

‘Might have been an alien invasion. And if they’re arguing then they’re not jumping in the sack together.’

‘Could be a sign of … emotional tension.’

‘Emotional tension!’ Vic scoffed. ‘You’ve got to stop reading all that romantic novel crap – they fight because they really want to fuck? Give me strength! You know what I think? I think that your old buddy’s too bloody noble to jump her. That, or his dick’s too limp, after what happened to his wife.’

‘That’s an accepted medical theory is it? Being involved with violent death causes impotence?’

‘
Causing
violent death might.’ Vic leaned over, with a grin that left his dark eyes cold. ‘Remember – I got
you
sussed, sunshine. I know what this is about.’

‘You weren’t there.’

‘If I had been, he wouldn’t have got away with it.’

‘Maybe not,’ Alec said stiffly. ‘We’ll never know, will we?’

‘Nah.’ Vic lost interest in the tussle and began to punch buttons on his computer. The dormant video game that had been snoozing under the screensaver sprang to life. Vic began zapping aliens at lightning speed. After a dozen deaths, he flung the control down.

‘We’ve got to do something.’ It was almost a whine. ‘This is
so
boring. And Kong isn’t going to be a happy ape when he gets back from LA. Sod the timeline, he’s gonna expect
something
to have happened while he was away. He said, right back at the beginning, that we needed to give them some encouragement.’

‘I seem to remember you thought he was out of his tree.’

Vic made a rude gesture. ‘So? I’ve changed my mind – now I agree with the boss. He’s the ideas man. That’s why he is the boss, and I’m just a lowly computer jock.’

Alec snorted. ‘Modesty!’

Vic gave him the finger again. ‘You know that for this to work they’ve got to be fucking like bunnies. You’re the romance expert. What do we do?’

‘Sex isn’t necessarily required.’

Vic groaned. ‘It’s the best scenario, and it’ll be a lot more fun than sending fake waiters to take pictures of fat faces getting fatter.’ He tapped the slew of party pictures. ‘This is
crap
. C’mon, Alec, think of something. What can we do, to give them a push?’

‘Sightseeing?’ Jay looked up from the book he’d just taken from Madison’s shelf. ‘You really mean that? Like the Houses of Parliament, Tower Bridge, that sort of stuff?’

‘Why not?’ Madison had thought of this idea in the dark reaches of a semi-sleepless night. ‘We’ve been focusing on what’s going on inside your head. Maybe we should start looking at the outside. You had a life – you lived somewhere, worked somewhere. Maybe you went to the theatre, the opera. You must have had a favourite restaurant, bar, gym.’

‘You want to wander round London until I spot something I recognise?’

‘Hoping you would.’ She spread her hands. ‘Hoping we find a pattern.’

‘London is a big place. And there’s no guarantee that I even lived here.’

‘We’ll do New York next week.’ Madison let her impatience show. ‘You have a better idea?’

‘No,’ he admitted. ‘Not unless you’re prepared to start on the meds again. Thought not,’ he added, when she shook her head. ‘Okay. Let’s go see sights. Can I borrow this?’ He held up the book.

‘Of course. What is it?’

Jay showed her the cover, marking the place with his finger while he scrabbled for something to use as a bookmark. Madison handed over an old envelope.

‘If I remember rightly there are some good papers in there.’ She took the book from him. ‘A lot of these were given at a symposium I attended in Switzerland. Is this the one with,’ she moved the envelope, ‘mapping thought patterns?’

‘That’s what I was reading. It seemed to make sense.’ He was frowning. ‘Creed and Carver. They any good?’

‘The best, Creed anyway. Or at least, he used to be. There was a big scandal. I think he’s dead now.’ She looked at the clock. ‘We’ll take the Tube into town. Any suggestions on where we should start?’

‘Uh, no – your idea, you choose.’

Jay shrugged his way into his jacket. Neil’s jacket, he corrected himself, and stared in the mirror, trying to read his own eyes.

Madison was next door, getting ready to visit tourist attractions, and he was – bottling out of his plans to leave. Too much of a chickenshit coward to walk away and not look back. If he had any backbone in him at all, he should already be gone. He’d made up his mind to it. And had the best part of a night’s sleep as a result. Dreamless. Which had made him wonder – things he shouldn’t be wondering. Hopeful things.

Then, before he could haul back his wandering resolve from wherever the hell it was scrambling off to, Madison had come knocking at his door, with an offer of breakfast and her crazy plan to do the town. She’d looked at him with nothing but enthusiasm in her face, and he hadn’t had the simple guts to say no.

He couldn’t leave. Not yet. He needed another day, two days, perhaps a week. He needed to prepare himself, prepare her. That was the official story. The other one, the one he wasn’t taking out and looking at, was telling him, in a cold whisper, that he didn’t have the strength. He needed one more try at the wall, when Madison was ready. Then he would go.

He picked up his keys and walked slowly to the door, knowing what he was doing was wrong. Forget the wall. He had to haul his sorry ass out of this woman’s life. But not today. Today was too complicated.

One more day with Madison. He felt his heart kick. He could allow himself that. What kind of a threat to her could he be in crowded places, in broad daylight? After that – then he’d see. Something might happen today. He might see something he recognised. There could be a life out there somewhere, waiting for him.

Madison twirled in front the mirror, examining her reflection with a critical eye. The skirt was a gaudy mixture of silken scraps, floating mid calf over low-slung, slouchy suede boots. She’d paired it with a soft cream cotton top and a short jacket that matched the boots. She hesitated, looking back at the plain black trousers and white blouse laid out on the bed. This was a scientific exercise, not a date. She and Jay were conducting an experiment.

She hesitated. There was no reason that she shouldn’t look good while they experimented. In fact the decision she’d made last night depended on it. She’d told Jay on that first night, when she’d strong-armed him out of the car park, that she wasn’t afraid of him. Now she was going to prove it – to herself. She’d decided that at about 3 a.m.

She didn’t need to hide behind a professional uniform. She could take care of herself. She wasn’t going to let Jay become a threat. She wanted too much from him.

Jay regarded the pale, pillared front of the Opera House with a blank expression. ‘I think I can confidently say that I have
never
been here. Even though I can’t remember.’

Madison laughed. The sun was shining and the streets weren’t yet crowded. They’d had a second breakfast at a pavement café in one of the side streets on the edge of Covent Garden, drinking cappuccinos and sharing a muffin and watching the world go by. At her suggestion Jay had piloted them across the Piazza with perfect confidence, confirming that he had visited the area before. Maybe this was the way to unlock memory after all. The safe way.

She brushed the thought away as a man walked past her, blocking the sunlight for a second. Something hissed inside her head, making her turn to look after him as he continued down the street.

‘What is it?’ Jay frowned.

‘Nothing.’ She shrugged. ‘Next trick. Can you find the river from here?’

They wandered back though the old flower market. Buskers were working the crowd. A classical quartet played Mozart and a man with a unicycle juggled with clubs. On the corner a stark white figure, looking like a statue, stood motionless on a pedestal. Not even an eye blinked. The passers by jumped, then broke into applause when the white-faced, white-clad young man suddenly moved, handing a pretty girl a red rose from out of his sleeve.

Jay saw Madison looking towards a stall selling jewellery and steered her over to it.

‘Why don’t you get those?’ He indicated a delicate pair of silver earrings, ivy twined around a dark green stone.

‘Do you think they’d suit me?’ she asked, picking them up. ‘I’ve never worn anything like this.’ She held them up to her ear.

Jay looked at the way the silver strands caressed the slope of her neck and took a firm grip on his hormones.
You started this.

Shame and honesty and a bitter-edged sense of lost chances clenched at his stomach. Might as well come out and say what was in his mind. ‘I’d buy them for you, but it’s your money I’d be using.’

Madison looked from him to the earrings.

‘It really doesn’t matter—’

‘It does.’ He touched the silverwork. ‘If you like them, get them.’

The stall holder had come over, to make a sale. Jay wandered away, looking at an adjoining table that had all sizes and shapes of kites. Madison studied his back. What he’d said – it had implied that he wanted to buy her gifts. She handed over her money, receiving the tissue-wrapped parcel in exchange. She shook off the idea. Jay wanted to repay her for what she was trying to do for him, that was all.

‘Come on.’ She put all the brightness she could into her voice. ‘You still have to find the river.’

He took them down to the Embankment with no missteps. Madison clapped her hands, grinning. ‘This is working!’

‘Is it? We already know that my, what – semantic – memory is normal. Why is this different?’

‘You are
such
a wet blanket. All right.’ She put up her hands. ‘It might not be different, but we know that things are moving inside your head. Something we see might be a trigger.’ She stopped at his sceptical expression. ‘All right! I’m fishing in the dark. It’s a nice day. We’re having fun. You got something against fun? Tomorrow I promise it’s back to the drugs and the mind stuff. Today—’ She looked around. ‘How would you like to go on a boat?’

Jay tuned out the cheesy commentary from the amateur comedian in charge of the microphone at the front of the tour boat and concentrated on the sights and sounds of the river; and on Madison sitting beside him, laughing and pointing as they passed the Globe and then the National Theatre and slid on towards Westminster and the Houses of Parliament. The fragility had gone from her face and he could feel kinks in his own frame, layers of tension that he hadn’t been aware of, melting away.

It was just a simple day out. Two people enjoying each other’s company. Not quite a date. Madison was wiser than she knew. Walking the streets, and now being on the river, had stirred something for him. Given him a new sense of connection. He had lived here. Maybe not recently, but at some time. The memory was in there, frustratingly out of reach.

He felt the tension beginning in his chest, and breathed it down. It would come when it came. Force just drove it deeper.

If this had been his home once, then it could be again. He held the idea, feeling a quiver of anticipation. The sunlight and Madison beside him were making last night’s fears look like shadows. The stuff of nightmares. He’d had one bad dream. Did that really mean he had to give up on everything, in a melodramatic flourish? Warmth was spilling though him. Warmth and certainty. He and Madison could do this. He would give himself more time. It wasn’t cowardice. This was real. This was hope.

They were off the gangplank and on to the dock, caught up in the press of people alighting from the boat, when Madison felt it again.

The hissing sensation, inside her head.

Alarmed, she put out her hand to Jay, just as something hit her sharply on the back of the leg.

Then she was falling.

Towards the water.

‘Jay!’

The silent scream had his arm snaking out, around her waist, dragging her back before she skidded off the end of the dock. Off balance, he pulled hard. They ended in a tangle of limbs on the deck.

Jay lay winded, conscious of a sore spot on the back of his head, and the much pleasanter feeling of Madison lying on top of him. She was struggling to get up. The pleasure index escalated as she wriggled against his chest. People were flapping around them. Someone else had been brought down by their fall. A child was wailing in fright.

Reluctantly, Jay sat up, then swung himself to his feet, taking Madison with him. A uniformed official was shouldering his way through the crowd. Between them they ushered Madison, and the middle-aged woman who had also fallen, to a bench out of the crowd.

‘I’m all right.’ Madison’s voice was barely a whisper. ‘What about the other lady?’ Shock and guilt were coming off her in waves.

‘She’s okay. A bit shaken up.’ Jay kept his voice low, rubbing the back of his head. ‘Oh well, that’s a myth. I thought if you banged your head, your memory miraculously came back.’

‘No way.’ She reached up to probe with her fingertips in his hair. ‘Does that hurt?’

‘Only when you poke it.’ He shied away. ‘What about you? Did you stumble or something?’

‘I was hit. Behind the knee. It just gave out.’ She stretched out her leg. They both looked at the red mark that would turn to a bruise in a few hours.

‘It could have been someone with a walking stick, or a child maybe, with a toy.’

The official, having soothed the woman, came over to them with a worried expression.

‘The young lady—?’

‘Some slight damage to her leg. If you could call a taxi?’

‘Certainly sir. The company, of course, will settle the bill.’

‘This is not slight damage.’ Madison leaned heavily on Jay’s arm as she alighted from the taxi. ‘I may have broken something. I could have sued that guy. Made big money.’

‘You already make big money, drama queen! That leg is not broken.
You
know that
. I
know that.’

‘How?’ she scoffed.

‘I can see inside your head, remember?’

The flustered look she gave him had him stifling a grin.

‘You have
not
been inside my head. I would have known.’ Her eyes widened in disbelief. ‘I
would
!’

‘It’s okay. Don’t panic.’ He should not be teasing an injured woman. Except that it was fun.

‘I’m not panicking.’

She lied. He was sure of it. He could see the pulse beating in her neck. Unless that was because she was standing so close to him. Her scent, soft lemons and honey, and her nearness were playing havoc with his blood supply. His heartbeat was all over the place and everything else was going south.

‘Oh!’ Madison’s mouth formed a soft, round circle. Her eyes were dark, pupils dilated. She had to be able to see the hunger in his own eyes. Her weight was on his arm, her breath on his cheek.

‘Dr Albi!’ Scott was hurrying down the steps, smoothing back his hair. ‘Are you hurt?’

Madison leaned back, letting cool air between her and Jay. ‘Just a
slight
accident. To my leg.’ She shot Jay a barbed look.

Scott was fussing. ‘Can you manage the steps? Should I—?’

‘No problem.’

Before Madison had any idea what was happening, Jay had her up in his arms. Stunned, all she could do was wrap her arms around his neck. A rush of chagrin and confusion had her struggling briefly to be set down as they reached the door, before an intoxicating rush of pleasure blotted out everything else. Breathlessly she stopped struggling to cuddle against Jay’s chest. She could feel his heart thumping.

‘No one has
ever
picked me up like this before.’

He was striding towards the lift. ‘I don’t suppose anyone dared.’

‘Damn right. You think that makes you special, Jackson?’ She looked up, eyes narrowed.

‘Hell no! Loss of memory. No sense of danger.’

The lift doors closed slowly on the picture of Scott, gawping.

‘Um – I think you could put me down now.’

‘Start a job, finish a job. Keys?’

Realising the futility of arguing with a man on a mission, she handed them over. Jay dealt with the door and kicked it shut behind them, before putting her down, gently, on the couch.

‘Why thank you, Rhett.’

‘Don’t mention it, ma’am. How bad is it – really?’ He was bending over her leg.

‘It’s sore and getting stiff, that’s all.’ She looked up at him, smile wavering. ‘I feel so stupid. I’m not really hurt. I want to laugh, but I nearly fell in the river. You stopped me falling in the river.’

Under Jay’s astonished gaze, Dr Madison Albi burst into tears.

‘Better now?’ Jay offered Madison a fresh tissue. She nodded damply. Her eyes and her nose were red. She looked – adorable.

‘Except for feeling like six kinds of idiot.’

‘Shock does strange things to the system.’ He got up quickly. If he stayed here— ‘Hot, sweet tea.’

He bolted for the kitchen.

As the kettle heated he leaned on the counter, head in his hands. The insistent ache of the erection that was pressing hard against his zipper made him grit his teeth. He had to be able to think his way out of this. The mind controlled the body. Rationally, he was attracted to Madison because of the situation they were in. She was helping him. She was the fixed point in a sea of blackness. Like a patient falling for his nurse, or a variation on the Stockholm syndrome – captive falling for captor. What he was feeling wasn’t real. It was just hormone overload.

But if it was real—

He couldn’t even shape the thought. There wasn’t any place for him in Madison’s world. He couldn’t trust himself. He’d seen how vulnerable she was, under the poised exterior. She’d had too much pain and violence in her life already. He couldn’t risk the chance that he’d bring her more.

Behind him the kettle boiled.

‘Tea.’

Madison looked up, puzzled, as Jay put the single mug down in front of her. ‘You’re not having one?’

‘No.’ The coolness in his voice drew her brows together. ‘If you’re going to be okay, I think I’ll head next door. Got a few things to do. You want me to call Sandra to come over?’

‘No. The leg really isn’t that bad. It’s just a bruise.’

‘Right then. Er – knock on the wall if you want anything.’

He turned abruptly and walked out, leaving Madison staring as the door closed behind him.

‘What in God’s name did you think you were doing?’ Alec could feel the blood pounding behind his eyes. ‘You tried to have Albi pushed in the Thames!’

‘I arranged an
accident
,’ Vic snarled into Alec’s face. ‘Gave your buddy the chance to play the hero. And it worked. He carried her into the building. Real loved up, so I heard.’

‘Well, you heard wrong.’ Alec’s voice had descended into a hiss. ‘Read this morning’s report.’ He waved the paper under Vic’s nose. ‘Albi spent the night in her apartment, Creed in his. Separate, alone,
not together
.’

‘All right, I get the point.’ The flicker of unease behind the hostility in Vic’s face gave Alec a moment of satisfaction. ‘You were doing fuck all. It was worth a shot.’

‘Worth a shot! If Albi had gone in the river, if she’d
drowned
,’ Alec drilled his finger into Vic’s shoulder, ‘you think the boss man upstairs would have thought it was worth a shot?’

‘Get your hands off me.’ The ice in Vic’s voice brought Alec up short. He dropped his arm. ‘Thank you.’ Vic shook himself down. ‘I told my guy something simple – maybe he wasn’t careful enough. I’ll deal.’

The concession, coming from Vic, was a major event. Abruptly Alec’s anger dissolved. ‘I guess I overreacted. Hell, you scared me.’

Vic waved the explanation away. A slow grin crawled over his face. ‘It was a good idea. Admit it. Romantic. It could have worked.’

‘Yeah, all right,’ Alec agreed. ‘It could have worked. You got any more bright ideas? Ones that won’t get either of them dead?’

The sun was spilling in at the kitchen window and across the litter of coffee cups and papers on the table. Madison consulted her list.

‘Engineer?’

‘Nope.’

‘Pilot?’

‘No.’

‘Lawyer?’

‘
Please
.’ Jay made an impatient movement. ‘Tinker, tailor, scuba diver, steeple jack, female impersonator – is this getting us anywhere? Other than proving I have a deep-seated distrust of lawyers?’

‘That could be significant—’

‘Yeah, like maybe I’m an international jewel thief.’

‘You could be a spy?’

‘Why would spies dislike lawyers?’

Madison shrugged.

‘For all we know, I could be the head of MI5,’ he suggested tersely.

‘I think they would have noticed you were gone by now and started looking.’ Madison dropped her clipboard on to the table. ‘This is a serious attempt to see if any of these jobs resonate with you—’

‘Which isn’t working.’

‘There is that.’

His down-bent head and the slump in his shoulders made her hand itch to reach across the barrier of the table to touch him. She twirled a strand of hair round her finger instead. Sighing, she tried again. ‘You had a
life
,
Jay – you had a home, worked somewhere. There are people out there who know you. You have to have left a gap
somewhere
.’

‘You figure we’re going to find it out, sitting here? You know how many adults go missing every year? Just walk out the door, never seen again? Maybe I lost my job, my home, was bankrupt, in jail.’

‘Does any of that feel in any way familiar?’

‘Maybe – some of it, all of it. I just can’t
tell
.’ He gestured at the clipboard. ‘This is a waste of time. The only place we have to look is inside my head. You
know
that.’

He hadn’t raised his voice but Madison still had to stop herself backing away from him.

‘We were getting somewhere.’ His eyes pinned her. ‘Before you decided on the embargo.’

‘That was necessary. You were over medicated—’

‘I accept that,’ he interrupted quietly. ‘My system is clear now. Today is the third day. Do you want me to beg?’

‘Of course not, but—’ She shifted uneasily.

‘But what? What’s the problem, Madison?’

I’m the problem. I’ve lost my nerve again. I’m afraid to let you in. Afraid of what you might find out. I’m attracted to you.
She shielded the thought fast, just in case.

‘I just think we should give it a little longer. There are other things we should try—’ she began uneasily.

‘No!’ Jay dismissed the idea with an impatient wave of his hand. ‘None of this other stuff is strong enough on its own, Madison. It’s not powerful enough to break through.’

He was baffled, frustrated, angry, but holding it in tight check. Realisation stirred something in Madison’s head. She frowned as he got to his feet.

‘Where are you going?’

‘Down to the pool, to swim off some adrenaline. If you change your mind you know where to find me.’

Madison lined up the pencils on her desk. Then the pens. That was getting her workspace tidy.

When she turned out the pot of paper clips and began to sort them into piles, by size, she recognised displacement activity.

She should be working. With Jay. This wasn’t about trying other things. It certainly wasn’t about him being ready.

It was about her.

She didn’t want to go into Jay’s mind because she didn’t want to risk the connection that might let him into hers. Which was stupid and unprofessional. Science was about calculations and outcomes and risk. Being human was about fear.

She prodded the clips into a pattern, square within square. Her whole life had been about overcoming fear. For some obscure reason the sensation that had rippled over her yesterday, outside the Opera House and again, just before the fall, rippled over her again.

She leaned down to examine her leg. There was a large bruise and her knee was a little stiff. The helpless feeling of falling and then of being in Jay’s arms came back to her, vividly. One frightening, the other … not. She’d tossed and turned for a long while last night, thinking about Jay’s arms. The feel of his body.

She let out a strangled groan as her abdomen tightened. Control. This was about control. Exercising it, giving it up. She and Jay were two of a kind. She’d seen him holding in his anger. There was something there. It had given her an idea. Was it possible for Jay’s control to be working against him?

If she wanted to put that theory to the test—

She gathered the paper clips and put them back in the pot. She’d let excitement and enthusiasm run away with her scientific caution from the moment she met Jay. Totally reckless. So why spoil a perfect record?

She got to her feet with a sigh. Avoidance was futile. She knew what she had to do. Face up to the fear. Destiny was down in the basement, powering back and forth across the pool.

And looking pretty good doing it.

She stood in the doorway, indulging herself and calculating her next approach. The guy had the best shoulders she’d ever seen; not that she’d seen that many. And the rear view, when he hauled himself out of the water— She lost her place in her thoughts.

He turned, scooping wet hair out of his face, and saw her. He stilled, watching her, wary. She limped over, to hand him a towel.

‘You said I should find you if I changed my mind.’