Outcast (28 page)

“But I thought you wanted to fight slavery. Surely turning our people into your soldiers is just as bad as what the Circle did to you.”

We need to build our army.
We need more soldiers.

“I see.” Fine then. I didn’t have time for this. I turned around and signaled to Lacy that everyone should take positions. Suddenly there was a snapping sound, and another. I spun back around and saw he had broken out of the bindings holding down his torso and right arm. He was pulling hard at the other ones. The cops were looking at each other frantically, and I could feel myself start to panic.

This isn’t Gabe, I reminded myself.

Will you lead our army?
the creature asked, its voice straining with the effort to break its final bonds.

This isn’t Gabe.

“No.”

I raised my gun. And shot him in the face.

Several people in the crowd screamed, and this time I was surrounded in an instant by the sheriff and his officers. Evidently it’d been cool to subdue the beast, but not to kill it outright. One wrenched the gun out of my hand, and the other brought my hands roughly around my back, I assumed to handcuff me. But I wouldn’t let him. I stomped on his foot. He let go of my hands, which I used to strike the officer in front of me. I ducked on his return swing, darted out between the two of them, and was surrounded by three more and the Sheriff. I had no idea what I was doing, but I guess the warrior in me was kicking in, because as each tried to subdue me, I in turn subdued him, until they were all strewn around my feet.

There was another scream then. But a single one, over at the far end of the crowd. Mirabel Jennings, of all people, was flying up into the air, a pair of dark wings framing her and thick arms around her waist. There was a gunshot, another scream from a few people, and the Thrall and Mirabel fell to the ground. Two more gunshots went off, almost at the same time. I turned around, as did the rest of the crowd, just in time to see two shadows fall as well.

“Stop it!” said Pastor Warren, but Wild Frank stepped up and grabbed the Pastor roughly, preventing him from moving. It was probably best for all of us that Wild Frank had found himself a task other than shooting.

Another gunshot. Another. Another. My team was hitting each creature with perfect accuracy. I felt a swell of pride. The crowd seemed to figure out what was going on and reacted strangely. There was no more panic, there was no more fear. It was as if they had decided just to trust us. Was this something else I had going for me as a Naphil? The ability to calm a frenzy? Not that I was doing anything, just standing there.

Then quiet fell over the scene. No more gunshots, no more screams. Pastor Warren had even stopped whimpering. Everyone was waiting for something. Anticipating something.

“Holy shit, did you shoot me again?”

I whipped around. There he was. Just like the first time we’d ever met. No clothes. Tied up. My Gabe.

“Oh my god, he’s naked,” a female voice from the crowd pointed out.

“Frank, give me your jacket,” I said rushing over to Gabe. Wild Frank tossed over his army jacket, and, after I’d untied Gabe, I laid it across him. When I finished I looked into those eyes, finally, as I’d wanted to when he had transformed. I could see confusion and pain. But I also saw something else. Something that made me lean into him and kiss him. I felt his hand on my arm, squeezing it softly, as he kissed me back. We pulled apart.

“Did you shoot me again, sweetheart?”

“I did. Sorry.”

“What happened?” He looked down at himself and then back at me, as if somehow I was responsible for his current state. “Why am I naked? Did I…”

“You turned back into one of them. When the door opened.”

“Door?”

“That’s what you called it.”

“I did?” He looked over at Pastor Warren and Wild Frank.

I shook my head and took his between my hands, bringing his focus back on me. “Gabe, you said you were building an army. You wanted my help. That’s why you came to me in the first place last year. I think you’re their leader.”

Gabe furrowed his eyebrows and then closed his eyes. He opened them again. “I don’t remember any of it.”

“It’s okay, I didn’t think you would.”

“Riley!” It was Lacy climbing up onto the stage beside us.

“Great shooting, Lacy!” I said as I turned to her. But she looked worried. No, not worried, scared. And instantly I was scared too. “What is it, what’s wrong?”

“They’re not changing,” she said in a hushed voice.

“What do you mean?”

“The angels. Or whatever they are. They’re not changing.”

“I don’t understand…”

“They’re just lying there,” Lacy’s voice was getting higher, panicked. “They aren’t changing like Gabe did, they’re just lying there. I think…” she bit her lower lip, which had begun to tremble. “I think they might be dead.”

“That’s not possible,” I replied.

“Come and see.”

I turned to Gabe who nodded. “I’m too weak to stand, and anyway if I did it’d be indecent. You go on with her.”

I looked at him hard.

“Riley, I’m not going anywhere. I’m okay. Just go.”

I didn’t want to leave him, not after I just got him back. But I nodded. Then I turned to follow Lacy off the stage and toward one of the fallen Thralls. As we approached, we passed Mirabel with her husband, who was tending to her wounds from the fall. I felt really terrible she’d been injured thanks to us, but she smiled gratefully to me as we passed, and it made me feel better. When we reached the Thrall, I stared down at it in confusion. Lacy was right, it was just lying there. A large gray beast, the wings bent at a strange angle beneath it. It wasn’t moving. I didn’t know if the creatures breathed, if I should look for a heartbeat somewhere. I walked around to its side and crouched down, examining its face. Whoever had shot this one had got it right between the hollows that stood in place of eyes. It was an incredibly impressive shot.

It looked dead. That was all there was to it. Dead. Lifeless.

What was going on? Why hadn’t it changed?

“Riley?” Lacy’s voice was thin and scared.

“It’s dead. It’s…dead…” I replied. But it just didn’t make any sense. Gabe had changed back. Was he special? Why would he be? He was just like the rest of them. He was taken like the rest of them.

No, I thought suddenly. No, actually, he wasn’t like them at all. He’d been taken by angels and not by a Thrall. Been turned by angels and not by a Thrall. He was the one responsible for turning the others into Thralls now, and, as he so often pointed out, he was no angel.

“Oh my god,” I said when I realized it. I wasn’t sure, but I felt sure. Where was my guardian? I had to talk to my guardian.

Somehow it knew I wanted to ask it something, and it was then at my side, visible, I knew, only to me. Only me who was “special” enough to see it. Cursed enough to see it.

“Is Gabe different from these other Thralls?” I asked it.

“I don’t know,” replied Lacy,

“I’m not talking to you,” I snapped back, instantly feeling bad that I had. How was she supposed to know I was talking to a guardian angel and not her?

Yes.

“Because he was changed by the Circle.”

Yes.

I could see Lacy take a step backward. I was probably freaking her out right now, but it didn’t exactly matter. I pointed at the fallen Thrall before me.

“And they were changed by him and his friends.”

Yes.

“And obviously they didn’t do quite the same quality of job at it.”

Yes.

“You couldn’t have mentioned this to me before? When you saw us making our plans and everything?”

You didn’t ask.

“That’s right, I didn’t ask. Blame me, the person who didn’t know there was a question to ask in the first place.” Then I realized. It should blame me. They should all blame me. “So they’re dead.”

Yes.

“I killed them.”

No.
Your friends killed them.

“Leave me alone,” I said so softly no one but an angel would have been able to hear it, and it was gone. I stood up and looked at Lacy who was staring at me in fear, tears in her eyes. “I can see things and hear things you can’t. Like when I was talking to Gabe when he was that thing before. I have a guardian angel, and I was asking it questions. It knows things.”

Lacy nodded but didn’t say anything.

“Apparently,” I said, feeling numb, “these creatures are different from Gabe. And yes, we have killed them.”

Tears were flowing down her cheeks now, but I still just felt numb. I kept talking even though I knew I was causing her pain. It wasn’t that I wanted to hurt her, but I did want to cause myself pain. To talk my way into the horror of what had happened and shake myself out of this numbness. “We killed them. They weren’t Thralls the way the angels made them. They were poor copies the Thralls had made of themselves. And seeing as it was Gabe and his friends that were taking people from the town these past several years, I think it’s fair to conclude that those creatures we’ve shot down can therefore only be the people from the town.”

The Alexander brothers were approaching, within earshot, and the expression on their faces ought to have sent me into hysterics, but again…numb.

“We killed people?” asked Curtis, coming up behind Lacy who turned and pressed her head into his chest as he held her tightly, her body convulsing in sobs.

“No.
I
killed people,” I said.

“You didn’t,” said John, his voice flat. “You were the only one who didn’t. You shot Gabe, and he’s fine. We killed the others.”

“No. You don’t understand. This was my idea. This was all my idea.” And there it was. The truth. And then I wasn’t numb any more. Now the feelings were back. They were rising up like a tidal wave from somewhere deep and dark. “And I have news for you guys,” I continued in a rush that was growing hysterical, “I’m not even human! I’m one of the Nephilim, and so that means that you guys would never have been able to hit your targets if I hadn’t chosen you to be on my team, trained you, and everything. You could only kill those creatures because of me, so yeah, I did kill them. I killed them all!”

They were all looking at my like I was crazy. “It’s the truth!” I sank to the ground and held my stomach tight. I’d never felt so empty so frightened. I was shaking. I couldn’t stop shaking.

I felt a pair of arms wrap around me from behind. Warm strong arms.

“It’s okay, Riley, it’s okay.”

Gabe.

I shook my head but couldn’t say anything. It wasn’t okay. It was the complete opposite of being okay. I bent over further, but I felt his hand bringing me back up, turning me in to him. I buried my face into his chest which was now covered in a soft sweatshirt, but unlike Lacy I couldn’t cry. There were no tears. There was just pain.

“We had to do something. And think of the lives you did save tonight, those you stopped being taken.”

I grabbed around him, clutching onto the back of his sweatshirt, praying for the pain to just go away.

“And no matter who these creatures were before, they weren’t those people anymore. You said it yourself, when you were talking to me as the creature—I didn’t remember anything of who I really was.”

“We could have found another way to save them,” I finally said. Each word came out on an uneven breath.

Gabe didn’t say anything back this time. He just held me tight and let me burrow my fists into his back. I didn’t care that he wasn’t saying anything. There was nothing he could say, and he understood that. We held each other that way for what seemed forever. Or maybe it was just that the pain felt like it would never go away. It was unbearable.

And then I felt a light touch on my back, so faint I almost thought I’d imagined it. Whatever it was, there was no way I could interact with another human being, talk to anyone, do anything other than hold onto Gabe.

“What?” I asked loudly. “What the hell do you want?”

There was no answer, just the touch again. It was so slight and yet obviously insistent. With all the willpower I could muster I released my grip on Gabe and turned.

Standing before me was that little girl in the yellow dress. The one who I always saw over at Etta Mae’s. Kneeling on the ground as I was, we were at eye-level with each other.

“What is it?” I asked softly, utterly confused to see her here.

The little girl pointed into the sky. I looked up. And watched as it was torn apart by a bright white burst of light.

All there was was white. There was nothing else, no fete, no town, no people. Just bright light that radiated through me, over me, beyond me. All there was was white and, at the same time, a million different colors. Then it was gone. Like the string of a kite being pulled out of your grasp and into the sky.

I held my head in my hands and keeled over, my forehead touching the ground.

“Riley, are you okay?” asked Gabe.

“Did you see that?” I asked.

“Did I see what?”

I guess not, then.

The screaming started up again then, and I raised my head to see what was going on. I saw expressions of horror on the faces of the Alexander brothers and Lacy. I turned to follow their gaze and was grateful I’d been sitting down, otherwise I was certain I’d have fallen from the shock.

Everyone was staring at the Ferris wheel, which looked like it was on fire. But it wasn’t. You could tell that it wasn’t. After a moment the shapes became visible, and I knew instantly what they were, though I’d never seen them before. Standing on seven passenger seats were seven massive figures. Human in shape, their faces seemed to be human too, though it was hard to tell at that distance. Each had wings, spread open and wide, and though each figure looked the same, they also didn’t. They were striking to see. They were beautiful. But it wasn’t something I concluded in looking at them. It was something I knew deep down inside. Beauty in this case was not in the eye of the beholder. Beauty was a universal truth.

I didn’t need to ask if Gabe could see this. He was staring at them too, just like everyone else in our town was staring. The screaming and panic had died down now. All there was was quiet, as we waited for the next thing to happen.

“Stand Riley Carver,” said a voice that was melodic and low.

“Did you hear that?” I asked Gabe, and he nodded. Then I realized that he’d always been able to see my guardian too, so maybe he wasn’t the right person to ask. I turned to look at Lacy.

“You should probably do it,” she said when our eyes met.

That answered that. I turned back around and with Gabe’s help stood up. The little girl in the yellow dress took my hand.

I sensed a shift. Though none of the beings moved, I knew their focus was entirely on me now.

“You are one of the Nephilim,” said the voice again. This time it felt like a single voice and not an entire chorus.

“Yes,” I said. I wondered if they could hear my reply. It hardly traveled further than my own lips.

“We did not know you were here. We have not been to this place in many years.”

“I know.” I felt a little braver, the words were a little stronger. “How did you find out I was here?”

“A guardian told us.”

I remembered what my guardian had told me about the Circle. About it summoning the guardians to their side. It didn’t make sense. “Well, I certainly didn’t send my guardian to you, and if you forgot about me, how could you summon it?”

“We did not summon your guardian. But we were sent a guardian. Not yours. A guardian belonging to a fallen angel.”

“My father?” I asked immediately. “Can you tell me where he is?” My heart was pounding now.

“He is not your father.”

I felt a great disappointment, but I knew this wasn’t the time to solve my Daddy problem. “Who was it then?”

“His name is Charoum. And you are holding his guardian by your hand.”

I looked down at the little girl in the yellow dress. So did Gabe. As usual, the little girl smiled up at me. I glanced over my shoulder at Lacy and the Alexander brothers and saw their confused expressions.

Of course.

They couldn’t see her. Only Gabe and I could. It was then that I understood all the strange looks over at Etta Mae’s, the suspicion, the special attention just for me. “Mr. Clayton.”

“He is Charoum, a fallen angel who has tried over the years to regain favor. He sent his guardian to tell us of your existence. As a gift.”

“Oh.” He knew. The second I waved at the little girl in the yellow dress, he’d realized I could see her, he’d known. He didn’t know what I was probably at first, but as we continued training, as I built an army, came over every day and discussed strategy at the house…he’d figured it out.

“To learn of your existence was a huge gift. There is nothing more rare than to learn of a new Naphil. And now that we are here we also see what is happening. We did not know an army of our own slaves was gathering to fight us. We remember now that we lost some once upon a time, but they were easily replaced and so not thought on again. But we see what is happening here clearly, and now we must prevent it. It is not the way of things.”

“Maybe the way of things shouldn’t be the way of things,” I said instantly, and I saw Gabe look over at me. But I didn’t care. I wasn’t about to start censoring myself now.

There was a brief pause, and I think I’d surprised the Circle. Then it responded: “It is how it has always been. We have come for their leader, Gabe McClure, who must be dispensed with but first punished. He must be made an example of.”

There was no way I was letting that happen, thank you very much. “No.”

“He does not belong to you, Riley Carver. He belongs to us.”

Belong to me. They weren’t the first to tell me that. But then I realized…all that talk about Nephilim and my power of choice…

“No. You’re wrong. He does belong to me. I choose him. I choose him for me. And I choose to help him.”

“Riley Carver, you know not what you do.”

“I know exactly what I’m doing.”

“There will be chaos. This is not the way of things. Chaos in our world brings great pain to yours.”

I shook my head: don’t you dare threaten me. “You call it chaos, I call it change. And great change is worth the pain. You just can’t use humans as your playthings. You can’t just own us and use us. You just can’t.”

“We see the greater story.”

“Bullshit. If you saw the greater story, you’d have seen this coming. But you didn’t know of any of it until this little girl, guardian, came and told you.”

“Give us Gabe McClure.”

“No.”

There was another silence. A longer one now.

“Riley, you don’t have to do this,” Gabe whispered, but I didn’t pay attention. Of course, I had to do this. Of all the things I had to do, this was the most important.

The Circle spoke again. “If you give us Gabe McClure, we shall remedy the wrongs he has done to your town.” They said it like a great decision had been made.

“What do you mean?” I asked.

“For seven years he has led the Taking. For six years you have lost the people of your town. We shall return them all. And those that lie lifeless by your side shall live once more.”

My heart sank. Of all the things the Circle could have offered…“I…”

“One life for dozens.”

“I…can’t…” I turned for the first time to look at the folks from the town who were all, understandably, staring at me now. I knew what their decision would be. Who was Gabe to them but some stranger?

“You must,” declared the Circle.

“I won’t!”

“You will.” But it wasn’t the Circle who said it. It was Gabe.

I turned to him. “No, you can’t give in to them. You can’t.” Panic now, horror. Don’t do this to me, Gabe. Please, please don’t.

“Riley,” said Gabe reaching for me. I released my very tight grip on the little girl in yellow’s hand and took his instead. “This is about so much more than just me. It ain’t right to sacrifice all those lives just for my sake. And they make a point. I’m the reason for all of it. Why shouldn’t I be punished?”

Why shouldn’t you? It was so obvious. “Because even though the way you were doing it was wrong, it was still the right idea. Fighting back was the right idea. And now I’ll help you, and we’ll do it right.”

Gabe shook his head. “Riley, I don’t remember any of that. I’m just a guy. A guy in a time that ain’t his, no family…”

“I’m your family. My parents are your family.”

“Riley,” he took my other hand in his, looked at me hard in the eyes, “I have to go.”

No, no, you can’t. “Don’t leave me.”

“This is so much bigger than the two of us.”

“I know.” I knew it. I wasn’t stupid. But why wasn’t I ever allowed to just have something for me? Just once? “I’m being selfish, but I don’t care. I chose you, Gabe. You belong to me.” He did. It wasn’t a metaphor or anything, not the way these angels ran things.

“I chose you too. But you don’t belong to me, and I don’t belong to you. We are ourselves. The best thing about choosing is we get to decide. We get to be free.”

“Technically, though, you do belong to me now. I’ve got powers.”

“And you just said that it ain’t right to use people, to own them. You’ve got to let me go. You’ve got to trust me. Y’all never really did trust me.”

“I trust you. I just…”

“I know.” He stepped toward me. “Let me go.”

I wanted to tell him that I couldn’t, I just couldn’t. It would hurt too much. If I let you go, Gabe, then they will kill you. If I let you go…But I didn’t say of any of it. “You can go,” I said instead, the words catching in my throat. “I no longer choose you. You are free to do as you please.”

Gabe smiled at me softly and brought a hand up to my cheek. I nodded. Then he turned to the Circle. “Y’all get that?”

“We did. Come with us now, Gabe McClure.”

“Give me a second. Y’all are immortal right? It ain’t like we’re wasting your time.” He turned back to me. “I love you, Riley Carver,” he said. “And I ain’t never said that to no one before.”

I smiled. It was easy now. No internal debate. I knew exactly how I felt about him in return. “I love you too, Gabe McClure. And I’ve said that to my parents, but this is different.”

Gabe laughed. “You don’t always have to be so honest.”

“Yes, I do.”

I wrapped my arms around his neck, and I felt his around my waist. I looked into his eyes, and for the first time I knew exactly what he was thinking, because I was thinking it too.

“No tears,” he said.

“Wanna bet?” I replied as I felt one trickle down my cheek.

He leaned his forehead against mine, and I could feel his warm breath against my cheek. Then we kissed. For the last time. To describe a kiss that was such a kiss would only be to diminish everything about it. The only thing to say about it is that it was.

I didn’t want to let him go, but I had to. Of course I had to. This was the hardest thing I’d ever done in my life, and I’d done some really hard stuff over the last year. But I did. I let my hands fall to my side, and Gabe’s gently slipped off my waist. It felt cold where his touch had been, colder even than how I felt with my guardian.

We stared at each other. There was nothing else to do. Nothing else to say. It was over. The goodbye was over. We were over. This whole year was over.

He pushed a final stray hair behind my ear and then turned and walked toward the Ferris wheel.

“Thank you, Riley Carver,” said the Circle.

I didn’t say anything back.

Gabe started to glow, and he stared down at himself in surprise. Then he looked up at me and grinned that grin of his. “Neat-o, huh, sweetheart?” he said, and winked.

And then he vanished.

And he was gone.

Like he’d never been.