Outcast (8 page)

“So, Lacy,” I said looking up at her.

“Looks like someone likes you.” She broke eye contact, and I followed her gaze as Gabe climbed out of the pool with Brett and made his way to the far end again.

“Is that such a shock?” I asked.

Neither of us actually looked at the other as Gabe and Brett ran and then jumped, dangerously close to each other, into the pool. Their splashes were pretty equal and got both of us wet. Of course, seeing as I was in the pool I didn’t mind. Lacy seemed a little annoyed by it. Still when the boys were back from under water she giggled and applauded their efforts.

“That was awesome!” she said. Then she sat down and dangled her feet in the water right by my head. They were perfectly manicured. “It’s probably because you lost your virginity. Boys can tell that kind of thing.”

“Maybe.”

“You have to be careful, Riley,” said Lacy finally looking at me again. “Once boys know you’ve done it, they’ll do anything to get you to do it with them. They’ll make you feel like they think you’re special. And you’re not.”

I should have been offended by that last statement, but as I examined Lacy’s expression, I wondered how much of it had really been directed toward me.

“Thanks for the warning.”

Lacy shrugged. “Take it or don’t, I’m just saying.” She kicked her feet slowly back and forth. “Are you even going to say who it was?”

I was ready.

“I could, but it wouldn’t matter to you. A guy I’ve known for a while up in Rochester. One of my cousin’s friends.”

“Oh.” Lacy gnawed at her lower lip for a bit. It was a pretty believable story. Not many people at school knew all that much about me and my family. The biggest thing was that my Daddy was from the north and wasn’t rich. Mostly they knew my mother, and that was enough for us to get by without too much scrutiny. So the Rochester thing made sense.

“Well, Riley,” said Lacy, “I should probably be a good hostess and talk to other people too. Don’t hog him all evening.” Gabe was on his third cannonball now.

“I don’t think I could. He seems to find jumping into the pool far more amusing.”

Lacy shook her head. “Boys.”

Were we bonding all of a sudden?

She stood up. “We’ll talk later. I still want the details.” She gave me one of her trademark smiles, and I thought maybe actually it could have been sincere. But I didn’t want to go down that road. Best to never wholly trust a person like that.

“Hey, sweetheart!”

“Who me?” I turned and raised my eyebrows as Gabe came swimming over.

“Who else?”

“Thought you might have been talking about Brett.”

Gabe laughed. “We having a lovers’ tiff?”

I felt a little embarrassed then that I’d made the joke. I thought it would be funny, I hadn’t thought how it might have come across to him.

However, if I showed that I was embarrassed, it might make things worse.

“Absolutely, I mean you didn’t even bring me flowers when you came to the party. Some gentleman.”

“That was horrible of me.” He grinned and floated closer, placing a hand on the edge of the pool on either side of me. Oh dear. Was I flirting? I never knew when I was flirting. I decided to just keep going despite the butterflies in my stomach and his extremely close proximity.

“And you wore a shirt?” I said. “I mean, what’s up with that?”

Gabe gave me a look of mock anger. “Excuse me?”

“Who told you you should wear a shirt? Especially to a pool party. That’s just wrong.”

“Why you little…” And before I could dive for cover he’d pushed himself off the wall and was splashing water at me, over and over again.

“Stop, stop…” I sputtered. I started to splash him back and felt ridiculous and also kind of amazing.

“Sorry, what did you say?”

“I said stop!” I let go with both hands and sent a massive wave in his direction. Gabe stopped and started to cough. More than cough, it was like he was choking or something.

I swam over to him. “You okay?”

He nodded but kept coughing.

“You sure?”

“I’m sure I’m sure.” He finally stopped and looked up at me. “You’ve got good aim.”

“Hey you were splashing me too!”

“Got me right in the nose, in the ears, down the throat. That might have been the perfect splash, sweetheart.”

“I’m sorry.”

He waved off the apology and swam over to the ladder. As he climbed out of the water and took the towel offered him by the waiting Lacy, I felt bad. I didn’t think it was fair that I was feeling this terrible about just splashing him back, but I think I actually really annoyed him. He was shaking his head to the side now, trying to get the water out of his ears.

Jeez, it wasn’t like I’d done it on purpose.

Fortunately everyone was now so totally focused on Gabe in his clinging wet jeans, that I could pull myself out of the pool, dry off, and put on the T-shirt again without so much as a snicker.

I sat next to Amber again.

“Oh my god, he’s totally into you.”

“No he isn’t,” I said. He wasn’t. It was his game, and I’d almost drowned him. He was safer out of the water and in the hands of a cheerleader.

“He was paying so much attention to you.”

“A bit, but look at him now.”

“Well, at least he paid some attention to you.” She sounded bitter.

I remembered then, the whole reason for us being here in the first place.

“Hey, look, Brett’s been distracted by the pool, not by girls. You’re okay.”

“I guess.”

Mindless boy conversation was actually really helpful at making me feel less lousy watching Gabe and Lacy and the rest of the squad, so we talked a bit more about Brett and whether his hanging out with Hannah was because he liked her or he was trying to make Amber jealous. ’Course we concluded it just had to be the latter.

Lacy’s mom brought out some burgers at around seven, and that was a good distraction too. I wondered how late I’d have to stay at this party. I also wondered if there was any way I could leave without Lacy interrogating me about “losing it.” I’d thought about not even trying to get up for a burger, I’d stayed in my corner so long I’d pretty much become invisible again. But I was pretty hungry, and I was never the kind of person who could skip a meal.

Amber and I got up and went together. Everyone must have been getting used to us, because they didn’t say much as we passed. Then again everyone was already a little tipsy, and I don’t think they were paying too much attention to anything other than getting drunker.

Lacy, in true hostess form, passed us each a burger.

“You want a beer?” she asked. “You guys haven’t had anything yet.”

“No thanks,” I said, but Amber took one. “Doesn’t your mother mind the drinking?”

Lacy shook her head. “She cares, but she knows we’re teenagers, right? She says she’d rather have us do it under her roof where she knows what we’re doing.”

“So you’ve had booze at all your parties? For how long?”

“Well, this is the first time, officially…but she always turned a blind eye before.” Lacy grinned. Then she turned to where Gabe was lounging on a chair surrounded by girls and called out, “Beer, Gabe?”

“Toss it over.” She did and he caught the can deftly with one hand. I could tell the girls thought that was super awesome as they all oohed at the catch. Oh, and ’cause one also said, “That was super awesome.” He winked at me before turning back to them. I guess that was his way of forgiving me for splashing him. Thanks, Gabe.

I looked back at Lacy and had to face a smug smile. “Sure you don’t want one?”

“I’m sure.”

Amber and I moved over to the table where she had the condiments and salads laid out. Her mother had obviously gone to great lengths preparing all of it, but it seemed like kind of a stupid effort to me, considering how fast the guys were wolfing everything down. Like some magic trick: “Watch as a table of food magically disappears!”

We managed to grab some of the potato salad before it too vanished, and a couple carrot sticks and dip. The platter of veggies was pulled out from under Amber’s hand and I could tell she was about to tell off whoever’d done it until she realized it was Brett.

“Oh, hey, Brett,” she said, her voice rising an octave and getting kind of quiet.

“Hey, Amber,” replied Brett, a mouth full of cucumber. “Didn’t know you were here.”

“Yeah.” Amber took a sip of her beer and didn’t say anything else.

Brett turned to me. “You look good in a swimsuit.”

“Uh, thanks,” I replied.

“Yeah, you should wear them more often.”

“I’m not sure that would be very practical…”

“Well, you know what I mean.”

“Not really.”

There was a pause in our conversation as Brett chewed. I watched. When he swallowed he spoke again.

“Gabe’s cool.”

“Sure.

This time we were quiet because there was nothing more to say. I looked at Amber, hoping that maybe she’d built up enough courage to look Brett in the eye. Evidently the top of her beer can was far more interesting.

“Hey, look,” I finally said, “I hope you guys don’t mind, but I’ve got to…go over there…now.” I really wasn’t cut out to be a wingman. Fortunately I didn’t think Brett would figure out my clever plan to get them alone.

“Yeah, that’s cool,” he said.

“You’ll keep Amber company?”

“Yeah sure.”

“Okay then. So, I’m just going to go and talk with…” I glanced at the far end of the pool, “…Eddie then.”

“Cool.”

“Amber, that okay?”

“Yeah.”

Well, that had been like pulling teeth. I wandered away from the lovebirds and joined Eddie at the edge of the pool. Eddie was the class emo, popular only because he’d had a poem published last year in an indie magazine. Also ’cause his father was a freelance photographer who’d worked for
Playboy
in the 80s.

I sat down next to him, dangling my feet in the water and balancing my plate on my knees.

“Hey, Eddie.”

“Hey.”

“Didn’t think pool parties were your scene.”

“I’m not really here anyway.”

Okay…“That’s cool. So we don’t have to talk?”

“Can we not?”

“Awesome.”

Turned out Eddie was the perfect person to spend a pool party with. We just sat and ate our food quietly, occasionally making an observation about something irrelevant. It was nice to just sit and watch everyone else get drunker and drunker. Well, it wasn’t really nice to watch everyone get drunk, but it was nice not to be involved. Amber and Brett had finally moved over to the lounge chairs and sat together. Once they started talking it looked like they actually did like being with each other.

Gabe was still the center of attention, though. Now some of the guys had joined his little harem, and the group was starting to get really loud. Some of them were pushing at each other for no apparent reason now, laughing loudly like donkeys.

After a bit Eddie finally stood up and said, “Getting a beer. You want one?”

“No thanks.” You’re leaving me?

I was on my own now. The sun had almost set, and the outdoor lights had been turned on. Lacy was finding it hilarious that she couldn’t light the tiki torches, and when Julia came to help her, they both collapsed into a fit of giggles.

I shook my head and looked back at Gabe, who was now making out with some girl whose back of the head I didn’t recognize.

That hurt. That really hurt. It wasn’t that I was jealous, not really…well…I mean…The point was he was making out with some flaky cheerleader, and I thought he had better taste than that.

A couple chairs down, Brett and Amber seemed to be inspired by his brilliant idea and started to fool around as well. I realized now that the vantage point that I’d quite enjoyed a moment ago had suddenly turned into front row seats to some kind of soft core viewing party, and I was feeling just a little uncomfortable. So I stood up, but standing up didn’t help much as I had nowhere to go. I was saved from total paralysis when a massive blur rushed past me, and two guys fell into the water. I jumped out of the way of the splash in time and almost right into Hannah who was charging into the pool right behind them.

Suddenly it was like they remembered there was a pool at this here pool party. Mike and Rob picked up Annie by her legs and arms and brought her toward the water. She protested, but she didn’t sound that convincing to me, considering her arguments seemed to consist of nothing but giggles. She was soon underwater, and they were close behind. Most of the other guys dove in after them, except of course Gabe who was still having a lovely time with…Charlotte evidently.

The pool turned into a soup of loud teenagers, the water churning as they splashed and climbed over each other. It looked so the opposite of fun to me, claustrophobic.

“Someone’s going to drown,” said a voice from behind me. I looked and it turned out to be Lacy. She grabbed onto my shoulder to steady herself. “They’re so stupid.”

“They’re drunk. Like you.”

“I don’t go in the water drunk. That’s dangerous.”

“You’re right.”

“Of course I’m right.” She shifted her focus to the lounge chairs. “Ugh, and your stupid boyfriend’s hooked up with Charlotte. She’s such a skank.”

“If she is so is he. She’s not making out by herself.”

Lacy turned back at me and stared at me through an unfocused gaze. “You’re so weird, Riley.”

“I’m aware of that.”

She didn’t really know what to say to my answer, so she returned to her initial train of thought. “And Amber seriously has stupid taste. Like Brett Warren? Ew. His dad is seriously creepy.”

That was a bit of a surprise. I hadn’t realized anyone else felt like that. “You think so?”

“Totally. Those eyes of his, all buggy and stuff. And personally I’ve always thought the Church of the Angels was super dumb.”

“You have?”

“Yeah, I mean, think about it. How much do we know about these angels? Why are we worshipping them? But shhh…” She leaned in holding her finger to her mouth. “We shouldn’t talk about it. Mom will get mad.”

“Okay. We won’t.” But I was surprised. Lacy’s family were prominent figures in our town. Her dad ran the bank, her mom was the head of the PTA. They were seen with Pastor Warren at every event. From what I understood, they sat in the front pew at the Church of the Angels. And Lacy had always seemed like the kind of girl who enjoyed going with the norm. She reveled in her cheerleader stereotype. She was entering the county beauty pageant this spring.

I guess she was allowed to have a mind of her own. I just hadn’t realized she’d had a mind in the first place.

Which was really kind of judgmental of me when I thought about it.

She still had a firm grip on my shoulder when she finally asked it. Maybe she’d said all that stuff about Pastor Warren to disarm me, lull me into thinking she could actually be interesting. I mean, of course she hadn’t. She was too drunk to make a complicated plan like that. Still, it caught me off guard.

“So you have to tell me about losing it, Riley,” she said.

Panic. “I do?”

“You promised.”

Yeah, I know, I’ve been thinking about it all day. “What do you want to know?”

“Who was it?”

“I told you, some friend of my cousin’s, Jeff, up in Rochester this summer.” I thought that if I threw a name in there casually it would make it seem more real. It worked.

“What did you think?”

“Of what?”

“It.”

Oh “it.”

“It was okay.” I was starting to feel pretty ridiculous now. I’d had one stupid kiss my entire life and all everybody else my age wanted to talk about was sex.

“Riley.” She grabbed my shoulders with her hands and looked at me seriously.

“Yes?” I wanted to laugh, her expression was so intense.

She blinked at me a few times. “What?”

“It sounded like you were going to say something to me.”

She nodded. “Oh yes. Riley, it gets better.”

“What does?”

“Sex.”

“Okay.”

“The first time is always a bit…Hurts you know?”

“I know.” In theory.

“But it gets better. But make sure you want to do it, because if you don’t want to it isn’t fun.”

“Obviously.”

“No, not ‘obviously,’ don’t be such a bitch.”

“Lacy…”

“Oh, shut up, you’re just so smart, aren’t you? Don’t care what anyone else thinks, in your stupid outfits and still looking like this. Never having to try. I was just trying to help, but whatever. At least I didn’t lose it to some loser up north.”

“Lacy…”

She was already staggering off before I could say anything. Not that I knew what to say. I kind of felt like I’d been ambushed, but sort of a reverse ambush, if that made sense. I felt like somehow she’d made me hurt her, and I didn’t like the idea that I’d upset her, especially when I hadn’t wanted to. So weird. In one short bizarre drunken conversation with a cheerleader my entire perspective on life had changed. Well, on cheerleaders at any rate.

Who the heck was Lacy Green? Who the heck were any of them?

I went back to watching my classmates. Some had climbed out of the water now, two of the guys were roughhousing in a way that looked like any second it would turn into a real fight. Who were these people? I’d grown up with them but barely spent any time with them. I knew them as lists of features, but that was it. I didn’t know them at all. Not really. Felt kind of stupid about that. Kind of bad.

Then again, it wasn’t like any of them had tried to get to know me either.

My brain felt loopy. Was I drunk through osmosis? What was being drunk like anyway? There were so many things that normal teens knew about. Here was Lacy acting all jealous of me, and she didn’t have any idea how not worth it it was, that I was just some crazy girl who had no idea how to feel like a real teenager. I should just drink and get it over with. Should just have sex.

Even though I didn’t want to…not…yet?

“Hey, sweetheart.”

A quick intake of air. “Hey, Gabe.”

And here he was appearing out of nothing again. He’d come up behind me, and I felt a pair of arms wrap around my waist. I got all tense.

Just think of it as a hug. It’s just a friendly hug, nothing more. When his chin hit my shoulder I kind of died a little. “You look a little sad,” he said.

“I’m not,” I replied trying to sound casual. “Just tired. I hate parties.”

“This one’s pretty square, that’s for sure.”

I shook my head, took the opportunity to disentangle myself from his grip, and looked at him, hands on hips. “What are you talking about? You totally hooked up with Charlotte!”

“She kisses like a fish.” He dismissed it like it was common knowledge.

“How does a fish kiss?”

“All pucker. A bit too much suction.”

“Oh.”

“You wanna go home?” he asked, stretching his arms above him, the muscles of his torso responding appropriately.

“Home. You don’t live with us remember?”

“Dollface, trust me, come tomorrow morning we’re gonna be roommates. You, me, that hot mom of yours . . .”

Okay, everyone knows she’s hot, but you didn’t just say it like that. “Don’t talk about my mom like that.”

“Yeah, I guess she’s way too young for me anyway.”

I laughed. I couldn’t help it.

“Hey, look, I made her laugh.” Gabe grinned. He took a step in to me. I could feel his body heat now, radiating toward me. “We had fun making them all jealous, didn’t we?”

“Yeah. Then you got all pissy when I splashed you.”

He reached up with his free hand and pushed a drying piece of hair that had fallen in front of my eyes behind my ear. “Yeah, I’m sorry ’bout that. It felt like you’d done it on purpose or something, tried to make me choke, but I know you didn’t. I ruined it by being a baby.” He glanced over toward the churning pool of mayhem. “Can we go home now? Teenagers are just as annoying as they were in my day.”

Couldn’t have put it better myself. “Yeah, okay. Let’s go home.”