‘No chance, his feet smell,’ Nell said.
‘And she snores like a pig,’ Rob retorted.
Josie laughed. ‘Well, if you’re sure . . .’
‘We’re sure,’ they chorused.
To her great relief, the boys were so worn out from the day’s travels that they got into their pyjamas without complaint and fell asleep on Rob’s double mattress almost immediately. What a result, thought Josie, closing the door quietly behind her as she slipped out of the room.
‘And then there were three,’ Nell said as Josie came downstairs again.
‘And then there was beer,’ Rob added, holding out a couple of bottles straight from the fridge.
Josie hesitated before taking one. She was drinking way too much. But . . .
‘We
are
on holiday,’ Nell reminded her. ‘You’re allowed to, Jose. Come on, let’s drink these outside.’
‘How come you’re off on this road trip together anyway?’ Rob asked conversationally as they headed into the garden. It was a warm evening, and still light. He dragged some deckchairs from a shed, brushed off the cobwebs and started setting them up on the daisy-dotted lawn. ‘And what does your husband think about you gallivanting around the country with my wild sister, Josie?’
Josie’s smile froze on her face. ‘He . . . um . . .’ she said. She didn’t want to say it. She didn’t want to spoil the nice day she’d just had by reminding herself all over again of what lay behind it.
‘He thinks it’s a good idea,’ Nell said, gallantly stepping in to rescue her.
‘He’s left me,’ Josie said bluntly.
Rob’s head turned sharply towards her, and the deck-chair he was setting up swung shut with a loud
clack
‘Oh God, sorry,’ he said, his eyes on her. ‘I wouldn’t have asked if I’d known . . . It’s none of my business, I’m sorry.’
It’s OK,’ Josie said.
Rob opened up the last deckchair and arranged them in a semicircle. ‘Have a seat,’ he said. ‘Me and my big gob. Sorry, Josie.’
‘Really, it’s OK,’ Josie said, trying to smile. ‘That’s why we’re on the road, anyway. Running away from our broken hearts.’
‘You as well?’ He turned to Nell. ‘Was that “hearts”, plural?’
Nell nodded. ‘Afraid so,’ she said. ‘It’s all over with the big G.’
‘Bloody hell,’ Rob said. ‘I can’t keep up. What happened? Last time I heard, it was all hunky-dory.’
‘It was,’ Nell said. She leaned back in her chair and swigged from her beer bottle. ‘Then it went pear-shaped.’
‘Why? What happened?’ Rob persisted.
Josie found that she was perching on the edge of her seat, waiting for Nell’s response. It had to be something pretty bad, she guessed. Nell had been so cagey about the break-up, and had looked so fragile in London, Josie knew it had to be something serious. Something damaging.
Nell sighed. ‘Look, I don’t really want to talk about it,’ she said, not meeting her brother’s eye.
Josie leaned back. Should have known. And it was clear as anything that Nell
should
be talking about it. She couldn’t stay in denial for ever, pretending everything was fine. If Gareth had treated her badly, then Nell needed to talk. Had to tell somebody.
‘Why not? There has to be some reason. What did he do wrong?’ Rob asked.
‘Did he hit you?’ Josie blurted out.
Nell turned and stared at her, and for a moment there was a terrible silence. Josie held her breath. ‘
Did
he?’ she asked again.
‘Did he
hit
me? Gareth? No!’ Nell cried, looking aghast.
Josie blushed. ‘Oh,’ she said. ‘Sorry. Stick, wrong end.’
‘Gareth would never lay a finger on me!’ she went on. ‘He loved me!’
‘Then . . . what went wrong?’ Rob asked again. ‘Why did you split up?’
‘Because he asked me to
marry
him,’ Nell burst out, looking down at her knees.
There was an incredulous silence. Rob laughed. Josie’s mouth fell open. ‘Did you just say . . . ?’ she faltered.
‘Marry him? What, and so you chucked him?’ Rob asked. ‘You dumped him because he proposed?’
‘Yes!’ Nell replied fiercely, rounding on her brother. ‘Yes, too right I did! Of all the things . . . I mean, that is
so
what I don’t want. It’s the absolute
antithesis
of what I want. And for him not to realize that . . . It’s like he just never knew me at all.’
‘Oh, come on, that’s a bit strong,’ Rob argued. Josie was still too stunned to speak. ‘Couldn’t you just say no thanks and carry on as you were? Why did you have to play the drama-queen card and storm off in a tantrum?’
‘I didn’t!’ Nell had tears in her eyes, Josie noticed. She reached over and took Nell’s hand.
‘Sorry,’ Rob said. ‘I didn’t mean to upset you. I just . . . I just don’t get it. Why did Gareth proposing to you have to mean the end of everything?’
‘Because for me, marriage is the kiss of death,’ Nell said, with a shudder. She turned to Josie, suddenly apologetic. ‘No offence – obviously lots of people want all that traditional stuff, but me, I don’t. I really, really don’t. And I thought Gareth knew that.’ She swigged down some beer. ‘I just want to be free, that’s all.’
‘And you haven’t spoken to Gareth since this all kicked off?’ Josie asked. She still couldn’t really get her head around it, to be honest For Nell to be rejecting exactly what she, Josie, wanted most of all . . . It seemed warped.
Nell shook her head. ‘We had a massive row, loads of horrible things got said, and then . . .’ She hesitated. ‘And then I kind of ran away,’ she mumbled.
Josie and Rob exchanged a look. ‘Seems to be your answer to everything,’ Rob said. Nell didn’t dispute it.
‘I think you should go and see him,’ Josie ventured. ‘I mean . . . You’ve walked out on this good relationship just because he tried to express a bit of commitment.’
‘But I don’t want—’ Nell started saying.
‘I know you don’t want commitment,’ Josie interrupted. ‘And I’m sure Gareth’s got the message now, loud and clear. But it doesn’t have to be The End for you two, does it? Surely there’s a midway point you can meet at?’
Nell picked at the label on her bottle and said nothing.
‘I can’t believe you’re being so cowardly,’ Rob said, looking amused.
‘I’m not!’ Nell cried, outraged.
‘You are!’ Rob shot straight back. ‘What are you playing at? You can’t keep running for ever.’
‘Says you, with your bags packed for Zambia,’ Nell retorted, chin up defiantly.
Rob put a hand up. ‘Fair point,’ he conceded. ‘But this is my last trip – really!’ he said to Nell’s disbelieving snort. ‘While I’ve been helping Mark do up this place, I’ve found myself thinking for the first time that I can see the appeal of putting down roots for a while. Making a home. Growing vegetables.’
‘I’ll believe that when I see it,’ said Nell with another snort. ‘Vegetables, my arse!’
It’s true! It’s like . . . I’ve had my adventures. Seen the world. I don’t want to be one of those addled old fuckers you always see in India, on their own, still trying to escape from whatever it was they first ran away from.’ He finished his beer in one gulp. ‘I want a life, too. A life in England.’
‘Yeah, yeah,’ Nell scoffed. ‘I’ll remember that when you come back and start getting itchy feet again.’
He shook his head. ‘This is a favour, that’s all,’ he said. ‘The Volunteer Africa lot had taken on someone else for this job in Zambia, but the person had to delay starting for six months. Personal reasons, not sure what. So they phoned me, as it’s the kind of work I was doing for them in Mozambique, and . . .’ He shrugged. ‘Well, I couldn’t say no. That’s why I’m going, and it’s only for six months. Otherwise I’d stay here,’ A grin flashed across his face. ‘Anyway, let’s stop arguing. We’re making Josie feel all awkward and squirmy, I can tell. I’m going to get some more beers, and after that we can stop talking about failed romances and move on to something else.’
He went back indoors, and Josie turned to Nell. ‘Are you OK?’ she asked. ‘That all got a bit heavy.’
Nell rolled her eyes. ‘I’m OK,’ she said. ‘Feeling a bit . . . stupid, if you must know.’
‘Stupid? Why?’
‘Oh, just the Gareth thing. I feel bad for not phoning him. I need to speak to him, say sorry, that kind of thing.’ She stared up at the sky. ‘I wasn’t being cowardly, running away, but it really freaked me out. And I kept thinking I should phone and talk things through, but I couldn’t bring myself to. And then the longer I left it, the worse it’s become.’
Josie leaned over and squeezed Nell’s hand. ‘Phone him in the morning, not when you’ve been drinking,’ she said. ‘That’s my expert opinion in these matters anyway,’ she added wryly. ‘I mean, not so long ago the guy wanted to marry you. He’s not going to have switched those feelings off overnight, is he? He’s probably dying to speak to you. And there must be a way you can compromise. It’s not like he said
Marry me or it’s all over,
is it?’
‘No,’ Nell said. ‘It’s just, he was pushing for commitment, that was all. And I can’t do that!’ She sighed. ‘It’s not because of him, I’d be the same with anyone. It’s because of me, who I am.’
‘I’m sure hell understand,’ Josie said. ‘He loves you, after all He loves you enough to want to marry you, for Christ’s sake! So I’m sure hell listen.’
Nell squeezed her hand back. ‘Thanks,’ she said quietly.
‘I should be thanking you,’ Josie told her. ‘I’m so glad you turned up when you did.’
Nell smiled at her. ‘Me too,’ she said. ‘And I’ll stick around for as long as you need me.’
‘You sound like Nanny McPhee,’ Josie said, thinking how much she loved Nell at that moment.
‘Nanny who?’
Josie chuckled. ‘It’s a kids’ film. Nanny McPhee is this witchy kind of old nanny—’
‘Oh, thanks a bunch!’
‘And she comes to stay with this dysfunctional family. But she’s good, really, and she sorts everyone out,’ Josie went on. ‘And then, as soon as the family stop needing her, she disappears again.’ She shot a quick sideways glance at Nell. ‘And then she goes back to Wales and tells her boyfriend that she’s sorry she was such a melodramatic—’
‘All right, all right! Don’t go on!’ Nell groaned and shut her eyes. ‘I said I’d phone in the morning, didn’t I?’ She sat there in silence and for a moment Josie thought she’d overstepped the mark, but then a little smile crept over Nell’s face. ‘Nanny McPhee indeed,’ she muttered. ‘Some friend you are!’
By the end of the evening, Josie felt horribly unsteady on her feet. The garden seemed to be swaying and tipping around her as she staggered through the darkness towards the house. Nell had already gone in to make tea, and Josie kept her eyes firmly on the bright rectangle of light that blazed from the open kitchen door, willing herself to make it all the way there without going arse over tit in front of Rob. The grass felt cold now under her bare feet, and the stars were all out. She could smell night-scented stocks from a flowerbed somewhere, sweet and fragrant.
‘Oops,’ she giggled, tripping over the back of Nell’s deckchair and almost falling over.
Rob grabbed her arm to keep her upright. ‘Are you OK?’ he asked.
Josie turned to smile at him, but managed to lurch right into his side by mistake. ‘Sorry,’ she said. ‘God, I’m all over the place.’
He caught hold of her again, and she could feel the warmth of his body close to her in the cool night air.
‘This is a bit like that evening in The Duke of Edinburgh, isn’t it?’ she blurted out before she could stop herself. ‘I kept thinking about it earlier, you and me, both wondering . . .’
She clamped her mouth shut just in time. Josie, shut up! screamed the tiny remaining part of her that wasn’t awash with alcohol. Get a grip, right now!
There was a moment’s silence as they both stood still on the grass. Josie’s heart pounded. Oh God! Now she’d gone and done it. She had to get inside
immediately
before she said anything else to embarrass herself.
Before she could move, though, Rob spoke. ‘I was thinking about that earlier too,’ he said slowly. ‘You know . . . I probably shouldn’t say this, especially with you being . . .’
‘Completely trolleyed,’ Josie put in, then giggled nervously. Oh, she
had
to get inside. She had to go! This was all getting too personal. She was too drunk. He was too nice. Go, Josie! Get walking!
She swayed on her feet, but they wouldn’t move.
He laughed, and for a second she thought he wasn’t going to say anything else, but then in a quiet voice he said, ‘You know, I was gutted when I heard you were seeing Pete all those years ago. Because that night in The Duke of Edinburgh, I really thought . . .’
Nell stuck her head out of the back door. ‘Tea or coffee?’ she asked.
‘Tea, please,’ Josie said faintly. She felt way too sloshed to be standing up any longer. She needed to sit down at the kitchen table and drink tea and go to bed. Yes. That was exactly what she needed.
‘Tea for me too,’ Rob said. Neither he nor Josie moved.
‘Coming up,’ Nell said and vanished from sight.
‘Right,’ Josie said. She shivered suddenly. ‘Let’s go in then.’