‘Josie! Are you still awake?’
Josie rolled over at the sound of the whisper. Nell seemed to have disappeared from the double bed they were sharing . . . but there was Rob, perched on the edge. There was just enough light from the half-open door for Josie to be able to see him looking down at her.
She sat up before she could register just how thin the T-shirt was that she’d been sleeping in. ‘What’s going on?’ she asked blearily.
He put a hand on her bare arm, and her skin prickled under his touch. ‘We never finished our conversation,’ he said. ‘You know, about that night in the pub.’
Josie felt wide awake. ‘No,’ she said, looking him full in the eye. ‘We didn’t, did we?’
There was a beat of silence while they gazed at each other. Josie’s heart quickened. They were on the very edge of something happening, she knew, both poised, waiting to see who made the move.
‘Well, what I was trying to say,’ Rob began, still looking into her eyes, ‘was . . .’ He paused, and Josie felt her heart thud as his thumb started tracing slow circles on her arm. He smiled at her. ‘I was trying to tell you, that night, how much I fancied you.’
‘Oh, Rob,’ she said, the words bursting out of her. ‘I felt like that, too. I so did! But I always thought—’
There was no time for her to tell him what she’d always thought because all of a sudden he was kissing her, his lips stopping the words.
She leaned right into him, his warm, solid body, and then she was kissing him too, sliding a hand around his back, feeling the muscles in his shoulders, and how smooth his skin was under his shirt . . .
‘Josie,’ he murmured, tracing the side of her face with almost unbearable gentleness. Then his hand was moving around the back of her neck and under her hair, and she was kissing him harder, passionately, as if she’d been waiting all those years for this moment. And now his hands were moving down her back, and under her T-shirt, and . . .
She opened her eyes, and there was Pete standing watching, his lip curled in a sneer. ‘You slag,’he said. ‘What about me?’
‘Oh!’ Josie gasped, and then her voice rose to a scream. ‘No! No!’
And then she woke up, panting, a cold sweat down her back.
She swung round at a noise beside her but it was only Nell, fast asleep, the duvet pulled up around her ears, breath sighing out across the pillow.
Only a dream. Of course. Only a dream.
Her heart was hammering, her mouth dry. Just a silly dream. Too much booze. She was going to pay for it in the morning, she could tell already.
She lay down heavily and stared up at the darkness, feeling a huge rush of disappointment. Only a dream.
The disappointment evaporated, and gave way to a burning feeling of embarrassment. God, what was she like? So desperate for a man that she was having horny dreams about Nell’s brother, just days after Pete had walked out on her!
Stupid cow. Stupid, desperate, drunken cow. Thank goodness dreams were private. Thank goodness Rob never had to know she’d just fantasized about him like that!
Her cheeks flamed against the pillow and she squeezed her eyes shut. Then she put her arms around herself and tried to get back to sleep, but it eluded her for a long time.
‘Mum! Mummy!’
Nell was still motionless next to her, blond head just poking out of the top of the duvet as Josie sat up and rubbed her eyes. A little
voice
from the next room was calling for her, and she tiptoed out to see which boy it was who’d woken up, and whether she had any chance of persuading him to go for another half-hour’s sleep. It was six-thirty and the sun was up, though. Probably not.
She and the boys had breakfast together. The sun shone into the little kitchen and Josie held her mug of tea with both hands, enjoying the feeling of warmth as it spread through her fingers. Soon the weather would be fine enough to have breakfast in the garden. She always loved the first day of the year when they ate it outside. Such a nice way to start the day. It was strange to think that Pete wouldn’t be there to share it with them this year.
Her eyes misted over. Such a shame.
‘Where are we going today, Mum?’ Sam asked, interrupting her thoughts.
She blinked away the tears and smiled at him over her steaming mug. ‘To the seaside, sweetheart. To a little place called Hope.’
Is that in Australia?’ he asked
eagerly.
She shook her head. ‘No, love,’ she said. ‘Devon.’ She sniffed quickly as she heard Rob whistling, and got up to flick the kettle on again for him. She felt faintly embarrassed as a flash of last night came into her head – her leaning against Rob like that in the garden, pissed and wittering about The Duke of Edinburgh. Then the colour surged into her face as she remembered her raunchy dream about him. God! What was she like? Like a dog on heat, that was what. Thank Christ nothing had actually happened. Thank goodness it had all stayed in her head.
It
had stayed
in her head, hadn’t it? She hadn’t said anything too awful, had she?
‘Coffee?’ she asked, deliberately busying herself at the kettle as he came into the kitchen, wet-haired from the shower.
He smiled. ‘Please. Morning, boys! Sleep all right?’
They nodded at him over their cereal bowls, shy again.
‘Seagulls didn’t wake you up, did they?’ he went on, sawing at a loaf with a bread knife. ‘Noisy bunch, they are. Still, this time next week I could be getting woken up by a bunch of hungry lions, so I shouldn’t complain.’
‘Lions?’ Sam echoed, sitting up in his chair.
Toby gave Rob a wary look before turning to his brother. ‘He’s tricking us,’ he said authoritatively. ‘There aren’t no lions in this country. Except in zoos.’
Rob jammed his bread down in the toaster. ‘Ahh, but that’s the thing. I’m not going to
be
in this country. I’m going to be in Zambia. Know where that is?’
Sam shook his head. Is it in Devon?’ he guessed.
Toby, still narrow-eyed and in sussing-out mode, said nothing.
Rob sat down at the table while he waited for his toast. It’s in Africa.’
‘Like
The Lion King
,’ Josie put in helpfully, then felt her cheeks flush even hotter. Good one, Jose – teach your children world geography through Disney, she scolded herself. She changed the subject quickly. ‘What are you going to be doing in Zambia, anyway, Rob?’
‘District engineer,’ he told her. ‘For the healthcare service. Repairing all their vehicles and biomedical equipment, basically.’ He raised his eyebrows self-deprecatingly. ‘I know what you’re going to say – too glamorous and thrilling for words, eh?’
‘I wasn’t going to say that at all,’ Josie protested. ‘I was going to say how brilliant I think that is. How . . .’ She stopped.
How amazing of you,
she’d been about to say. Ugh. Naff, Jose. Too much. ‘Good for you,’ she finished instead. ‘Really admirable.’
‘What about the lions?’ Toby persisted. ‘Are you really going to see any?’
Rob gave him a wink. ‘Tell you what, Tobes,’ he said, ‘if I
do
see any lions, I’ll let you know, OK?’ He got to his feet as his toast popped up, and opened the fridge for butter. ‘Might even send you a postcard, if you’re lucky.’
Toby’s eyes shone. He practically swelled with awe.
‘Can I have one too?’ Sam asked in the next second.
Rob nodded. ‘Absolutely,’ he replied solemnly. ‘I’ll make it the first thing I do when I get there – lion-spotting for Toby and Sam.’
Josie watched him spreading butter and Marmite on his toast. Strange, the different paths their lives all took. ‘How about me, do I get a postcard?’ she said, the words coming out before she’d even processed them properly. She laughed, self-conscious at how forlorn she’d sounded.
‘Definitely,’ he told her, swinging round to face her. ‘As long as you write back to me, that is.’ He smiled, and Josie felt her heart give a little flip. He was so
good.
He was so
nice.
Thank Christ there were people like Rob in the world, when so many others had let her down. For a split second she found herself wishing that he wasn’t going away at all.
‘Take care,’ Rob said as he hugged her goodbye later that morning.
She gave him an impulsive kiss on the cheek. How nice it was, standing there, being held by him. ‘And you. Have fun in Zambia.’
‘I’ll do my best. It’s only for six months, this one, so I’ll be home before I know it.’ He let go of her, and she felt a pang of separation. Just hungover, she admonished herself quickly. Being ridiculous. Stop thinking like this!
‘Lovely to see you again, Josie, and those boys of yours,’ Rob was saying. ‘I hope things work out with Pete. He must be mad to have gone off with anyone else.’
Josie gave a wan smile. ‘Certifiable, if you ask me,’ she said, trying to sound nonchalant. She held his gaze for a moment, then dropped her eyes. It felt strange to be talking about Pete with Rob, after her dream last night. She kept forgetting that Rob didn’t know about it. ‘I haven’t a clue what’s going on in his head, but hopefully he’ll be hammering on the door when I get home, wanting to make up.’ She pulled a face. ‘Or something. Thanks anyway. For the hospitality and the chats. It was really nice to see you again.’ She glanced out of the front door to where the boys were in the car, along with their bags. ‘Right – we’d better make tracks. Where’s Nell got to?’
Nell emerged from the hallway just then, clutching her phone. ‘I did it, so you can stop nagging,’ she said. ‘I phoned Gareth.’
‘And?’ Josie and Rob chorused.
‘And I said sorry,’ Nell told them.
‘God!’ Rob said, pretending to be astonished. ‘And?’
‘And I told him I’ll go up to Wales so that we can talk once I’ve finished my Nanny McPhee duty,’ she said.
‘Your what?’ asked Rob.
‘You don’t have to stay because of me!’ Josie cried. ‘And what did Gareth say, anyway?’
Nell twisted her mouth uncertainly. ‘Not a lot. He sounded a bit pissed off with me, to be honest. But he said hell meet me to talk, so . . .’
‘He’s probably married somebody else by now,’ Rob said, dodging out of the way as Nell tried to cuff him. ‘He’ll probably want to introduce you to his new bride. Ow!’
‘Oi!
You can leave that out for starters!’ Nell said, but she was laughing. ‘Thanks for the pep talk, anyway, bro. Write me lots of letters and emails, won’t you?’
‘Course, every day, probably,’ Rob said jokily, then pulled her in for a hug. ‘Take care. Good luck with Gareth. And don’t forget my invite to the wedding!’
‘Ro-ob!’ Nell moaned, wriggling out of his arms.
‘I’ll even get myself a new hat,’ he went on wickedly.
‘Oh shut up,’ Nell said, rolling her eyes. ‘See you . . . sometime. Christmas?’
‘Christmas,’ Rob agreed. ‘Bye, Nell. Bye, Josie.’
They drove for a while in companionable silence, save for the
Horrid Henry
tape and the occasional shouts from the back seat as they drove past roadworks with particularly impressive-looking diggers and bulldozers. Soon they were winding down towards the coast, the roads getting smaller and smaller until they were single-track lanes with jungly green tunnels where the trees arched over the tarmac. Josie had always hated driving down such roads, dreaded having to squeeze against the high hedgerows to avoid oncoming cars, but to her relief the traffic was light. Great sudsy heads of elderflowers foamed in the hedges, shrieking seagulls dive-bombed through the sky ahead of them and tractors burred in the fields. Josie found she was gripping the wheel less tightly as she slowed to appreciate the bosomy green hills all around them. She almost wanted to curl up in their rounded velvety curves, they looked so comforting.
‘Mum, it’s too hot,’ grumbled Toby from the back.
She glanced in the rear-view mirror and saw how flushed his cheeks were. Then, as she moved into third gear and accelerated along the empty road, she pressed the button to open her window.
Zzzzz
went the mechanism, as the window lowered obediently.
Zzzzz . . . Clunk.
‘What was that noise, Mum?’ Sam asked.
Josie pressed the window-opening button again. Nothing. She jammed her index finger down on it hard, several times. Still nothing. Bollocks. Oh, bollocks!
‘I think the window’s broken,’ she groaned.
‘Cool,’ Toby said. ‘Shall we ask Bob the Builder to fix it?’
Josie didn’t reply. Of all the times for something to go wrong with the car, it had to happen when they were stuck in the middle of nowhere. Car stuff had always been Pete’s job. She didn’t know
anything
about cars!
A gust of wind ruffled her hair and she sighed. Typical! Just when she was starting, ever so slowly, to feel remotely cheerful again, this had to happen. In an instant she felt as if she’d been plunged back into despair.
‘Don’t worry,’ Nell said reassuringly. She was sitting with her bare feet on the dashboard, slim, tanned legs bent at the knee. ‘We’ll probably be able to wedge it shut again with something.’
‘And then what?’ Josie wailed.
Nell looked surprised at the question. ‘Well, go to a garage, I guess. It depends how desperate you are to get it fixed.’ She shrugged. ‘It’s only a window, Josie. It’s not like one of the wheels has fallen off or anything.’