Josie and Barbara stayed in silence for a while as Toby’s eyelids fluttered closed and he slipped back into sleep. Josie held his hand and gazed at him, the adrenalin trickling away. She felt exhausted now, done-in. She hoped Sam was all right. It had been such a rush, Emma coming round and spiriting him away like that, and Josie had been so caught up with worry over Toby that she’d hardly been able to concentrate on anything else.
She turned to get her phone out of her bag. ‘I’d better just check Sam’s all right,’ she muttered. She’d have to go outside to use it, she supposed: there were signs everywhere asking people to switch off their phones.
Barbara rose from her chair. ‘If you give me the number, I can ring if you like,’ she offered. ‘Then you can stay here with Toby.’
Josie nodded, touched by Barbara’s thoughtfulness. Her mother-in-law was really surprising her today. In fact, she was going to have to check in a minute if that woman beside her in the flowered dress and perm was actually Barbara at all, or some kind of polyester-clad impostor. ‘Thank you,’ she mumbled, scribbling down Emma’s number on a piece of paper. ‘Would you tell her that I’ll call again as soon as we’ve seen the doctor and I know what’s happening? Thanks.’
Josie turned back to her son, dimly aware of the noises outside the room – a squeaky wheel on a trolley rattling by, the low hum of the receptionists in the next room, the muffled cries of a baby in the waiting area, and . . .
‘Where are they? Is he all right?’
. . . Pete’s
voice
down the corridor.
‘Just in there. We haven’t seen the doctor yet.’ Barbara’s curt reply, followed by the tapping of her heels as she walked away.
Josie looked around as the door opened and Pete rushed in, his face white, tie askew. ‘I came as soon as I could,’ he said, his eyes swerving from Josie to Toby. He looked sick and pale, as if he needed medical treatment himself. ‘Oh God! What have they said? What happened?’
Josie stroked Toby’s hand as she told Pete about the convulsion, and what the paramedics had said. She felt numb now, as if she was watching herself trot it all out. Tired, too. And angry, that Pete hadn’t taken her call. Really angry that he hadn’t been there when she’d needed him.
He came over and put a hand on her shoulder, and she cringed at his touch, turning her head away so that she could only see her son.
‘I’m so sorry,’ he said.
‘Yeah, well,’ she replied. She didn’t have the energy for anything else. The words had deserted her, along with her adrenalin. She suspected this was probably her cue to apologize for turning up unannounced at his office, but she just couldn’t face it. Somehow it seemed wrong to drag that up now, now they were sitting in the hospital with their feverish, semi-conscious son.
Toby’s eyelids twitched, and Josie and Pete both froze as they studied his face. Toby stirred, and opened his eyes. ‘Daddy,’ he said groggily, focusing on Pete’s face. His lips moved in a slight smile.
Pete stepped around to the other side of the bed and ran a forefinger down Toby’s cheek. ‘Hello, mate,’ he said gently. ‘How are you feeling?’
Toby blinked as if he wasn’t sure how to answer.
‘Toby?’ Josie asked. ‘Can you hear me? Can you hear Mummy?’
He rolled his head around on the pillow and stared at her. ‘Yes,’ he said after a moment.
‘Toby, do you remember what happened?’ Josie asked, holding his hand. ‘We’re in the hospital. Do you remember, you were sitting on the sofa and . . .’
His eyes clouded over, puzzled, and Josie stopped. She’d lost him, she could tell.
‘Don’t badger him,’ Pete said. ‘He’s only just come round.’
‘I’m not badgering him!’ she hissed, furious at Pete’s nerve. She put a hand on Toby’s forehead, which was slightly cooler at last. ‘Do you want a drink or anything, poppet?’
Toby nodded feebly. ‘Yes please.’
‘Good boy. Pete, could you get him some water? There’s a sink in the corner, look.’
Pete stiffened, as if he didn’t like Josie telling him what to do, but he went over to the sink and filled a cup from the tap.
Barbara appeared in the doorway just then. ‘Sam’s fine,’ she said. ‘Having a great time with Emma’s daughter in the sandpit, apparently.’
Josie smiled at her gratefully. ‘Thanks,’ she said.
Barbara gave a little nod. ‘I’ll leave you to it then, shall I?’ she asked. ‘Let me know what the doctors say, won’t you? And if you need any help at all . . .’
‘Thanks,’ Josie said, coming across the room to her. ‘For everything. You’ve been brilliant, Barbara.’
Barbara folded her arms in front of her chest. ‘Like I say, if there’s anything I can do to help . . .’
‘Yes,’ Josie said. ‘And I’m sure the boys would love to see you soon. I’ll . . . I’ll call you and arrange something, shall I?’
Barbara’s face lit up in a rare smile. ‘Oh, would you? I’d really like that. I’ve been worried that . . .’ Her gaze flicked across to Toby and she lowered her
voice.
‘I don’t want to lose touch with my grandsons, Josie. I’ve been so upset at the thought that . . .’
Josie put a hand on her arm. ‘Well sort something out soon,’ she said. ‘Of course you won’t lose touch with them.’ She swallowed. ‘They adore you.’
Barbara’s chin had gone all puckered, and her eyes were moist. ‘That’s very . . . That’s very kind of you,’ she said, walking quickly over to Toby, so that Josie could no longer see her face. ‘Bye, sweetie,’ she said, dropping a kiss on his head. ‘You get well for your old nanny, OK?’
‘Nanny,’ Toby said wonderingly, gazing up at her.
‘And Peter . . .’ Barbara turned to him, the warmth disappearing from her
voice.
‘I’ll speak to you soon,’ she said formally.
‘Thanks, Mum,’ he said, stepping towards her, his arms outstretched.
Her mouth tightened as he hugged her. She didn’t hug him back.
Weirder and weirder, thought Josie, trying to stop her eyes boggling at the sight. Barbara taking sides with her, Josie. It was shocking to see such a display of sisterhood, from Barbara of all people. She hardly would have believed it if she hadn’t witnessed it for herself. And all this time Barbara had been worrying about not seeing Toby and Sam!
Josie pushed her hair out of her eyes as she went to sit down by Toby again. She’d never even thought of Barbara’s take on it. How awful, as a grandparent, to think that your precious grandchildren might be taken from your life like that! No wonder she’d been phoning so much. She must have felt vulnerable too.
The door swung shut, and it seemed as if the walls closed in a fraction around them all with Barbara’s departure.
‘Where’s Sam?’ Toby mumbled, staring up at Josie.
‘He’s playing with Clara,’ she replied, trying to sound casual about it. ‘And we’re going to stay with you until the doctor comes and has a look at you, OK? And then hopefully we can go home.’
She was aware of Pete shifting around on the other side of the bed, and felt the anger rise up in her all over again. That’s if Daddy here doesn’t have to rush off on a hot date with his mistress, of course, she added venomously in her head. That’s if good old Daddy can spare us a few minutes of his time!
Pete ruffled Toby’s hair. ‘I’ll go and see what’s happening,’ he said, and made for the door. ‘Want another tea or anything?’ he asked Josie in his politest, best-behaviour
voice.
‘No thanks,’ she said dully. She squeezed Toby’s hand as Pete slipped out of the room. ‘Want me to tell you a story while we’re waiting?’
He nodded. The colour was starting to come back into his cheeks, although he still felt clammy. Josie kissed him. ‘Once upon a time,’ she began, and he closed his eyes in satisfaction and snuggled into the pillow, ‘there was a boy called Toby, who had a brother called Sam. And one day, Toby and Sam went down to the beach. And what do you think they saw coming out of the sea?’
She paused, waiting for him to reply, but his deep, even breathing was the only sound. She kissed him again. ‘A magical sea monster who made Toby all better,’ she murmured, stroking his hair. ‘Oh, Tobes,’ she whispered, you
are
going to get better, aren’t you?’
‘There’s nobody around,’ Pete said after a few minutes, coming back in with a coffee. His face was strained, anxious. Is he asleep? Oh.’ He sat down on the other side of the bed. ‘We need to talk, don’t we?’ he said. It was a statement rather than a question.
Josie nodded. ‘I suppose you’ll want to get your things soon,’ she said. ‘And there’s legal stuff, maintenance payments, what we’re going to do with the house . . .’ She said it all quickly, so that he didn’t have the chance to get in first with the list. Coming from him, the words would have felt like an attack. Coming from her, they gave her a feeling of control.
Pete passed a hand over his brow. ‘We need to set up some kind of regular arrangement for me to see the boys,’ he said. ‘That’s the most important thing.’
Josie felt nettled, as if he were criticizing her for not having said it herself. ‘Well, of course, that goes without saying,’ she replied irritably.
‘And obviously you can stay in the house for the time being,’ he went on.
‘Very big of you,’ she muttered, feeling ungracious. ‘For the time being’ was very vague. What did he mean by it, exactly? That they could stay in the house until he decided he wanted to sell his share of it?
Pete ignored her remark. ‘Perhaps I could take the boys somewhere this weekend?’ he suggested. ‘Give you a break. And maybe pick up my things too.’
Josie squeezed Toby’s fingers. ‘Well . . . Let’s see how Toby is, shall we?’ she said after a moment. There was no way she wanted him out of her sight as early as that. No way, after what had just happened.
‘Of course,’ Pete said. ‘I—’
‘Mr and Mrs Winter?’ came a voice just then, and a female doctor came in, tall and rangy, with a clipboard in her hand.
Pete and Josie looked at one another. ‘Yes,’ they replied.
‘For the time being,’ Josie added under her breath.
The doctor examined Toby and announced that he had a nasty-looking ear infection. ‘The spike of high temperature is what probably caused the convulsion,’ she explained. ‘It’s fairly common among young children. The brain can’t cope with the temperature, and basically short-circuits and cuts out.’
‘Oh God,’ Josie said, clutching a hand to her mouth.
‘Most children grow out of it by the age of five,’ the doctor went on. ‘Toby’s four, did you say? It’s very late, actually, to have a first convulsion. Most children we see for this are toddlers. It’s quite likely that he’ll never have another one, anyway. Or, on the other hand, he may have several more. I’m afraid there’s no way of telling.’
She prescribed a course of antibiotics and gave Josie a leaflet about febrile convulsions. And that was that.
Toby was awake now, and pinker in the cheeks. ‘Can we go home?’ he asked, sitting up. ‘Can I have something to eat? I’m THIS hungry.’
Josie hugged him, suddenly unable to talk. She felt choked with emotion. He was hungry – good. She could feed him, and make him feel better – good. ‘Of course, baby,’ she said, wiping her eyes on her sleeve. ‘Let’s go.’
Pete drove them back home and sat with Toby in front of a dinosaur video while Josie raced round to Emma’s to collect Sam.
She got back to find Toby lying on the sofa alone while the sound of the radio floated down from upstairs.
‘Sit here with your brother,’ she instructed Sam through gritted teeth, trying to keep her voice neutral. ‘Shout for me if anything happens to him again.’
Then she ran upstairs to where Pete was in their bedroom, clearing out his wardrobe into sports bags while Radio 5 burbled about the cricket. She’d forgotten his annoying habit of needing the radio on in every room he was in – bathroom, kitchen, bedroom, car – as if he couldn’t bear a single news story to pass him by, even when his own son had just come back from being rushed into hospital. Talk about priorities. Talk about
clueless
!
She marched over and snapped off the radio. ‘Why did you leave him? Couldn’t you sit with him for two minutes?’ she berated him shrilly. ‘What if it had happened again? You’d have had no idea, would you, being up here, radio blasting out?’
‘Whoa!’ he said, putting up his hands in protest. He’d packed some books, she noticed, seeing gaps on the shelves, and the drawers were sticking out at angles from the chest where he’d emptied out all his socks and boxers. Both wardrobes were open and Josie stiffened as she saw a flash of Rose’s pink baby things spilling out, where he must have knocked them. Clumsy oaf! ‘We don’t have to watch over him day and night! He’s got an ear infection, that’s all!’
She stared at him, hands on her hips. ‘You have no idea, have you?’ she said accusingly. ‘No idea at all! You didn’t see him when it happened,’ she went on, glaring. ‘It was
horrible
. And I never want to see him like that again.’
‘What, and you think I do?’ he countered, ramming a pile of T-shirts into a holdall. ‘Don’t be so ridiculous!’
Josie shook her head, not trusting herself to speak. And then her face crumpled. ‘I . . . am . . . not . . . ridiculous,’ she spluttered defensively, putting her arms around herself.
‘Oh
Jose
, come here,’ he said, abandoning his packing and coming over. ‘I’m sorry, I . . .’