“Okay, now that you’re talking to me, tell me, when did we go back in time, because as far as I know, I’m twenty-three, I have a college degree, a job, an apartment, a dead fiancé, and a man in my bed. So I kinda wanna know why you’re talking to me like I’m sixteen.”
Her voice got quiet when she warned, “Be careful, Tabby.”
“Fuck careful, Tyra.”
She blinked. I’d never talked to her like that. Heck, I didn’t know if I’d ever talked to
anyone
like that. Actually, I never thought I would, not to Tyra, we were that tight.
But in this instance, having had days to think on it (okay, stew on it), I knew she was in the wrong and I was in the right.
I didn’t respond to her surprise.
I kept going.
“How dare you?” I asked.
“Pardon?” she asked back, but quietly.
“How dare you think you deserve to know who I’m sleeping with when I want to keep that private, between him and me, be happy for a little while, just get used to him, the relationship we’re building, the life we’re going to share? How dare you think that is not my choice to make but it’s yours or Dad’s or anybody’s? How dare you not take my calls like you’re putting me in the naughty corner when Dad’s pissed, on a rampage, and something this important is on the line? And how dare you sit there and act like I owe you pieces of me that are not yours to own unless I deem them something I wish to share, like who’s in my bed?”
She stared up at me, lips parted.
I was so angry, I refused to register her hurt. I kept talking.
“You wanna know why we didn’t share?” I leaned toward her and threw out an arm in the direction of the Compound. “
That’s
why. We both knew that would happen, Tyra, and we were so fucking happy, we wanted a piece of that before we had to face your judgment.”
“Tabby,” she started, standing from her chair and I was right—tight, smart, sex-kitten skirt. “Shy is—”
My hand shot up. “Stop right there,” I snapped. “I’ll warn you now not to say anything you’ll regret. Rush already spouted that shit to me, and the grudge he has to bear from me is currently scheduled to last years. You have no clue what Shy is. You know who knows?” I jerked my thumb toward my chest. “Me!”
“You’ve suffered a grave loss,” she reminded me quietly.
“Yeah, Tyra,
a year ago
. I had a grave loss a year ago. Now I’m found.”
She shook her head. “I don’t think—”
I cut her off again. “You don’t get to think. Dad doesn’t get to think. Big Petey. Dog. Brick. Boz. Natalie. All you all…” I lifted a hand and circled it in the air before I dropped it “… don’t get to think. I live my life, no matter how much you or Dad or anyone loves me, or how much I love all of you, you don’t get to live my life for me, tell me how to live it or judge me for the decisions I make. I know what I have with Shy. Shy knows what he has with me. If I thought I wouldn’t be facing this, right here, with you, explaining why I fell in love with the man I love, I would have shared with you
while
I was falling in love with the man I love. And, frankly, Tyra, you’re my stepmom but you’re also my friend, I thought a true friend who got me, and not only did I miss sharing that with you, it hurt when the time was forced on us to share and you wouldn’t let me.”
She flinched.
“But I’ll give you a tidbit. He’s good to me. When I say he’s good to me, Tyra, I mean
he’s good to me
. He’s good
for me
. He doesn’t care if I ruin dinner. He doesn’t care that I talk too much. He thinks I’m the shit, and you know why I know that?” I leaned into her and didn’t wait for an answer. “Because he
tells me
. All the fucking
time
. I’m precious to him and I know it because he
shows
me and he
tells
me. It’s beautiful. It’s real. It’s
right
. And, if you’ll think back, I knew all of that and shared it with you when it started happening. It was too soon then, that’s true, I wasn’t ready. But that doesn’t mean it didn’t happen.”
She started to round the desk, eyes on me, speaking carefully, “Honey, you can get confused and I think—”
Oh God.
Seriously?
“No,” I whispered. “Don’t say another word.”
She stopped moving and talking.
I didn’t.
I moved to the door and turned to her.
“You know, I’m not pissed because you worry about me and you’d act on that even if you do it judgmentally. I know you’re in the middle. You love me but you’re Dad’s old lady and your loyalty is with him, you have to take his back in what he’s feeling and stand at his side when he does what he feels he has to do. That said, you should know the reason I’m pissed is because you and Dad and even the guys, you didn’t even give him a chance.” Her face paled, I knew my aim was true but I still drove that home. “You didn’t give him a chance.”
I saw her face soften when that sunk in then I went in for the kill.
“You know you’re Dad’s one-and-only, Tyra, and if you don’t know this, seeing as he had kids before he met you, I’m sorry to tell you but even though you’re his one-and-only now, you weren’t his one -and-only.”
Her head jerked, she flinched, and I finally saw it.
Understanding.
“You feel me,” I said softy. “I get I’m not Shy’s one -and -only but I still… fucking…
am
.”
I pulled open the door, moved through it, and turned back.
“I’ll leave you with this, since you all are so up in Shy’s business. How many women has he fucked since he came into my life? You can think hard and you can ask around, but I know the answer. Two. A woman named Rosalie and
me
. People change, Tyra, he changed, and part of that change was for me. If you don’t see that as beautiful, then you’re fucking blind.”
On that, I slammed the door and stormed down the steps toward the Compound.
I gave Tyra an earful, now Dad was going to get one, and if I had any fire left, I was going to lay into Big Petey.
I heard the door to the office open behind me and my name called but I was in Crocs. She was in heels. No way she was going to catch me.
I raced across the forecourt and felt the vibe the minute I opened the door to the Compound. Bikers had auras, and even at rest they forced out other auras, they were so badass dominant.
Now, they were not at rest and the vibe inside the Compound was so far from happy, it was unreal.
I didn’t care because I had an idea of why and that was
not
happening.
I stormed in and saw the bad vibe was centering around a faceoff with Shy and Dad in the common area with all the men at Dad’s back.
All of them.
“What the hell is going on?” I snapped loudly, and all eyes came to me, including Dad’s and Shy’s, and those two, scarily, had been nose to nose.
“Compound’s closed to anyone but brothers,” Dog growled, moving toward me.
“You put one hand on me, I swear to God, Dog, I will never even look at you again, and ask Shy, he knows I hold a mean grudge,” I told him, my voice lethal.
Dog rocked to a halt, his expression ferocious then he turned to Dad, as I heard Tyra’s heels clicking up behind me.
I didn’t turn to her or look at Dad.
I looked at Shy.
“Are you okay?”
“Babe, go home. I’ll be there in a while,” Shy said quietly.
“You didn’t answer my question,” I told him.
“Then no, I’m not okay,” he gave me the answer I already knew. “So do me a favor, honey. Go home. I’ll be there in a while.”
He was not okay. I was not going anywhere.
I looked at Dad.
“Why is Shy not okay?” I asked Dad.
“Club business, Tabby,” Dad said to me.
“And how does Club business make Shy not okay?” I asked.
“You wanna know, Tab?” Boz, one of the members cut in. “Not cool, daughters aren’t safe. Daughters are always safe and Shy should know that.”
“And how am I not safe?” I shot back. Boz’s chin jerked but he didn’t speak. “Apparently you have no answer to that, seeing as I’m standing right here”—I swung my arm out to the floor under me—“obviously totally safe, healthy, and, by the way, even though you didn’t ask, also deliriously happy but, I’ll point out again, you, not any of you,
asked
.”
“Tab. Out. Now,” Dad growled.
“Meeting. Vote,” Arlo put in, and my stomach twisted.
That was not good.
“Oh no,” Tyra whispered behind me.
Yep, not good.
“Vote about what?” I asked.
“Club business, Tabitha, move your ass out,” Dad clipped.
Oh no, that “Tabitha” business was not going to work on me. Four years ago, yes.
Now, absolutely
not
.
“Vote about what, Dad?” I clipped back.
“Shy, she’s yours, that’s what you say. Control your woman,” High demanded. “Get her ass out.”
My eyes went to Shy to see him looking at High, and he wasn’t looking pissed.
He was looking reflective.
Then he said, “Tab and I don’t play it that way. You wanna order your old lady around, do what you do, not for me to say. I asked her to go, she didn’t go. Not gonna make her. But you try, you’ll deal with me.”
God, I loved my guy.
“She don’t mind you?” Boz asked, brows to his hairline but Shy ignored him and looked to Dad.
“Vote,” he agreed, and my throat got so tight, I suddenly was having trouble breathing. What he said next didn’t make it any better. “You want my cut, vote doesn’t swing my way, I’ll leave it with you and you’ll see the back of my bike. I’ll black out the Chaos ink. What I won’t do is give up your daughter. So fuckin’ vote. You don’t want me there, text me the results and send a man to pick up my cut. You know where I’ll be. I’ll be with Tabby.”
Oh God. Shy’s cut, any of the boys’ cuts, were held sacred to them. They were given the leather jacket with the Chaos patch on the back upon induction to the Club. Their “cut.”
Once they earned it, they never gave it up.
Never.
Not for anything. Not unless forced, say, should they do something heinous to get kicked out of the Club.
“No. No, no, no,” Tyra breathed behind me, but I couldn’t move or speak.
“You’d give up your brothers for a woman?” Brick asked incredulously and Shy’s eyes moved to him.
“Abso-fucking-lutely.”
“Seriously?” Boz asked.
“Not any woman,” Shy nodded my way then invited, “Now, ask again.”
God.
God!
God, I
loved
my guy.
“Holy fuck,” Tug whispered.
Shy looked at Dad. “You vote. Let me know. But you move to take my family from me, Tack, know this, you’re dead to me. Tab loves me, it’ll suck for her to have a man separate from her family but she’ll deal. But you call this vote, no matter which way it goes,
you
will be dead to me.”
Oh my God.
“No. No, no, no,” Tyra breathed again.
“Shy,” I forced out.
He ignored me and his eyes moved through the men standing behind my Dad. “I do not get in your business. I might make a call about what you do and who you fuck but I keep that shit to myself. And some of your shit is almost as close to home”—his eyes pinpointed Hop—“and you know it.”
What did
that
mean?
Shy didn’t explain but he did continue to look through the men and speak.
“Not once has this Club had a sit-down about how they feel about who a brother has in his bed. Tack calls that sit-down, you boys sit down, I’ll say now, it doesn’t matter how the vote goes. You sit down, your message will be clear. You’ll get my cut. Part of bein’ in this family is me bein’ free to be me. Not me answering to my brothers about the woman I fall in love with or, actually, any-fucking-thing. You take my freedom away from me, there is no longer any reason for me to be here. So I won’t be.”
Shy looked back at Dad.
“Just so I’m clear, if you make it Tab or my cut, I pick Tab. You’ll get my cut and you, personally, will not ever, brother, not ever again see me.”
“Well, fuckin’ hell,” a familiar voice I hadn’t heard in years and wished it had been decades said from behind me. “I’m gone for-freakin’-ever and it looks like Tabby’s still causin’ mayhem and heartbreak.”
Woodenly, I turned to see my mother, defying all reason because I knew that not only Dad but all of Chaos threw down with her and told her she was banned from their property.
I felt the unhappy vibe ratchet up to apocalyptic levels then I felt movement, looked over my shoulder, saw Dad shifting toward Mom but Shy was already on the move.
I’d never seen anyone move that fast.
One second he was six feet behind me, the next he was passing me.
I knew why. Even though it happened well before Shy and I hooked up, all the brothers knew my mom and I didn’t get along. They knew how she tore me down. They knew how relentless she was with that. They knew the hateful things she’d said to me, done to me, how it made me feel and how it made me act out when I was younger.
It was my doing, my fault, but it was my mom who made me feel like nothing, and then I found myself at sixteen with a boyfriend way too old for me who hit me when I didn’t put out.
It wasn’t just me. Mom threw down with Tyra, they even had a catfight in the forecourt of Ride, and she was always a screaming bitch to Dad.
In the end, she tried to sell custody of me
and
Rush to Dad in order to get her now-dead husband out of debt with drug dealers. I wasn’t supposed to know that, but family talked and Chaos was family, so I found out. Dad had made the deal in order to get her out of our lives, mine especially, because her abuse cut me that deep.
Dad succeeded. She’d disappeared. But her memory lingered.
As for me, everyone in the Club knew if it wasn’t for their love, Dad’s love, Tyra’s, things might have gone differently for me. Acting out against the unrelenting cruelty from Mom, I was on the wrong path and if I didn’t have their care, right now, I could be like Natalie, coked up or doing ice, hanging with people that were no good for me.
Or worse.
I knew this. Everyone knew this.
And my man loved me.
With him advancing on Mom the way he did, I would get an indication of just how much.