Authors: Maris Black
The faint sound of the garage door opening startles me, and I hear the erratic rumbling of Corey’s motorcycle as it comes to life and begins to move away from the house. He’s left the garage door up, but I don’t have the heart to care. Let the whole neighborhood loot my house, or a serial killer cut me to ribbons where I lie. My stomach is still sinking, and my brain is humming a high-pitched note I recognize well. It means the sadness will take me over if I let it… if I stay alone too long and don’t fight back.
I’m straining now to hear Corey’s engine, hoping it gets louder again because he’s changed his mind and decided to come back, but the rumble only moves farther and farther away into space until there’s nothing left of it. That’s when I know that I’m truly alone, and I let the blackness swallow me whole.
10
(COREY)
THERE’S not much to do in Blackwood, but I’ll be damned if I’m going back to Ben’s house. I can’t face him after what happened between us this afternoon. Instead I rip along Highway 280 on my Harley, feeling the icy wind tearing at my hair and my face, wishing I was fourteen again and could curl up like a cat at the bottom of Granny’s bed and tell her what’s bothering me.
I keep going over everything in my mind, trying to make sense of it all. And I keep picturing Ben like he was the first time I saw him, his dark hair a spiky mess, murky gray eyes hollowed out underneath… He looked like he was about to drop from fatigue, but that didn’t diminish his beauty at all.
When the admin introduced us, and Ben looked up from his charting and flashed that cute-as-a-button boyish smile of his, I was a goner. I don’t even believe in love at first sight or any of that romantic bullshit, but something in him touched something in me. That’s the only way I can describe it. I fell hard for him right there in front of everyone at the nurses’s station, and I swear it was as obvious as one of those Looney Tunes cartoon hearts beating out of my chest. I’ve never felt anything like that before, and right now I’m wishing I’d never felt it at all.
…It’s like something bad has happened, and I can’t remember. Don’t want to remember.
His words were a knife in my gut, and I realized for the first time that I’m fooling myself in the worst way. I don’t know what ever made me think I’d have a chance with an arrow-straight guy like Ben. He’s miles outside of my dating pool, and just as far out of my league.
Still, I could have sworn there were signs. His offhand comments about my looks, the way he acted when he was drunk and his defenses were down, the fact that he’s letting me stay in his pool house free of charge... He’s a very private person, so to me that seems like a big deal.
What really rocked my world was the way he latched onto my neck when we were having sex with Christina, when we were all about to come. I don’t think that it was just my imagination that in that moment, it was just me and him in that room. Instead of grabbing his girlfriend like anyone would have expected, he wrapped his fingers around
my
neck, looked me dead in the eye, and rode the most explosive climax of my life all the way down with me.
And where was
she
during all of that? His oh-so-perfect girlfriend…
She really screwed the pooch when she decided to orchestrate that debaucherous triple tryst. Thought she could sample the new guy and keep her precious doctor, too. Sometimes I think of telling Ben the things she said to me when he wasn’t around. I want so badly to expose her for the low-rent gold digger she is, but I don’t want to hurt him. He got rid of her for his own reasons, and that’s exactly how it should be.
Now if he’d only choose me instead.
Thirty miles outside of Blackwood, I pull a U-turn on the highway and head back toward town. Just past the city limits sign, I pull into the crunchy gravel parking lot of the Seafood Barn, the place where Allie waitresses. I didn’t plan on stopping here, but I need to get some shelter and a cup of coffee before I end up in the hospital with hypothermia.
Besides, there are few places that feel friendly to me in this strange new town. I tend to gravitate toward people I know or places I’ve been, especially when I’m feeling so low. A familiar face would be nice right about now.
“Corey,” Allie squeals from the podium near the door where she’s chatting with the hostess when I enter. “Oh my gosh, I didn’t expect to see you again today.” She runs a hand self-consciously through her long brown hair.
“Yeah, I was just out riding my bike and… Well, it’s freaking cold out there. Do you serve coffee?”
“Of course. Come on, I’ll show you to a table.”
I follow her to a corner booth in the back of the dining room, shivering all the way. There are only two booths with people in them, so I don’t have to worry about a crowd. I can drink my coffee and mope in private.
“So last night was pretty crazy, huh?” Allie asks with an embarrassed smile. “I’m afraid I made a fool out of myself with Ben.”
“You and me both, honey.” I give her what I hope passes for a smile. “I think he feels like he made a fool of himself, too, so don’t be hard on yourself.”
“We were all drunk.”
“No doubt.”
“I’ll get your coffee.” She hurries off, stopping for a moment to talk animatedly with the hostess, who tries to steal a glance without me noticing. I sigh and slip further into the shadows, because I’m not in the mood to be seen right now.
When she returns with a tray of coffee and a tiny silver pitcher of cream, she surprises me by taking a seat across from me and pouring me a cup. “The Saturday night supper crowd won’t start coming in for another hour or so. Believe it or not, we’re the fanciest restaurant in town, so it will get packed. But until then I’m all yours.”
I nod, drizzling cream into my coffee until it’s the caramel color I like. Bringing the mug to my lips, I blow gently into it, enjoying the warmth of the steam on my frozen face. It makes me think of how Granny used to make me hot cocoa after the high school football games, and we’d talk late into the night. Even after she was so tired she was falling asleep mid-sentence, she’d still tough it out until I was ready to go to bed.
Why do I think of her so much more during bad times?
“Something’s wrong,” Allie says. “You’re sad today. What is it?”
“Aren’t you going to lose your job for sitting with me?”
“Nope. I own the place.”
“No shit? A restaurant owner? I’m impressed. Why did you tell us you were a waitress?”
She shrugs. “I always do that when I first meet a guy. Weeds out the deadbeats. I don’t want a man who’s interested in my money or job title. I just want him to lust after my hot body. Now quit trying to weasel out of telling me what’s wrong with you.”
“Nothing you’d understand or even care to hear about. I didn’t come here to whine. I just needed a warm place to sit for a while and think.”
“Then why come to my restaurant in particular? You could have gone anywhere for coffee.”
Now it’s my turn to shrug. “You’ve got me there. I guess I just needed to see a friendly face.”
“You can’t go home?”
“Uh… Not right now.” I look away, hoping she’s done with the questions, but judging from the determined look on her face, she’s not finished by a long shot.
“You live with Ben?”
“Sort of. I’m staying in his pool house.”
“Oh, did he kick you out or something?”
“No, I just left because we were arguing. What the hell is this, twenty questions?” I’m getting irritated, but Allie is undaunted.
“Does he know you’re in love with him?”
“What the fuck!” I set my coffee down so hard it sloshes onto the table, and she moves quickly to wipe it up. “No, Allie. I am not in love with him. Jesus Christ, is everyone in this town so damn nosy?”
Instead of getting offended by my outburst, she leans in and puts a hand on mine. I don’t like it, because it makes me feel weak, but I don’t pull away.
“I don’t know you and Ben well at all,” she says quietly. “But I can read people, you know? I can tell if someone’s not enjoying their meal, even if they say everything is fine. I can tell if someone’s going to leave a good tip, or if they’re going to try to beat the check. I can tell if a guy likes me or not. I may not be the smartest chick in town, but I’ve got pretty good instincts.”
I sit back and sip on what’s left of my coffee, wondering if I can trust Allie. She seems genuine enough, and I’m desperate for someone to talk to. In the end, I decide to confide in her.
“Ben is straight. He’s not interested in me. I told you last night, he just broke up with his girlfriend. That’s why I took him out drinking.”
“Hmmm…” She tops off my coffee absently, as if it’s just a habit for her. “Why did he break up with his girlfriend?”
“It’s complicated. Can you keep your damn mouth shut, or are you one of these gossip mongers everyone around here keeps warning me about?”
She laughs. “I enjoy good gossip as much as anyone, and most people in a little town like this don’t really mind being talked about. Not deep down. It’s part of the life, you know? But when I say I’ll keep a secret, I’ll keep a fucking secret.”
I clear my throat. “Um… You didn’t actually say you would keep
my
secret.”
She regards me with narrowed eyes, then grins. “You are a shrewd dude, Corey. Let me be clear. I will keep your secret, okay? I will never breathe it to a soul. The National Guard could waterboard my ass, and I would still not tell them your secret. So spill it.”
I take a deep breath, squeeze my eyes shut, and blurt it out. “Ben’s girlfriend asked me and Ben to do a threesome with her.”
“Oh my gosh!” Allie nearly flies off her seat with excitement. “That is so hot. Did you do it? If you tell me you did it, I’ll have fantasy masturbation material for a year.”
“Allie, have you ever heard the expression
TMI
?” I plug my ears with my fingers, and she slaps me on the elbow.
“Quit it. I don’t believe you can ever have too much information, especially about sex. So please give me details, okay? I promise it will never go beyond this table.”
I roll my eyes. “Okay, but if anyone finds out about this, I’ll know who to kill. And I will kill you, woman. I’m highly trained in the assassinatory arts.”
“
Assassinatory
isn’t even a word, jackass.” She leans against the back of her seat and crosses her arms. “So you all had sex together. Was it awesome? What was it like?”
“First of all, let me tell you that neither Ben nor I wanted to do it. It was all her idea, and we were sort of coerced into it. Ben was only doing it to make her happy, and I did it for him.”
“And…” she prods.
“And it was amazing.”
“So you recommend threesomes.”
“Actually, no. Threesomes can be awkward, and a lot of extra work. But after a bit, I hardly knew she was there.”
“Ohhh… I see.” Allie’s eyes are bugging out of her head, and she’s leaned forward again. “Is that why he broke up with her? Because he felt the same way you did?”
“I wish that was the reason, but not even close. I mean, there were a few times when it seemed like we were on the same wavelength. Especially when he grabbed onto my neck when we were… um… finishing.”
Allie opens her mouth wide in delighted shock. “Scandalous,” she breathes, and I feel a blush creep over my face.
“I have a biased view of the whole thing, though. I think a more realistic explanation is that it made him realize how selfish she is. Or how shallow. He really didn’t seem to like her that much to begin with.”
“Well, it’s pretty obvious
you
don’t like her.” She gives me a pointed look.
“I know what you’re thinking, but it’s not just jealousy. She came onto me. Not like threesome style, either. I tried to ignore her flirting at first, especially when I found out who she was dating. But then the morning after she proposed the three-way idea, she drove me home. She told me no matter what Ben decided, she wanted to sleep with me anyway. On the side, of course. She wasn’t about to break up with her doctor fianc
é— that’s what she called him
. Told me they were getting married, which was total bullshit.” I run my fingers through my hair and slump against the back of my seat. “She tried to come into my fucking hotel room, Allie. I had to physically push her out. How could a woman have an amazing guy like Ben and try to cheat on him with
me
? I’m… nothing. Less than nothing. How could she do him like that? How could she?”
Allie shakes her head and takes both my hands in hers. “Calm down, honey. It’s not your fault. Just because you happened to be the target at that moment does not make you to blame.”
“Maybe if I hadn’t come along—”
“Stop it.” She squeezes my hands hard. “Yes, you are extremely good looking, Corey. You’re a serious temptation, that’s for sure. But the best looking guy in the world can’t turn a good woman bad. Please don’t blame yourself. Ben made a poor choice in the girlfriend department, that’s all.” I stare out the window, and she leans around to catch my eye. “Imagine if you hadn’t come along and sexed both of them up… Ben might have ended up marrying that witch, right?”